The final time of us having a no contact phase happened after I had been giving her lots of money, I was quite flush my finances were looking good and I would often give her say £500 here or there or I paid her phone bills, took her cigarettes, and gave her more money, she soon latched on to me, then, and I was at first happy to give her a few hundred here and there, in fact I would estimate I gave her in the region of say 4/5k over some 3-4 years, I didn't once ask her what she had done with any of it.
She started to phone me often asking me if I could lend her say £50, so I would put it in an envelope and send it to her, this was becoming a regular occurrence, if I didn't send it to her I took it over to her, then for some reason I began wondering what she was doing with it all, by this time I was either sending her money in the post or taking it over to her, about £150 a month, one day she rang me in tears saying she was going to have the bailiffs at her door if she didn't pay off her catalogue, the amount owing being for goods my younger brother (allegedly) had from her catalogue , and had not finished making payments, I was getting suspicious of her by that time so I asked her to let me know who to make a cheque payable to and I sent over a cheque for the full amount to clear up the whole debt, £750 approx.
I also said that in future not to bother with mail order catalogues or if she did keep it for her own personal use.
This was about midway through 2005 I think, I continued giving her lump sums, of £500 here and there, then I sent over £1000, then £700, then £500, this brought us up to about Xmas 2007, on her birthday in the January (2008) I gave her another £300 making a total of £2500, in just over 1 year alone.
In May 2008 she rang me and was dropping her usual hints about how she had no money, however by then I had wised up, so I told her I couldn't help her out I had had my account hacked, this was true, I could however have easily raised as much cash as I wanted, if I had wanted, upon hearing me say I couldn't help her out, she said well you're no good then and hung up.
We had no contact from that day,until early December 2008, one day I rang her and we were OK again, however she kept saying things like if you come over at Xmas be nice be good, which puzzled me, so I asked her what she meant, as I knew I was always nice/good, as she put it, I knew some of my other family were going to her place for Xmas eve, and for reasons I knew nothing of then she would continually say to me when we spoke on the phone, be nice be good, I shrugged it off.
About 2 weeks or so before Xmas I went over to see her, she said that my younger brother, had again had some goods from her catalogue, a dyson, and washer dryer,(£1000+) a cousin of mine was there as well, and she again started on about be nice be good, so I said to her Mum what are you on about, what do you keep saying be nice be good to me for, so she said I don't want you to be bad friends with anyone when you come here on Xmas Eve, I replied I am not bad friends with anyone, and I don't have a problem with any of the family, then it started to dawn on me, she was saying that because she had been telling my cousins that I had been across to hers and upset members of the family, Lies. The family members I believe she was claiming this to being my 3 cousins who had no reason to not believe her, when she claimed these things, until then I got on well with all of my family, apart from one Uncle.
One evening about a week later I popped over to see her, ( to take her 200 cigarettes) she was alone, and she came out with the be nice be good line again this time I wasn't going to let it go,she ended up saying to me that I and a friend of mine, had years beforehand robbed old age pensioners, apparently we waited outside the post offices for them to get their pensions , and once they had we then robbed them of their pensions, it didn't take a genius to work out what had been being said, I would think she had told my cousins this complete and utter bare faced lie, and she may have even added that she was scared I would do the same to her, so of course their attitudes changed towards me.Even though I told her in plain English that she was wrong to be saying that, that it was a total and wicked load of lies, which she knew, I could tell by her reaction and how she didn't try to dispute it when I said it was completely untrue, of course though that was to me, but of course I'm sure she claimed I got angry or violent towards her when she relayed the nights events to my cousins or any other family member the next day or other days after.
On this same occasion I also took across of a piece about her life that I was going to put on our families history website I had created,it wasnt derogatory just the truth from my perspective, well when she read it, she became extremely angry, then turned on the tears, and went on to say that what I had written she had lived down and that none of the others knew anything about her past etc, she was really angry violently so, I am sure if she could have got at me she would have hit me, the tears of course led me to believe she was upset, so I apologised and told her I wouldn't add it to the website, which I didn't, however now I feel that was when she decided she was going to have me for writing that, I had unknowingly exposed her, and all of her secrets that she had not told others, she had been telling them how good and kind she was and there in black and white was the real truth about her, and her misdeeds and lies were laid bare right in front of her eyes she did throw me one evil look, however I was used to that, but now it all makes sense. I had done the one thing I should never ever have done, I had the means to expose her, and she was going to do something to ensure I could never ever reveal it to any other family member, and that's exactly what she has done.
I didn't get a Birthday or Christmas Card from her that year.(08) She claimed she couldn't afford a Xmas gift Of course now I see it was all part of her plan to win sympathy and attention for herself, by claiming I was doing this or that, how she wanted them to think she had been trying to cut herself off from myself ( as in her disowning me)
It was myself who had been trying to sever the ties, but felt I couldn't because she was my Mother.
Also at Xmas 2008 , Both myself and 1 of my brothers had given money to my mother for her to get what she wanted by way of Xmas gifts, (she always wanted money) I could afford to do this, however my Brother is struggling financially, so I guess it wouldn't have been easy for him to give her money, however he did, during the afternoon, My Mother and S/O were in the kitchen, my niece also walked in, my S/O carried on making tea, my Mum was talking to Kayleigh, My S/O overheard my mum telling K, that she had given her £20 , however she would give her more later, once we had all gone , when I was told of this I was disgusted, how ungrateful and thoughtless, it was typical of my mother, to give her gifts away, she knew my brothers financial situation, yet she took money from him only to later give it to another as a gift. Not only was she making a favourite of one Grandaughter, she was also using the money she was given for Xmas to give to her G/Child, favouring her too at the same time, how ungrateful can one be and bad mannered, I had already decided I wouldn't be giving her any large amounts of money ever again, and being told of this was as good as confirmation that I had done right and that she wasn't at all grateful. Just Greedy .
Years earlier I had had a will drawn up for her at her request, I paid to have it all done legally, I also made her promises of doing things for her after she had gone, one being to not allow anyone into her place before the funeral. Plus a few others, so when during her final week on earth I hear from my brother that he has a will, and he is going to arrange the funeral, and carry out her last requests, I said that's OK, I wont stand in your way, I also mentioned that I too had said I would do this or that for her, my words were ignored, Now of course I know why, I was actually very upset at the time especially when it became obvious I wasn't going to be allowed to carry out my promises, We spoke of my having her will only 5 or so weeks before she died, I know now though that she had already started putting her campaign of hate into action in not telling me my brother had a will as well, was all part of the game plan of my eventual exclusion from the funeral and my being disowned by my family.
She was in Hospital for her last week of life, and each day my cousins and uncle kept a vigil at her bedside, I found this a strange thing to do, every day , I dismissed it though, until one night I rang to enquire how she was and I was asked who I was so I told them her daughter, to this the nurse said, but her daughters here with her now, I told the nurse that wasn't possible because she only had one daughter, and I was not there, I soon caught on, and said oh that's not her daughter that's her niece.
I became suspicious of certain goings on so I set out to investigate, I made enquiries into things I had heard, the hospital helped immensely, from what I've learned she told the hospital not to leave me alone if I visited her, because I would possibly take things out of her hand bag, or tell her I wanted money. She told them the same evil story about my so say robbing pensioners, that I often became violent towards her, in person or when I rang her, that I had virtually terrorised her, and threatened her, so could they please ensure I was not at anytime alone with her, also to keep her bag and purse in the safest place if not I would steal it again!! I was also supposedly a drug addict and that was one of the reasons I always wanted money from her, these also being the reasons for my not to be left alone with her, She told them I would try to get her front door keys, because I wanted to get into her place to go through her belongings and take things.
I also learned that she had told the hospital staff, that Julia was more like a daughter to her than I had ever been, She claimed I had not bothered at all about her when she had been in hospital at anytime ever, that if I did ever visit it was only to try to get more money, I am supposed to have threatened and intimidated her, and god knows what else. that I'm an extremely violent person, I scared her on a regular basis, she had tried to disown me but I wouldn't stay away. I soon put paid to that little lot I showed them a bank statement, they caught on, however they said she was beginning to lose her mind so perhaps it was due to that, I let it go, plus she was by then already dead.
Another thing she had lied about was her so say having congestive heart failure, she also said she had heart attacks in her 50`s , lies, she had her first heart attack last year her 2nd about 10 days before she died, and if she had another that would have killed her.She had started going into heart failure on 16th April but they brought her out of it.
I visited her on April 17th,2009 whilst there she whispered to me to get something for her so she could die, I asked what she replied heroine, I said ok I would see if I could, but in truth I had no intentions of doing anything of the kind, I wouldn't know how to get hold of it anyway, however as soon as I had gone and she was alone with a nurse she told them I had told her, you'll soon be dead, because I was going to add some heroine to her drip, or something. so she would die soon.
I am assuming this also reinforced her claims of my not to be left alone with her at anytime.I did also notice that not long after myself and my Brother arrived at the hospital on Saturday 18th April 2009 the nurse came along and took down her drip, it wasn't empty, but she took it down, probably to ensure I had not put anything in it, then they put her bed directly opposite the nurses station, and never moved from the desk, which until then had not been manned by any of the nurses, added to this from that day onwards, I was not phoned by the hospital to inform me if she had worsened or anything, they never rang me, until I contacted them about other matters, namely this. Yet when I left the hospital on the Sat 18/4/09 they had told me I would be notified immediately, I had been that morning but never again, If she were not now dead I would never have found out what I have.
With discovering all of the above its now as clear as glass why my family are excluding me from her funeral, and why they don't want me anywhere near her place, etc. I have had a feeling that something had gone on that she had said or done something in order to cause my family to exclude me, and I now know that the above must be connected.
I would say My Mother was wicked and evil, and when she said she hated me, she had really meant it. In my opinion everything my Mother claimed I had been, of my always wanting money from her etc, is the total reverse Money is not my God if I have it I have it and I will also share it I have done so often with others on and offline, as for her possessions she had nothing worth having or what she did had given to her as a present at one time or another, I had no need to do any of what she claimed, all I have discovered just proves to me what a nasty person my Mother was, she didn't know me at all, she didn't have a clue, she projected her nastiness on to me and replaced it with my good characteristics everything she claimed I am she was.
She had also made almost identical claims to myself about my brother and his wife
She also somehow managed to arrange things so that at no time when I did go to see her (at her home ) was any other family member there apart from say Xmas or her Birthdays, she managed to keep us apart. so of course what she was telling others didn't ever get back to me, plus others didn't see how much I had done for her, all others knew was what she led them to believe.
She was a total Narcissist through and through. I am hurt by what I've been told and whats happened now with my family, however I hold no grudge, I can understand why they are as they are, although I would have appreciated them asking me about it all before passing judgement, however I can see things from their view point, they too are products of her Narcissism, and have been used as pawns, however now I have to do whats in my best interest.
She hasn't destroyed me, although she has destroyed my relationships with my 2 younger brothers. I also know I should have severed all ties when she told me she hated me, I didn't because in my mind I couldn't comprehend that a Mother could really hate her own child, I know now that it is possible, I'm living proof.
I tried throughout my life to be a decent Daughter, she knew I was doing this and used it against me and to further her own agenda, I've lost my family through my Mothers hate for me, I just hope she's being ask to account for her sins.
I would ideally love for my brothers to know of this, but I also know they wouldn't be able to accept it as the truth, because what they saw of her was completely different to what I saw, and of course she's dead so there's only my word for it being true, and with them being led to believe what a bad person I was that will always cloud their judgement so its pointless of me to even try to put my side over, I would no doubt be told I was trying to cause trouble, Plus I have no need to justify myself.
I am going to make it in spite of her not because, My Mother was out and out evil I feel.
Im a survivor though Ill rise above it.
Another thing My Mother did was to ruin my relationship with my Dad, she told him I wasn't his child. and for years I didn't know where I belonged, or if I had any rights to be around my Dad.
I've also learned that my Mother told my youngest brother that she took out a £3000 bank loan, however upon investigating this I'm reliably informed that due to her age and the type of account she had, (government issue) she could not have possibly arranged a loan of any kind, the bank account she had did not cater to setting up direct debits or anything like this, plus at 75/6 years of age on state benefits and not in good health no bank or financial service would have agreed to a loan of that amount, not even say £100.
I am not sure and have no proof of this, however I now feel that she said this to my brother in order to cover her having been sent large amounts of cash on a regular basis, so they were told she had taken out a loan, when in fact I had given her the money as gifts, so with everything else that makes sense she would hardly want others knowing I had given her so much financial help when she was saying what she did about me, would have been contradictory to her claims, hence the bank loan story.
The funeral was on Weds 6th May I did not attend.
