Author Topic: It's been a long while...  (Read 37 times)

seasons

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It's been a long while...
« on: June 14, 2019, 04:48:02 PM »
As I sit here contemplating on rather I should go to my sisters wake that started 36 minutes ago. I decided to come here, to a place that once was a helpful and
safe to share what most people do not understand.... Life with a narcissist.

My oldest sister passed away last week from complications from breast cancer. I'm very sad, mad and tired of playing by others rules.

My other narc sister has been a nightmare through this time period leading up to my sisters passing. She's a new level evil and would love me
as her supply.
The do get worse as they age.

It is very unpopular for me not to attend her wake tonight. If I chose not to go I believe shutting off my media would be a smart move, plus block a
few family members on my phone.

I was my sisters main supply for over three decades. I'm grieving yet free. So so sad.

My sister would be very happy for the attention she has and will receive. I have no problem with that. I would just like to be by myself
to grieve the way I need to grieve. Something I cannot share with anyone. It's a solo trip.

On a better note, I hope you are all as well as possible.  warmly, seasons xx

"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

sKePTiKal

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Re: It's been a long while...
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2019, 06:26:07 AM »
I'll back up your decision to grieve the way you prefer and not as dictated by other's beliefs. When my hubby died I just wanted to be alone. It was 4 months later that I invited his family to celebrate his birthday. I just COULDN'T share that time/experience with many people at all. But it was helpful to try to talk things through with the group here. Once I was able to, that is.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: It's been a long while...
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2019, 09:41:10 PM »
I'm sorry, (((((((((Seasons))))))))))).

If only the Nsiblings didn't interfere with your inner peace, would be nice if you could be there and say a confident, private, personal farewell to this sister.

Sounds like they'd make it hard to do.

I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier but am glad you posted here.

What did you decide and either way, know you're absolutely okay taking care of yourself in whatever form it took -- to go or not go.

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: It's been a long while...
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2019, 03:48:53 AM »
Hi Seasons!

It's hard.  I think those family ties can be incredibly complicated even in 'normal' families (whatever that means!).  Add narcissistic type stuff to the mix as well and it becomes something even more difficult to manage.

Personally I think saying goodbye is what we should all do in our own way, and I don't think n relatives should be given fuel to drive their egos on those sort of days.  I've not gone to any family gatherings since cutting contact with my mum - some relatives have stayed in touch in a limited way outside of big get togethers and I've sent cards or messages as I've felt appropriate.  No-one told me my uncle had died - I wasn't close to him but I would have sent a card to his widow just so she knew I was thinking of her.  I think do whatever you need to to get through this time - avoid the drama, go for walks, paint, listen to music, get drunk, whatever works best.  Give yourself time and space and understanding, most importantly.  It's very hard, particularly when someone passing is both a sad event but also one that gives a sense of relief.  That's hard to explain to people.  Hold yourself close, is my theory, and give yourself the support that sadly, your family probably won't give you xx

lighter

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Re: It's been a long while...
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2019, 09:33:10 AM »
It's OK to love people and grieve the way we need to, Seasons.

Even if people neeeed us to do it their way.

It's difficult, and everyone grieves differently.  That's OK.

Lighter