Author Topic: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves  (Read 3032 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #285 on: October 08, 2019, 09:17:12 AM »
Understand completely Tupp! You do what you gotta do, best you can. (((((Tupp))))

I like your idea about teaching through a child's interests, like the Legos. Also, maybe turning that into a book of lesson plans to make a bit of income. That's actually an old way of doing things - at least, how I was taught things like addition & subtraction; how that scaled up to multiplication/division.

Language was always so easy for me, I didn't need much instruction. But I learned a lot from trying to teach my brother to read & spell.

People contemplating homeschooling are usually pretty anxious about whether they can perform up to the standards. A book of lesson plans like that might really encourage someone to try.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #286 on: October 09, 2019, 10:54:55 AM »
Tupp, I'm really sorry.
You're coping with a lot of uncertainty and stress and I don't know how you do it so well.

I wish I knew about income strategies.
In my experience in publishing, it's usually not a reliable way to earn any income stream, and is tremendously complicated. Unless you self-publish on some portal like Amazon and there are thousands of self-published books languishing there. As to marketing, most new writers are left entirely on their own with enormous effort to do websites and promotions and often, I'm sorry to say, for nothing much.

[EDIT: Know what? Was thinking back on this following unsolicited advice, and realized point blank that the right way to offer ideas like this would be to say: Would you be interested in learning more about my PT companion care gig, in case it might be possible for you? And that's it. Too often I get all caught up in my own fantasy of "fixing" somebody else's situation, and it can for the "fixee" be a whole lot of tiring work to explain why NO, that idea won't work in my case. Just want you to know that I don't need an explanation, because my guess is, if some kind of gig work would be workable, you'd have researched it long ago. So consider the blah blah blah below as something that doesn't need to be rebutted. It's PRE-rebutted! Left it in anyway in case it helps, but don't expect it could.]

My guess would be that something local might be more viable than something that depends on the internet. Again, just because of my own experience....the most lucrative and easy-to-begin gig for me in recent years has been light eldercare. Nothing medical, just light companion care.

I don't know if the situation's the same where you are, but in my area there are a LOT of retirees who are still generally independent but need (and can afford) someone to, for example:

--sit with the frailer or perhaps home-bound one while the other goes to appointments
--drive to doctor appointments (in their vehicle)
--grocery shop with or for them
--sort a closet
--take them on errands
--do their laundry
--cook a simple meal

What I was daydreaming about was wondering whether there's a well-off family with a child on the spectrum, a child you could manage and who might enjoy Legos play with your son. I wonder if you could earn money babysitting for their child, with permission to bring along your son? Same question for elder companioning. I can visualize families who would like you so much they'd do all they could to adapt your hours with their elderly parent to your own schedule.

I earn a nice hourly fee, which isn't bad for part-time work done only for hours I want to do it. (In my case I told them from the beginning I was available weekday afternoons, with a two-hour minimum. For some I'd do three hours.) When I had 3 regulars, it was surprising how fast my emergency fund filled up.

If you're interested, there's a huge market for it. I have a lot of tips on how to set it up. I was surprised how quickly I was in business. Though I did happen to know my original client through church, it still just took a few short references (any nice person you've met through your volunteering could be asked to write a few lines about your good character, skill and kindness with people, and work ethic).

I hope you can work out what is happening with your son and college. I worry for you about the increased isolation of home schooling. But I also know you know better than anyone what is possible and most workable for you, and him.

Hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: October 10, 2019, 12:13:28 AM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #287 on: October 09, 2019, 03:56:00 PM »
I wonder if you could start a consulting company, Tupp.

Help people with special needs children navigate the system, put homeschool programs in place and tweak as they go, look at what's working and what's not, keep people's lives on track with special needs kids, instead of learning everything the hard way, like you had to.  Food sensitivities are a factor, IME.  Figuring out alternative food choices is a nightmare when you don't know where to start, and are already overwhelmed, and doctors are denying food impacts health. 

The thought might give you the vapors.  Ignore as needed.

Ummm.... what about a job working at a different kind of special needs school/program?  Maybe where your ds enjoyed being, fit in, learned, and went for free, bc you're teaching there?

Lighter






 




Twoapenny

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #288 on: October 11, 2019, 04:40:10 AM »
Thank you all, for your thoughts and advice and suggestions, as always :)

For the time being, any work I do really needs to be homebased and flexible.  Son's health is in a terrible state again now; college has been too much for him and it has really brought it home to me that the majority of people working with kids like my son don't have any kind of real understanding of how his disabilities affect him and how exhausted he gets.  They also don't seem to be able to accept that he's tired when he isn't showing the 'neurotypical' signs of tiredness.  With him, tiredness means his reaction times get slower.  His sensitivities to noise, light, sudden changes and so on become heightened.  His obsessive and repetitive behaviours increase, sometimes to the point of him being incapable of doing anything else.  He forgets to eat and drink, loses the ability to do simple self care like tidy himself up after the toilet or wash his hair.  And then all of that makes everything more stressful for him and me, which makes us both more tired, and then you're trapped in the cycle and it's only possible to get out (in my experience) by downing tools completely and doing nothing at all (which is what we're having to do at the moment).  So anything that involves leaving the house has the potential to create all sorts of problems so for now home based is the only likely possibility.  There are all sorts of things about; I'm going to look into as many things as possible and see how many we can realistically take on whilst bringing in a bit of cash.  If absolutely nothing works out, then I'll have to start looking into outside of home opportunities.  But home based would definitely be better for me to start off with.

There's also the issue of moving.  We really can't/don't want to stay in this house any longer than we have to.  I'm finding I'm feeling less inclined to stay in this area now that it's clear that going back to home ed is our only viable option.  Whether that will change if I start earning I don't know, but for now I want to try to keep my options open and if I can find a way to pull in some money that isn't dependent on me being in one particular place it will help keep options open to us in the future.

So that's kind of where we're at now.  I'm exhausted from everything that's happened over the last year or so.  But I feel like we've got a wide open path in front of us now, so I'm just going to take my time, try things out, see what works and see where that takes us.  A friend is coming to stay for the half term holiday, which I'm really looking forward to.  Son is off college now, too unwell to go in.  We'll try again after the half term; I've decided to keep him on roll there until the end of the course (next summer) but without any pressure on him to attend.  It seems easier from a paperwork point of view to do that rather than formally withdrawing him.  Onwards and upwards, I guess :) Thank you all for all of your help xx

Twoapenny

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #289 on: October 11, 2019, 05:42:22 AM »
By funny coincidence something just happened that kind of illustrates everything that drives me nuts.  The lady who runs the group I help out with - who is lovely and I like very much - has just emailed me to tell me that she has changed her mind, again, about how she wants things done.  It's not a minor tweak of a document or a re-wording of an email, it's a complete turn around from what we agreed, as a group, two weeks ago.  I've put in another three hours work on the most recent item, all of which is now not going to be used.  It's not because I've not done the work properly; I've not actually sent it to her yet, she's just changed her mind about what she wants to do.

This is kind of why I feel I need to just work from home, under my own steam, not answering to anybody, because I just find that most people seem to create work for me and most interactions just leave me feeling flat and deflated.  I'm so tired already and then other people in the mix just seems to increase that.  Sigh.  Anyway, I've sent the document off so she can use bits of it if she wants to but I think I will probably just do what I've already agreed to do and then not offer to do any more.  I think the time has come to focus on myself and son, first and foremost, and if anyone else wants to join in on our terms then great, but I think I'm kind of done with accommodating people endlessly.  Anyway, just my little grumble, off in to town now :) xx

lighter

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #290 on: October 11, 2019, 05:50:32 AM »
I think doing what you agreed, then not offering to do more on that document sounds reasonable, Tupp.

Maybe the lady won't actually need it done differently if she's the one who has to do it.

She hasn't thought things through, and it's unfair that you're the one paying the price.

Good for you.   Take care of yourself first.

::nodding::.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #291 on: October 11, 2019, 09:29:45 AM »
I think doing what you agreed, then not offering to do more on that document sounds reasonable, Tupp.

Maybe the lady won't actually need it done differently if she's the one who has to do it.

She hasn't thought things through, and it's unfair that you're the one paying the price.

Good for you.   Take care of yourself first.

::nodding::.

Lighter

Thanks, Lighter.  I've felt jittery all day since I got the email.  I think little things build up and then my body starts to respond with panic, whatever the situation is.  I've done yoga so will start to calm down soon.  Have got soothing music on.  Problems at college have been bugging me - I try not to think about it but I'm aware it's there.  The endlessly barking dogs - again, I try to ignore, it's a bit easier now the weather's turned because the doors and windows aren't open as much but they woke me at 6 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep.  We had a late night so I could have done with a bit more sleep than that.  Tired through the day now, so that affects me, I'm trying really hard not to stock up on caffeine and sugar to get me through but without it I feel tired and listless.  Felt a bit despondent about a friend's reaction to something I told her.  Had been able to put it out of my mind but I think the barriers come down when I'm tired and stuff just floods in then and it's much harder to get rid of.  Going to the cinema in a bit so that will take my mind off things for a while :) xx

Hopalong

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #292 on: October 11, 2019, 02:35:30 PM »
I get it, Tupp. Here's some script play (toss at your pleasure!)

Dear XX (lady you like a lot) --

Good to hear from you. Gosh, wish I'd gotten this earlier. What I've
done already is based on what we'd all discussed some weeks back,
and it did take hours. I'm afraid I can't start over again now but
I hope this will still helpful! It's attached...do take what's useful
and ignore the rest.

Best,
Tupp
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #293 on: October 12, 2019, 04:47:50 AM »
I get it, Tupp. Here's some script play (toss at your pleasure!)

Dear XX (lady you like a lot) --

Good to hear from you. Gosh, wish I'd gotten this earlier. What I've
done already is based on what we'd all discussed some weeks back,
and it did take hours. I'm afraid I can't start over again now but
I hope this will still helpful! It's attached...do take what's useful
and ignore the rest.

Best,
Tupp

Thanks, Hops, that is kind of what I said to her although I don't word things as well as you do :)  But I wasn't rude or unpleasant about it, just sent the document through, explained I didn't have time to re-do it in light of the recent changes and said she's welcome to use bits of it if she can.  I've got two other things she asked me to do at the same meeting which I will do but only the barest minimum; I get that this is new for her and she's still figuring out the best way to go forward but it's kind of turned into a bit of a pain for me so I think I'm going to ease myself out and work on what's best for me and son.

On a positive note I spent yesterday evening reading up on work you can do from home and have about twenty things to check out and look into so I'm hoping that something there will at least bring in a little bit of cash and start things moving in a different direction for us :)  I think the good thing is that, although I have been feeling very down and despondent about our current situation, it has at least shown me what doesn't work for us and what we don't want, so I'm starting from a negative place but in a good way, if that makes sense?  Lol, nothing feels like it makes sense at the moment xx

lighter

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #294 on: October 12, 2019, 11:01:22 AM »
Tupp:

Starting from a negative makes perfect sense to me, bc you've already Xd out so many options.... things get easier from that perspective.

Don't forget to network with people in your groups.  TELL them you're looking for opportunities you can perform from home.  They will know people who know people, and you just never know where things will go.

The saying...
Don't ask, don't get is a meaningful one.

Ask,  bc you're certainly worthy, and competent, and committed.  All great things an individual or company looking for help would benefit from,  IMO.

Lighter


Hopalong

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #295 on: October 12, 2019, 12:53:46 PM »
You write SO well, Tupp.
And there ARE a lot of work-from-home jobs!!!

I had a church acquaintance who made a LARGE living
teaching online for an online university.

There are so many of them who hire online instructors.
Every subject you can imagine.

There might even be an online tutoring program.

Good luck with this!

Hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #296 on: Today at 06:10:29 AM »
You write SO well, Tupp.
And there ARE a lot of work-from-home jobs!!!

I had a church acquaintance who made a LARGE living
teaching online for an online university.

There are so many of them who hire online instructors.
Every subject you can imagine.

There might even be an online tutoring program.

Good luck with this!

Hugs
Hops

Thanks, Hops :)

Things are changing quite rapidly at the moment - it's kind of exciting and scary at the same time :)

I've been reading up online about work from home/work while you travel/work online ways of making money and am trying to work out which methods to try first.  Things that don't require any training or equipment will be the easiest ways to make a bit of cash, but also tend to pay the least.  Other things will require me doing some training or refresher courses, possibly just from home, so will take more time to start showing any income, but pay better.  So I'm trying to find the best way to balance my time between things that will help now and things that will help longer term.  It's interesting to look into and I think it's very fortunate that I've got stuff I can try out without having to make a huge commitment to it in terms or time or money, and it will at least give me an indication of whether it's worth taking further.  It feels exciting to at least have possibilities again - I've felt really lacking in that department for a while now.

Money is also looking a bit more promising at the moment.  A problem with our gas meter has finally been sorted out and I'm owed about £300, so I'm looking forward to that coming in to my account.  Other things that have been niggling me seem to be smoothing over and it all just generally feels a bit more positive and a bit more like something I can do something with.  I think I've felt for a while now at the mercy of other people and the system and I find that intolerable, in all honesty.  So it feels good to be finding another way to get things done.

I've a friend coming to stay next week which I'm really looking forward to.  We haven't seen each other in over a year and I've really missed her.  I've kind of pulled myself out of the help I was doing with the group.  The lady running it is very nice, but I have struggled with her constantly changing requests and responses.  After the last incident (where she asked everyone what they thought and then went ahead anyway without waiting for an answer) I've since discovered that she's been in contact with a group that she'd asked me to contact.  I don't mind her doing it instead of me, but if she'd told me I wouldn't have wasted my time doing it (basically we've both done the same thing and only one of us needed to.  Communication needs improving).  I will have to have a think about a way to feed back to her because I think if she carries on like this she'll alienate people who could help.  I'm not sure of the best way to do it and think I ought to do it face to face so that's on the back burner for now.

And I'm focusing on moving again :)  I'm not sure when or where yet but I will be glad to leave this house :)  So I'm focusing on cleaning, de-cluttering and generally keeping on top of things so that when the time comes, I can just pack and go without having to have a huge clear out and spring clean of the place.  My main aim to work through is scanning all this blooming paperwork and burning the hard copies.  It takes up a lot of space, has a lot of bad memories associated with it and I resent having to pack it all up and lug it from house to house, and then having to give it room.  It can bugger off.  So I think that's my big job to keep chipping away at over the next few months or so.

Hopalong

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Re: Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
« Reply #297 on: Today at 10:49:03 AM »
Tupp,
I think scanning and burning the paper piles is a brilliant idea. This way they'll take up a LOT less space in both your home and in your mind. The constant reminder of stacks of sh** is one thing that has been really stressful for me. Beginning to get a grip, so a lot more of it is out of sight. Really helps. Bravo, you.

How lovely that a good friend is coming! Hope you have a wonderful time, take comfort in this friendship.

It sounds great too that you're stepping back from what you can't fix (group leader lady being too scattered to not waste volunteers' time) but, if I understand right, remaining active with the group anyway to possibly build positive relationships?

And of course would love to hear about the moving plan as it shapes up. You deserve a non-damp, cheery home with enough space for you and son to breathe and relax. This was a stop-gap and though moving's hard, I'll keep all fingers and toes crossed for the right place to appear.

Open to the possibility of good things happening! (300 pounds is a nice hint...)

Hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."