Yeah Hops, I ran through pros & cons of both hardwoods and carpet out loud to Buck - and still haven't heard back. We both have seasonal allergies to the greater/lesser extent; and I'm particularly sensitive to dust. So, I'm thinking I'm leaning to hardwoods. The other thing, is that Buck is always going to a small residual amount of this infection in his bloodstream - even as knocked down as it is.
And he tends to hurt himself resulting in bleeding a good bit. He's absolutely OCD fearful of accepting any help for fear of contaminating someone. I understand, of course. But he really is overdoing it. So hard, non-porous surfaces seem like a good idea.
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I dunno Lighter, about the herding cats question. I do know for sure, that John has effectively helped the situation. From what I gather, from his explanation of this journey he's on, since I don't know him well... is that it's a "Johnny Appleseed" kind of thing. He is still going new places; places to feed his artistic creativity - museums, new restaurants, etc (he last worked as a chef) and eventually, in the near future will need to settle in somewhere into whatever his new "thing" is going to be. He'd communicated with Hol after the arrest - hopped in his van and was here 3 days later from the west coast. He was THAT concerned about her state of mind; and what all she was living through at the time.
His intention is to be as objective as possible and HELP in any way he can - and is allowed to. So, John and I have spent some long nights talking, comparing notes - he needed to see that Holly in her 20s has become this new Holly in her 40s and accept it. We accomplished that. Then there were the boundary issues: Hol's re: Steve, Mine, Hers & mine vs John's ideas... etc. All that has been comfortably and successfully navigated now. His mind is more at ease; she's not transferring her anger at other people onto me as much; I'm giving myself a bit of distance from all the drama before I say a thing; so not just instinctively reacting. And I'm making small, and gentle approaches to Steve (because according to Hol, I scare the bejesus out of him and he's sooooooooooo sensitive.) That pleases her.
John has also spent all night some nights talking to Hol. Giving her, his perceptions and understanding of what he sees around here. (Yes, he's done some therapy too.) And because of their long friendship, and maturation of themselves over the years, she's a bit more open to his presentation of topics/issues than from me. Whatever works, right?
So, all in all, it's been truly helpful to have him here. He was someone patient enough to hear me, as I slowly get the words out about my feelings... and not talking over me. He's validated, confirmed, & challenged some things. We don't have the emotional connection that Hol & I do; and the attendent complications. He's that and more with Hol. I think his venture has been successful. Add in that he truly loves to work - and has skills & tools - and his way of working is close to mine... (Hol's isn't)... and I've been able to give him a home base for him to enable this journey he's on - for himself. So, many of my little projects are completed. Because he's now comfortable that everything is going to be OK, with Hol he can focus more on himself and another friend who is around this coast, searching too. He's watched me go into action (after I sorted out the confusion of the gaslighting & transference crap she still isn't completely aware of) in my interactions with her....
and is comfortable with my understanding of what's been going on & why. No, it wasn't any of his business. But he does truly care about Hol as a human being; and this is a lifelong friendship for the two of them. He doesn't have any romantic fantasies about her... per se. And I've been able to give him some insight into what I know for a fact, about her, and her relationships - and how she's evolving through the classic co-dependent stuff.
Building the house has been a god-send for her. Stepping into the "boss" role. Making choices, compromises, working with so many people - when winter is usually a solitude time here. I think John showed up just in time to become enough of a distraction - without causing more real issues - to make it possible to avoid a really ugly and undesirable situation. Instead, everyone is working through it. Part of that - was getting her to accept that no one here was a threat to her or wanted to impose any judgements on her choices. In fact, we were trying hard to help her stop judging herself so cruelly.
I have a real, strong sense of "disaster averted" over these months; and it's mostly thanks to John. The physical work we've been doing together has been good for me, to shift out of "long winter's nap" mode and take advantage of the mild weather... to be in prime position come spring and planting season. Without an overwhelming "to-do list". I still have a couple things to take care of to be ready. But that's just "stuff".
LOL... he even mentioned the other day, that he wasn't looking for any "mom stuff" from me. So through our discussions - his/my past traumas, for instance - I have gotten to know him and I have been able to at least, convey my genuine appreciation for his help around here and validate the things that aren't so visible that he's tried to do.
He's also got Hol's superhuman critical thinking brain wheels churning again too. I wasn't able to get her unstuck. Now we just leave her be to do her awesome thing... and can trust that she'll make wise decisions, as she is wont to do, once she stops beating herself up. LOL.
I can see everyone's going to go away into their own lives for awhile, which is what I hoped would happen. And then we'll gravitate back into the group again at some time.
