Aye-yie-yie... I know what you two are talking about. Where if ya don't start deconstructing the problem right away and looking for points where you can change it... you feel even worse. IMO, that's because of past roles parenting the parents; we put that pressure on ourselves to try to hold things (and people) together. And then that whole thing can spiral out of control. Emotionally; bio-neurologically and then physically.
What mindfulness is suggesting one do, isn't 1/2 hr of meditation so much as... giving yourself permission to "take care of yourself first". To take a time out; breathe yourself present in your body FIRST... allow yourself to remember "I'm safe in the here and now"... and really feel solid in that space before turning to look at the "problem" again. Some people can do that during activity, as well. Washing dishes works for me - especially putting dishes away in my small kitchen. I turn that into moving meditation, tai chi, dancing... whatever. Just to get "present" in my body. It kinda sets the tone for the day, for me.
I wish I could add to this, but I'm having trouble keeping it short and concise. The mindfulness THING isn't a magical meditative state, IME.
It's about taking back our hijacked biology, which shuts down parts of our brains WE NEED TO FINISH PROCESSING things that are stuck, engage in problem solving, and logical/creative frontal cortex access that is otherwise limited or shut down completely when we're experiencing stress.... old pathways just pop up, and take over
if
we
don't
mindfully
notice
what's
happening
in our internal worlds,
decide if we're on the right track to get more of what we want,
and correct course, choose new pathways, build them, and practice choosing them,m particularly when we're under stress, which is when the old pathways, lightening fast, come online before we can think about choice.
At that point, the mindfulness practice is what we use to gain control of our biology, so our brains can settle down, and provide access to integrated WHOLE brain processing that makes it possible to mindfully ponder what just happened, how it affects us and our lives, and whether or not we need to form new habits/pathways/ability to choose them..... to improve our quality of life.
Left to our default settings, our survival brain is content with SURVIVAL ONLY. Survival brain cares nothing about quality of life, and the only way to get a hold on the way we process stress is to become aware of what we're thinking, look at it without ANY judgment, and SEE truthfully how those thoughts impact our lives... without judgment without judgment without judgment.... only curiosity, bc it IS interesting once we begin to notice.
It's empowering.
It expands possibility to SEE what IS, bc there's so much more out there for us if we can ONLY SEE beyond our reactionary brain's default pathways that pop up before we're aware of them.
This caveman reptilian brain kept us alive when we were chased by saber tooth tigers, but it's not as useful in this day and age. We have the ability to notice it, decide if it's necessary in THIS moment, and calm it down if imminent danger isn't involved.
Calming down our survival brain isn't easy, and I should think that those of us who depended on fight, flight, fawn to survive in childhood have massive brain pathways that must be addressed, and overcome, vs those of us who don't have ongoing childhood trauma, and attachment issues, IME.
With that said, I've failed every attempt to meditate, without REAL direction and help from a professional trauma expert with her masters and stone cold focus that keeps me on track, and out of the woods..... ON TRACK.
Tupp.... it's not going to be easy to untrain your very competent brain OUT OF DOING WHAT'S kept you alive all these years. It's going to be a bumpy, frustrating ride, but getting there will be revelation, and so worth it, IME.
It's just that.... trying to meditate when you don't have a good roadmap is so very difficult... impossible for me, I KNOW THIS.
It's OK to KNOW that attempts failed you before. It's also OK to consider there are tricks, and ways around the things that trip us up when first practicing.... things that get us around the roadblocks.
One of the things is something that I dealt with too.... the negative reaction to the concept of meditation that FAILED me when I needed it most.
They say... when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I guess that's true in many respects. It certainly has been FOR ME while facing codependence, and WORRY WORRY WORRY coping strategies that keep me locked in fight/flight/fawn mode...... and I SEE how that cycle works in my life when I can pay attention.
I see there can be something better. I desire serenity, always have.
I can bring more of that into my life, and MORE of what I want.... to feel at home in my skin, to BE enough without doubt, and to move with confidence toward things that are new, and exciting.... more of what I want, less of what hasn't been working for me.
OK, I can't say this in fewer words!
I find myself envious of Hop's ability to express complex concepts with poetic economy! AGAIN.
I did try.
Lighter
