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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Checking In
« Last post by Twoapenny on Today at 12:21:57 AM »It is lovely, Hops 
I was up very early this morning and sat in the garden drinking my tea and watching the bats flying around
Two interesting things this week; my compulsion to step in and manage other people's feelings for them seems to have left me, and so to has my need to endlessly manage what I say so I don't inadvertently offend anyone. Someone local to us, an older disabled man we've got to know, had a bit of a situation going on. I didn't really have any way I could help out, realistically, and for the first time I didn't put myself in a ridiculous situation of over promising or planning some miraculous rescue. I just said I was sorry it was tough for him (which I am) but that I didn't have anything useful to offer (which was true) and I hoped someone else would be more useful. I should add he wasn't asking for help, simply telling me what was going on but usually that makes me put my rescue hat on. Just didn't happen and I only thought about it afterwards because I think it's the first time the feeling that I needed to manage that for someone else didn't come up.
Two situations this week where usually I would be very careful about what I said, but I wasn't. I wasn't rude and it wasn't an outburst, but again there just wasn't any emotion attached. I just said what I thought, standing up for myself in both cases, and left it there. Haven't spent endless amounts of time mithering over whether I did or said the right thing, or justifying it to myself in my head either. It just was, and that was that.
And on the back of that, an old friend turned up unexpectedly, I got a call early yesterday to say he'd be driving through later in the day and were we home. Said yes, genuinely pleased to see him, but too many memories of old life. Weed smoke (you can smell it on him), drinking (the smell and the talking about oneself - I hadn't realised before the reason I've spent so much time listening to others wang on is because drunk people just talk with no regard for who else is there) and a realisation that we don't actually have much in common and two hours was more than enough time to catch up. Didn't feel bad about telling him I was wanting to go to bed, told him he was welcome to use the house as he wanted to and then I went off and left him to it. Woke up this morning not feeling at all bad about being a less than gracious host and wanting to get on with the day.
Amazing. Keep wondering if this is how some people feel throughout their lives and if that's why it seems so much easier for them. Hoping it continues. Hope pup is doing well! xx
I was up very early this morning and sat in the garden drinking my tea and watching the bats flying around Two interesting things this week; my compulsion to step in and manage other people's feelings for them seems to have left me, and so to has my need to endlessly manage what I say so I don't inadvertently offend anyone. Someone local to us, an older disabled man we've got to know, had a bit of a situation going on. I didn't really have any way I could help out, realistically, and for the first time I didn't put myself in a ridiculous situation of over promising or planning some miraculous rescue. I just said I was sorry it was tough for him (which I am) but that I didn't have anything useful to offer (which was true) and I hoped someone else would be more useful. I should add he wasn't asking for help, simply telling me what was going on but usually that makes me put my rescue hat on. Just didn't happen and I only thought about it afterwards because I think it's the first time the feeling that I needed to manage that for someone else didn't come up.
Two situations this week where usually I would be very careful about what I said, but I wasn't. I wasn't rude and it wasn't an outburst, but again there just wasn't any emotion attached. I just said what I thought, standing up for myself in both cases, and left it there. Haven't spent endless amounts of time mithering over whether I did or said the right thing, or justifying it to myself in my head either. It just was, and that was that.
And on the back of that, an old friend turned up unexpectedly, I got a call early yesterday to say he'd be driving through later in the day and were we home. Said yes, genuinely pleased to see him, but too many memories of old life. Weed smoke (you can smell it on him), drinking (the smell and the talking about oneself - I hadn't realised before the reason I've spent so much time listening to others wang on is because drunk people just talk with no regard for who else is there) and a realisation that we don't actually have much in common and two hours was more than enough time to catch up. Didn't feel bad about telling him I was wanting to go to bed, told him he was welcome to use the house as he wanted to and then I went off and left him to it. Woke up this morning not feeling at all bad about being a less than gracious host and wanting to get on with the day.
Amazing. Keep wondering if this is how some people feel throughout their lives and if that's why it seems so much easier for them. Hoping it continues. Hope pup is doing well! xx