Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on April 08, 2019, 01:40:50 PM
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Moss very happy with all the rain... and the rain is soft, and consistent today.
I've given up on moss yard, at least in the front of the house. There are now beautiful ,more or less concentric, circles around the large old oak trees, with thick moss mixed together to form interesting "features" around every tree in the front.
I plan to put stone circles around each tree on the trail, as they meander down either side in a pleasing way. Have to get more stones, and that's not on list of priorities.
The Most of the front yard is covered in fallen leaf debris, and doesn't stay put. It gets blown, and washed away... very frustrating. Yesterday I trimmed the Hemlocks, and used those branches to pin groundcover in place after hauling wheelbarrow after wb to fill spaces back up. I love the word Hemlock.... love the word Moss. Hemlocks smell nice too.
I'm carving out areas of perfect moss under the leaf layer, and building up areas, filling in, and finishing up at the road around the meters, where the first stone circle is.... the water company dug up all the moss around the meters to fix a leak, and it was gravel and pine straw for months. Not pretty. Absolutely magical now.
I bought a couple dark blue men's shirts to garden in.... I dislike ruining the pristine light blue and white ones I covet. Goodwill rocks, and always has lovely cotton shirts when I'm looking.
If I think ahead, choose proper clothing, use the right tools, and sit on the foam mats for weeding there's more pleasure in yard care.
I don't want to end up bug bit, and rashy (this year,) bc I didn't think ahead.
So far only a few knats. No mosquitos yet.
Will think about the area around the mail box this year. It's a little creek when it rains. Thinking about making it a dry creek bed, and enlarging the leaf island, with a strip of moss along the driveway. Will see.
Lighter
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It sounds lovely, Lighter, and I'm glad you're enjoying working out there. Having the right kit/clothes/insect repellent helps so much! Lovely to have a project like that that will keep growing and evolving (even when people are digging things up to fix things!) xx
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Lighter it sounds beautiful. And healthy for body, mind and soul.
Get muddy for me, please.
Spring rain is actually my favorite weather of all weathers!
Hugs
Hops
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Tupp and Hops:
I DID get muddy yesterday digging a fairly deep trench for dry creek bed running over my property at the mailbox.
2 tons of 3 - 5 inch stones were dumped on the 3 layers of weed blocking cloth installed over a thick layer of Hemlock branches... hopefully will keep things from sinking too far into mud.
So, lots of digging. Lots of dumping wheelbarrows of dirt bearing healthy long grass blades... not sure what to do with it, but it's in the leaf bed between the properties now.
All rocks are heaped, rather neatly, where they landed, and I'm keen to get started arranging them.
Yes, Hops... good for mind, body and spirit. I feel amazing when I accomplish something you can SEE and enjoy in one good go. Lots taking shape in the yard just now.
Tupp, the knats were hounding me yesterday, so I broke out the deet. Not sure how bad that is for me, but I have to weigh it out with work breaking into hysterical swatting sessions when a bug dives for my nose or eyes... can't take that.
::shaking head::.
Lighter
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Goodwill does rock. It's really fun to check out their vintage decor and think about how it might be re-purposed.
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Lighter - go online & check for an all-natural bug spray called "No No-see-um". It seems pretty effective on gnats too. I started noticing them a couple of weeks ago here... down in the back 40 where the Holly Hut is designated to go.
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Yes, Boat. Love Goodwill.
Thanks for bug juice suggestion, Amber.
I'm waiting on 4 tons of 3-5" rock delivery. He's here!
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Ha! You bought rocks. LOL.
Every single stroke of a trowel or shovel brings up more rocks for me. I have plenty to spare. My garden fork is much easier to dig with, as a consequence. I can wiggle it around and in between the little rocks I can't see under the dirt. Lots to "rearrange" to suit me. For me, leaves are the best thing in the world. I have spread the winter's collection over bare, shale ground, and let them sit & compost in place. Leaf mold makes the fastest "good dirt".
Right now, I'm hoping for rain. Farmer's Almanac was right about it being dry this year. The ground is still drying out from last year's monsoons and snow - but right now, there's no mud most places. The service berry tree has bloomed; redbuds just getting started. Hickories' buds are starting to pop. The local hardware store was mobbed yesterday; spring sale I guess. They were parked along the highway and walking in. The nursery's sale & party will be in a couple weeks. I haven't been there yet, as I'm still trying to catch up.
Planning a Beltane/Walpurgisnacht doin's here... and I need to get my someday "rock garden" tidied up. Building kitchen beds around two sides of the parking area... concrete blocks, and then composting stuff in the bottom before I fill with topsoil. I need to put gravel back where it should go, too, in the parking area. The "rock garden" area has boulders and LOTS of moss. I need to set up my fire pit in there... and think about moving some logs for seating. Most of the rocks are big enough to sit on too... but the whole area needs raked and tidied. I'm still designing a way to keep the gravel uphill from all of that, where it's supposed to be... and not getting shuffled downhill.
The juniper that's been "offending" my visual sensibilities... has been cut back to it's twisted, abusively pruned trunk. All those branches are composting on the downhill side of the pond dam. I need to break out a chainsaw to get those thicker trunks out of there; think the "barbie" battery one is a great one to practice with. It's not so heavy.
Freddie's food bowl disappeared (again) last night, even though it was covered. He wanted in for some reason... so I think the coons are back. Bears are up too. I have to remind Holly and Steve, while they're out tramping in the woods, because of the dogs.
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Beltane! Yes, and bonfires, and I hope you guys really do celebrate together.
Youngest dd said we'd have bonfires when she gets back.
Careful of the bears. They're in my garbage, and the neighbor's bird feeders.
I wish I had your boulders.... I'll have to order them delivered, if I get to that. Right now I need another couple tons of 3-5" rocks, and some kind of larger gravel that won't wash away with the rain... it's a river in my yard when it rains. I'd like to line the trail with the smaller rocks, put 5" rocks on either side to keep them in, then put large flat pavers on top as stepping stones. It really looks good in pictures, but not sure how I could make it work.
I'm waiting on the HVAC guy to show up. The AC isn't blowing cold. Darnit.
About time for a new water heater. I'm contemplating an on demand unit, but I've had iffy performance with that in the past. Thoughts?
Lighter
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Maybe I'm just a dinosaur, but I don't like the on-demand heaters I've had experience with. There can be a serious delay getting the water hot, after turning on the spigot. We put one in at the beach; gas fired. On the other hand, it does require power throughout the day, to keep those big old tanks hot. So it's a trade-off.
Gotta run - generator's here.
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That lag time contradicts instant comfort culture but I'm a believer! I bet you could adjust to that new bit of advance thinking and adapt in a couple weeks. It'd become automatic to "preheat" the water just as you would an oven. Wish I could do one.
The thing about traditional water heaters, though their insulation has improved, is that we use fossil energy (with its emissions) 24/7 to basically keep a huge amount of hot water hot all of the time, just in case. Like a huge pot on the stove at just below Simmer all day and night for no reason. I figured since that made no sense, neither does my traditional water heater. (Not that I can wave my wand to replace it...)
I'd love most a passive solar water heater (flat black rooftop one) with a small booster heater only as needed for long cloudy stretches. Sighhhh....
But I'm getting vicarious thrills from your builds, regardless of what/how you build!
xxoo
Hops
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I'd love love love to do solar power, but I'm tucked into a shady area, and there's never going to be that option, Hops.
Sib and I bought plants for the dry river bed this afternoon..... also picked up a $20.00 fern that's HUGE... so so lovely, from a Mexican grocery store. Beautiful produce too. I think I've seen ferns smaller for 44.00 at retail nurseries.... feel so good about that fern. It's on a tall plant stand on the front porch... it sparks joy.
::nodding::
Tomatoes, squash, herbs, eggplants, and strawberries planted today. I don't think the rosemary made it through the winter. The mint came back just fine.... it worked it's way around a big pot..... came up in 3 places.
Oh... also have lettuce in.
Lighter
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You've been so busy, Lighter, it's really lovely to read that things are growing and popping back up after the winter sleep :) xx
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My sister left this morning... very early. I always have mixed feelings about it.
She's been in the yard, weeding, toting rocks, and puzzling them into place on the new dry creek beds. Since we had a torrential 5.5 inches of rain in as many hours it was perfect timing for working on the stones. Water runs from the entire neighborhood.... 2 neighborhoods actually, down to my neck of the woods. SO MUCH RAIN.... I can see EXACTLY where the water runs. Where ore rocks can go as it scraped the moss, and carried it off leaving just earth. Again. Moss can be drowned, as well.
It was alarming, but very helpful to muck about in the rain, wearing wellies, observing the water's path. Lots of neighbors have flooded basements or interior leaks, including both my elderly neighbors. One had a flooded basement, and the other had water running inside her sliding doors, and garage. I have a bit of water in the crawl space, not much.
The timing on the dry creek beds couldn't have been better, and we added a second branch onto the main one leading to the road, and storm drain, which is where the water needs to go. I cleaned gutters again the day after, moved new plantings about, and admired the potted plants on the front porch, happy from the rain. Plants like rain water. Not tap water, IME.
DD 16 in Japan.... final days of school trip, and her knee came out of socket quite badly.... she went by ambulance to the hospital, and they put it back in. She's doing OK, and in a brace she likes, which is a huge relief. This is the final day, and she's ready to be home. I'm ready for her to be home.
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Well, last week I got all the concrete blocks - from old garden area - set to make kitchen beds around the parking area. Hol secured the stacks with rebar, but advised I need longer pieces. I've had old half-rotted firewood in that area and spread wood ash from the stoves there. I'll line the blocks (there are always gaps) with weed fabric, then fill with last year's topsoil. THEN I can plant stuff!
Mowing and trimming and tree pruning/removal is next on the list. I need fuel, service the big mower, and fire it up... and need to restock some things to keep up with the work. Mother nature is persistently a demanding task master.
Ordered 100 myrtle (vinca minor) to plant over the propane tank bank. It's bare dirt and will wash, unless I get something planted there. It's great stuff; it self propagates; and with my "problem areas" of poor soil, is really useful. Grass seed I spread is starting to sprout now, since we had a day's worth of really good rain. I still need to work out the details of a fence - the basic design - to contain the dogs.
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Oh poor DD with the knee, Lighter!
What an amazing thing for her to go through on her
own in a foreign country! I'll bet this matures her a lot,
despite the pain and shock. Hope she heals fast and in
the meantime, that her chin is up a notch.
Sorry you have to deal with water issues on your property,
but how much great foresight you've had to tackle it ahead
of spring rain. Hope your sister left a good space behind her.
Amber, your projects as always sound so productive and
wonderful. Love the idea of kitchen gardens, and blocks.
I have had a veggie bed plan but can't get my usual guy
to commit to particular days/times, endless frustration.
So I'm going to leave the mowing to him and find someone
else to help me with other yard stuff.
I recommended Esteban so widely he now barely has time
for me. Happy his business is booming but also...disappointed.
All is well anyway. Spring here is insanely lovely, and short lived.
So I'll focus on enjoying it.
xxoo
Hops
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Today was glorious! Just amazing... sunny and breezy, and almost cool, and almost hot.... just perfect. Breezy. Sunny. So nice!
I hope it lasts a while.
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OK, the weather here is bananas gorgeous.... and just right for planting.
Of course, I can't just plant. I have to think, and research, and think some more.... move plants around the yard... in this case rock gardens, and think some more. My sib would have had those puppies in the ground days ago, but I'm concerned about the "Plant in well drained soil" part of instructions.
The soil around the rock garden is still sopping wet.... ZERO drainage, which means I'm planning to put in some raised stone beds..... a couple medium sized, and many very small ones.
The idea of covering them with moss, and ferns makes me swoon with anticipation.
Yesterday's yoga therapy session is bringing some relief.... just having the appointment made me feel better, honestly.
Tupp... I think lots of people are somewhere on the spectrum. I'd be shocked if I wasn't there, somewhere. I also think ADD is common in my entire family, though no one's dx'd with it. We're more the gutting it out sort.
Here's to asking for help, and receiving it....Hear! Hear!
Another step in noticing what I want to change, and embracing what I really want.
Lighter
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I have many more plants to build raised beds for in the dry river beds. That's slow work, and I feel the need to order more rocks so as to prevent moving them round more than necessary. I need more rocks. I might seek out another company, as the one I've been ordering from can't provide anything larger than 5"-9" rocks. I was thinking 2 more tons of the smaller, and one crate of the larger. There's a few
The day's been blowing rain one minute, then calm sunny cool the next. Perfect for planting terrariums on the back porch, which is what I've done. Three of them. It wasn't the most enjoyable thing I've ever done, but I do adore looking at them. There's a few large rocks.... smallish boulders, I have my eye on by the side of the road. Will have to see.
Lighter
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You're getting so much done, Lighter, it sounds like a real oasis. I'm the same with checking where best to put things, light, soil, how big will it grow and so on - mostly because I've spent years living in houses where I'm stuck with the after effects of poorly completed DIY jobs, shrubs that are far too big for the spaces they are in, lovely garden areas that no-one wants to sit in because they get so little sun. The planning is important, for many reasons :) xx
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I'm doing more planning than planting right now, Tupp.
Youngest dd and I went to BB Barnes Nursery today... so many lovely things. We bought a few small things for the stone gardens. I love to see her eyes light up. We sat in the sun, and drank cool beverages. Not a cloud in the sky... almost too hot, but the shade was perfect.
I guess I planted 4 things today, and have so many to go. Creeping Jenny from the neighbor's yard, hosta, Scotch Moss, and something I've had sitting in pots for years..... they really need care, and they'll get it tomorrow.
The soil, for the most part, needs to be well drained, and it's not. I add sand, and Nature's Helper to the soil.... lots of soil coming from leaf piles... dark, lovely stuff, that.
The Pug is in the yard, off leash, when big black dog comes by with neighbor. Pug learning better manners, and it's good she's motivated by treats.
Ahhh.... I
am
sleepy.
We had roast Cuban pork for dinner. The roast marinated 2 days in the fridge. I like it with black beans, and raw sweet onions doused in lemon juice/bitter orange, oregano, then oil, just at the smoking point, poured over in a big sizzle.... I do that outside. It's a really nice meal, and just as nice without rice. I like lots of jalapenos int he beans, and a bit of tomato paste with caramelized onions, and garlic.
We all enjoy that meal, and it's reasonable if I have all the spices on hand. Aldi's has nice veggies, and meats are good too.... organic black beans inexpensive... fresh jalapenos. They have a tart lime seasoning called Tajin. The leftovers are just as good the next day, and beyond. It's nice having mommy food w/o blowing up the kitchen.
About shared housing.... there are large houses I've read about where people can rent single rooms, and share common meals and food. If someone wants meat, they have to bring their own in. It sounded good to me. I think you'll find a better living situation, and garden to play in, Tupp.
What a beautiful day.... I'll sleep well.
Lighter
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Lighter, your posts about food always make me feel hungry :) It's breakfast time here, so I'm just about to head downstairs for a bowl of healthy muesli - whilst thinking about Cuban pork and sizzling onions. Lol. Sounds so yummy, as does planting in the lazy heat.
I think the planning should take longer than the actual work - the devil is in the detail, as they say. Better to plan, get the soil right, get the positioning right and then sit back and watch the rewards, rather than bunging them in and then wondering why they're not growing too well. It sounds like a beautiful oasis for Pug to be Lord of the Manor over. Lol.
Yes, a house where people rent rooms is what I have in mind, rather than a group living together, if that makes sense? Just people like me who manage on their own but who don't have anyone else in life to think about them. I think the Easter holiday brought it home for me - a four day Bank Holiday, I did have a couple of friends who texted but the majority didn't give us a thought and there's no-one in my life I feel comfortable phoning during a holiday because I feel like I'm intruding on their family time. And I know there are other people out there who are in similar situations. So some sort of situation where there are people living closely enough together to be around and yes, sometimes have a meal with instead of always eating alone. The sort of people who would normally spend Christmas indoors by themselves - not that joining in would be obligatory, but if people wanted to share in putting up decorations or having Christmas dinner together it would be nice for me to have other people like that in my life. It would be nice for son as well. Just an idea for now. Lots of research and planning ahead ;) lol xx
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90% reseach, Tupp.
10% execution: )
Lighter
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That's exactly the right amount! Lol, I think whatever you do knowing the pitfalls gives you a better chance of avoiding them, however big or small the job is :) xx
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I'm about to go into the yard, and check out the lovely pile of rocks neighbor dumped. And he dumped them in just the right place!
This is hard.... to STOP, assess my back/hip/leg/knee, and not do do do do.... bc that's what I've always tended to do.... just get after it, and get it done.
In martial arts.... in everything, and I know it leads to injuries I could have avoided. I do it bc it's easier than paying attention, measuring out what's going on, and taking precautions I have to measure, and pay attention to.
So, THIS is where I STOP, and figure out a better way.
I don't have to worry about what others think, and I can believe in myself.... I'll do what I can as it's prudent, and wise.
That has to be enough.
Whoo..... that felt amazing: )
Now... to the rocks!
Lighter
ps Everything is feeling good right now with hip. The fatigue is gone, as is the twinges of muscle tension. I stretched, and walked, and did yard stuff today...... I won't overdo.
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I'm about to go into the yard, and check out the lovely pile of rocks neighbor dumped. And he dumped them in just the right place!
This is hard.... to STOP, assess my back/hip/leg/knee, and not do do do do.... bc that's what I've always tended to do.... just get after it, and get it done.
In martial arts.... in everything, and I know it leads to injuries I could have avoided. I do it bc it's easier than paying attention, measuring out what's going on, and taking precautions I have to measure, and pay attention to.
So, THIS is where I STOP, and figure out a better way.
I don't have to worry about what others think, and I can believe in myself.... I'll do what I can as it's prudent, and wise.
That has to be enough.
Whoo..... that felt amazing: )
Now... to the rocks!
Lighter
ps Everything is feeling good right now with hip. The fatigue is gone, as is the twinges of muscle tension. I stretched, and walked, and did yard stuff today...... I won't overdo.
Difficult not to overdo it, Lighter, especially on a 'good' day - really easy to keep going and enjoy getting a lot done, only to suffer for it the day after :) I'm glad the garden is coming on so well xx
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Tossing 3 tons of rocks yesterday, and both shoulders feeling strong.
Nothing pulled.
Everything loose, and happy: )
Company coming this weekend, so I'm in the house right now. Will toss more rocks, but first laundry, bathrooms, and kitchen.
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Tossing 3 tons of rocks yesterday, and both shoulders feeling strong.
Nothing pulled.
Everything loose, and happy: )
Company coming this weekend, so I'm in the house right now. Will toss more rocks, but first laundry, bathrooms, and kitchen.
3 tonnes?! Oh my days, Lighter, you'll be the strongest lady around :) lol, good to hear that it's all done and nothing has popped out of place. You're such a busy bee :) xx
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I had 6 tons dropped last week, and a ton of gravel dropped today. I'm pretty strong, and getting stronger by the day, Tupp!
I really want the yard in shape by the time oldest dd graduates.... will have lots of company in town: )
::sigh::
Will go out and move a few wheel barrows full of gravel, and see how hard that is.
I've never moved gravel around before.
Lighter
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It sounds as if it will look amazing, Lighter :) I've never been great with wheelbarrows, I find it difficult to move them around, I think they're designed for people taller and stronger than me (blokes, basically!). Lol. When son was small he had a little plastic wheelbarrow which he filled with sand and wheeled indoors, then emptied on the carpet in front of the telly so that he could build sandcastles whilst watching TV. So cute, the things they do when they're little. Probably not a good idea to do with your gravel! Hope you can get it moved alright. xx
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I move things around on sleds, Tupp. I have one poorly designed wagon, I never use.
A neighbor brought a shiny new wheelbarrow with 2 wide front tires for me to use..... it's a dream to use! I filled the entire walk, in the dark... worked till 9:30 watering, moving gravel, and tossing rocks.... whatever I felt like doing. It was magic, and just enough ambient light to be safe. The bugs finally drove me inside.... I hate them buzzing around my face, and ears.
There were two men who came through my yard.... I didn't recognize either of them. I was on the path, and they were on the path, so they headed straight for me. Literally.... straight TO me, as one guy snatched the shovel from me, as I picked it up thinking... if they're bad guys at least I'll have the shovel........ and SNATCH, he took it, and began shoveling the wheelbarrow full. He said "I help" in a thick Russian accent, which was interesting bc I've had KILLING EVE playing in the background while doing housework lately. Lots of Russian accents in that show.
THIS is information... not sure what information it is, but I didn't clobber him for coming right at me, which might have been the case a few years ago. He entered my space, and I felt calm enough to let him actually take the shovel...... huge progress. I think.
He actually wheeled the gravel to the walk, and emptied it for me. They were headed a couple miles into the forest to watch the lightning bugs at the lake..... I think one of the guys must live around here, but maybe they were Airbnb folks. Not sure.
THE WALK IS FULL! The gravel is beautiful! I just have to arrange larger and medium sized rocks around about half to finish. I have another hour or so to finish the front rock garden. Will likely use the rest of the gravel on a path from the stairs to wherever I want them to lead. It's a work in progress.
There's a pile of rocks in the wrong spot, right where I want to put in the stairs, so that's a problem right now. My BIL can explain how to build the stairs the best way when he arrives for graduation.
It makes me very happy to picture your son happily wheeling his little load of sand into your LR to build sand castles.
Children are lovely..... I think my youngest should be a mad scientist, bc she spent so much time mixing bathroom liquids when she was small.
If you ever get another wheelbarrow... get one with two fat front tires; )
Lighter
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I've laid out the weed blocking fabric to the road, in prep for true grid arrivals... I ordered 4 boxes, and they're huge and heavy things. I can't wait to snap them together, and fill with gravel. I think I have just enough to do everything. Will see.
I've moved enough rocks from the rock pile to line the entire path. They're all lined up along the weed barrier edge.... waiting. That was one of the hardest jobs... moving the rocks. My sister will puzzle them into place. That's her thing.
Craftsman double fat tired wheelbarrow is working like a charm. I really like it. Will order one for myself.
I hope my brother brings something... heavy equipment wise.... to help me put stairs down a hill, from driveway to trail. BIL is engineer, and I know it'll get done right if we do it while they're here.
I'll pick out the steps... stone... sometihng thick..... and have them delivered. Maybe 3 feet wide.
Maybe to look like tree stumps..... or something kooky. Will see. Maybe the girls will do it. They're amazing artists.
I've weed whacked the natural area around the shed..
:: scratching 2 patches of poison ivy on forearms::.
I think my sleeves rose up, and mistakes were made.
::nod::
I haven't worn my biker boots in a while, and threw them on this morning. It became obvious they're part of the problem with my hip.... my body wanted to drag the left foot immediately, zombie style... they aren't good for my alignment, so they have to go. I really loved those boots.
Lighter
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100 feet of eco grid will arrive by this evening! I can have the boxes in recycling this week, yes!
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That sounds like fun Lighter. As for the unexpected help - sounds like someone just wanted to be useful, as they happened by. Not that you couldn't do it on your own, but things like that are a bit easier for some guys. I'd be curious tho, if they live around there. Might be an interesting friend to make?
I've been bushwacking along the driveway the past two days. My hands get sore, I'm itchy from no-see-ums and hot & sweaty and my brain gets stupid. Thought the battery was dead on the ranger, until Rick was ready to tow me to the garage - and I realized - you put foot on BRAKE to start it, dummy. I don't know where my brain is these days.... LOL.
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Oh, the bugs, Amber. I had a knot under my chin from a spider bite.... so itchy and looked dreadful. It was almost gone before DD's grad, thank goodness.
I have trouble remembering how to start the different 4 wheelers, and such too. Sometimes getting into reverse is painful... have to relearn every time. We used to have a hum v.... like an old one from the army, and it was always something to remember what was what. We just have other important things taking up brain space... that's how I look at it; )
The neighbor is a stay at home dad.... SO nice, and he and his wife use my trail daily so.... help is appreciated, and kind of warranted, IMo. They gave us lovely gift cards to a nice coffee shop at Christmas. It's nice when people are considerate. And helpful. He's young enough his wife might not mind our getting friendlier. He really likes helping out.
We've had a weekend of rain to test the stones.... it's working out great. Stones were in all the wash areas, and they look great around the house where there was just dirt. Now everything seems tied together. The moss is lush, and amazing with all this rain!
Lighter
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OOOOH I bet the moss is stunning.
So exciting to think of that fruition!
Yay.
Beauty everywhere.
Hops
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Yesterday I went into the yard, barefoot, looking for weeds, Hops. I think I found 3 very tiny clover. The moss is at the point where it's crowding out weeds! So thick, like a happy carpet!
Lighter
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The moss sounds amazing, Lighter, it's great that this is all coming together so well and giving you such a good space to be outside in. Your neighbours sound nice as well :) I've a teeny bit of moss growing on our wall - small amount just now but I'm going to leave it be and see if it spreads :) Would be nice to have moss walls to look out on instead of the horrible breeze block type stuff we've got now xx
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You might try scraping some of the moss, and mushing it up with a bit of mud, Tupp. Spread it on the parts of wall you want it to grow, then spritz a couple times daily till you see a green film.
Moss covered knee walls grow very well in my neighbor's drive. They have a spring that constantly keeps that area wet. They don't have to do anything, and it's thick and lovely.
They also have a lovely mossy grotto, they never have to weed, or water. It's consistently wet, and shady... ideal for moss, and I'm a tad jealous.
Do consider expanding your moss wall, if conditions seem good. That bit of moss might be easy to cultivate if the wall stays pretty moist. I wonder if you could grow ivy on that wall, if not moss?
Some vine that covers?
Lighter
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I cut all the beautiful flowers from the Hosta this morning. Barefoot. In the early morning hours between 7:30 and 10am. I also pulled up lots of Hosta for a neighbor.... there's plants popping up in the middle of the moss yard, and have to go anyway. With all the rain, many pulled out easily. Nice.
I cleaned up ornamental grasses around drains at yard's edge, then went ahead and cut back all Hosta there too. It's neat, and there won't be any dead and dying plants to clean up from moss later.
I still have planting to do, but that's OK.
When I went into the shed I really saw it, maybe for the first time. At some point I'll turn it into a SHE SHED, and maybe put oldest dd out there with her Pug. It's exciting for both of us, and youngest DD17 wants to wield power tools. Woo hoo!
Lighter
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I cut all the beautiful flowers from the Hosta this morning. Barefoot. In the early morning hours between 7:30 and 10am. I also pulled up lots of Hosta for a neighbor.... there's plants popping up in the middle of the moss yard, and have to go anyway. With all the rain, many pulled out easily. Nice.
I cleaned up ornamental grasses around drains at yard's edge, then went ahead and cut back all Hosta there too. It's neat, and there won't be any dead and dying plants to clean up from moss later.
I still have planting to do, but that's OK.
When I went into the shed I really saw it, maybe for the first time. At some point I'll turn it into a SHE SHED, and maybe put oldest dd out there with her Pug. It's exciting for both of us, and youngest DD17 wants to wield power tools. Woo hoo!
Lighter
The whole garden sounds like a little slice of Paradise, Lighter. It's so lovely that you've got that escape on your doorstep, quite literally. Amazing to be able to go outside and destress like that. A she shed sounds like a great idea as well. It's great to have a place to go off and just do stuff, isn't it? I hope it all carries on growing so lovingly; you've put so much work into it, it's great that you're getting such rewards from it now xx
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SIb and I lined one of the trails with segments of the HUGE pine tree cut down a while back. It looks really nice, IMO.
There's still a pile of wood to deal with. Lots of stumps for stools, and plenty to burn.
The moss is pretty happy after the recent rain, but I thought there'd be more of it.
I have lots of little ferns to plant, and some larger ones.... some new moss found moss. Just lovely stuff.
How's your garden coming, Tupp?
Amber, did you plant your beds? What did you plant? How did that go?
Lighter
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I planted, onions, garlic, oregano and a couple tomatos; some raspberry canes. Onions & garlic, total crop failure. They were planted too late, because I was so behind on filling the beds. They'll stay in the ground until next spring. Oregano is happy and tomatoes producing fruits; but not ripening as fast as I'd like. Hear the grand solar minimum might be responsible for that. :shrug: maybe, I dunno. The raspberries are super happy, and so am I. :) I love these expensive little bites full of glory.
Next up on my priority list is getting the disc on the ranger and beginning to turn over major garden beds for next spring. If I break ground now, mother nature will help me "sweeten" and loosen that dirt even more. I need Buck here to help fix the things we keep breaking. LOL. I'm told "Patience, Grasshopper..."
Yesterday I just moved the last of the topsoil pile to on top of the propane tanks. There's a pretty steep bank there. The vinca I intended to plant there in MAY... is barely hanging on. I may plant it anyway if we get any rain. Or I'll reorder the vinca again. I am no longer in control of my time/energy/schedule completely - having to supervise or lend a hand or be involved with other people's projects. That's what happens when you let other people share your space. So I've tried. But the stuff I wanted has languished; my plans get superseded by someone else's needs... and it all feels like boundary issues... and my fantasies turn toward running away and escaping all this. And it's not all their fault; I got really busy with the legal/financial stuff this year too. That's taken way more time than I expected.
Anyway, it's all getting sorted out. Until I have to do it again with Buck. LOL. I'm just a glutton for punishment.
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I want Buck there too now now now now now now!
My brother's been working around the edges of Dad's lake property, and the island cottage to great effect. He's amazing, does the work of 5 men, and I almost forgot what it was like to have a capable, competent man in my life.
You'll be back on track when you guys join forces, me'thinks, Amber.
And I agree your putting off your needs, in order to help others accomplish what they need, is about boundaries. Being mindful, not judging yourself or others... helps along IME. Not that I've been at it long, but I can really feel the difference when I'm being mindful, and noticing how it happens, and when it happens.
I have some things to plant too. Not many. A neighbor's garden items are all over my garage right now. I have to decide what to keep. She gave me her little wet dry vac, tons of really nice thick coated gloves, some great wellies, and other boots.... 2 trimmers (1 electric 1 battery) and lots of shoves, and what'not. Vole stuff to keep them away, and plant foods, and just so much! I'm excited to have it, but a bit overwhelmed, but that's OK too.
Tupp? Hows your garden doing? Get any moss to grow on that wall yet?
Lighter
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I want Buck there too now now now now now now!
My brother's been working around the edges of Dad's lake property, and the island cottage to great effect. He's amazing, does the work of 5 men, and I almost forgot what it was like to have a capable, competent man in my life.
You'll be back on track when you guys join forces, me'thinks, Amber.
And I agree your putting off your needs, in order to help others accomplish what they need, is about boundaries. Being mindful, not judging yourself or others... helps along IME. Not that I've been at it long, but I can really feel the difference when I'm being mindful, and noticing how it happens, and when it happens.
I have some things to plant too. Not many. A neighbor's garden items are all over my garage right now. I have to decide what to keep. She gave me her little wet dry vac, tons of really nice thick coated gloves, some great wellies, and other boots.... 2 trimmers (1 electric 1 battery) and lots of shoves, and what'not. Vole stuff to keep them away, and plant foods, and just so much! I'm excited to have it, but a bit overwhelmed, but that's OK too.
Tupp? Hows your garden doing? Get any moss to grow on that wall yet?
Lighter
I'm so far behind on threads that I think there are some from beginning of September that I haven't caught up on yet. Not quite sure how I got this behind! I feel like I'm always on here, lol, perhaps I've just been reading more than posting :)
Very nice of your neighbour to give you all that stuff, Lighter, is she moving away or did she just have loads she didn't need. Hope you've been able to sort through it all and get it all put away - I love being given a load of stuff and then just sifting through it all to see what's what.
I've not done much to my garden yet, but the moss is starting to spread by itself even without me doing anything to it. Because we're not planning on staying here too long (I hope!) I don't want to put too much time into it but if it's doing it by itself then I'll leave it be. A creeping Jenny started growing up across the back fence which I've just been trailing up and over to cover up the wood a bit (the fence is old and rickety and looks really tatty so a big of green across it is a help).
There is a lovely carpet of moss growing across the path that runs along the side of the houses but unfortunately it's where everyone keeps their bins so it doesn't look as magical as it could do. But nice enough when you just catch a glimpse of the first part of it before all the bins start. Lol xx
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I went out into the yard during a storm today. It was grand.
There are things I want to move around, change a bit and tweek. Some of it's decided. Some not. Plenty to keep me busy.
My new moss friend L will go to the stone yard with me. She's out in the storm now, pouring water out of tubs full of moss. If there were drain holes she wouldn't have to worry about it. Another lesson learned. Moss can drown.
Yesterday was a good day in the yard too. Beautiful day. I've been walking with the dogs and enjoying the moss and rocks very much. I never come back without something special to plant. I have my eye on several beautiful rocks sticking up out of the ground. Could be boulders. I'm hoping for huge rocks, however. SOmething I can put on a sled and pull back, even if it takes hours.
I'm not sure if I posted about roasting sausages outside... and marshmallows. Such an amazing night... oldest dd spent time with me and the pug enjoying the food and night. I want to put large flagstones under the fire area.... replace the walking stones with huge ones. Less moss. Super beautiful walkway. Win Win.
I have Linton Roses and azalea bushes to figure out and plant... maybe tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.
Took a nice long bath with lovely smelling salts after I came in from the rain soaking. Listened to a meditation, mindfulness, love and kindness download that was great. Brushed and detailed my teeth. Put on comfy jammies and spent time on the back porch under the metal roof with rain pinging off. So restful... hot mug of tea, working on yard plans.
I'm content and feel I'll sleep well tonight.
The yard thread is back.
Lighter
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Sounds beautiful, Lighter.
All of it.
Beauty, work and peace on the porch.
Spring rain on a tin roof? Doesn't get any better than that!
Yay,
Hops
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I went out into the yard during a storm today. It was grand.
There are things I want to move around, change a bit and tweek. Some of it's decided. Some not. Plenty to keep me busy.
My new moss friend L will go to the stone yard with me. She's out in the storm now, pouring water out of tubs full of moss. If there were drain holes she wouldn't have to worry about it. Another lesson learned. Moss can drown.
Yesterday was a good day in the yard too. Beautiful day. I've been walking with the dogs and enjoying the moss and rocks very much. I never come back without something special to plant. I have my eye on several beautiful rocks sticking up out of the ground. Could be boulders. I'm hoping for huge rocks, however. SOmething I can put on a sled and pull back, even if it takes hours.
I'm not sure if I posted about roasting sausages outside... and marshmallows. Such an amazing night... oldest dd spent time with me and the pug enjoying the food and night. I want to put large flagstones under the fire area.... replace the walking stones with huge ones. Less moss. Super beautiful walkway. Win Win.
I have Linton Roses and azalea bushes to figure out and plant... maybe tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.
Took a nice long bath with lovely smelling salts after I came in from the rain soaking. Listened to a meditation, mindfulness, love and kindness download that was great. Brushed and detailed my teeth. Put on comfy jammies and spent time on the back porch under the metal roof with rain pinging off. So restful... hot mug of tea, working on yard plans.
I'm content and feel I'll sleep well tonight.
The yard thread is back.
Lighter
All of that sounds like heaven on a stick, Lighter, wow, how lovely. There is something really relaxing about when rain when it isn't getting you wet, I think? I don't find it makes me feel chirpy if I'm stood at the bus stop in it but if I'm indoors with the windows open watching it fall I love it xx
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Hops:
I'm looking at square foot gardening... 100% of the crop for 20% of the space for 2% of the work! Whoo hoo! Not sure if it's for me, but it's super interesting. Didn't you use that method? How did it work for you? Did you make Mel's mix?
Tupp: I had on good rain boots and a hooded raincoat. I stayed pretty dry till my pants... knees, got wet. THAT was enough to drive me inside.
My BIL once said we should all go through a bit of discomfort daily. When we finally find comfort, it feels very sacred, IME.
Lighter
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I did, Lighter, at first (eight years ago). Mel's mix and very careful planting. Now I have the same general idea of dense planting in the two beds but much less precise as that just creates stress. I'm a little looser with it but love the concept.
Since I can't kneel to weed right now it's frustrating, so I'm just going to be patient with very small ambitions for gardening.
Grand project 'R Not Me at the mo'.
hugs
Hops
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Hops:
Maybe you could have someone knock together a raised planting bed for you... at some point. I guess the square foot garden can be 6 to 12 inches deep, and the mix is super light.
Lighter
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Thanks, Lighter.
Both my veggie beds are raised beds, but these days, 6" doesn't help a whole lot.
I have ringed them in cinderblocks, two sides solid but ends have blocks with the holes up. My plan is to do marigolds there for insect repelling. I can sit on the edge of the solid blocks to weed, when I'm able to get up and down again.
One day I'd love to have the nearly tabletop kinds of raised beds they design for old folks...but they're expensive.
That's okay. I'll be grateful for what I've got. Beets are thriving and carrots are all up, with just wee babies of spinach and kale. One huge mutant chard in that section, but the chard babies are up too.
And my four blueberry bushes not only survived my neglect but look pretty good!
I'm grateful for all of it.
hugs
Hops
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Yes yes. Tabletop beds....that would be so helpful.
I'm glad your BB bushes are doing well. I've lost a dozen....and raspberry bushes too.
Lighter
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It's great that all these veggies are coming along, it's making me feel like I need to do more! Lol xx
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Tupp:
"More" can certainly be potted herbs and green onions on the ledge. Clipping and cooking with sun-warmed herbs is always a joy, IME.
Lighter
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I wish there were a shortcut to thinning....managed about six inches of carrot thinning yesterday before my knee gave out. I truly don't want to give up on the veggie beds since there was a lot of work that went into readying and planting them.
I feel stressed about it. Will try again tomorrow....
hugs
Hops
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Do you have a friend you can trade fresh veggies for work in the garden with?
I think gardening would be a wonderful reason to visit and socialize around.
Lighter
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It's odd how even in quarantine, folks have plans. But maybe one...mostly, it's about independently fulfilling a dream. Worth a shot, still.
I'd so much rather get strong and do it myself if I can. I love giving veggies away though.
Yum!
Hops
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I love the giving sharing helping spirit of gardening with my not yet strong neighbor. He lights up when we work together.
I can see that happening for you, Hops.
When you feel stronger....maybe put a cushion down and sit while weeding or otherwise find more comfortable ways to be in the garden.
When I pull weeds I shift all around to ease the stress on my body. I spend very little time on my knees.
Lighter
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I think we need to get Hopsie a strong man she can order around whilst peering at him from under her sunglasses :) Lol xx
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Happy that's working well for you, Lighter. I don't have a neighbor I'm comfortable asking to come weed but I might be able to hire my friend's son again at some point. Just now I think I have another week before carrots thinning is urgent though, they're not quite 3-4" yet. So that's good.
I use a cushion etc. There's no way to avoid being on my knees however. When I had my raised beds rebuilt we used concrete blocks, which keep me a bit away from the center. It'll be physically awkward no matter how I do it but I do hope to get it done. Weird very cold snap coming up this weekend with a return to frost! I have some plastic sheeting I'll drape over the beds that night if forecast holds.
CB, I have that exact handle-stool! Bought it many years ago when I worked for the company that started Organic Gardening (the magazine and the movement). The pad's too thin to help but I add an old kickboard kind of thing...actually a squishier foam pad the size and shape of a kickboard, but softer; came with an "ab roller"--remember those?. I stick it across the kneeling section. Helps a bit.
It's unusual for spring to be so drawn out here and that's a gift. Although it's always spectacular, normally it seems to go from winter to 10 minutes of spring and then three humid months of summer.
Tupp, I have a chubby 73-year-old with a bad knee who keeps saying he'll do it....watching him get up and down hurts almost as my own knee! But he's determined to come plant the fig tree that he grew from a graft (neighbor's tree). I'm trying to figure out where it'll get enough sun but still be screened from the worst cold. Patio makes sense as it radiates heat but doesn't get a full 8 hours of sun. Nothing's poifect. A neighbor gave me a nice tomato start (plus cage) and I bartered old but okay veggie seeds with another person who left two Amy's Apricot seedlings (tomato, heirloom, cherry size) on my porch in trade. Read about them and they sound awesome. I really like the seeds and plant trading and gifting thing that's going on here...a neighborhood website's been a treasure.
And my Brit neighbor who loves gardening came over and weeded my front bed for my birthday! That's actually what I wanted (M gave me a third sweater, bless 'im. Needs training....some men think: Woman. Present. Oh, you decorate her. Out come pearls and sweaters. I'd rather have a hoe and hinted strongly that a couple hours paid garden help was what I'd REALLY like. He couldn't get his head around that for some reason. It is the thought that counts though.)
Hugs
Hops
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Hopsie I was thinking more of a Lady Chatterley's Lover type gardener :) Lol, now I'm thinking maybe we can get you on some kind of zip line like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible so you can kind of swoop in and thin as you whizz past.
I think we kind of missed your birthday? Belated Happy Birthday to you, Hopsie, did you have a nice day? Yes I hear you on the sweater versus gardening thing; I am much keener on action rather than stuff. One of the nicest things a friend has ever done for me is come round and cook dinner. Simple pasta dish with salad, garlic bread and wine but it's just so nice when someone else does it and you can just chat, sip your wine and unwind while someone else cooks. Food always tastes better to me when someone else has made it.
The fig tree and other seeds sound lovely. It will be like a little orchard out there eventually, Hops, it sounds so nice. I'm still waiting on my compost to be delivered for my spuds to go in but the containers for them have arrived. I've got small containers at the back and small bags of compost I can use for those, I just haven't decided what to put in them yet. I'm wondering about putting some tubs out the front but things do get nicked from there so not sure yet - either go for something very cheap so that if it does wander off it won't be the end of the world or something so heavy that it can't be lifted. Someone I used to clean for years ago lived at the bottom of a very long track through woodland, beautiful house, and they had a very heavy wrought iron table and chairs in the garden - large table with eight chairs to match. That was stolen one night, they were sat in the garden till bedtime, went to bed and when they got up in the morning it had all gone and they didn't hear a thing. Amazing what people will do sometimes.
Anyway, I am digressing as always! I hope your birthday was a happy one and I hope that the garden starts to come together without your knee doing anything hideous xx
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Thanks, Tupp. Bday was quiet and sweet with an extravagant dinner by M, bless 'im. Coquilles St. Jacques, mit mushrooms...divine. It was my 70th and my consolation prize is gonna be a big party this time next year in my own back yard. Beer, wine and happy hugging people, I hope. I like bdays.
Idea? For your big tubs, since there are cheaper shortcuts to buying actual planters etc., how about: the biggest plastic trash cans you can find? You could put gravel or sand or rocks in the bottom 24+/- inches, depending on their size, then spray paint them some kind of color that works for you, even black. With the rocks and then all the soil weight, maybe they won't get stolen. Just a thought....same idea could be done with boxes, old crates, whatever. A metal animal watering trough would be great too. An old bathtub (not that I know how you'd get it home). I love gardens where people cleverly repurpose anything that holds dirt. (And even more I love thinking of elaborate back-killing complicated projects for OTHER people...ignore!)
I am avoiding my paperwork. Really trying today. Laundry's running, kitchen's tidier.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks, Tupp. Bday was quiet and sweet with an extravagant dinner by M, bless 'im. Coquilles St. Jacques, mit mushrooms...divine. It was my 70th and my consolation prize is gonna be a big party this time next year in my own back yard. Beer, wine and happy hugging people, I hope. I like bdays.
Idea? For your big tubs, since there are cheaper shortcuts to buying actual planters etc., how about: the biggest plastic trash cans you can find? You could put gravel or sand or rocks in the bottom 24+/- inches, depending on their size, then spray paint them some kind of color that works for you, even black. With the rocks and then all the soil weight, maybe they won't get stolen. Just a thought....same idea could be done with boxes, old crates, whatever. A metal animal watering trough would be great too. An old bathtub (not that I know how you'd get it home). I love gardens where people cleverly repurpose anything that holds dirt. (And even more I love thinking of elaborate back-killing complicated projects for OTHER people...ignore!)
I am avoiding my paperwork. Really trying today. Laundry's running, kitchen's tidier.
hugs
Hops
Ooh plastic bins with rocks in is a good idea, Hopsie, I hadn't thought of that! That would work well. Watering trough would be a good idea as well. It's a tiny front yard that (literally 6 feet by 2 feet, maybe a teeny bit more) so there isn't a fence, it's just paving slabs and then the main path that goes to the road and a smaller path that runs along the side between the houses so some heavy tubs and water troughs would be good, they could kind of go along the edge to make a fence but would still be easy to move around when need be. Ooh I like that idea very much, well done, Hopsie!
I'm glad the birthday dinner was nice, it sounds lovely. And yes, big party next year, in your lovely garden with all your veggies and fig trees, it will be heavenly :) xx
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Hops:
I think a large raised planting bed built for you would have been the perfect bd present.
A sweater?
Lighter
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Maybe I can compost the sweater???
LOL etc.... :shock: :o :(
My emoticons died.
:)
Hops
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Hops:
I did one of those big paper towel germinating grids with gardens of seeds..... so pretty! All kinds of seeds!
THIS solved, hopefully solved, the problem of using the Preen. I had fun doing it with neighbor 2 doors away. He can't really see well with one eye, and between us we have everything we need to do most anything.
We also took cuttings off his Rhododendrons... 3 colors.. red, white and purple. I want the white ones. He wants the red and purple. I don't have any white, but his are beautiful. YES.
I am SO ready to weed and water healthy happy produce. Also, neighbor going to get blueberry bush sprouts and I'll get fig tree sprouts for under the power lines.
My back is still upset so I filled the steroid Rx, borrowed neighbor's stretching DVD and am waiting for Yoga for the back DVD to show up in mail. I'm on ice as I write this.
Tomorrow I'll pick up free Sedum... not sure where I'll put it, but I'll have a wheelbarrow full.
Lighter
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Take it easy on your back, Lighter.
If you're on steroids and ice and in pain,
any wheelbarrow plans maybe should wait a while?
Spoken as somebody with arthritis in spine....exercise
yes, but pushing the envelope gets easier, or it gets
easier to actually rip the envelope as age comes on, imo.
It does all sound lovely. I fairly urgently need to figure
out where to plant the fig tree. Need sunny but out of wind.
Near house deprives it of some sun hours, yet stops some
wind...patio pavers reflect heat, etc. Dunno, dunno.
Hops
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I walked around the forest with oldset dd yesterday. We found wee Hemolock trees, ailing with wooly adelgid. I plucked 2 and put them in pots with bug juice to kill the adelgid. I hope they do well. Will just have to see.
I borrowed a chain saw on a pole from a neighbor. I have to put it together out of the box. I think he plans to come by and help a bit. That will be nice. I dread picking up limbs after I go all happy taking them down, and I will. It feels so good to get the suckers and unhealthy lower branches out of the trees.
I bought Thai Basil and am attempting to root them 3 ways. In water. In rainwater. In pots. Will see.
Lighter
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Hops:
Did you find a place to plant that fig tree?
I love all the seed, seedling, weeding trading you've been doing.
All my seeds have started sprouting. It's seems like a miracle to me, but I'm completely enchanted when I see hummingbirds.
Spring is drawing out beautifully. I feel so blessed.
Lighter
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I've been faffing about, lining up projects and things to be planted... trying to suss out where to plant what while my back is unhappy.
Yesterday I spent about half an hour each on a pole saw, blower and weedeater, but not happy with how my back was feeling. As I went from job to job, not accomplishing a lot, but something, I checked my rain barrels... .made sure they still have mosquito rings and found something floating in the one by the firepit. I took two sticks and pulled it out. It was pretty heavy...... could have been an otter but I think it was a very large squirrel. DO we have otters in this area? I think we do. The neighbor said he saw 2 at the nearby pond.
I'm cleaning the back porch today. Lots of hummingbird activity after refilling the feeder. They chirp, or click sort of. I've never heard them make noise before, besides the large insect noise of their wings.
It's a tad breezy..... sunny. Getting sort of hot. I'm really going to miss this cool weather.
Cleaning out old candles, and candle holders, taking down cobwebs... getting outdoor shower up and running today.... cleaning windows. Yup yup yup.
Lighter
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Lighter, you sound like my dream of productive me, who lives in an alternate universe. I'll bet your place is magical.
I decided I didn't want the responsibility of bringing in a fig tree every winter. So M is planting both of them at his place. I doubt they'll thrive as he has very little sun. (My primary objection to the idea of living there one day. I'll wait for our own place but SOME Southern exposure is a deal-necessity. All that's off the table for now, whew.)
Anyhoo. All kinds of stuff happened in my yard today. None for me. But my guy returned with three helpers to plow through my big list: cleaning all patio and porch planters and refiling with fresh soil so I can plant flowers in them (and cherry tomatoes). Cleaning and refilling birdbaths. Forking and mixing and liming my compost bins. Hollytone on the blueberries, boxwoods, hydrgangea and azaleas. Watering everything. Mowing and blowing. That's it but it felt amazing.
One downside was I was on the patio trying to talk Esteban through my detailed list, which he kept interrupting to translate instructions into Spanish, and to make sure he got it all I was really concentrating hard...and then it hit me that I was on my smallish patio with three guys, maybe four, and although nobody was in my face, nobody was wearing a mask, either. Could have kicked myself. Not going to freak about it but did call M to confess, as we've kept our careful pact for so long now. Sigh. All that vigilance is exhausting for my old brain.
Worth it all, I hope.
hugs
Hops
PS M said not to worry about it and he'd risk death to come over and hug me anyway. Awwwww.
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Hi, Hops:
I'd like to think there wasn't any danger of catching Covid on your patio. I think I'd be more upset IF I knew anyone in my area who had had it. Anyone in any of my groups. I'm less worried when outdoors. Especially on breezy days. I had a chat with a neighbor earlier..... it was so nice to sit and catch up. It didn't cross my mind we might be downwind from each other. That USED to drive me nuts. Not so much anymore. It's nice M wasn't upset with you.
Getting your planters and patio cleaned up sounds wonderful. It feels so good to have things clean and tidy for what comes next. I'm a little surprised you can't just plant the darned fig and leave it. I have one that was a seedling when I planted it and it's as big as a small shed now. Hardly any care at all. We get lots of figs every year. Yummy.
Do you have many blueberry bushes? Do they give you lots of berries? That would be so great to have a hedgerow of berries. We used to go to a local blueberry farm and pick tons to freeze and make cobblers and blintzes.... they're closed now. Those bushes were huge... jut rows and rows of them. All different kinds.
I finished most of the back porch cleaning and celebrated with an outdoor shower this evening. I missed seeing the sky and trees, but the candles made up for it.
If you aren't going to move in with M.... is there still house hunting in the works? This might be an OK time to buy. I get the feeling househunting isn't on the list of priorities right now.
Lighter
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The gardening activities and humming birds sound lovely, Lighter. Sorry about the dead whatever it was though. That bit not so nice, but everything else sounds so lovely, especially mention of candles and an outdoor shower :) Sounds like heaven. I'm glad you're being careful of your back. So easy to overdo it and pay the price the next day. Even sweeping is hard on my lower back, it feels sore very quickly; we've only got a little yard to sweep but I try to do it once a week so that it's only ever a small job to do. I tidied up my little patch at the front of the house. It did occur to me that I could just cram the whole space with tubs; it would make it easy to re-arrange from time to time and it's so small I can reach each part of it from the outer edge so I'd be able to water everything easily. There's a path that runs along the side in between all the houses and it's just used for people to store their bins, but there's moss growing on the bit by my place and it looks like it might lead you away to a magical fairy garden. I've got half an idea that once my garden's looking nice I might try to brighten the alleyway up - give it a good sweep, pull up the weeds and plant wild flowers at the end - there's a long patch of bared earth that just sits there so I wondered if I could cover it in seeds one year and get meadow flowers going there. It is all used as a dumping ground; people chuck their fag butts over the fence when they finish smoking and loads of rubbish gets dropped when the bins are emptied so I don't know if I might get a bit precious over people making a mess out there if I tidy it up. I'll give it a think.
Hopsie I'm glad that you got so much done yesterday and it's nice that M is wiling to risk death for a cuddle :) Lol. It's easy to forget, my friend was saying that she went to take the delivery off the driver the other day, just old habit, he sort of shrieked and jumped back and she felt terrible and was apologising endlessly. It's a new and uncomfortable habit to cultivate, isn't it. We all forget sometimes. I find myself touching my face a dozen times a day, even though I know I shouldn't.
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Well, Lord, if we can't touch our faces inside our own houses....sigh. Don't ask me about dry noses.... Love the yard plans, Tupp, I hope you'll cover it with tubs of flowers and vegs! Superb fantasy. I hope you can realize some of it. And tending your alleyway would be a great way to practice NOT getting steamed about other people's inconsiderate/stupid/uncivil behavior....bring out your inner Buddhist.
Lighter, I have 5 blueberries, which I consider miraculous. I planted six, never watered or weeded or cared for them for two years. They're not big (maybe 2 feet max) and I have no idea about yield yet. By the time I'd wonder (they're way back at the end of the yard) I just figured the birds had enjoyed themselves already. This year I might see if I can find a small stretch of bird netting to increase the chances.
I have so much weeding to do and it's a battle with my knee/back/laziness to do it. But it's ready to be tended and if I want to, I'm well set. I want to do no more, keep it as minimal as possible. I'm already overwhelmed with what to choose for planters, and just have old seeds to work with.
(Nope, house hunting's on long-term pause, I think. I'd rather wait for more compelling conclusions from our therapy and not rush it. It felt too anxious before so it's a relief. Plus, I'm not up for all the work of it, nor is he right now.)
hugs
Hops
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Tupp:
I vote you cover the little front area in pots and cultivate things you love to eat and look at. I have poppies and veggies going. Poppies make me so happy! Cleaning up the alleyway should happen only if it costs you nothing physically. though the idea of cleaning it up appeals to me a good deal. Making things feel special, after they've been neglected a long while, is so satisfying, IME.
If you don't have enough pots... have you considered planting in bales? That used to be a thing... right?
About your little mossy area.... maybe leading to a secret fairy garden. I'm going to choose a dense area in my yard where I can pretend it comes out in your little mossy garden. That brings me so much joy to picture you just over there.... on the other side of a hedge..... happily tending your little patch: )
Lighter
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Hops:
I hope your blueberry bushes are productive and happy when you finally get a look at them. Did you say you fertilized them?
It feels like this stay at home time has given you more joy and connection with your house and garden, Hops. No matter what happens with M.... that connection will enhance it. IME. It always makes me feel good to read M is helping you with your projects. With your space.
As for the house hunting..... meh. Who says you have to have any conclusions to try things?
What rules say you have to do anything? Are there rules? And if there are, are they your rules, or rules inside your head?
You don't have to make ANY PLAN and stick to it if it's not working. You can have a different plan today, and tomorrow and the next day. If you feel like spending more time with M.... you do. Less? Less.
Is the image of Auntie Mame (Rosalinda Russel, of course) pointing out where new very tall planting beds should go, before readying herself to spend a night at M's (in her own beautiful blue study/bedroom) an odd thing to pop up just now?
Hopsy Mame, digging into life, enjoying it deeply, confident M wants to enjoy it with her. If not now... when?
Lighter
Lighter
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PS Let's head over to the Relationship thread (where I am grateful, as here, for Relationship responses) to leave YARD in its glorious own space.
Hugs
Hops
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I had a fantastic day digging up tons of huge Hostas from very generous neighbor's yard. His Hosta grow like mad..... I can take all I want. It would cost hundreds of dollars to purchase the specimens I filled my truck with today. Like a dream! The plan is to replace all the moss in the front yard... I have large stone circles around the trees.... all will be Hosta inside circles soon.
My back is feeling about normal again.... thank God.
I also picked up 4 55 gallon rain barrels for 12.00..... they were Dawn dish soap containers originally, repurposed to hold water at a hunting camp without a well. I had to make 2 trips, but worth it. The guy selling them was full of gardening information and had beehives! BEE. HIVES. So much happiness in those discussions.
Lighter
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How neat, Lighter!
Especially rain barrels.
I'm sure you've installed them before...one thing that turned out to be crucial that I learned (belatedly) was the importance of mounting them on a good base of say three cinderblocks in height, minimum, to have adequate flow from the hose. I had one installed by a confident amateur at my parents' house and it leaked and eventually cracked the foundation. Oof!
I have lots of huge hostas along my patio. Deer used to eat them before but now that it's got funiture and two gates, my yard is finally deer proof. Well, not the front yard, but all the rest.
M took a big order from me for a garden center and brought me huge bags of potting soil, and some of my favorites: lobelia, portulaca, and geraniums. I've got more seeds and some old spring-flowering bulbs (weird tall flowers, forget the name) and I'm going to give them a go. One thing I lack is adequate water source on that side of the house which means I have to lug a watering can from my kitchen sink out to the patio over and over and over, which is uncomfortable for my back but likely good for me.
Your rain barrel made me think: hmmm, just one on that side could change a lot. But the leaky one of yore makes me pause....
Enjoy!
Hops
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I sure love your garden stories, Lighter and Hops. I'm not missing the job, but definitely missing the plants. The hostas make me smile. I love them so much--any shade garden plants.
Hops, are your plants going in the back or the front? I didnt realize you had deer--or that you were in an area that had deer! Describe the tall bulb plant, if you can. Your description makes me curious and I would like to picture your garden better.
Lighter, I've been following your moss saga, and I think I missed something...are you taking moss out? Is there too much, or do you have a place where its not thriving? I can't tell you how much I enjoy your descriptions--I worked a lot with moss when I was working and was always ecstatic when we got a "good" shipment. So many werent, but ever so often we would get some that was harvested with a thick layer of soil and that was so satisfying to work with. Sometimes the carpet of moss would come with tiny little ferns, or snail shells, or occasionally a little frog or lizard (live!) Sometimes I would save a piece that was especially evocative of walking in a cool wood and just keep it on my desk to look at.
CB
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Hi CB,
Most of the annuals will go in planters on my sunny side patio. A couple in big pots on the front porch (deer snacks).
We have LOADS of deer. When I moved here 8 years ago one twilight I puttered down the street toward my new house, behind a sauntering group of TEN adolescent deer. And at first (before my deer fence), I found that five of them were sleeping all night outside my back window by the patio fence. I felt badly that when I twitched open my white curtains, it spooked them.
They were entering my big back yard from the side -- my English gardener neighbor's side. They would hop into her yard, then over into mine. She got fed up and installed deer fencing and we arranged for it to be added atop my back fence (chain link) at the same time. It's green wire, blends in, and cost me only $200. No deer here now since, out back or on the sides, because that did it. Out front, small yard with dogwood, crepe myrtle and a few azaleas and other small things...lots of irises....deer will walk up and eat the flowers right out of my two front porch planters. Don't ask why I plant things there anyway! Someone gave me a big grass plant, maybe that'd be fun in a planter. Probably deer dessert.
The weird old bulbs are for patio planters (lemme go grab them): blazing stars and freesias, which I'll put together in a few big planters. Have a few ancient tulip bulbs too. No idea if these will work but we'll see. My goal is mostly to have flowers in pots on my sunny side patio, since that's another place I can safely sit (social distancing) with friends. The front yard has some flowers by the sidewalk but not many, since deer like them too much. The azaleas and irises seem pretty safe.
Feel free to have an out of body experience and come help me weed!
Hugs
Hops
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CB:
The moss in the front yard is...... perfect, which means it:
Looks a little like putting greens at a glance. When I first planted features around the trees they were amazing! I put in many upright growers, and they added height and texture... I planted different seasonal things with them... and arranged large stones in among to anchor. Just amazing.
Then the upright growing moss began dying. I suspect it's bc they weren't drying out between rains and waterings. I replaced the upright growing moss with moss from my back yard, which is a horizontal growing moss.... very thick and happy, and much of the tiny little round moss that stays moist so long..... tiny star moss, but all very low and flat. Not much of a feature anymore, so prompts me to re think that space. I adore the thick tall Hostas, all shade plants make my heart happy.
Since I have unlimited access to amazing Hosta.... it's a no brainer. I'll move most of the moss, but leave much in place to keep weeds down.
There's a patch of moss in the back yard... well, many patches of moss that look yellow.... like bears pee there. Not attractive. I've replaced that moss ONCE and now have to re think what I'll do next. I have to figure out what's causing it. IS it a mildew or mold or something in the soil? Any ideas?
Most everyone around me wants to kill moss, not heal or plant it! I love how you enjoyed opening boxes of moss and handling it.... cherishing it....keeping the small piece on your desk.... finding little hitchhikers with joy... ferns and frogs. I have many tiny ferns I want to give more prominence.
In Japan tending to moss is considered an honor. I feel that way about it. Yesterday I did a rough hand fluff on one side of the house to remove all the little things the storm dropped out of the trees. In those moments I was content... to my core... and SEEING the happy moss I'd tended, clean and vivid green.... up against the moss covered stumps (BEAUTIFUL!)..... just pure joy.
The Hemlocks and Hosta and Rhododendrons and Azaleas speak to the forest and mountains, rather than a traditional Japanese garden. I've made peace with that and it's easier to just let go of the features around the trees and let them be Hosta.
Lighter
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Hops:
The yard I dug up Hostas from has these very tall, Dr. Seuss round ball orange flowers on top of 5 foot tall stems.... amazing! Just popping out of the Hosta, like a whimsical dream. I don't know the name, but I'm going to find out.
You seem to be enjoying M jumping and giving some attention to gardening with you. I'm glad. About the rain barrels.... I pretty much have barrels I let rain fill. They sit under imperfect places in my gutter system now. These new barrels will go in the garden to collect rain, which we've had days and days of recently.
I'm happy your deer problem is under control in the back. At my father's, the deer defy gravity, hopping easily over tall fencing around the garden. I hope your deer aren't just messing with you...lulling you into a false sense of security!
Having lots of bulbs and flowers would be lovely.
Lighter
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Sigh. You are growing my favorite kinds of plants, Lighter.
Your moss could be just yellowing as it gets more sun. Definitely not pretty but part of the cycle. I found out that even harvested moss will stay green if it is kept in a brown paper bag or even in a closed cabinet. As soon as I would use it, it would begin to change because of the exposure to light. One of my jobs was to go around and refresh the moss on the plant designs when it was no longer attractive.
Could the ball shaped plant be a blood lily? That's a bulb that would be happy in that area. It would make sense. One of my favorite stems is an allium because I like that round shape, although they are hardier in the ground than they are as cut stems.
Keep the descriptions coming. I love it.
CB
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CB:
The moss has definite cirlcles of yellowing moss in a yard of perfectly green healthy moss. It truly looks like bears are peeing in those spots. Maybe they are. Neighbors with perfect moss yard suggest I change out yellow moss for healthy moss, which I've done in the past. I really wanted to figure out the cause though. Maybe something in the soil as this has starred around a tree stump downhill from the original area. I realize I've been pretty upset over this, when I can just change our the moss and release my need to understand and solve the original problem.
I have to admit... the big orange ball flower is really a large cone looking thing in the neighbor's yard. I looked up the lily you suggested and it's just what I was picturing, but I remembered it wrong. Red Hot Poker Torch Lily.... more of a cone shape, less round is what's actually there. I think they both have that Dr. Seuss feel. They're so unexpected.
I adore touching happy moss... esp the ones growing in little tight mounds. Even if I can't grow that kind in my yard... I always touch them when I find them on rocks or in the forest. We have little green tree frogs... I've only ever seen 1 in my yard. It felt like finding a fairy. Working with moss would, and getting paid for it, would be a dream job for me, CB: )
Lighter
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Yesterday I moved 7 big Hostas to my neighbor's planting bed. I'm still plotting and planning what I want to do in my yard. Everyone has an opinion and I'm interested in discerning what I want. Until then, I'm feeling a bit paralyzed.
My moss gathering visit with new friend was nice. We talked about my yard, then hung out with her husband in her yard... they pointed out all the new projects and moss and stone paths and trees.... very industrious, they are. At some point her husband will come by and share his thoughts on my yard. I'm looking forward to it. 90% research. 10% execution.
Lighter
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CB, your moss was your FRIEND. Sounds like a plant puppy to me.
Soft and alive and if it had a tail, it'd be wagging, right?
Lighter, wacky idea you'd have to Google. If Nature's Miracle (the enzyme stuff you spray on puppy accidents, which neutralizes the pee and doesn't harm the wool) is safe for plants....AND you're sure it's bears peeing, maybe you could try that on the yellow spots?
Hugs
Hops
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Lighter,
I googled and googled your yellow circles and all I could come up with was sunshine is deadly to some mosses--but still, the circle makes me think something else. In grass, its called a necrotic ring and I think its a fungus. You could try using a fungicide and see what happens, but it may not work.
Also, I have found with ailing plants, that there needs to be a certain amount of soil remediation as well, if you dig up the affected spot. Fungus spores can be in the soil and then it will just reoccur. I wonder if you could get a bit of soil and moss and have it analyzed.
CB
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I suspect the fungus answer is the likeliest answer, CB.
I'm thinking about pulling up the moss, treating with a fungicide, letting that sit for a while, then planting healthy moss back.
Lighter
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Got the Google itch:
https://www.mercurynews.com/2017/10/20/what-animal-is-killing-my-lawn-with-stinky-pee/ (https://www.mercurynews.com/2017/10/20/what-animal-is-killing-my-lawn-with-stinky-pee/)
EVERYBODY else is selling bear urine products to deter unwanted dogs.
Oh well, not much help. Hope yours are imaginary bears. I know they exist in suburbs and they do here as well, but I'm not sure they're a major cause of lawn/moss damage.
Could be, though! Night vision cameras, there's the ticket!
:)
Hops
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We have lots of bears,but they can't be peeing in my yard THIS much. Can they?
I do think it's the fungus, but googling leads to ways to kill moss, not heal it.
I posted on a Bonsai tree board today, just in case someone, from Japan maybe, knows something they can share.
I've been resisting DOING something about this. When I act, I want to solve the problem.
Digging up some of the dirt would be best, CB. I have this perfectly smooth moss..... digging and refilling to level, so it doesn't sink, is a PITA! I can hear my inner baby whining away.
Lighter
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I've tried to attach a photo of the yellow circles, but the file is too large. Hmmm.... it would be so helpful.
Anyway, I worked in the garden today. I have tiny little zucchini, yellow squash, spinach, lettuces and cucumbers and bean seedlings coming up. Planting tiny emerging seeds was a PITA, but it's pretty much done. Not very organized, particularly bc of the pounding of many days of heavy rain, but they're coming up!. I love gardening! Travel kept me from doing more of it and being distracted or whatever, but I'm back gardening, baby! 8 beautiful tomato plants. This is JOY!
I worked with the neighbor's tomato plants a bit... pulled off yellow branches and fertilized them. Then we chatted a bit.... I haven't been drinking beer with them for months, for several reasons. Firstly, the habit began when we were tasting their home brews. They DRANK all their home brews in a matter of days. Too quickly. Shockingly quickly.
Second... I'm FULL all the time.
Thirdly, I don't like being around people who drink over a certain amount.
Fourth.... the husband is really healing up and becoming more of the bawdy cowboy with his cowgirl wife. SHE almost peed her pants today laughing at a"children's" book called BARBARA'S BEAVER NEEDS A BARBER. This book is by the company REACH AROUND BOOKS who put out other titles such as SPANK THE MONKEY LENDS A HAND, DO YOU WANT TO SWING WITH US and PUT TORY's NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH...... SUZY LIKES TO LOOK AT BALLS.... all by REACH AROUND BOOKS. I mean.... that's funny stuff, right? Maybe I'd pee my pants laughing if it wasn't THEM?
::shrug::
I think I'm just having more fun with other neighbors.... the BBQ bunch from Saturday night, the new family with 2 little blue-eyed toe head baby girls... 3 and 1yo. They're cultivating moss too, and introduced themselves today. I met the daddy's father on Friday, next door to the cranky lady neighbor who tried to be cool with us collecting moss from behind her yard, on the walkway under the powerlines, but just couldn't get there. Anway.... they'll be asking for advice I'm happy to give. Moss friend Lisa and her husband are great.
It always feels like I'm being groomed when people talk about sex and bring it up all the time. Even in book club at church.... I was always uncomfortable when the elderly members thought everything was about sex. I refused to comment when they went that direction.
I guess I just have to admit I don't like the neighbors from 2 doors down as much now they're feeling more their normal selves and I didn't know them well before they were ill. The healing/nurturing/protector spirit in me is rocked back on her heels.... I'm not judging them. I'm just thinking about other neighbors when I'm with them. Hee. That looks funny to write.
There's one other person on these doggy playdates. A married man with a crazy new puppy who's out of control much of the time. He sometimes talks about not having sex with his wife, but I pretty well nipped that in the bud. What is it with people, SEX SEX SEX. I've about lost patience with him allowing his dog to run wild. Today he was terrorizing a little boy.... maybe 4yo, on my property. I had to stop gardening and take him 2 doors down to where the adults were playdating. I really like them all. I'm just feeling some frustration and figuring out how to find more balance with them. I want the big crazy puppy tied to an overhead line, but that's not happened in all the weeks we;ve determined we have the line and can do it.
I have all that Hosta to plant tomorrow. Last night I went to bed and got up this morning thinking about what I want to do with it. I have a better idea now.
Lighter
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Ugh.
I don't think the book titles are funny at all, I think they're juvenile. And from the drinking behavior, sounds like those neighbors might best be left on their own to grow up the rest of the way. Then again, some people get stuck at age 12 and stay there, poor things.
It's always tricky to bond too much too fast with neighbors, because friendship isn't automatic and there can be awkwardness if it starts super enthusiastic and then goes sour. I went through a really challenging adjustment with one complicated neighbor, but she and I are really okay now. She knows I genuinely am caring, but just not up for the amount of gossip and drama that she is. Since she's gotten a boyfriend it's so much easier. But she's a good soul, basically, and we've found our peace.
Yay, moss. Boo, irresponsible people of all sorts!
Hugs
Hops
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I don't know where to put this.... New moss friend L came by to drop off some yard art and buckets I'd sent moss to her in.
My phone is on the blink.... texts aren't always going through... camera on and off on the fritz.... her text didn't go through and she just.... showed up.
I was so happy to see her. We did a tour of the yard, things I'm working on, the garden, a neighbor's Hemlock (It's so sick you wouldn't guess there's a hemlock there)I'm going to treat for wooly adelgid and 4 little Hemlock seedlings I'm trying to grow healthy and strong for my property line. We caught up and I showed her my yellow spots in the moss still vexing me BUT I put a doughnut hole of happy moss INTO the largest yellow circle to study what happens next. IF the moss is overtaken at the border, from beneath, if it remains healthy, if yellows all at once... will give me information. I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to leave it be, for a bit, gather info, then ACT. Whatever comes of it... it will be OK.
There's a chipmunk digger around in the yellow moss as I write this. I wonder if... he got scared and jumped onto a tree trunk, waited then went right back into a yellow spot again. Hmmmmm. Now he's gone, but it's more information.
I might have to order the felt grow bags online, which is frustrating. I like to put my hands ON things and take them home when I'm ready to do a project. Now I'm on the fence about using pots I own, or ordering the grow bags. My neighbor, 2 doors down, has full sun all way and that's my spot.
Lighter
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Paralysis broke yesterday afternoon and I spent time planting flowers and watering flowers and vegs, cleaning/refilling birdbaths. I know part of the reason it broke was because a friend came to patio-sit while I puttered.
Very happy change. Sore and achy today but am going back out there again.
Hugs
Hops
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Hops:
I'm glad you're back puttering in the yard. Filling birdbaths sounds really fulfilling to me. I love to see them splash happily in the water.
Did you learn anything from the paralysis?
Lighter
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I think over time I'll have reflections to share on that, Lighter, but for now I don't want to answer the question. Not your fault--I am brittle about being questioned generally around the subject...M began kind of "monitoring" my progress by asking did you do this or that today, and I really tensed.
So I think it's a fine question but with much appreciation, I'll wait until my own answers or reflections about this lifelong problem float up in their own time.
hugs
Hops
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I should have put..." rhetorical" question, Hops. Any time I ask these kinds of questions on the board.... I ask without expectation.
labeling downtime as "paralysis" worries me, for us all,bc it's nonhelpful judgment, IME. My true expectation was for you to find something useful from the time you spent in stillness.
I don't know about M asking for updates and lists of things you've done or not done on a daily basis. That sounds very judgy.... very loaded with expectations. It honestly makes my stomach buzz and flip with anxiety to think about it.
My heart wants M to care about your heart... how it feels.... and to express compassion without expectation. To accept you where you are KNOWING you'll figure it out, bc he trusts and believes in you.
I believe in you, ((Hops.))
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No worries, Lighter.
It's just a very very sensitive deep issue with shame-bombs buried along the path, so I'm very tender about how and when I speak of it. You know when I am, I'll let it all rip right here!
Ja, M is doing his growing too, which is likewise extreeeeemely gradual (and perhaps from a more-handicapped starting point). I'm holding us both pretty gently right now, as I've pushed him hard the last two weeks in T. I think we're generally still pretty good and only tiiiiiiiime (and lots of patience) will tell.
hugs
Hops
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[replying to Tupp from one of the virus threads]
I'd love to see that tree, Tupp! Is it out front or out back? Do you know what sort of tree it is?
I can't/won't do birdseed until the bears go back to bed in late fall (hopefully, since global warming is making the region all-season for some bears). So I've just got two baths.
The one out front under my dogwood tree I made from an old cement pedestal (the bath itself cracked), atop which I have parked a big blue-and-cream casserole dish I inherited that has no lid. Looks cute.
On the side patio in the hosta bed it's a shallow big glazed plant saucer atop another simple pedestal (can't remember where I got that one). If I come up with another DIY suitable "bath" I'd put it out back by the mini-patio and veggie beds.
Both the existing ones are straight sight-line for windows opposite either my front room sofa by the big window, or my back room sofa.
There's nothing more fun, ime, than watching a bird just go nuts in a birdbath.
M had a yard adventure of his own yesterday. Very large black snake with a food-bump in its belly got stuck in the deer netting M had put around his baby fig trees. A murder of crows was screeching away at it from the trees. M heroically (hates snakes) snipped netting away, got thumped by the snake (not bitten) while the crows screamed and finally tossed the snake on a stick into his woods to sleep off its dinner.
You will be amazed to hear that M's hyperbole and exaggeration skills were employed to the max: The crows were snapping at my butt! They were going nuts! And the damn snake got me! Must've been EIGHT feet long! It was intense!
For once, I got a kick out of his drama. (Until he repeated the whole story.) LOL.
hugs
Hops
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Where Covid-19 risk intersects with yard:
Through early fall visiting outdoors will be fine. For after it gets cold though (maybe I should get it now), I'm thinking of a patio propane heater...whatever would be effective enough to allow outdoors visits! A firepit's too big. Patio's long enough for about 4 people to sit eight feet apart, but narrow. House and tall fence block wind on two sides so the patio might adapt to some cozy distance-chats even then. Hope so.
Must hit Amazon and find out the sticker shock.
hugs
Hops
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Fairly expensive but a bit of maintenance and I think I should just accept the winter months and be grateful I can visit M and vice versa.
Sigh.
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Just bundle up and drink warm beverages.
When it gets really cold, pretend you're on a sleigh ride.
I like being outdoors all year round. This evening I sat on my front porch and watched the trees wave in the wind as the rain threatened then spit a bit.
I loved M's snake, murder of crows, clipping the wildlife netting to toss the snake that thumped him story. Wow wow wow.... and little fig trees too.
Lighter
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[replying to Tupp from one of the virus threads]
I'd love to see that tree, Tupp! Is it out front or out back? Do you know what sort of tree it is?
I can't/won't do birdseed until the bears go back to bed in late fall (hopefully, since global warming is making the region all-season for some bears). So I've just got two baths.
The one out front under my dogwood tree I made from an old cement pedestal (the bath itself cracked), atop which I have parked a big blue-and-cream casserole dish I inherited that has no lid. Looks cute.
On the side patio in the hosta bed it's a shallow big glazed plant saucer atop another simple pedestal (can't remember where I got that one). If I come up with another DIY suitable "bath" I'd put it out back by the mini-patio and veggie beds.
Both the existing ones are straight sight-line for windows opposite either my front room sofa by the big window, or my back room sofa.
There's nothing more fun, ime, than watching a bird just go nuts in a birdbath.
M had a yard adventure of his own yesterday. Very large black snake with a food-bump in its belly got stuck in the deer netting M had put around his baby fig trees. A murder of crows was screeching away at it from the trees. M heroically (hates snakes) snipped netting away, got thumped by the snake (not bitten) while the crows screamed and finally tossed the snake on a stick into his woods to sleep off its dinner.
You will be amazed to hear that M's hyperbole and exaggeration skills were employed to the max: The crows were snapping at my butt! They were going nuts! And the damn snake got me! Must've been EIGHT feet long! It was intense!
For once, I got a kick out of his drama. (Until he repeated the whole story.) LOL.
hugs
Hops
Ha ha! Oh I bet he is a good storyteller, Hops, even if it is more than once! Lol. He's braver than me, a snake would have me running for the hills. I think I've only seen two my whole life here; they only tend to come out when it's hot and they live on common and heath land mostly, so there's loads of places they can bask without going near people. I'm glad he didn't get bitten! But also glad he didn't kill it :)
The bird baths sound lovely! I'd love those but I worry about the cats getting to close to the birds. I think the trees a crab apple; I'm not 100% sure but now we're home all the time I will look it up, I'm just waiting for the 'apples' to get a bit bigger so I can check against the pictures but I'm 99% that's what it is. It's out the front; I don't have a front garden as such, you have three steps down from the front door to the pavement and the area to the side of that has paving slabs with my little pots on them. Then you get the pavement and across from that a grass verge that leads to a wall, on the other side of which is a carpark. So the crab apple tree is directly opposite my front room windows and the top branches of it brush up against son's bedroom window. The view from his window is lovely; you see the top of that tree and a couple of others along the road as well and then just a few roof tops with hills beyond. From downstairs you see the tree but then the backs of everyone else's houses and all the rubbish that gets dumped in the car park so not so pretty. But I've put feeders out in the tree; I was putting food out along the wall but one of the neighbours said it was too easy for her cat to catch birds on there and she kept bringing them in dead so I switched to feeders and have hung them from small branches that can't hold the cats' weight. It doesn't stop them all sitting out around the tree waiting for a bird to fall (hence my reluctance for bird baths) but I don't think they've caught any for a while now. Your bird baths sound lovely. I think once our lovely kitty passes away we won't get another one; I like having the birds visit but it would be nice to do it without the worry of the cat catching them.
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The patio heater sounds nice, Hops. Is there a roof over the patio as well? Where we lived before there used to be a little hut on the heath that sold cups of tea and coffee; very basic and had been there for years. Someone took it over and built this framework all around it so that it had a covered area and then put in patio heaters and big comfy blankets on the chairs. It was so nice sitting there, out of the rain, snuggled up with a hot chocolate watching the ducks go by. Not that I'm suggesting you build a roof! Lol. It's just nice being able to be warm outside when it's cold. I think it sounds like a good investment in your health and wellbeing through the winter months xx
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Ahaaaa! https://birdseedandbinoculars.com/wordpress/keeping-cats-out-of-birdbaths/ (https://birdseedandbinoculars.com/wordpress/keeping-cats-out-of-birdbaths/) I like the last one here: https://www.bobvila.com/slideshow/wing-it-14-approaches-to-a-diy-birdbath-44300#cake-stand-bird-bath (https://www.bobvila.com/slideshow/wing-it-14-approaches-to-a-diy-birdbath-44300#cake-stand-bird-bath)
I just remembered an old shallow white quiche baking dish (dunno what it's for really) I've never used that'd make a perfect birdbath for the way-back patio. Dunno what to set it on but I'll think of something....
Your simplest answer may be a hanging birdbath. That nice tree can earn its keep!
"One DIY birdbath is an ordinary hanging planter. In the center, set in a terra cotta pot upside down and fill in around it with soil and plants. Finally, set a medium-size terra cotta plant saucer on top of the terra cotta pot, hang, fill with water, and wait for the birds to discover it." (Or you could just fill the main planter with something to take up space maybe, like used jars upside down, and fill around those with dirt. That way the only purchase/find you need is a hanging plastic planter and one saucer.) Some flat stones in the bottom of the bath give smaller birds safe footing.
If you find something metal and can drill three holes spaced around the edge, you could even make one use metal clothes hanges wire..... One thing I read suggests painting the outside with acryclic paint .... ooo, colors!
Even simpler if you can find one is a recycled galvanized garbage can lid. I read that the ideal water depth is around 2.5 inches.
Since I have no cats in the yard, I guess due to Pooch, I could set the white one on the ground, which birds also like. It's only about an inch deep but it might work, or maybe I could use that as a base bath for wee birds and add an inverted plant saucer that's a little deeper for the bigger ones.
Oh fun fun fun...
My side patio is roofless, which in summer is wonderful because the one huge tree is just behind the house (TOO close for sensible people) and I can sit and stare into the canopy for ages. Lots of bird and squirrel action. The patio is stone (irregular rejects I got from the stone yard a friend owns) and my yard guy built it for half the cost of companies and did a great job--it's beautiful). Say about 30 feet long and maybe 12' wide with the length on one side lined with stacked reclaimed railroad ties and dirt behind those. About five years back he divided all the front-yard hostas the deer were eating and moved them to the patio raised bed and now they're huge and lush all summer, safe from deer. A tall wooden property fence is behind the hostas. My neighbor's fragrant tree branches (dunno what) hang over the fence and create nice shade. The rest of the patio is open and mostly sunny (though part gets shade from the big tree) and there's a bit of grass at the back end and a corner bed young friends made of stacked cinderblock pavers, in a curve. There's enough sun for flowers and a shorter fence on the other side for no particular reason. (I just had two climbing roses put there.) I added another short fence at the end, with a gate out to the big yard. Have two big pots with cherry tomatoes on the yard side of that so I can use the fence to secure them as they grow. At the driveway edge I had the fence guy build a nice wooden enclosure for the bins, so it looks pretty welcoming. And if both gates (top of driveway and entrance to back yard) are shut, when friends bring rowdy dogs to play out back we can even close them off the patio for a while.
Incoherent description I'm sure but if we could figure out how to post pics, I would!
hugs
Hops
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Hops,
I like your heater idea--if it were warm enough that would be such a cozy spot. Around here, restaurants have them on patios and its plenty warm enough. They are big though--I can imagine they are pricey. Maybe in July they will go on sale???? So glad you are having the nice weather now and can sit outside with friends.
We have the opposite problem: I have been totally spoiled by winters here, they are so mild that I think I only wore a winter coat once last year! But the summers are horrible. We are having our first 100 degree weather this week. I'm glad we didnt going through sheltering in place in dark dreary weather, but I would have been pretty much housebound for the summer anyway because of the weather.
CB
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Lord above, CB, 100 degrees F is HOTTTTTTTT.
I would require my own swimming pool, with baby seals.
I'm doubting I'll do the heater (7' tall and 20 pound propane tanks only last 10 hours, and costly, and you hafta buy a cover and it sounds like more work than it's worth)...but I may just find out who's willing to bundle up to socialize!
I could manage a wee fire pit but likely won't bother, I'll just try to seduce people with hot chocolate or Irish coffee...
Stay well, cool and I hope you can sneak out to your patio in early mornings and embark on a long-range project to hand-tame a bunny and a squirrel or two. I had (very patient) neighbors who did that and they took such joy in their visits.
hugs
Hops
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The birdbaths look so nice, Hops. I have the bottom of a cement bath growing ivy... it needs another top as the first one broke. I have it arranged, in pieces, around the drains in the yard, but that darned pedestal is just standing there, waiting for a new top. Pushing sticks into the ground, then balancing something cool on top looks easy and very woodsy.
I love the idea of a regular bunny visitor, CB. My neighbor sends pictures of white squirrels... they live in his neighbor's yard. There's a new one with a black spot on his face and a black stripe down his tail.
Lighter
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WOW! A squirrel mated with a skunk!
I better get offline or my viognier mood might show....
:)))))
Hops (post happy friend backyard wine visit, hic!)
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Ohh, this one's sad.
A dove was perched on the edge of my birdbath, not moving much if at all. But perching there. Didn't look normal but I'd leave it alone to recover a bit, hopefully. Although I walked right past it twice, no startling, it didn't budge.
An hour later, s/he remained so I felt more concerned. Actually though fresh water in the bath might help, so I approached it and poured some in. Didn't budge, worry grew. But still let it alone.
By evening it was gone and I was hoping it'd recovered. But when friends came by to drop off a grocery thing and stayed for wine, as we came onto the patio it leaped up out of the hostas and seemed panicked. I know this is anthropomorphizing, but its expression looked panicked. I figured it might rest in the hostas safely since the area is free of cats and might be better by morning.
What I SHOULD have done (googling away) was pick it up gently (would've been easy while it was sitting stunned on the bath rim) and place it on a small towel in a box, cover the box with a towel and leave it overnight, then take it for care. No pushing water or food because it was probably in shock.
Meanwhile, this morning I figured that was my plan for today, so I contacted the local wildlife center (an hour away) for advice. They wanted a picture first to know what kind of dove it was. So I went looking through the hostas and couldn't find it.
I felt awful that I'd dithered and not done the obvious helpful thing in time. My hope is it did recover but I don't think it can fly. So now it's out there somewhere and unable to fend for itself.
Very sad,
Hops
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For anybody who loves flowers and has Netflix, I recommend The Big Flower Fight! It's a new, good-natured competition somewhat like the Great British Baking Show. Lots of laughs, quirks, creativity and it's a relaxing antidote to too much other reality.
CB....it's made for you!
Hugs
Hops
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Awwww, Hops. Don't beat yourself up about the bird. You didn't know what to do. Why assume you should have done something, when it might have done more harm than good? You have such a good heart. Of course, you would have done something if you'd know what to do.
Here, we've had 2 incidents with hummingbirds looking dead. Both times they were just stunned. Each time they took off flying.... like miracles.
I think I've seen the flower show you're talking about. You're right. It's a welcome escape in troubled times.
Lighter
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Thanks, Lighter. I can let it go.
What I was upset about was that I didn't act in time, and then the poor thing was stuck on the ground in the hostas during the evening thunderstorm. I actually did know what to do because I'd looked it up, but I dithered (didn't act on that knowledge in time). So that's what I was upset about.
It could've spent a quiet night resting safely indoors in a box covered with a towel and I might have been able to take it to the Wildlife Center (a national leader) the next day. Its look of terror when it jumped up out of the plants (falling back down) in the evening haunted me.
Mistake was made. But I am letting it go now. Just feel a little sad when I go out here.
hugs
Hops
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CB, I'm betting your houseplants and tropicals, all indoors to shelter from the extreme heat now....have made your apartment look like a rainforest display in a very fancy botanical garden. (That would be wonderful apart from the dripping!)
How is it feeling in there? Shady and calm? Do the plants talk back yet? Keep trying, I know they will. :)
I had a nice yard thing happen. There's a conservation foundation locally for the river that's at the bottom of my street (and that flows most of the way around the city). Anyway, I'm on their list, and months back they had a notice about a small grant they'd received for a pilot program of rain gardens in local neighborhoods, to reduce runoff into the river. They plan to install eight of them.
I sent in my info and to my amazement, got picked! It involved site visits and two perc tests. Anyway, beside my driveway, they bring a team of 6-8 volunteers and install a lovely rain garden -- basically they dig a shallow long oval bowl kind of shape, fill it with half compost and half sand, and plant the whole thing this fall with lovely native plants (I get to help pick) that like a lot of water. That's it. I'll need to stay on top of the weeding but will pay a kid to do that. It costs me otherwise nothing and will include a plaque explaining its purpose to folks who walk by.
I just figured any free landscaping is fine by me and better than I could do, and am delighted to help protect the river.
I share your wish about photos but I've never been able to attach anything here. I click on "attachment" and nothing happens. Same with highlighting URLs instead of having to insert them. Oh well, thank god we're here anyway.
hugs
Hops
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I think you simply need to be courteous and invite the squirrels in for tea and peanuts. Really, I thought you were a kind person! :)
Have you already tried dividing your African violet?
What I know from plants fits in a thimble, so forgive a dumb question.
Gotta go therapize.
hugs
Hops
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Upcoming family reunion.... will have 2 houses for 2 families.... practice social distancing... wear masks... enjoy shared meals out of doors.....there's a fire pit.... covered area in case it's raining... and I'm trying to plan ahead some.
The best family reunion we ever had was a pirate themed reunion. Cut up mustaches for goatees and eyebrows and mustaches, of course. Bandanas, and earrings, and a treasure chest for the kiddies, and water slide, and a pool, and games, and older kids and little ones... 2 birthdays with cakes, and lots of good food cooked on a huge wonderful grill.... all covered, with access to walking trails and amazing firepit for a huge group.
This time I thought we'd have a cowboy theme, though I'm not married to it. About 50.00 will get me hats, and mustaches, and bandanas and cute napkins enough to make ONE day amazing with fun photo ops. The thing about summer parties is.... sometimes the sweat makes sticky mustaches not so sticky, but I will tell you... SO MUCH FUN. So... it's a serious consideration.
THat day could be the day we go to my Grandparent's grave... they were horse people... he trained horses and rode them in parades.... western all the way.... lots of trophies for competitions... and ribbons.. I remember those ribbons in my childhood... so many. The smell of grandpa's pipe... vanilla... sweet. Lovely. And I want to evoke that childhood joy for us all... if I can. BBQ, picked up on the way home, would be an easy meal, suited to the theme.
One meal will be real Italian Lasagna.... cousins have ham and bean soup planned, so that's 3 big meals.... we only need 3. I don't want to do any cooking. At all. Just relax and be present and apologize for being an ass for a couple of things.......... listen to their stories.... tell some stories... have some games planned. We have a pool going... guessing my Aunt's, the cousin's mother's, genetic makeup. These cousins LAUGH. A lot. I love them.
I remember horseshoes from the farm of my childhood. What else would be good outdoor games?
Smaller meals.... lunches.... brunches, actually, would be better. There's a place that sells many different pies... will do that one day. But 2 for the energy of one BRUNCHES, yes. Mimosas, and naps and trips to Amish produce markets and maybe farms and the places we grew up.... restaurants we used to go to in childhood. Trail Balongna store.... the candy store..... the BIG amazing Amish hardware store...... it likely sells everything. So amazing.
And......Thai Basil Lemonade.... bright green.... real lemons and lots of ice. Yup yup yup. Cousin will make boba tea.
Any ideas for memorable, easy food to feed a crowd?
Games?
Lighter
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Are you having this soon, Lighter? Are the 2 houses so everyone can stay together overnight? What is your thinking about covid?
I've never been to a real family reunion, so I dont have any great ideas, but yours sound fun!
CB
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Houses are 10 minutes apart. Plan is to have brunch together and dinners with games outdoors and general fellowship.
Each group will stay in their own space. Will have masks and hand sanitizers and make sure there are different serving bowls for each group. Everyone is healthy, but acting like everyone is sick is how I intend to roll. Our side all feel that way, and cousins will comply. My Uncle and Aunt are the ones we're worried about, and we'll only see them at the cemetery, outside.
This is next week.
Lighter
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The party sounds nice, Lighter :) The only outdoor, non contact games I could think of were the traditional sports day races (traditional here, I don't know if it's traditional there!). But things like sack race, egg and spoon race, ordinary running, backwards running, obstacle races (jumping over bowls of water, stopping to put on a hat and gloves, crawling under a piece of rope, that sort of thing), gymnastics competition (forward rolls, cartwheels, handstands etc). Just silly things that people can do at the same time but without touching. Games like charades and pictionary (everyone can have their own pencils). Maybe hangman, on a white board, with words that mean something to the family (childhood holiday places, favourite books from years ago, names of pets, that sort of thing). Pin the tail on the donkey but maybe you could do pin the lasso on the cowboy (although you'd all need your own lassos, it might be time consuming to make them. Maybe pin the moustache on the sheriff would be easier?). Doughnuts on a string? You could spread them out far enough that you're not touching. Maybe a non contact version of twister so you spin the thing but instead of using the mat everyone stands on one leg for green, touches their toes for blue, that sort of thing. And just have silly prizes and maybe an overall trophy for the person who wins the most events or something? xx
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The way it works with Esteban is -- I write him a detailed email or text, listing extra things I need done besides mowing. Explain I'd like a Yes or No within a week so I can plan. Ask him to reply to confirm. He doesn't. Ask him again by text. No dice.
Two or three weeks later he turns up and does an excellent job. If I'm lucky, I'm at home that day and can fill in or change details. He undercharges me by a mile compared to others, and I'm very fond of him. He just operates on his own system, which doesn't include great communication but somehow, it still works out. I always leave two cold beers on the patio in a cooler for them.
Today things got done that I needed and can't (not in my present shape) do myself. I feel good about it (it's like cleaning help for my spirits--btw CB, I found someone my neighbor trusts, virus wise, and look forward to her starting next month). Both of these aren't cheap but adding it up over a year, it's still less than condo or HOA.
Esteban:
Trimmed or took out overhanging mulberry branches shading the garden and removed half of one mulberry that makes a pretty entrance to the back yard by the gate but also shaded a peony bed.
Removed a brush pile.
Cut a path through azaleas to a spigot that chewed me up to get to.
Cleaned out the gutters.
Cut out a big vine that was eating my crepe myrtle.
Feels good to be taking care of my little place. Now I need to take care of me.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks for all those suggestions, Tupp. We ended up playing football and basketball at the farmhouse.... much time was spent around the fire pit.... great weather. LOTS of wood provided for us. It was amazing, but for the Pug running after horses and buggies, then standing in the road. It's always something.
Hops:
It was gratifying to read about Estaban's progress in your yard. Some things are worth the money.... no doubt about it. I never regret asking for help with organization, for instance. It makes so much difference in quality of life.
My sister and I worked next to the stone path in the yard yesterday. The moss is growing nicely there. Its's very satisfying to SEE and touch the fruits of our labors.
So beautiful and natural... the path meanders along..... curving and lined with large rocks. I have a better idea where to plant more Hosta. It's a very gratifying place to be with yard work.
Lighter
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Thanks, Lighter!
BUGGIES?
Hops
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Think.... Amish country; )
::clop clop clop clop::
And BIG fast moving trucks.
On second thought....
think Pet Cemetery in Amish Country.
Lighter
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The moss is layers thick with all this rain. So happy.
There are many young woodpeckers flying around, pecking on my bedroom window, landing on the porch, sitting in bushes and trees.... all around. I hope they go somewhere else to make homes.
The hummingbirds are very active. Since I put up red lanterns, around the porch, they spend time contemplating them, up close, where I tend to the tadpoles. I guess they wonder if they're full of nectar, as is the red feeder. There's 3 of them zooming around, maybe fighting, often sitting in the Hemlocks, flitting back and forth to the feeder. It's very special.
I have tadpoles turning into little green jewel box tree frogs.... they're just tree frogs, but they remind me of jewel boxes, bc they're metallic green..... just breathtakingly green, and I do love green. I KNEW they were green tree frogs! There's about to be 100 or more little green tree frogs making their way out of containers over the next few days. I have to figure out how to keep 5 or so alive till my niece and her bf arrive.
I have moss and plants to deal with. Gutters need cleaning badly. The trimmer and blower have work to do too.
I'm really enjoying my yard right now.
Lighter
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Niece's bf is here again. Today he helped me with weed eating and made an amazingly happy discovery.... FROGS.
Big frogs. Not toads. Not tree frogs. Ground frogs... so cool and sleek and striped and spotted.... just very jumpy and fast and they;re living around the cut tree.... just all over the place, and in the drain.
The tadpoles are fast turning into little green treefrogs... under an inch long. SO TINY and so green..... an amazing green.
The white tadpole is one of the last to develop. All her container mates have their front arms. Can't wait to see what she looks like when she changes.
I moved moss around today.... the truth is I have moss I haven't dealt with in weeks. I've kept it alive and happy, but it's loaded on sleds, waiting for new places. There are decisions to be made... I'm just not ready to make them, but I will be.
I also have plants to get into the ground, and I figure I'll get more help from the boy. Or not. We're having fun stomping around in the creek. Baby girl pug went with us yesterday. She was so happy and running in the creek.. like a puppy again. I think the chiropractor is really helping.
We have lots of salamanders and crawfish in containers to observe. So cool to feed.
I still have to find a place to put the pond plants I have. Someplace I can harvest from, should the frogs gift me with more tadpoles next year: )
Lighter
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That sounds so lovely, Lighter. Frogs are just the cutest little things, especially when tiny babies! So nice to think of them hopping around near you :) xx
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Tupp:
I have lots of tiny adult tree frogs in a very tall glass enclosure with tall sticks and lots of moss and ferns at the bottom. There are 2 Southern Leopard frogs sitting in their water dishes as we speak. I LOVE them too. They speak of the farm and cut grass and galvanized metal watering cans in my childhood.
We have salamanders... not the bright orange ones we had before, but beautiful brown and light tan orange ones. Crawfish.... tiny tiny to over 2 inches in length.
Caterpillars.... ,
And the light tadpole is the last of her tank mates to metamorphosis.... she doesn't have her front legs yet. I think almost every tadpole is changed and in the trees.... except for the 6 or so we're observing. I saw just a few tadpoles in the larger tanks.... there must have been a large number leave in one night, bc there's usually many swimming around in the 3 large containers, but nope.
Letting all these critters go is a no brainer, except when it comes to the light tadpole. Her chances of survival in the wild aren't good, bc of her lack of pigmentation. I don't know what to do about that. I'd like someone, who loves frogs and cares for them, to HAVE her to keep safe and happy with tank mates. That's not my in my wheelhouse. I'll see if I can find someone who already keeps tree frogs. Hmmmm.
The humidity here is thick. If it's not raining, it's misting. The moss is very happy about that. I can't believe how thick it's gotten. It's inchest thick in areas it was super thin...... just very lush and amazing to walk in. I wish I had a good routine of doing early morning yoga in it. Maybe in the fall months.
We used to do martial arts workouts, barefoot, in the snow. I don't mind the cold as much as the heat and bugs. I'm having a hard time picturing winter yoga outdoors.... just can't picture it.
How is your garden doing, Tupp?
Lighter
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Oh my days, barefoot in the snow, my little English feet are cringing at the thought :) I'm such a woss about things like that - barefoot's supposed to be very good for you but I only get my socks off when it's very warm and I don't like squelching or squooshing under my feet. As soon as the temperature drops my chunky socks and slippers are very firmly on and that's where they stay :) Lol.
I've done nothing with my garden to be honest, the initial enthusiasm left me very quickly and I feel quite reluctant to do much to it as I'm hoping we won't be here too much longer. It does look pretty out the front, just with my big fuscia bush stretching out one side of the path and the crab apple tree opposite arching over the top. It looks nice as you walk up to it from the bus stop. The only plan I have been thinking about for the front is socially distanced trick or treating - assuming we can do it at all, I thought I could put a table out the front with the sweets in individual bags, light it all up with pumpkins and lamps and then the kids can still get the treats and show us their costumes without anyone touching anything. We'll have to see nearer the time.
I hope you can get someone to look after the little tadpole! It sounds so nice watching them all grow and change like that xx
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Well..... that's a clever way to deal with treats at Halloween this year, Tupp. There's supposed to be full moon!
I'm glad you can see green growing things from your place, Tupp. Even if you aren't gardening...... at least there's beauty there. I stopped tending to my tomato plants.... I send one of the kids to collect tomatoes and whatever the neighbor insists they take. Usually peppers, and squash, which is appreciated.
The Linton Roses and Hostas and other things waiting for me to tend to them are still sitting... waiting. I just don't have a good plan for where to put them.... trying to cut back on maintenance, dont'cha know.
It looks like I'll do it in cooler weather, and that's better for planting anyways. I'll deal with it when it feels right.
Lighter
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Well..... that's a clever way to deal with treats at Halloween this year, Tupp. There's supposed to be full moon!
I'm glad you can see green growing things from your place, Tupp. Even if you aren't gardening...... at least there's beauty there. I stopped tending to my tomato plants.... I send one of the kids to collect tomatoes and whatever the neighbor insists they take. Usually peppers, and squash, which is appreciated.
The Linton Roses and Hostas and other things waiting for me to tend to them are still sitting... waiting. I just don't have a good plan for where to put them.... trying to cut back on maintenance, dont'cha know.
It looks like I'll do it in cooler weather, and that's better for planting anyways. I'll deal with it when it feels right.
Lighter
A full moon at Halloween would be amazing! I love Halloween, much prefer it to Christmas - not so much the plastic tat that fills the shops but that whole sliding from autumn to winter and the veil between the worlds being thin. I just feel like it feels special. I do love the kids in their costumes, especially the little ones who have no idea why they're dressed like pumpkins lol.
I think with the garden I have big ideas and I can see how it would look much nicer but it's just not been the priority for a while. If we get to a point where we are still here and it's easy to spend the money and sort it out then I will but for now I'm just keeping it tidy and that's enough. Trying to cut back on maintenance sounds like a good plan :) x
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I think saving for THE garden, or for whatever else comes next.... maybe no garden at all, Tupp... is a good idea.
Turning to what needs tending, without having to force it or fake it, is something to relax into, IME.
It sounds like you have your flow going: )
I have every intention to start a real garden on the island, and allow the housekeeper to tend and eat from it... she has 5 children of all ages. Between them, it shouldn't be overwhelming. There's a true need for fresh veggies on the island. I'd love to plant fruit trees and take down some of the pine trees.... they're an invasive tree taking over what used to be an island that was heavily cultivated and farmed. I know it can be done.
When the youngest dd is out of hs.... I can think about spending a lot more time on projects like that.
Lighter
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I think saving for THE garden, or for whatever else comes next.... maybe no garden at all, Tupp... is a good idea.
Turning to what needs tending, without having to force it or fake it, is something to relax into, IME.
It sounds like you have your flow going: )
I have every intention to start a real garden on the island, and allow the housekeeper to tend and eat from it... she has 5 children of all ages. Between them, it shouldn't be overwhelming. There's a true need for fresh veggies on the island. I'd love to plant fruit trees and take down some of the pine trees.... they're an invasive tree taking over what used to be an island that was heavily cultivated and farmed. I know it can be done.
When the youngest dd is out of hs.... I can think about spending a lot more time on projects like that.
Lighter
I think time is the key thing, Lighter. I'm forever starting projects that I don't have time to finish. I always think if I start it off it will make me finish it. But it never does. So I'm trying really hard to finish (or discard) all my other projects before I start anything new, although I'm jotting ideas down so I don't forget. I think a veggie garden on the island sounds lovely. Would you ever see yourself living there one day or is it too far away from everything else you do to contemplate? xx
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I don't know, Tupp. Maybe spending half the year there... I can see that.... sometimes. Maybe the cooler months. It's a simple life with a super slow pace. If I have the tools and the garden and the people set up ahead, which I feel on track with...... all sorts of possibilites open up. Sometimes I think about offering necessary services, opening a little restaurant, which would likely be absolute hell BUT there are lots tax breaks that go along with having a restaurant.... and my restaurant I mean delivery service and takeaway, rather than people coming INTO the cottage. I can see having a pavilion built with places to eat, but you never know.
I like the idea of putting a sleeping loft over the bathroom in the guest house, which is basically a room and a bathroom with a large bookshelf and storage space over the bathroom now. The bathroom needs an update BUT it's serviceable... it's hooked up to city water, has a hot water heater, new windows and doors. It needs paint, for sure, but I love the unfinished wood ceiling, which is vaulted and feels lovely. At least, I remember it feeling lovely when I had access to it. I could live in the cottage, but move back to the guest house when guests arrive. IF I lived there I could provide services I have trouble finding locals to perform, like cooking in the cottage... making lovely drinks..... setting up an outdoor firepit cookout, helping get kayaks to the water and back. Keeping up with golf cart, as a rental... bike repair, spear fishing for guests, teaching them how, etc. So many moving parts, and I've been peeking at folding boats I could manage on my own, and store flat in the container or shed.... has a motor..... looks sleek, but brother says it's just a gimmick. I see a Japanese crisis response team use this craft, and people water ski behind it, so... just not sure. I know I don't want to deal with a boat IN the water, maintenance and storms, etc. Brother wants a center console boat there. I don't feel that, however, and certainly couldn't afford it. GAHHHH the idea of depending on island mechanics and fuel shortages... no thank you. The folding boat I saw was under 1,300.00, so..... not overwhelming in any direction... price, maintenance, fuel needs or docking/storage, depending on someone else and maybe my small appliance repair guy knows enough about engines to keep something small up and running, though I wouldn't count on it. No dock necessary. No rails to install to get it INTO and out of the water at our cottage... it has little snap on wheels. So cool.
So, a private sleeping loft in the guest cottage with a nice Futon downstairs, for sleeping two people.... room for a little table, and area for small fridge, and hotplate since we closed off one of the doors to make a wall for such things.
I don't feel strongly about it in any direction. I know I have to tend to it. Or sell it. Or something. Honestly, it's never been in better shape, with more comforts and possibilities. I feel things will work themselves out and I'm not worrying about it so much. I was worrying pretty hard when the first renters were there, but that seems to have worked out without a crisis, so counting it as a win. No matter what. Even if renter has access to keys I DIDN'T want him to have... it will all be OK.
Lighter
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I've been cooking Indian and Thai Curry.... we had Japanese Curry recently too. Just spicy and full of fresh veggies. The Indian curry finished in the oven tonight. It was so good. Lots of leftovers, which is nice.
Oldest dd had salmon with a thin coat of seeded mustard then topped with Japanese mayonnaise and baked.
All the tadpoles, save for 2, have finished turning into frogs. Almost all have gone, except for the few we still have on the back porch. We release them once their tails are completely absorbed.... I wouldn't know what to feed them, so that's when they go.
The mail man asked for some today... for a friend. I hope whoever they are they have the ability to keep frogs and will take the light tadpole when she's changed, She's the ONLY one who hasn't sprouted front legs yet.
What were the odds she'd get scooped up for the small glass containers, and what was the chance she'd be the last tadpole in the bunch to change?
I have 2 playdates next week. One with my moss friends, and one with the lady who took 100 tadpoles. She's down to 35, she said. Her's seem to be changing slower than mine did. I guess it has to do with the heat, and food, etc.
She didn't know they were green treefrogs until recently. Just crazy, bc I told her that;s what I thought they were, and she's seen they were little green frogs for a while. I don't think she sees very well, but we;re going splashing around in the creek with her 12yo grandson.
I think the plants the tadpole grandma gave me had Koi OR big goldfish eggs attached, bc I now have little fish in the largest container. That's where I put the plants from the nursery with Koi and goldfish.
I really want to see what they turn out to be BUT I'm not sure I have the ability, or the will, to do what it takes to raise them to adulthood.
So far we've counted 3 for sure.
Anyone have any experience raising this kind of fish?
Lighter
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Sister and I spent time working with rock, dirt and moss to direct water around the trail. Planting moss on either side so it wont drown or get scoured away by little fast flowing rivers of water during storms.
That required building high spots and planting them. Digging low spots and pushing in rocks to secure.
Will see how it's going today in the rain.
We also put in elderly neighbor's drainage ditch then mossed like a Zen garden, ya!
I put 150 moss pins in last night to secure it after we planted found moss from sunny parking lots as that space is pretty hot and sunny.
This neighbor usually refuses all help....she's in her 80s, retired emergency room nurse, no nonsense, but has ankle troubles lately, so relaxing into accepting more help.
Having lots of fires lately...going through all yard sticks and logs in this lovely cool weather. Cooking hot dogs and marshmallows.
Lighter
Lighter
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I've missed posts here, Lighter, I'm not sure how! The moss sounds amazing. So much work, but it sounds like nice work, that you enjoy? And the cooking, that sounds so yum. I seem to be constantly hungry at the moment, but with little interest in food, oddly enough. I think because our choices have been much more restricted over recent months the allure of another meal made from tins isn't tempting me into the kitchen often enough. Pasta's become a staple, although that's easy to make different sauces to go with. I did make son a lasagne but he didn't like it so I ended up eating all of it. Your curries sound delicious.
How is it going with the beach house? Have you had more people in there or are holidays still difficult with everything that's going on? I hope everything is going alright xx
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No guests at beach cottage lately, Tupp. They're pretty much shut down bc of Covid. I have a flight attendant booked in December, which would be great, bc she's tell her friend's and travelers about it. Will see.
I do enjoy tending the moss. It's a very peaceful act. The rain has most of it inches deep....just thick and amazingly green. The weeds are easy to pick from very thick moss, btw.
We use Preen corn gluten to stop seeds from terminating from 3 to 6 months. The gluten is washed off the broken corn bits and into the top 3 inches of soil where it sets up a barrier to stop seeds germinating. I have to time it right so it doesn't get washed away.
My sister and I put it out at night this last time....it felt very intuitive.....in the mist, knowing one last rain before a week of sun was on the way. The next morning we could see the corn, and we did a great job. This should last 6 months and really works.
I hope you feel safe enough to begin eating fresh things again soon. Lasagna is chaotic here bc everyone likes different things. I can't even remember everyone's preferences.
I buy little cans of curry...some powders and mix it all up with some fresh spices and coconut milk from cans. Easy and yummy. We just made some with a head of cauliflower which takes on flavors beautifully in the oven.
I'm yapping on about food....and it's still raining here.
Lighter
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That's really interesting, Lighter.
Would the Preen stuff be a good thing to put on my clapped-out veggie beds once all the rest is pulled up?
thanks,
Hops
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Yup. Preen Natural for veggie gardens....lasts 3 months.
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I love cauliflower curry, Lighter, I'll have that one night next week, not had it for ages! I feel safe enough to eat fresh, I'm just still trying to avoid the shops as much as possible (and deliveries are still tending to mean you get the crappy stuff that no-one bought!). I've just got into a bit of a rut with food, I suppose, plus I've been trying not to over eat due to being home so much and healthy food just doesn't make me want to fill my face in the same way :)
The moss work sounds great; you've got a good system going :) I hope the next holiday lady does enjoy it and spreads the word a bit, I'll bet plenty of people will be wanting to take advantage of all the holidays they've missed once things open up again properly.
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TLighterTupp:
Try rubbing cauliflower down with oil and butter then spices to roast in the oven whole. You can cut a little dent into top for more butter and spices to sink in as it cooks. Pretty popular with us right now.
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One more Preen question, Lighter.
Best timing? Beds are still a mess and I'll have to hire somebody to clean them out for me.
thanks!
Hops
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TLighterTupp:
Try rubbing cauliflower down with oil and butter then spices to roast in the oven whole. You can cut a little dent into top for more butter and spices to sink in as it cooks. Pretty popular with us right now.
That sounds yummy, it's making me feel hungry! Definitely on the list for next week xx
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Hops:
It's best to put it down just before a single day of rain..... and not a downpour. You want to water it into the soil, but not wash it away.
The corn gluten is ON the little broken bits of corn...... you can also water it in with a hose, btw. That might be the best way to do it on a little garden.
I really love the Preen products.
Lighter
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Thanks, Lighter.
What I meant (didn't make clear) was: how late before I do this?
End of October, something like that? (Zone 6.5-7)
thanks
Hops
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If you're planting seeds, you should wait 12 weeks after Preen garden application. There's a list of things you plant sooner...like broccoli, and some plants need to have at least 5 leavesbefore going into garden.
You should look up info and see how to use, according to what you're planting.
I networks for you as well as it works for me.
Lighter
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I'm not planting fall crops in the beds.
My plan is to pull everything up.
My thought about the Preen was it could be applied
all over the beds to prevent the weeds coming up.
Am I making sense? Maybe I still don't get it.
Ooof,
Hops
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I'd apply the garden Preen NOW.....before a single rain OR water it in with a hose during dry times, Hops.
You're making sense BUT you'll want seeds to germinate in the Spring, right?
You can't plant veggie seeds for 12 weeks after application, so you can apply Preen twice, every 3 months, before Spring IF you start now..... beds ready and presumably weed free in March for planting.
All Preen does is keep seeds from germinating. Timing is important.
Lighter
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Got it.
That's exactly the clarity I needed about timing.
Thanks, Lighter.
hugs
Hops
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It's cool planting weather and I'm elbow deep in a laundry room update. Everything changing.
Took doors off cabinets....looks so much bigger! I'll spackle, add trim pieces and paint....add wallpops behind them...these tiles look just like tile, very shiny, but are vinyl. So pretty. New floor....putting weathered barn look on ceiling, which will cover the rough patch around light.
Editing closet in that space to hang laundry or dry it. Will only put things I use for laundry in those cabinets, which means organizing other spaces as I go.
Tupp, you motivated me to brighten, edit and tidy up my space before winter.
Lighter
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Nice neighbor coveted my water lilies and hyacinth yesterday. Said he just put in a pond.
With Koi.
One died already. I think Koi ponds are hard. Well beyond my pay grade, for sure.
Neighbor said he has 3 huge trash bags of roof moss to trade for water plants, which is great. I have elderly neighbor's side yard to finish planting around her new dry creek bed. The moss from my yard isn't thriving there...needs more shade, while the parking lot moss is. Very excited about it, anyway.
Neighbor thought he'd plant some around his pond, but the roof moss won't live around a pond. I'll harvest some for him, and enjoy seeing that come together. Will get moss covered rocks and wood to really make it look natural.
Lighter
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I think fish are quite hard work, Lighter, quite delicate if I remember rightly and so conditions, water, food etc very important. Easy to get it wrong. Hopefully he won't lose any more. The moss all sounds lovely :) xx
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Well.....we went to see new pond today, and......
it
Is
fabulous.
100 gallons...rocked in by professionals...no fish we could see, so guessing they all suffered same fate as the first. Not sure.
I noticed it's full sun, in front yard. The neighbor said shade, but I don't think he pays enough attention to know, so...must plant creek moss elsewhere and scrape some parking lots for his project.
He dropped off 3 huge garbage bags of roof moss today. Really pretty stuff.
The journey continues.
Lighter
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The pond sounds lovely, Lighter. Hopefully the fish were hiding and not dead! And lots more moss for you as well, good stuff :) xx
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All hosta cut down. Deep layer of leaves blown....moss is thick happy carpet. Amazing. We have moss pins and begin planting the drainage ditch tomorrow.....I want to dig out flat spots and place big stepping stones, bc everyone slips in the mud when it's raining. It's a bit of a leap.
The more moss we plant, the fewer weeds, and less weedwacking, plus it'll look amazing soon.
My back's OK so far. Must get on the roof soon and clean gutters.
Lighter
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The moss carpet sounds amazing! I still keep seeing ideas in my head of things to do in our garden but am loathe to do much as I don't think we'll be here more than another year at most. But the front has kind of naturally become a lovely little spot as you walk down from the main road. It's a public foot path but it looks pretty with trees on one side and my little patch at least looks tidy now. The stepping stones sound like a good idea, as does a healthy back! Easy to overdo it xx
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And kindly don't fall off the roof!!
My 2 cents....
hugs
Hops
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Well, it's time to pick up 60 lbs of the Preen extended care weed preventer, figure an optimal day to put it down then get on with it.
I can't say enough good things about it, for this Moss yard. My neighbor said her yard has more weeds, and that's true.
I put product on both our yards 6 months ago in the same amounts at the same time.
:: sigh::.
It does look like I did a better job on my side....and that's true but only with years of hand weeding, which is recommended on the product lable.
We have 5 days of rain so will do a bit of weeding on her side. It's so much easier in wet soil.
Lighter
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YAY, Lighter's back in her happy place!!
So glad you mentioned the Preen again. I only had one application, back in...Sept, I THINK?
I've ordered a few vegs seeds for the raised beds, and figure I'll be starting a few indoors in about a week. Others will be direct sown in the beds.
Question: Am I too late to use the Preen in the veggie beds? I don't remember how long it'll take for indoor seedling starts, and don't want it to destroy whatever I plant either seedling or direct as the soil warms up.
EDIT: Never mind, just re-read what you'd explained earlier about it. Waiting 12 weeks now for another Preen dose would not make sense. That's okay though, I noticed yesterday that although there are some greenlings (probably weeds) coming up in the beds, there are a whole lot fewer.
I'm going to get two huge bags of compost (since I seldom have mine turned it's not that useful) and have one worked into each bed (soil level's gotten low) and get them ready for planting.
BTW, Quirk might be interested in helping me veggie-garden for shared produce!
Thanks,
Hops
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Hops, your last frost date should be about like mine - May 15th. One year, we had frost on Memorial Day though. The seed pkgs will likely have "days to maturity" for that variety; sometimes they'll include days to germination. So for transplants, from seeds, I like mine to be pretty big - I use 4 in deep pots to start the seed and add dirt as I thin the starts. So I start some things that like warm soil & are more late summer/early fall crops about the middle of March, giving them 6 weeks before transplant.
Earlier stuff like broccoli & cauliflower, will get started in the next week or two.
I will also sow snow peas, shelling peas, onion sets in the next couple weeks too.
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Soooo..... the larger of the 2 married neighbors has lost his dang mind. He's always been very needy with everyone, imo. Sought out approval. Wilted like a puppy if he's in the dog house with his family for yelling, or if he yells at his dog in front of a neighbor, etc. Talks about it, asks how it appears, is eternally sorry, blah blah.
So, I set a boundary around talking about his wife a while ago. And talking about women in general. In fact, I'm pretty stern with him, in general, which reminds me of how I interacted with the nuts contractor, come to think of it.
THIS is my instinct screaming.....something isn't right with this one, keep your distance, and I have.
I've been too busy to hang out with any of the neighbors, aside from running the newly post op married guy to the doctor when his wife asked and doing tandem yard work with my 80+ yo retired nurse neighbor who shares a miss border in our yards. We're preparing to put down Preen Extended care together. My sister and I put in a drainage ditch last year for her and missed the edges. Very attractive.
So....wow....Im really avoiding telling this story.
Yelly married neighbor guy (YG) texts he really needs "to talk" can we walk the dogs? I text I'm busy and don't hear from him. Good.
In spectacular Lighter fashion, I feel bad about avoiding him for months and months, bc if his botched root canal, and agree to walk the dogs with him....he likely needs a T, I think. Youngest DD thinks he does. He tends to talk at me in the yard and I listen and care for moss without interacting much.
As he's been suffering with that botched root canal, leading to a month of clove oil packing to kill the root slowly, I felt some guilt for not asking him about it...hardly at all. Feeling guilty for things I shouldn't is a reoccurring theme for me, I've noticed.
The walk was a big mistake, but I knew it would be, right?
Now, YG's wife and the post op cowboy's (CB)guy's wife walk their dogs everyday. Most of the time YG walks with them. I've been under the impression they're getting along much better, truth be told. I'm happy for them. Both wives bake yummy things for me. I bake for them. I've pretty much stopped hanging in the yards.....remember post op guy almost died after a year in hospital....weak as a kitten, lost tendons, an eye, I helped out quite a lot with his garden last year, etc. He got stronger and began giving me advice and telling off colored jokes and so did his wife. It put me off. I stopped hanging out. These folks are The Cowboy neighbors." I know illness has changed this man and humbled him, but he's still a cowboy. I'll always be drawn to underdogs, but am examining that quite a bit. His getting stronger meant I would go away. I did.
YG went from refusing to chat with the cowboy neighbors to having daily gab sessions where they guzzle a good deal of beer together, YG splits wood, fixes things for them and let's their dogs run and play. Letting that big crazy puppy run upset me a bit, bc there are little kids nearby, etc. It's uncool, imo and he runs all over the neighborhood. Agree to disagree.
YGuy just called....we talked about woodpeckers, he offered to close up woodpecker holes on my house, I said I'd do it myself....he sounded deflated. He talked about post op cowboy....it appears he's avoiding YG....in pain, not on porch for visits, etc. It feels like the wives have circled the wagons....I was wondering why CB neighbor lady brought me that last banana bread....,seemed like one too many to me. Everyone wants to be picked.
So, the walk in the forest the day before yesterday, YG blurts out he's filing for divorce after saying he thinks the clove oil did it's job....he'll get a filling then decide about a crown depending on discomfort. Now, in my father's family, teeth are everything and tooth pain is the worst pain. I'm overtly concerned about the tooth when the divorce blurt begins at the farthest point if the walk. I'm gobsmacked. That marriage seemed happier....just super weird and he did go on.
I mistakenly think this is schoolyard PICK ME! PICK Me! talk, typical when there's a split....I remember my father asking all our neighbors to choose between my mother and him. It was icky, and troublesome, but, hey....human nature and all that. I'd obviously pick YG, but will avoid all drama. Nothing to do with me.
Wow.....I guess I had to peck all this out for myself. I WILL make peace with it. I will.
So, YG blurt he's filing divorce soon and hopes I'll still " talk" to him. He's intensely earnest and seems concerned he'll be shunned. I get that....he's an extreme extrovert, from what I can tell. Likely to yammer at trees in the absence of people, imo.
I intend to avoid the drama, I think to myself, and say so.....there will be talking between us, he and his wife share children and will share grandbabbies.....they're obligated to get along, blah blah, when YG says....
"You've probably noticed I have feelings for you."
This is the point in the walk I realize we've walked a few miles away, into the forest, and have many miles to go. He'd picked two steep climbs I've never gone on, not even with youngest DD or the pug. I was a bit winded.....there were quite a few people around us....one guy singing happily. Things were normal one second and I was laser focused on EVERYTHING around me the next.
Pug is snarky and alerts to every passerby.....I was glad she was alerting. YG seemed annoyed at all the people. I started walking back and he followed. Usually I trail behind.....I never walk side by side with him....I notice this too, and he continues....he wants to know if I noticed his " feelings" which makes my plan to stringently ignore him impossible. I honestly answer I thought he had a crush on my chatty twin, and trek on more quickly.
YG has this thing where he appears pained, truly injured in the soul which I now recognize as a tactic I typically dismiss....Ive mastered being aloof, which apparently acts like creep nip.
I make jokes and YG continues being wounded....asks if my sister is to blame for this highly untrue belief.....and that makes me mad.....I say it was understood when he asked her out to a fancy pub tourist attraction. HE did this TO himself and he babbles....he likely asked everyone to go, and denies it, doesn't remember it.....Im walking walking.....hes exasperated.
I recognize this position also....where I laugh at the bumbling immature male as he innapropriately states intentions towards me I could and would never acknowledge unless my arm was physically being twisted.
It's familiar.
I laugh....state a truth making it clear the match is out of the question, and attempt to ignore the crazy blurt, dismissing it as laughable, which is reflex....not a well thought out response, I realize now. I have a dark side.....its the side that stuck my right hand in YG's face when he stopped walking and pleaded for me to stop too.
I don't know what his intentions were, but he took a step my way and I shouted STOP! My hand went up in a palm forward chin jab I would have landed with a good deal of force had he leaned in, which he did not, but it was really icky and felt super imminent....the same feelings the contractor brought up. Like he was lava and a tiny touch would undo me completely and torment my soul forever.
I don't understand that, exactly. I remember a boy at the skating rink....he had dirty fingernails....I was maybe 8yo....there was no contact, but I remember feeling THAT way about HIM. I dislike unwanted attention...as an introvert, I get it. I've grown a terribly thick skin in a family of extroverts with large opinions, blah blah blah but I have a definitive wall.....funny I think of it as a dark side. I suppose I was brought up to think of it that way, but I'm happy to find and embrace it as appropriate boundaries later in life, and there it is. My edge. Where I begin, in my head, and it's an uncrossable boundary protected by instincts, not to be crossed.
Dark side? That's going to require some attention.
So....from this point the walk back is a blur...I don't stop for anything. I act normal, he peels off, thank God, bc I made sure he had his dog hooked up around the creeks. He would have asked to wash his dog outside my house if he'd gotten muddy and I would have said to wash him at the CB neighbor's house. It would have been more awkward.
Here's the rub. I am mortified. I don't want to deal with this fool or have neighbors talk about him and ME in the same paragraph. Ever.
Youngest DD said I HAVE to address it. I resent having to acknowledge it, bc it's nothing to do with ME. How dare he create this drama and trouble in MY life? These are his clowns. HIS circus, imo.
I ignore a text from him, as I ignore most of them. I rarely feel compelled to stop what I'm doing for him. I don't want to be his T, remember? I'm sure his wife would mind, if I didn't. Common sense and gut feelings, all that.
So, I ignore his text and go about my day. Youngest DD is highly amused at the predicament....didnt see it coming either. A guy friend, with very good instincts seconds my choice to ignore. I go about my business and stop thinking about it. I know my ability to be super assertive under pressure will carry the day, if necessary. Calm descends.
While I'm writing this YG phones. I answer prepared to let him have it IF he makes the mistake of acknowledging what I'm prepared to ignore and avoid like the plague.
He's feeling me out....suggesting he bring his tall ladder and drill and close up woodpecker holes. I decline. I'll do it myself. Thanks, but NO. He seems puzzled....I was supposed to be grateful and accept.....this is the last nice day for 10 days. I don't care.
We talk about woodpeckers.....he trails off, deflated. I hang up with a curt " bye."
So, he'll push the boundary and I'll state it out loud, if necessary.....will think it through so it's super shot and over quickly.
I'm curious about my resentment of being forced to state a boundary I resent having to acknowledge in the first place. I have a huge resistance to being dragged near it, much less acknowledging and talking about it, hence the avoidance, but have we really avoided it? Really? The chin jab missed, but I did throw it. I did yell NO, it was a stated boundary, was it not?
What I resent is restating the stupidity. NO should be wholly and utterly enough, imo.
I feel as though my re stating the thing....the attraction....will taint my person and that's not true. It just feeeels that way. It feels like acknowledging it will make it more real, and that's wrong too.
So.....reactivity.
With a bit of distance I see clearly.....I will state that boundary and I won't let it inside my head. I'll keep it outside my world....its YG's drama. Not mine. I don't have to give him any attention or thought past what I choose.
If I feel guilty, which is typical from childhood, it's wrong and not mine to carry. I'm guilty of having boundaries and the world is going to have to deal with that.
Well there's some helpful clarity.
Sorry ahead if it's alarming, Hops. I'm safe.
Lighter
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Dear God, Lighter, the nut job men really seek you out! I think a problem with being caring, compassionate, happy to help and being a grown arse woman who's capable of having a friendly relationship with a man that means NOTHING MORE THAN THAT ON ANY LEVEL is that some people just take that as an in and will push their own needs/boundaries/desires with no regard at all for the other person.
Son and I have been talking at length today about the way men ought to behave around women. Another woman has been murdered; a police officer is currently under suspicion of her kidnap and murder and she'd been missing for a couple of weeks before human remains were found a couple of days ago. It seems to have triggered a very strong response in a lot of people and there is much going around on social media about enough being enough. Women should not have to constantly monitor themselves and the behaviour of men around them in case of what the man might do and son and I have been talking about how men should always focus on making sure any woman they are near feels safe, heard and respected, whatever the situation or occasion. How dare that nasty little creep say and do that to you in a woodland area where you have a long walk back to get home again? Plus he's married and you know his wife! Oh my God.
The fact that you have had to physically defend yourself is completely unacceptable in my opinion, as is the fact he hasn't even apologised. Personally I would have absolutely zero contact with him now, in any form, I'd be telling him if he comes near me again I'll contact the police and I'd be telling his wife if she asked as well. Trust your instincts, Lighter, you don't have a 'dark side', you have a system that's warning you you're not safe and you need this man (men) to be away from you. This isn't something you need to puzzle over or analyse in yourself. He's a nightmare and needs to stay away from you. Not your monkey. I resent having to state boundaries, because you shouldn't have to state them. Someone overstepping your boundary is a sign you're not safe, whether it's physically, mentally or emotionally, permanent or temporary. If you have to state 'No' that clearly and that definitively then you are not safe with that man. It shouldn't ever be necessary. I would resent it for that reason and I wouldn't be giving him another opportunity to push that boundary. The only other thing that I can think of is that you do let him come round to sort out the woodpecker holes and, once he's up the ladder, you push him off :) xx
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Only have two thoughts, Lighter, and I'm NOT judging. (I believe you're safe!)
You mentioned being stern and authoritative with him similar how you were with the island contractor.
What I think when I read that is how many men regard any woman talking directly to them in such a way is some kind of turn-on for their unfinished growing up. It can be a signal of intimacy (you've detected something about how they need to be addressed, which is an intimate perception). My sense of boundaries with married men is very firm and clear (because I blew it in the past). Working side by side (or taking walks together) is rife with intimacy signals, even if one party is oblivious. So I generally woudn't do that with a married man, neighbor or not, because married. And...if I had to turn into a general to get my points across I'd just retreat from friendship because I don't want a dom relationship with men, period.
You mentioned: my re stating the thing....the attraction....
I don't know what you meant but if you have (past tense) felt attracted to him, he's noticed. Subliminally or not. And now it's up on his surface and he thinks it's real.
It's just sexual desire. He doesn't really know you and all those hours talking or listening to his intimate stuff have fed his fantasy.
Here's my theory. You're not intentionally seductive but your energy is way more sexy than you know and you do emit it. I am sure of it. Your physicality and your way of moving in the world is catnip to lonely or unhappily married toms.
And, you're lonely. You deserve a non-neighbor man of your own, girl!
I'm glad you're safe and dealt with it in the moment. Pretty clearly, sounds like!
hugs
Hops
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Sigh.
Whatever his reasons for finding you attractive - and making the advance - they are his Lighter. There are some guys, that no matter how platonic the time/attention you give them, will see this as an opportunity. Fact of life. And that's why there's boundaries. Laugh about it in private; it is backasswardly flattering I suppose.
Now, about that dark side...
Shame on you, for being a living, breathing, sentient being. Yeah, you. I'ma talkin' to you (and me). Some healing processes, sometimes, offer a decision-point where I know I "took one for the team" - and sacrificed an important chunk of my life - my sexual/sensuality/craving for intimacy - in the interests of simplifying my healing journey. Whatever benefit (temporary or otherwise) I could imagine would come to me, by risking entanglement with any guy - I intentionally chose to wall off from myself until such time as I felt I had space/real desire to pursue it again. Remember? I said I wasn't totally deciding "never again" - just "not now".
Since we share some similar themes in our pasts - which are part of who we are now - I can tell you, that there isn't any real reason for you to consider that part of you dangerous or bad. It is a real part of you - but it might could use a detailed review of the bare bones of it, and what could be redesigned, revamped, updated to who you are now. It will have some basis in the past you - but it'll be "bionic" now; stronger, wiser, more in tune with you - and less "conditioned programming".
Right now, you're still very engaged in supporting your daughters' life foundation building. Soon, the amount of time/energy that requires will shrink. And you'll have a chance to think about the inner remodeling project of that side of yourself. If you're gonna be whole, you do need to address this aspect of being human - not just reject it out of hand. And only after you've done that deep "purge", spruce up, updating... is it time to think about maybe taking a chance on a guy -- because you'll know better what your requirements are.
I recognized your horror at your own reaction to his advance, in myself - and know precisely WHY I recoil at my ego-emotional-physical responses to a situation charged with that energy. My "clue" - was my property caretaker Ronnie. That's when I realized I had some work to do... because maybe I wasn't so keen on being celibate or lonely for the rest of my life. This is the universe prompting you to take a serious assessment of this part of yourself and intentionally design characteristics, elements, aspects of it - that you want to have in your life. Sometimes the fates do this - give you a heads up - because they're bringing someone into your life; and you still have work to do. Or sometimes, it's because they're checking to see if you're ready... if you will seek or be the sought after... and well, you know how many combos there are.
Know what I'm sayin' here?
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Thanks for the replies, guys. I've been focusing on other things and neighbors, so not worrying about YG right now. Avoiding him and the subject.
I spent an hour with cowboy neighbors this morning....he gave me a rack of Smokey ribs and a pork butt he cooked last night. She/Cowgirl wife, and I chatted while fixing a woodpecker nesting hole in her siding. She doesn't know where any of her H's tools are so I walked back and forth to get mine, then caulk and caulkgun and the chat was very nice. She was less stressed than normal....could listen and ask questions where she used to talk AT me without missing a beat.
I'll fill their hummingbird feeders soon and maybe walk with YG's wife when the cowgirl and she take dogs out....just to touch base and send a message to everyone, including YG.
I spent hours with dd18 this afternoon. We shopped for food, bc her stomach is really bugging her. Has been. She's depressed and uncomfortable, underweight. We laughed and told inside jokes through 2 grocery stores. Lots of funny movie references and sharing of opinions. She's very funny. Very charming. She said I'm very charming too, and we laughed about what that means in our lives....people, men, women and couples want relationship, sex and sometimes ownership....and it's not a problem till it compromises or threatens to compromise social scaffolding, in our experience, or turns into abusive treatment, which we've each experienced. My niece says it's the "it" factor, which Niece has too.
DD is so much wiser than I was at 18yo. Honestly, both DDs are. They're informed and aware and SEE things for what they are more quickly. Confusion isn't a coping strategy in their toolboxes. They recognize gaslighting and projection. They don't have the need I had to make sense of nonsensical pd behaviors. Youngest DD does want to FIX, but not to the extent I did.
Oldest DD got off work at 5 so they're out getting groceries for her now.
I made lots of food no one is eating but me. Cuban pork. Asian chicken. Lots to eat AND I have the smoked ribs and pork butt from CB neighbor's. I need to send some next door to elderly couple struggling w/Parkinsons/him and debilitating arthritis/ her. They're always appropriate and lovely.
Will put vegetable broth on stove and drink from it for a couple days.
Those ribs were a bit salty. I can't drink enough water right now.
4 days of rain projected. I'm going to get this Preen down....just waiting for optimal rain schedule.
Lighter
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Sound plan, Lighter.
Weatherman says we'll have a mix of rain/snow here. I'm hoping the garden bed I plowed get softer with the rain before the next dry stretch, when I'll disc the dirt from all 4 directions.
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Yesterday we drove to Atlanta. The moss was happy after a long sprinkling rain, which was great, bc I wanted to water it....was so dry.
I finally covered the woodpecker holes on both sides of my house, which required setting up the little giant ladder by myself. At a frustrating point I pulled up a fireman video on it, and got the job done. Knowing YG neighbor would be walking by soon had me doing things in half panic to avoid him insisting to help. Surprisingly, my body seems to be ok....nothing pulled it badly out if whack.
The Preen extended care product us doing its job. I have weeding to do in adjoining neighbor's yard, but will get to it.
Should tree frogs lay eggs in my containers there's tons if algea for them. I like feeding the tadpoles and watching them hop away.
So, lots to do in the yard....things to plant. Not much time at home and then I'm with girks, planning, shopping and preparing meals....food is overwhelming again. Will post that on another thread.
I did want to mention changing the AC filter was a lesson. I was hurrying, trying to finish and struggled to get old filter out. Struggled to get plastic off new.
I wanted to scream so stopped. Assumed observation mode, got curious and pushed that filter into place with
one
finger.
Usually I hit a screw at the top and go a little nuts shoving past it, bam, bam, bam.
I think calming myself meant I could tend to everything....like where I was sitting and maybe my knee moving out of contact with the filter so the filter missed the screw thus time. Lessons learned. Sometimes more than once to finally get it.
Lighter
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Huge day for shutting diwn the trail. I spoke with retired nurse neighbor about it. She's behind it and ready to help enforce.
I spoke to the nice bicycle riding neighbors and the hubby wants to help on trail upkeep, just as YG wants to. My response is I intend to enjoy doing UT myself....tending to it in my own time and joy, but will ask for help if needed.
I felt fine about it.
Most importantly, I listed the shut down on the neighborhood board, complete with photo.
Will give them till the 3rd to find another route into the forest.
I feel amazing....like my energy is moving on greased rails instead of rusty ones.
DD18 isn't pleased, but part of that is the shirtless blonde guy with amazing hair, beard and abs, perhaps, going from her sight forever.
There's just the one doctor/ukelele builder neighbors to tell by Monday. I don't mind them going through, but if you give a mouse a cookie.
It's raining at Lake and at home. I can feel the loss sigh in contentment.
Lighter
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I laminated a trail closing sign and got it up on Tuesday. The trail closes Monday. There are many offers of help and funds.
The plastic grate system holding the gravel has popped up in some places allowing gravel to slip under it. If I pick up that 2x2 foot piece, the two adjoining pop up too and it's a PITA to remedy.
When I put the track down I was hurrying to finish for company.....should have dug higher spots down. There are 2 or 3 high spots with resulting bald patches at highest points. Neighbors think I'll be dumping more gravel. I think that won't fix it.
I have a crate of huge stones I want to replace old stepping stones with. I'm trying to come up with a plan with more balance...
I get a chunk of difficult work done, path fixed, more peace for Pug and the neighbors have their cut through. I have less anxiety around it since fear of legally losing control drops with yearly closings for maintenance.
Combination of blocking Pugs long view, training her to bark, but stop on command, and asking neighbors to walk on other side of Hemlocks when it's not raining....which feels like my neighbor's yard, but is still part of this lot, might be a 1st phase compromise. If things don't get better I can change things up. I have enough stones to make 2 new paths in moss....really love the big stones in moss, and also a little stone area at back stairs.
Less weeding if moss to weed is a good thing. I can use the moss I take up to patch the yellow spots in back. Bear pee? Not sure, but they need attention.
I want to be home for a while even if I'm uncomfortable being a General giving orders on yard projects with neighbors closer to the house than ever for a short time. Timeframe gets shorter if I have a plan and set firm workdays beginning Monday. Maybe can be done in a couple weeks.
Time to clean outdoor shower and figure out privacy solution there. The doors have metal bars, but decorative. I usually hang my towel over the space, but can improve.
I watched the sun come up over the lake with my morning coffee. Ghee and some chocolate Stevia liquid I found at grocery store. The morning chorus is nice. Almost chilly, but not.
Lighter
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Well done, Lighter, it must feel good to have that plan underway and for everyone to know what's happening. Also so nice that you've had offers of help, even if they're not needed (or not needed from certain people, anyway). Hopefully it will bring you some peace just to have it closed off for a while. It's good that you have different options of what to do next and other things you can try if first ideas don't work out. Coffee by the lake sounds lovely :) We had rain first thing and when I went out to feed the birds there was that lovely earth smell you get after it rains, along with the apple blossom scent from the tree outside the house. The blossoms fall every time a bird lands on a branch so it looks like there's confetti over the path at the moment. It's really pretty.
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I love the thought if you feeding the birds under blossoming trees, Tupp. The rain makes me happy.
Lighter
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I wish I'd spent more time working in the yard before heat and bugs of summer, but hey....the renovation came first.
There's debris all over the moss... I need to blow it when things are damp.
I've decided to ask 2 of my neighbors, yes, both married, for help. Their wives volunteered them....both wives wear the pants. I deserve support and help too. I'm asking, bc I provide the trail they all enjoy. It's OK for me to ask for help that's being offered. It's OKfor me to accept help. This is hard for me..... I realize I'm not used to asking for help. I'm working on it.... it IS complex, IME.
When it;s time to open the trail back up , I'll likely allow just the people who helped. I don't have to allow everyone who likes using it. This break has forced them to find another way to the trails.... I hope they'll continue using it.
YG can go through the Cowboy's yard..... he doesn't have to go through mine, even though he has. I haven't seen him once in a couple weeks. I hope we can be super distanced BUT somewhat normal when we see each other again. IT IS HIS stuff. Nothing to do with me.
I'm full of energy today. Happy to plan things in yard. Will send e mails to husbands and wives..... looking forward to getting bigger projects done! Woo hoo.
Lighter
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I'd like to find a neighbor and see if they need help in the yard but they may think I'm nutso. Yard work is a really good physical focus and mind clearing activity for some people while others think it is a chore.
I read your story about the yelling guy (YG). He needs personal divorce counseling! Lots of guys are weird in how they can convince themselves that women are attracted to them when there is no attraction. Sometimes it's nice having guy friends but it often is taken the wrong way by guys.
You don't have to be overly tactful with him if you don't want to be. Hopefully he will get the idea. If you had to put your hand up and say STOP and he didn't register that then it is his problem.
You've sure got an active neighborhood. :)
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I wish I'd spent more time working in the yard before heat and bugs of summer, but hey....the renovation came first.
There's debris all over the moss... I need to blow it when things are damp.
I've decided to ask 2 of my neighbors, yes, both married, for help. Their wives volunteered them....both wives wear the pants. I deserve support and help too. I'm asking, bc I provide the trail they all enjoy. It's OK for me to ask for help that's being offered. It's OKfor me to accept help. This is hard for me..... I realize I'm not used to asking for help. I'm working on it.... it IS complex, IME.
When it;s time to open the trail back up , I'll likely allow just the people who helped. I don't have to allow everyone who likes using it. This break has forced them to find another way to the trails.... I hope they'll continue using it.
YG can go through the Cowboy's yard..... he doesn't have to go through mine, even though he has. I haven't seen him once in a couple weeks. I hope we can be super distanced BUT somewhat normal when we see each other again. IT IS HIS stuff. Nothing to do with me.
I'm full of energy today. Happy to plan things in yard. Will send e mails to husbands and wives..... looking forward to getting bigger projects done! Woo hoo.
Lighter
Was really glad to read this, Lighter - yes, you know asking for help feels difficult but yes, you know it's also okay. Good for you. YG can absolutely go elsewhere good, I love the fact that you're feeling able to allow only the people you want in. It's a good rule in life, isn't it? I hope the energy continues :)
Hi Mouse! I'm hoping you can find a garden buddy scheme. They do things here where they pair up volunteers with older or disabled people who can't manage their gardens alone and I hear so many nice stories about people helping each other out. One really nice one about an elderly lady who misses cooking roast dinners now her husband's passed, so she does one for the guy that's doing the gardening and that makes them both happy :) I hope you can find someone, you have such a talent for that sort of thing, it would be amazing for you to transform a space for someone.
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Well....I thought I might not get frog eggs in my water catch containers this year, but.....
I found THREE containers have eggs today!
Last year it was ONE container and SO MANY LITTLE GREEN FROGS! So magical.... like faeries.
This year I have neighbors stopping by to scoop up clear goopy slime with what looks like fat, dark mosquito larvae that aren't moving.
Last time they were scooping up swimming tadpoles in a little net.
We'll get to see the entire process.
I plan to let the tadpoles fend for themselves this time. Last time I fed them then documented everything I could. You have no idea what a tadpole really looks like, up close. Nothing like you'd think, I'll wager. Lovely purples and brown patterns.....brigh green spinach clearly visible in the coils of their stomachs.
So cool.
Lighter
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Aww, very cute about the frog farming! No, I've never looked at a tadpole that closely. They must all be different depending on the species, the only one's I've seen as a kid were very small and black.
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They're amazing up close, Mouse. In certain light they're translucent with little bones and digestion visible.
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The hemlocks need treatment for wooly adelgid (sp?) again.
So many hemlocks. Measuring every trunk. Mixing and pouring poison into trenches cleared and dug around each tree.
Love the hemlocks.
Lighter
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I haven't been in the front yard all summer.....maybe twice, but in the rain or as rain ended. I'm avoiding neighbors, still, I realize.
It's time to decide how things will go. I chatted with retired nurse and it's clear Yelly Guy has been endearing himself with acts of service in the yard. He must have whined about me, bc she enunciated "it's good for BOTH of us" meaning me AND her.
This was over his weed eating on either side of our shared drainage ditch....looks like a creek. I usually do it. I've been away, busy not caring. I think he weed eats our property line to the street, which is mostly moss.....looks pretty good. I feel almost nothing about it either way.
I'm posting about it, bc of the conversation with retired nurse AND a text YG sent...
"Not expecting a response
Just wanted to say hi."
He sent a picture if neighbors cat sitting under my truck last week. I didn't respond.
I realized tonight WHY I don't respond. Fuk off us all I feel....I have nothing polite for him. Nothing. No energy to force out a response making "nice.". Maybe I'm done making nice. Without malice. Just.....done.
At the same time..... reptilian brain knows bruised male ego isn't always stable or rational. Better to ignore him and not waste space in my brain, ime.
I'm extremely resistant to being forced into contact with icky people, I realize.
About the trail still being shut down:
A neighbor I don't know posted on neighborhood message board asking for update, complaining signs still up....wanted to know if property was public....when would trail reopen.
The doc answered her immediately....
The property was private. The owner had made a nice trail so property wouldn't be damaged. The high traffic damaged the tail. Owner Lighter was figuring out what she'd do and doc expressed gratitude for having had access in the past.
Doc very smart lady.
I've seen people on the trail, despite the signs twice. Younger neighbors who have access through their parent's back yard 2 doors down and a father and son on bikes I've never seen before. Not sure what they're thinking....saw them read the signs then ignore.
Doesn't make me want to hurry up and work myself hard to fix and open trail back up.
I'm tempted to have the two families I like help work on the trail then allow only them to use it.
Other people will want to follow them if they see anyone using it.
I'm really enjoying the privacy and quiet closing the trail creates.
Doing nothing is a choice too.
Lighter
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(((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))) I'm very much at the same stage as you with being done with being 'nice' - largely because I feel there are just too many people who take advantage of 'nice' - and I end up being put upon, having unwelcome attention/conversations, having to deal with situations I didn't create because someone took 'nice' to mean pushover, no boundaries, her needs don't matter, I can have my needs met and so on. I'm not going out of my way to be rude to people, far from it, but I do feel very much that I want interactions with people that matter to me and that I get something out of as well. Polite to others, yep I can do that, but 'nice' I am pretty much over. I guess you're at a similar point to that. Yelly Guy sounds very childlike with his attention seeking. Very odd.
Is the trail a public footpath that you must reopen or was it you kindly making it accessible for others? I'm hoping there is a way forward that doesn't cause you stress, whatever it might be. I watched a programme here yesterday about a lady who has a public footpath that runs through the middle of her land and she was talking about the damage people do because they don't stick to the path and go wandering all round her fields, scaring her animals, leaving picnic rubbish around, one family were having a barbeque in what is essentially her garden! I don't understand some people's mindsets, truly. The nurse and the doc sound like good people to have around, though.
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Just two thoughts, unsolicited advice both:
1- I'd let the trail go back to nature
2 - I would block YG's number from your cell (thought you said you had no text relationship with him long since ... why receive, even if you don't respond? Why expose yourself to his unsolicited texts? Why enable manipulation?...)
Sorry about the trail. Good deeds....
Hops
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It's funny how our paths Trek down similar paths, ((Tupp.)) I'm trying to dial in some middle trail....between fok off and making nice automatically.
Something emotionally removed and cool.....zero heat or flash of chemistry.
Hops:
The mowing and texts are designed to elicit a response from me. The same with yg chatting up nurse neighbor. I'm considering telling her the truth, to end that manipulation.
As for blocking his texts..... that's a response, Hops. I won't be shoved into any response by YG's actions or words.
There's a right way to deal with this, for me and I honestly can't see it clearly. Yet. I will.
BTW, this was so far down my list it didn't get brought up at T's office.
I lock my doors. Remind the girls when they don't lock up. Gently remind them how difficult it would be to have a mentally unstable person try doors in the neighborhood and find ours unlocked.
I have every confidence we'd overcome, but it would sure be unfortunate if we had to. Then I reminded DD20 eyes and throat shots, target selection and protecting one's computer.
I hope she understands the ounce of prevention motto, esp as she's home alone quite a bit. I hope her brain understands it's ok to hurt aggressors her brain identifies as friend/neighbor. I know mine does, but it's unknown till you're in that moment.
Lighter
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Baby bluejays are learning how to navigate the trees. They fly into my potted hydrangeas on front porch then to trees then to fp railing then to stick in gutters. I need to clean out my gutters.
Tadpoles don't know what to do with frozen spinach, bc I haven't raised them up on it,vI guess. I really enjoyed watching their little coiled bellies full of bright green food flash when they surfaced, but they aren't full if green this time.
Lighter
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Lighter, I think for me I am by nature just a friendly, smiley, put people at ease sort of a person - it's just how I am. But - I am learning that it does send certain signals, quite unintentionally, to certain kinds of people who take it as a green light to, at best, talk about themselves for ages and, at worst, become abusive, manipulative, unpleasant and so on. We had a guy from the water board come to the new flat, he just needed to check a reading on something before the account was officially signed over to us. Literally a two minute job, nothing more, but he was there for fifteen minutes telling me all about himself and what sort of day he'd been having. Just from me saying "oh hi, nice to see you, come on in". It feels unnatural to me not to be friendly towards people but I'm like you, trying to find that balance between polite and 'oh dear God, are they moving in?' kind of feeling with some (and those situations with people like YG who are just so hard to deal with). When I'm in a ferociously bad mood I can tell people to F off and with elderly neighbour (the one who told me his sex story about the young mum next door) I'm quite curt now - just "Morning" if he's outside when I go out and nothing more. It's tiring, though. I don't want to have to be guarded, I'd like to be able to be myself and know that other people can kind of get on with it and not be over the top. It's another skill to practise I guess! xx
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I guess it's mistake to assume any treatment is about us.
My first husband wasn't SEEING me when he screamed at me, eyes and veins bulging....making nonsensical accusations about things not on my radar.
Now that I think if it, he was accusing me of not trusting him when clearly I did.....until he did everything he could to prove that trust was, indeed misplaced, unearned, unwarranted.
And it seems like that's part of being treated poorly by strangers.....extending respect and trust is a trigger for them.
I don't know about that, but a flight attendant once told me the worse she treated elderly NY passengers....the nicer those women were to her. Whatever that's worth. She shared that story when I told her an elderly NY lady had purposefully kicked my little paper bag, with force. It wasn't in her space, but it was close to the imaginary line and bugged her. I was shocked AND amused.
And so......maybe take people as they come. No more assuming the best if them.....but assuming neutrality....non judgmental curiosity about them. No more assuming they'll be do a job or be competent, bc it seems to set some people off, ime.
I can do that. I don't need anyone to assume I'm a good human being either. I think I did. Not anymore and it's just not personal.
It's distance and safety and looking at what is w/o expectation or.......
::Sigh::.
I don't know. Trying to fix people or make them feel anything. I can do polite, busy, on my way out, too many things to do, so must keep things short.
I think I do that too.....often. I wonder why I don't with certain others and what about them might be involved in my choices.
I certainly can be very blunt. I can be very short and curt and honest.....which isn't"polite" I guess, but usually it's spoken from a defensive stance. Always reactive/responsive... there's not much thinking about it....the blurt is the ONLY choice in the moment and I know it in my bones.
The out of the blue craziness/lashing out from strangers is about them....not me. The same with my first husband.....it was his stuff and once I put my foot down he changed his tune....was sorry....asked me to help him/ fix him. But I had to turn and defend....assume an attack from him, bc he was attacking all the damn time, cruel, zero.....
Zero compassion. He picked fights and had to make stuff up TO DO THAT.
I wonder if all the people behaving this way lack compassion....maybe that's a repeating pattern in my life. I'm identified as a tolerant someone, SEEING them in a way they can't tolerate?
Not sure, but I'll reign in my tendency to assume the best in people. I'll be busier, on my way, always in a hurry.
I can't see how I'd open the trail and be ok with all the extroverted neighbors going through 2 and 4x a day.
I'm looking forward to my t answering 100 questions a week about my rocks, moss, trail, everything!
And I used to engage and answer and take on the negative energy of those doubting the moss plan. Why? What did I care?
I half believe I let the porch sit, covered in pollen, untouched, bc YG acted broken hearted when I removed the big shabby chic bar.....he said I'd removed all charm....it was an accusation and fok him. Why would he complain to me about it?
He wanted me to care, even though I didn't. He wants me to care, still. I don't. It's in his head and now I don't speak to him, but I also limited contact with pretty much everyone at the same time.....such relief.
I have to pick through what serves and what doesn't. I don't need everyone to like me. Don't need their approval either. Yesterday I turned 2 young neighbor gals around at the trail
...and they were chipper and polite about it.
DD19 and I watched sun come up together. Woke at 6am. It was nice.
Lighter
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That's a great idea, CB....to remove the trail at the street. I could reuse that gravel to fill in the low spots on the trail I keep.
I can make a leaf bed where street trail used to be.. ..or fill in with river rock.
That's still a big job. I'll tackle it in the fall if I m still feeling it. I know I'm not up to removing tons of gravel.
About chatting up people....it can be fun, rewarding, entertaining. It can also be a disaster, too much, invasive. I'm ready for it to be good things only
Lighter
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I was standing at the kitchen window when the YG ran through the easement with his dog... into the forest. I felt nothing.
Since I'm trying to figure out what it is I need and want from my community..... what I want to give and share...... the YG's popping by gave me information. I have to decide if I'm going to go back to pretending with him..... ignoring still, but pretending, which goes very much against my gain just at the moment.
Or not.
4 of the 6 neighbors on my street are elderly. I don't speak to one of the couples, bc the wife seems controlling and toxic, which makes the husband's life much harder and mine too. Easier to have nothing to do with them.
There's a super achieving couple with regard to their home, yard and garden. They have wonderful grass, mow it all the time and treat it with chemicals, which is counter intutive to me. They also painted their gray home bright blue, which looks wonderful, but all our homes were neutral and now the aren't. It must have been a huge undertaking to make that gray go blue and white, but they're the kind of people who make whatever they put their minds to happen. I like the husband and don't much see the wife to speak to her. They seem very nice to me, but they all do till you spend any time with them.
That wasn't completely accurate. A little bitter, maybe, but it's sort of a pattern in my life and that's OK too.
I have to figure out what to do about Cowboy couple and retired emergency room nurse. The closest neighbors are both ill and I adore them to absolute pieces. It brings me joy to feed them, roll their trash cans back and chat with them, esp the wife who's lovely and very kind.
SInce the YG has embraced the Cowboy....... but only bc it got him closer to me I realize now....... they're sort of a package deal. I don't have to be bothered by that. I can just choose my times to visit around my schedule, try to avoid YG and call BS on any heinoush fockery as it comes up.
Cowboy wife never felt comfortable around YG either, but she's really good friends with YG's wife at this point. They're married couple friends and I don't really fit into that comfortably. I don't drink anymore either. Having a beer around the fire was the center of the social interaction.
I wonder if Cowgirl is ready to be done with YG...... prolly is, but he's so helpful to her Cowboy husband, so handy, so willing to do anything around the garage, house, porch needing doing. Plumbing? Sure. Electrical? OK. Splitting wood? Done. YG wasn't willing to stand in the street and speak to Cowboy couple when Cowboy first came home from a year in intensive care..... a broken man..... bc he "never really liked him in the first place." YG didn't see any reason to be nice to him now, in his broken condition. I'm paraphrasing, but that was his intention and he pretty much stuck to it till I started spending time over there helping and hanging out by the fire. THEN YG started hanging out too. Began making it a daily thing. SO involved and friendly...... he actually said he'd "changed" his mind about the Cowboy..... decided he liked him just fine. Ummm....... really?
It's awkward and every day passing makes it feel more awkward to me. At least, going back to pretending.... feels more awkward. I'm not sure I want to do it, so what do I want?
To leave YG completely out of MY social neighborhood circle would be odd too. It would become obvious to everyone quite quickly if I turned and walked away every time YG showed up.
I AM STARVING while thinking about this, btw.
Very driven to put FOOD IN MY MOUTH. Stuff cookies into my cake hole to take my mind off THE THING.
I should have talked to the T about this, in hindsight, but it didn't cross my mind. I was ignoring it, entirely and staying present and happy where I was... in the moment, but I miss the light social engagement with neighbors. Iwant to nail down what it WILL BE.
Now that I'm leaving for the lake, again, I have familiar feelings of putting things right...... making decisions and solidifying them before I go....... the desire to make right what I can make right....... and cookies. Making cookies comes up.
Be everyone's buddy again, by opening up my yard and property to their tromping through 2 to 4 timesa day, including YG?
Fight to let ONLY 10 or so people use it while refusing permission to the majority?
I'd normally cook something and share it with Cowboy and his wife.... she's so appreciative. Wants so badly to talk at someone.
I could chat up their son and his beard.... errrrr..... very nice gf. That makes me nervous too. From my perspective, that young man gave up the male love of his life to please his parents and it's a ticking time bomb. I really like her. I don't like who he is when he's pretending with this woman. He's sort of closed off and mean... reminds me of my first husband too much.
Love love love the nurse and unhealthy neighbors.... they're on either side of me, closest.
Yesterday all the women were in the circle, grandkids in little police outfits with little electric cars and there were dogs and I didn't feel like joining them...... nurse, yg's wife, Cowgirl, the children's overtly nice mother....... the unwell couple were both there. I miss them.
I wonder why I didn't want to go out. I used to. I usually would.
Something ablout the trail and the YG has me hung up, standing still..... not going into the yard like I normally would....... and I mean to fix it.
I have to decide what habits I want to form, bc they're so difficult to change, IME.
I want to mindfully discern what I want to create with my neighbors and what I want to leave behind.
YG's being a creep impacts everyone.
I look as though I'm behaving strangely and he looks like the helpful nice guy...... I'm sure he has opinions about my behavior. That doesn't bother me, surprisingly.
What it does is present as something I'll deal with reactively, likely, when I jump back in the swimming pool with neighbors.
Retired nurse thinks it's ONLY the travel and renovation keeping me out of the yard. That's her story when neighbors make enquiries, I'm sure.
I care what they think, dammit.
It keeps me paralyzed, I'm afraid.
Dammit.
And what if I just speak my truth.... everyone is impacted. People will feel they must choose sides.... I hate that. People will be negatively impacted,. bc of me.... but not really me. I can't protect them. Not MY job to protect them. They might send YG packing, but his lovely wife would be impacted. Their lovely social habits would be impacted. I was spending less time there anyway,. bc Cowboy couple aren't really my speed...... I don't want to drink that much....but I can't be around YG if people know and maybe not if they don't.
I usually ignore him pretty well, so it wouldn't seem odd if I did it going forward.
It's one choice, to just pretend, ignore and sidestep. It keeps homestasis in the hood.
Young Lighter does NOTlike that idea. Young Lighter is ready to splash in puddles or step around them. She doesn't see standing in them, pretending to be dry, as an option.
Lighter
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OK. THIS reminds me of divorcing.
Do you break your silence, mess up holidays, screw up your children's lives and share custody OR do you keep your yap shut, pretend, lie and keep holidays happy and joyful for everyone else?
I don't see sharing custody of my neighbors happening, btw.
it would be a sh*t show and I'm allergic to that kind of drama.
Women are used to pretending, aren't we?
So many excuses and reasons to pretend.
so many reasonsot to tell the truth, out the creeps and upset the balance.
Lighter
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What makes THIS house, street, neighborhood my safe space?
Liking and helping my closest neigbors. I keep them, for sure.
Going into the woods and being in nature.
My yard.
I like the doc and her lovely husband.
I like.......not having people tromping through the yard all day and into the evening.
Why my yard? Why do I have to be the one allowing everyone INTO her space all the time? I do not, that's the answer. I'm not the people who used to rent this house with their many many children and baby and bonfires and neighborhood gatherings with pot lucks and torches.
I FEEEEEL the weight of fitting in, being shielded by community..... I really want to be INSIDE a community, a part of, giving and taking...... providing safety and enjoying it too.
YG is part of the community..... an outgoing, helpful, talkative, extroverted involved in every damn thing part. Can Ijust let it go? Community? YG's creepiness? Both? Neither?
I think I'm about to be sick of myself being sick of thinking about this.
Almost there.
Lighter
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Doesn't have to be easy.
Doesn't have to pleeeeaaaase everyone.
Doesn't have to include the YG.
I can include the Doc and her family, the bike guy and his family, the ONE younger single neighbor who runs marathons and......my moss friend from one hood over.
And that can be it. THAT can be who's invited to bonfires and work days and chats over rocks and stones and moss.
I'm allowed to circle my wagons and that's what it would be, IMO.
Excluding some, including others. And they can wonder why and I can stay present in MY monents with the people I choose to spend time with.
There are unknowns...... but for the most part they don't seek me out and I don't seek them out. Not really a choice I have to make. It will make itself. They have access to the trails throuh other yards... their own yard, frankly. If the excluded aren't walking through my yard, my social gatherings won't be so darned awkward.
The doc and her family aren't liked by YG and Cowboys, for instance. I choose doc and her amazing tall daughters and ukelele making dh.
I'll always include the retired nurse and unwell neighbors. That's plenty of social interaction for me. That's a balanced give and take, protect and be protected.
If Cowgirl asks why..... why? I'll likely tell her the truth and release the outcome. Young Lighter can have her way, if it comes to that.
Or not. I really like YG's wife, but young lighter is more important right now.
I picture cutting people and houses and problems out, like using a dough scraper to cut away parts of the doughball... and discard it. It's dough.... so there's no feelings about it. Just no room for it on my floured board and that's OK too.
All this began with that creepy walk into the forest. It was impetus, but not the only force moving me toward these choices.
And making these choices will make my life easier, happier and more fulfilling. I believe it will.
Once I drop caretaking the feelings of others.... I can get down to brass tacks...
what's best for everyone involved? It gets easier when I think about what I DO want.... and stop fretting about what I don't want.
I don't have to put up with what I don't want. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to gain the understanding and approval of any neighbor.... at all.
I'm keeping the doc and her lovely husband. That's a given. The bicycle guy, who dresses up at halloween and wants to have parties and shares his puppies and is helpful.... asks for help..... has a lovely wife and sons.
Keepers, all.
Maybe the Cowboy wife, YG wife, Moss friend and any other female neighbor interested can begin doing Amazon bonfires once every blue moon? Or not.
I'm breathing happily again. Not holding my breath anymore. Relaxed. Happily cooking chicken fingers, sauteed Indian spiced zucchini and Columbian spiced black lentils.... must make sure they don't go to mush. SO luscious when left plump and bursting in the mouth, like caviar.
I am happy.
Serenity restored.
Is asking for what one needs every easy?
I think not.
Harder for those of us putting other people's feelings and needs ahead of our own, IME.
AAAAaaaand then my youngest dd asks for her friend's fake ID so her mom can take them to a speakeasy in Tennessee and NO I can't hand it to the mother. DD wants to hand it to her friend IN FRONT OF her mother then COACH me on not being a passive aggressive ahole so I can be friends with her. I'll deal with that later.
So, pug girl went into the yard at dinner time and ran to the nurse. I walked over to say hello to the nurse when the doctor and her oldest dd Amazon warrior dd walked up, then the cowgirl walked up then the YG's wife and dog and I had to hear the message board story about the trail twice.
The discussion turned to handling the trail going forward. There were many opinions and I'll have the doc post on that same thread.. the trail has been closed for good. No tresspassing on private property going forward. That entrance is no longer viable.
Just our little group will use the trail AND I can get some help fixing the trail and putting in the big walking stones when I'm feeling up to it in the fall. I'm so glad I spent some time thinking about it.
After the group broke up YG's wife asked to chat... to catch up.... she hand't seen me in so long.
I thought... this might as well happen, whatever happens and we walked onto my porch, me chattering like a monkey, which is my way when I feel something bad is coming my way.
I gave her plenty of opportunity to ask questions, make statements, whatever she needed to say IF she wanted to say something about anything in particular...... then she asked me to walk with her in the forest, bc cowgirl couldn't, and I surprisingly said YES. We walked. It was nice. The YG was mentioned A LOT, which was weird, bc I'd just shrug like Sgt. Schultz and pace on.
I didn't tell her to tell YG hi. I didn't ask about him. I didn't.
We parted at the street...the trail head.... and knew we wouldn't see each other for a while.
Decision about the trail made. Now, to put up no tresspassing signs and have the doc do my dirty work on the neighborhood message board.
I really like the idea of having all female gatherings around the bonfire..... no men.
Simplifies everything in my life, as far as I can tell.
The possibility of moving out for a year or two, and renting the place furnished, has crossed my mind. I can work on the island cottage, the lake house..... see about selling the farm property at the other end of Georgia and do something else for a while.
Leaving, for a while, is a good idea I've considered, CB.
I don't know that I'd actually sell this place...... you're right, it's a seller's market, for sure. Hmmm...... I always wanted to have a little place downtown..... get an unfinished loft and build it out myself. THAT's what I always thought I'd end up in here.
So..... choices.
Ya.
Lighter
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DD19 thinks YG's wife wanted to talk shite about her husband with me.....and was feeling me out.
Maybe.
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I'm looking forward to being busy in the yard when fall gets here.
My sister will visit.
I'll have trail closed with maybe 10 people using it, rather than 30-40 people I don't know... who don't understand it's private property, not a public trail. That feels good. I have peace around it, even if it's a PITA to settle into new routine. More people started using it when the parks closed down, so it was just out of my control and now it's not.
The YG talked to the bike dad of 2 boys...with the very nice wife. That lead to both of them texting me after I texted JUST the bike dad. They apparently spoke about the trail. YG had opinions about what I needed to do to fix the trail AND gave me permission to keep it closed and private if that was my choice.
I just let it go by.
He's mowing and weed eating and helping with my elderly neighbor's mission and my mission. I'm on silent mode with him and happy to chat with his wife who seems to be seeking me out. I have no angst about him right now. If he speaks to me I'll say it like I feel it and he'll be sorry he opened his big yap. Esp if it's in front of other people.
I'm still a little skittish about being trapped in the yard by him or other neigbors who want to use the trail and seek to talk about it.
I have no problem saying... "We aren't opening the trail up."
And just letting it hang there without further comment.
It is what it is.
What an odd thing to have my Nervous System under control AND not care so much about what others think/feel/need/want. Just.... like an ON/OFFswitch, it feels like.
I don't care how I'm perceived by neighbors right now. The ones I care about are in my circle..... on board..... helpful and lovely. Reciprocal.
Ya.
Lighter
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I'm really resisting being in the yard. I watch all the neighbors walk by with their pets....most of them won't be using the trail anymore. They'll all ask about it. I don't want to have those conversations with the heat and bugs. Will never want to have it, but will be more comfortable when I'm not sweating and scratching, so.....I'm cool with putting it off.
Lighter
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I know there will be fewer cars in the circle when I travel back home.... visitors to the elderly couple who just lost their son park in the cirlce.
I'm not interested in speaking to them all.... it's way too sad and heartbreaking.
I pick and choose my moments with the couple and that's OK.
Lighter
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Well, the dead circles in my yard aren't communications from alien life.
They're likely fungal and likely need to be dug up 10 or so inches and treated with anti fungal chems then filled back in with clean dirt and replanted with moss.
That's 3 huge projects including the large stone pavers I want to replace old pavers with and figuring out the walking path gravel track I should pull up, stake down and replace many tons of gravel.
I can think of this today bc it's absolutely beauiful outdoor working weather. Just breezy and cool, sans humitidty.
I also noticed all the things I need to replace.... some rotted siding, bc of gutter problems requiring attention...new hangers, etc.
Lighter
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Girls have keys to both small cars.
My truck is blocked in the garage by the little white car...... no spare key.
Moss friend and I set new playdate for next week....and I'm dissapointed, but not upset. Will have good visit and chat over phone in between.
Baby girl pug had to go potty anyway.....and likes a nice long walk to get the business done. I've stared this habit, now she expects it. Just me here and so...... we walked.
I noticed what's been creeping up on me lately.......
I can state a boundary with yelly guy, not dread it or care what he thinks says or does in response.
I used to fear the response of men when rejecting them. Like with the crazy contractor...... things could get crazy, but I can do things to mitigate the crazy. I see that now, particularly when I'm not listening to other people TELL me I MUST get along with , placate and otherwise put up with the crazy for the greater mission.
It's possible to rise up, get the lay of the land, SEE the moving parts, identify the greater good for all and act without garnering approval and acceptance from anyone but myse;f,which is novel for me.
So, with that in mind I walked into the forest NOT dreading running into the Yelly Guy. It felt very normal. Like taking back my power and setting my own reality parameters.... for me.
I can just say what I mean and I certanly mean what I say. I've stopped beating around any bushes with Yelly Guy. I'm not afraid of his 6'4" approx frame or rageful outbursts..... I'll always be outside where other people could be or are and that's enough proactivity for me, apparently.
I have peace with that plan.
What I'll say will depend on what he says and does and I'm OK not having that all planned out beyond knowing I'll set boundaries and trust they'll be exactly right, bc....
bc.....
something's shifted there.
When I stop avoiding him and the situation and pretending everything is fine.... there's room for processing and shifting into BEING OK. That's how it feels, anyway.
I don't have to have everyone's approval on handling it JUST RIGHT,bc there's never been a "just right" way to handle this,though so many people claim to know..... have advice..... can see the mistakes and misteps, but then...... I can't change who I am or shut everyone out..... and I'm a nice person who really enjoys other nice people.
I compare the nice married men in my life and one thing the nice ones NEVER do is talk about their wives outside their company.
They never go out of their way to get me alone.
They speak honestly when around me and their wives and we have adult conversation without anyone getting triggered or angry or innappropriate. There's enough information to identify these things IF one is paying attention AND TRUSTING their perceptions and instincts enough to HONOR them without fail.
I've always said I failed to honor myself....but was mainly talking about 2005 forward.....not connecting the dots to current situations,bc ...... I feel so much better. I have such relief.
I haven't finished shifting into belief and honoring self..... consistently. Without fail.
Maybe I never will,but it's there and I can reach it and it's not impossible to do it,IMO.
Once I chart a course...... it doesn'tmatter if the water's choppy.... I've set a course. I don't have to wonder or worry or ruminate about the course, dependent on the water, etc. I have a course.
That seems to simplify things A LOT in my mind. Makes it easier to speak about whatever the sunject is, to whomever, and whatever heat or energy pops up around the topi..... there's a plan of action....no need for confusion.
It;s the same with the lake house and dealing with the different personalities. I set my course.
The iffy scary part of my process was always around setting boundaries without my father's temperament and words popping up to do the work for me, instead of me choosingmy own words. He's imprinted THAT on my brain completely and it's not uncommon for me to hear his words pop out of my mouth, unbidden or summoned..... they're just there.
And I have to tell you...... he used foul language, he went for the jugular, he was smug and I never liked hearing those words pointed at anyone, particularly myself. He was pretty void in compassion, but got meloncholy and apologetic when drunk, which added a layer of confusion to hear him take responsibility THEN forget he said anything and look puzzled completely when I tried to discuss it during a sober day.
So, back to having this DEFAULT boundary setting tape running in my head.....which I don't want to hear or put into the world any more.
I have to invent a new language.....like figuring out how to talk to my brother..... this is THAT, I think. Same old thing, but wrapping it'round everything and everyone one without confusion or hesitation or having to fake it or buck myself up after stuffing it down where all childhood trauma used to land.
How to simply state boundaries, my way.....not using language others say I should use or language expected of me.... I can't heal the world through my selection of words. I can model setting boundaries for das kinder, but that's the end of my expectations.
I'm resisting using really friendly non violent communication, bc it only created more trouble for me with the crazy contractor..... but that shouldn't mean I throw the baby out with the bathwater, right?
Being misunderstood was something my father never ever ever had to worry about.
I do, apparently, bc I own female parts?
::sigh::.
Straight talk, without judgment, and without beating about the bush trying to save anyone's feelings seems the right direction to travel.
Necessary facts stated.
Stated boundaries.
Stated consequences... sans emotional charge. Just getting on with the business of the day...... without building it up and injecting it with fear or whatever conjures up confusion and renders me unable to speek my truth.
It's not fear. Not anymore.
It feels like a miracle to drop my head to one side, size up a person and situation and just KNOW what to say, without second guessing or wondering if THIS person or THAT person will approve.
Where in that eqation does my default father setting...... the BLAST of cruel reality( I didn't want to hear or say..... ) where does that GO? I guess I finish processing that heat and upset and move it OUT of my brain so it's not bouncing around in there, presenting as a choice anymore.
I never thought of that as a trauma I should waste good T time on, but I think it's time to deal with it.
And.... can I figure that out w/o my T? Since we're face to face again.... I think I'd like to do it with her, but maybe work on it while waiting for that appointment.
Sometimes I wonder how much of my troubled inner waters belong to ME and what belongs to the people who raised me...... if there's a difference and it feels like there definitely IS a difference.
In the meantime...... I'm SEEING things in front of me requiring attention,w hich means there's joy in doing mundane things in the house, around the house.
When I'm in the past or future I can't SEE what;s right in front of me..... it's like I'm blind to it. Truly. My sister used to say I was clutter blind, but it's more than that. It's what;s in front of me I can't see.
Lighter
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Wow. Those sound like big insights, Lighter.
Not just how to set and hold calm healthy clear boundaries, but creeping up on PEACEFULLY doing so. Disarming the alarms and trigger plates.
Kudos!
Lots of discernment, awareness of self and others' vibes and responsibilities, and where they end.
I can always think of the perfect thing to say in those situations, btw...a month later.
hugs
Hops
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LOL....yup. About a month, later, Hops. That's about the truth of it.
And I don't completely believe silencing my fathere's very direct, no bones about it voice is 100% necessary/right/healthy.
Sometimes..... like when we let child molestors and perpetrators of violent crimes OUT of prison.... that voice seems more than appropriate to me. We keep people in prison for 20 plus years for selling pot out of their basements..... fine, upstanding people,but light your child on fire and let him burn, to get back at your ex wife....and you maybe get 8 years. WHAT IS THAT?
Compassion stops at the place where future harm to innocents happens. It drops away and I'm not sure where it goes, Hops.
Everywhere else in the prison system..... I want to trace the people who created the harm and trauma and symptoms (inmates) and STOP that ongoing original harm..... heal the inmates who aren't moved to harm, rape and kill children and the weak. But not the people who get a thrill from doing harm..... not them, not at all. I dont' want themt to suffer, mind you.
I'd feel....... naked if that voice were banished..... I think. It's what I feel is my gut....my inner knowing and wow...... that's something to unpack.
Lighter
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The Cowboy neighbors invited us for Oktoberfest last night. My sister and I ran over for an hour for brats, homemade sourkraut and potato salad. Was all very yummy on their big smoker/ grill.
I enjoyed chatting up the wives and one single gal....she just sold her late mum's house to the Cowboy's grown son, who was very chatty and happy at dinner. Usually he's very sour, but not last night.
Yes, the Yelly Guy was there with his lovely wife. I walked by him and said hello to all the boys without looking his way, then headed for the kitchen to help out with food.
I'm not gonna peck out details with this one finger, but YG was weird, more than once and generally tried to talk to me, speaking as though I'm a skittish bird, low and slow, once about my truck tires. Once to offer me a beer. I say no to everything about him and didn't say goodnight when we left. He texted ,"goodnight" and I ignored him. Really icky.
My sister said he came into my yard when I came home after running around all afternoon. I didn't see him, but sis said he apologized for being drunk. He said they'd all been drinking for hours, which I could plainly see for myself.
Sis just left the yard and didn't make him feel better.
As I dug out Halloween decorations from under the house I resented thinking about how loud I'd shout for him to leave if he poked his head into the crawl space. I like my crawlspace, btw. He's not gonna ruin it for me. I was happy my mind didn't run to worry about physically encountering his 6 foot something frame in such a small space. I think I'd win, btw.
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The super thick,super healthy miss in the backyard has a fungus circular patterned problem I've been defeated by. I have to give up the moss there and now also in the front yard as retired nurse has decided she prefers the color of weeds and grass to moss and will no longer use Preen on her adjoining little plot.
I've seen Yelly guy chatting her up, doing favors for her and crossing through her yard to access the trails so MY intuition tells me she's upset with me over his winging about things he tells her I've said and done. I go back and forth over saying nothing to her and doing what I need in the yard ( she won't be happy with btw) OR having an honest chat and discussing her real problem with me before I salt the earth and build a wall.
On a happier note,vmy sister and I spent a couple hours at the cowboy's house catching up, talking about real estate, the island ( Cowboy wants to go and has mad skills, woluld be welcome) so I know Yelly guy hasn't soured them on me. In fact, I don't see him over there with his wife any longer and wonder if they had a falling out. I know cowgirl and yelly guy's wife were very close so cowcouple would choose her over yelly guy if there were problems there. That automatically means I'll be ok with them.....I think.
I was chatting to my other next door neighbor and the nurse kept cutting her off when she asked me questions so it's not in my mind. I just went back to pulling weeds on the border of our yards.....and steaming about whether or not our shared side yard with amazing miss has can remain moss or not. It's SO gorgeous but no one uses it, particularly me. I can simply explain end the natural ground cover around my Hemlocks. The little strip of moss next to her house can go back to weeds and dirt and I'll still have 2 perfectly mossed side yards and many tree circles to enjoy and care for.
I realize I need a bit of space and time to find my chill before making decisions.
Letting go of so much moss is easier than I thought it would be. It helped heal me and now I can let it go.
Lighter
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I'm sorry, Lighter.
It's painful to feel you're being gossiped about.
I hope enough mellow neighborly bonds remain to keep you at peace.
I guess the old "good fences make good neighbors" might stand for psychological boundaries too. I am close to two neighbors but really went through it at one time with the gardening one, the British woman. We had a falling out but over time I could tell she regretted it and both forgiveness and genuinely wanting each other to be well, came through for us both. She's prickly but good at heart, and most of her intense stuff was just her insecurity.
We still socialize some and since she has a partner now, she's much mellower. We help each other and sometimes just have a glass of wine and a yak. She likes to have parties and often includes me. I don't always go but appreciate the invites.
Hope moss heals and hearts heal.....
hugs
Hops
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PS Speaking of yards, a friend of mine and her hubby brought me 2 free trees today -- a red maple and a pecan. Soon after my lawn guy showed up with his crew and planted them, along with a dogwood I had them move. A little triad of great trees I'll likely never see at their full growth, but it made me so happy.
I have a big unbroken expanse of back yard I haven't been able to do a lot to, but that has always felt a little empty. This little "grove" near the center will make this ground better and more beautiful for decades to come.
I also decide not to grow veggies this year. I'm going to keep the focus on my house and my health/reconditioning, so am just covering the beds with biodegradable paper stuff (cool insulating brown paper that came all winter with grocery deliveries) to let that rot in, let the soil rest and improve, and next spring if I'm up to it, I'll try again. Felt great relief, since my gardening ambitions had been exceeding my abilities or motivation. It's a year off, that's all, and hopefully not more.
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Ahhhh, lovely to watch newly planted trees grow, Hops. And good for you taking a gardening break to focus on yourself. It's hard work.
I'm meeting with my moss friend today.....and researching salting the earth which feels a little wrong, but also SO right.
Lighter
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My sister and I will be making lovely little moss table arrangements for my friend's late H memorial service...... similar to the ones we made for my father's service.
Lighter
It's tying in with saying goodbye to areas of moss we've cared for and cultivated with love.
Google moss table arrangements if you want a feel good moment..... they're very special, imo.
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My sister got the Preen down just before the rain, so..... that's the moss cared for till decisions are made regarding expanding natural areas.
Lighter
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I've been watching garden videos almost non-stop for the past 3-4 days. A time waster for sure but what else am I going to do. Mostly I like to watch people do their container gardening combos with things like petunia and coleus or whatever.
My landlord has a yard I pretty much just watch her pull weeds. There are California poppies and irises blooming. Fighting hummingbirds, deer turds, raccoon turds, baby rabbits, bees, one okay rose plant, another neglected unhappy rose plant that probably just needs to be moved and fertilized. Cedar trees that are too large and drop loads of mess on the side of the house. Lots of sedums, couple broken trees from frozen snow the last winter. Columbine, acanthus, day lilly, purple aster, lots of standard things, white daisies everywhere.
There are some Arbutus/Madrona trees or whatever people wanna call em on the property and I would be so inclined to trim off a few of the limbs that are growing in a downwards slant just to make the yard look uplifted and cheerful.
It's odd, the landlord cut out two huge shrubs that were healthy and she left in a tree that is sending out sucker roots underground, pretty sure it's some invasive thing. I looked it up a while back. She keeps the invasive thing that is going to send out runners that go feet out from the tree and send up shoots. She also has irises crowding her rose plant like hundreds of them which she should thin out and give to her next door neighbor who talked to me about how much she likes them. People are just weird in so many ways but who am I to judge.
It's nice but I'd prefer to actually have my own garden. Anyhow I sit and drink tea in the garden sometimes. No traffic noise, lots of birds.
I think I could be content if I had nothing to do but garden for the rest of my life.
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Would you consider asking her if you can garden?
Could be healing.
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Meh. I've already done some weeding for her but I'm also paying her. Also, I really need to move this rental is cold in the winters and isolated etc. It's kinda dirty and grungy in the lower section of a house. It was only ever meant to be temporary.
It's kind of like how having a rabbit foot keychain isn't the same as having a pet dog.
I washed off the porch with soap and water, cleaned out the recycle and garbage can bins with soap and water. Attempted to 'rake' the cedar tree debris with a dollar store dust pan because why would I have a rake. And washed the doormat with soap. I guess I just have nervous energy and since it's spring I wish things were nicer. She has like 3-4 giant cedar trees growing only 7 feet apart from the house and she never trims the lower limbs, they are growing over her deck so far that I have to hunch over to walk up the stairs and duck below the branches. The next door neighbors actually rake up all the debris and dispose of it on their side of the fence. Doesn't matter. At least I cleaned a little bit.
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Moss centerpieces sound nice.
I made a weird moss sculpture that lasted about one year. Didn't perk up too well after winter. It wasn't really meant to be anything but it ended up looking like boobs because I put stones in the middle of it but really nobody saw it. There is a patch of wild moss in the woods in my neighborhood under one particular tree and I took a couple fistfulls of it, transported it, shaped it into round blobs. I have no idea what sort of moss it is because I didn't check it too closely. Anyhow, weird experiment I guess. It seems to grow on mycelium that grows on rotting wood.
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I really love putting my hands into the moss and making beautiful things. There's a wedding venue near me with a Japanese garden theme. I never drive by it without thinking about making chandaleir and table arrangements for them...... the moss is so beautiful in arragements.
So perfectly simple and energized.
It sounds like you enjoy working with the moss too, Mouse. You can always put the moss back if it stops looking unhealthy indoors. Moss grows 4 seasons..... all the time. Take a little, put it back, get another fistfull of healthy stuff. Maybe find another rock you love and feels good in your hands to arrange in a container with the moss.
Have you looked for new places to live?
Lighter
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yep gardening is fun, there are a few types of moss around, down the street there is a big patch of club moss under a tree and the moss itself looks like miniture trees or no maybe it's called Juniper Haircap moss not sure
nope haven't looked yet, I definitely have to start looking at rentals and see what is out there, it's aways a puzzle piece the commute and all that :) but yeah I just need to get all of this done I will feel better if my life is in order
when I live in the city pretty much a person can commute to a lot of places w/o a car
i've been hoping I don't really have to go back in towards the city though I just don't know yet
I think with this Covid thing there has generally been an exodus from the city areas if people can do that
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Don't forget to utilize your local message boards and ask about rental spaces coming available or something NOT available, but COULD be available if you state your need.
Check out the area and potential landlords.... roomates carefully. I've heard a lot of really upsetting stories, Mouse.
About the moss..... take a bit of whatever it's growing on if you intend to pot some up and enjoy it. If it starts going South, put it back where you found it...just stomp it into place...moss likes being stepped on. Sometimes I'll poke a thin stick or 3 through to pin in place if it's likely to get washed away.
I love the idea of you touching and spritzing moss in your living space, Mouse. Moss is so happy when it's moist.... so green and perky: )
Lighter
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I'm putting Preen down, ahead of schedule, today.
The retired nurse is putting down grass seed in an area that washes into my side yard, which is problematic. I'm done pulling weeds there and since she was mowing it..... it wasn't a big deal. I guess maybe it's still not a big dea? Not sure, but I'm bugged.
I have hemlocks to treat for wooly adelgid and leaves to blow, so will turn toward those tasks instead of this feeling of irritation... then see where I'm at end of day.
it's going to rain, so it's a good time to get the Preen down. Better ahead of schedule than behind.
The necrotic ring blight has really taken over my back yard and Ive remained limp. I have leaves to blow out of the other side yard and will get to that...must sort out electric cords. Not a big deal, just the beginning of tending leaves on the edge of a forest.
Lighter
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I decided to line the property line between the nurse and my yard with fairly large rocks and that happened about the time the nurse came home from work. We walked the property line, chatted about it and made sure she was happy with it. She complained about the thick, perfect moss left on her side of the line and I ignored her.
At a point, she wanted me to help her move some of her too high piled leaves OUT of her leaf island and INTO my new leaf areas, but I was going up on the roof and had lots of leaf blowing of my own to do before the rain started. it was already spitting and the roof is steep steep steep so..... I went to my job and left Nurse gobsmacked and heading to her lawnmower to chop up some of the leaves in the circle. When I got off the roof I noticed she'd done JUST her side of the circle, which seemed a bit childish. I usually do the entire thing myself. Whatever.
Another thing the nurse said was "Your sister is a hard worker and knows how to FINISH things she starts." I was like.... uh huh, she does.
Then she said it again, with more emphasis.... like I sould take offense and I pictured my sister purchasing mice to mouse people's basements who tick her off. My sister does commit and finish what she starts, particularly when someone is dicking with her. Me? Tick me off and I'll bring you the rocks you ask for and bring you food when you're sick.
Anyhoo, nurse actually met adult Lighter today and she was obviously not pleased AND she was unhinged enough she was letting the things she and Yelly Guy gossip about seep out.... she just couldn't help it.
As I walked to start my roof gutters, nurse said... "Maybe the wind will blow some of those leavs off yur roof."
I said i was going to handle them and she said.... :Better get started." Like I needed her to order me around.
It's clear... she's squarely in Yelly Guy's corner and I don't much have to worry about it, bc I just made sure I don't have to spend much time in my front yard anymore. She can handle her side, with YG's help, and that's fine with me.
I did talk to Cowboy about this today... before I made my decision. His advice was..... "YG will find someone else to bug....this will pas. When is see him in the street or near my yard, I just walk away and go to my proch and you have a porch..it's not fair, but you distance yourself and he'll get tired of helping the nurse without any pay off."
OK. And so the rocks and leaves happened.
Oh oh! I did my roof without any weakness or problems..... and it's a very steep roof. I have my groove back, baby! Feeling strong and had a lot of energy since the cold passed. To be clear, I was uber careful, esp at first while I figured out where I was with ability and strength. Had to change shoes then it was off to the races...... I'm so pleased!
We have 100% rain tonight and tomorrow, so will work inside tomorrow. The rain should wet down the leaves on the property line and cement them in place. THAT was a priority. I'll see how the water is running in the downpour..... and tweek anything needs it.
Lighter
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SO, the nurse has dropped that cloying sweet way of speaking, so different from her usualy no nonsense cadence I've missed.
I don't know if my demeanor is reason for the change OR if Yelly Guy outed himself as a liar or said something a bridge too far about me. Whatever it was..... I hope it lasts.
YG hasn't been around... and neither has his wife. Maybe it's a co inky dink.
Does it matter? Not really.
I saw my moss friend yesterday and had such a lovely visit. Her home is so serene.....the fireplace was going...... everything was in it's place. There's such serenity when it's just us. Don't get me wrong..... I like her husband. I think she loves him...in the way a traumatized child raised in an alcoholic home can love a man who refuses to slow down or stop drinking, even as his wife begs and explains she feels worthless when he refuses. And he does refuse. Has always refused.
He's not so kind to her behind closed doors...... and now her sister knows this after living with them for 2 months. The cat's out of the bag and she's not sure what to do about it, if anything. I encouraged her to continue with the Al Anon meetings without judgment, at least till she finds some clarity. She's only attended 2 meetings.
Boundaries are new to her. Enforcing them seems beyond her reach. For now. Will just have to see.
But our visit, the just us stuff, was lovely. Maybe there's a way to find some emotional and physical distance from her husband's drinking....without changing her marital situation. Maybe. She's Feeling trapped.... her kids tell her they don't want to hear about it anymore.... she feels voiceless in her family.
She's also feeling a bit wrinkly around her younger, never been kissed by the sun sister. I told her I love the sun and much prefer it's company to sitting indoors my entire life. I wouldn't trade it for a smoother face,but then...... my inner crone beckons and assures me the best is yet to come.
I believe her.
Lighter
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Cheers to cronehood Lighter! It does have it's freedom and joys.
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I've been clearing branches and sticks out 8f the yard, fully expecting to enjoy the wirk, movement and sunshine.
I'm a little shocked with the rumination over the Yelly neighbor and retired nurse anything up to him after I shared his wildly innapropriate behavior.
And I go back and forth...upset with YG then the nurse and there's nothing I can do about it without widening the circle of suffering.
But then, it's pretty much just me suffering right now and I've managed to see more choices and, finally, compassion for retired nurse.
I was kicking rocks and eating bologna samuches till about 2 hours ago....abd compassion fell like a wet blanket on my resentment and anger, which is a relief.
I process this with the Cowboy, who wants to call the magistrate Court and ask for a TRO. At first he wanted me to call, while leaving him and cowgirl out if it, but I already know where that leads.
Cowboy saying YG still seeking out Cowgirl in the forest.....Cowboy knows sure YG is stalking me and his wife.
He can make that call, esp since YG hasn't spoken to me recently. If we pass, I growl and he runs fast by me. I'm so past pretending.....well to the point of resolving my feelings and how I'll handle things, one way or the other.
I don't think YG's wife needs protection from what her husband IS. She knows. She might be relieved to hear the truth and put a stop to his pressing in where he's been asked to stay far away.
Cowboy knows she'd put YG husband in his place....all the money is her family money.
My T will want to process all the energy out of this situation for me......then hope I can let it all go.....find enjoyment in my yard again and maybe have one compassionate chat with Retired Nurse, to clarify and understand without expectation.
The thing is.....Im done sucking it up so everyone is comfy. That's going to change. I can't quite see how yet, but I will.
Lighter
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I looked out the front window early this morning and saw 2 police cars at the Cowboy house. I also saw two little grandchildren of my actual nextdoor neighbor dressed like policemen and drving their little electric police cars around the circle. I had to rub my eyes and make sure what I was looking at.
I went to feed the pug and saw 2 police uniforms in my backyard, realized it was the kids running from the barking pug and chased the kids into my drive, trying to get them back to the backyard to pet the pug BUT the pug ran into the street and almost got to the Cowboy's house... she would have too, if she wasn't so hungry. The Cowboys were in the driveway with the cops.....voices were raised a bit, but not bad.
I fed the pug hen went to let the boys pet the pug on leash. I was in their driveway with their exhausted looking grandparents when the Cowgirl looked over and saw us looking her way..... I'm sure it looked like we'd set up lawn chairs to watch the police action, but really it was the preschooler twins in their cop cars and not them.
I have such terrible luck with this kind of thing.
Anyway, I've released that discomfort. The Cowboy got into an Uber while carrying a little black briefcase. I just saw a fire truck go by in the direction of Cowboy's office... I'm at the grocery store now.
The Cowgirl texted me to keep my head down, things were "going to get ungly."
I hope she's secured the Cowboy's guns... I hope he didn't have one in his case. Anothr siren just went by.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Let's hope.
Lighter
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YIKES.
Keep us posted....
hugs
Hops
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OK..... Cowboy kept calling me for a ride..... texted he was trapped at his office and needed a ride home bc his credit cards were cut off. I was busy and not sure if he should go home.... the Cowgirl, son and DIL were at the son's home, talking in the driveway. I was walking with a friend in the street, bc she needed a flat surface to walk on. Normally, I'd be in the forest. Not today.
I didn't know if Cowgirl knew Cowboy was trying to get back home OR IF there was an Order keeping him away and the Cowgirl told me she was out till Monday.... gone to a safe place, and she wanted me to pick up Cowboy and bring him home.
I didn't ask her if she wanted that. I asked if he was allowed home. As much as I wanted to know his state of mind, read that as my need to know if he was making threats with guns OR NOT I didn't want to get into a car with him OR be at his house if he was locked out OR at the moment he discovered his wife and dog were gone, etc.
I did nothing till I was clear on the situation, then called the CB back and he began demanding to know where his family was, did I know then went on to be belligerant and rude.... he didn't need my help. FINE by me. He was home, obviously and upset everyone left him to his own devices.
That said, I noticed his son moved his truck off the street they share and onto another street. Since CB stole his wife's keys eariler in the week, emptied her car and said he was going to have her arrested for driving HIS car, I assume he began making similar threats about the truck his son is driving for work... used to be th CB's truck.
This monring's trouble was about CB stealing CG;s work laptop and hiding it so she couldn't find it. Even with the cops ordering CB to produce the laptop, he couldn't or wouldn't... not sure if he forgot bc of drinking or just didn't want to give it back. He hid it another time and one of his friends found it in a filing cabinet in the garage, bc CB forgot where he hid it.
Cowgirl said the stolen key stunt cost her $400, she wasn't pleased and told Cowboy he had to choose between alcohol and her. He chose alcohol and to continue behaving like a child trying to ruin her job and ability to work which is supporting them AS HE RUNS UP CREDIT CARDS HE PROMISES TO PAY THEN DOESN'T. This makes zero sense to me, but I believe her. I have compassion for everything CB lost, but the way he's dealing with it reminds me of similar experiences I've had.... mostly the contractor. Like a little boy, kicking rocks and eating bologna samiches.
CG planning to ask for a TRO on Monday. All the guns are still in the house and she's very worried about that situation too. She left the back door open, in case CB couldn't find his keys, bc he's been so drunk. Ugh. Just.... so bad. I see an arrest, mental health hold and detox in the Cowboy's very near future. Even when he manages to sound a bit reasonable, he's just posturing and scheming against the family plan to go to therapy together. He hates the idea... thinks they should figure it out on their own.
I saw a car at their home a couple hours ago... not sure what that was about. CG said she's seen UBER rides pop up on their account, so she knows he's using their debit card to catch rides...... he's not trapped, as he's claiming. I'm guessing he had someone bring him alcohol.
My immune system took a hit and my cough worsened by the end of the day. The pollen isn't helping either... feel it in my throat and sinuses. I'm going to sleep 10 hours.
I have an out of town guest and we walked the street, working on her regaining a normal gait since her car accident.... she's limping out of habit, not bc she needs to. That went well. She has to retrain her left foot to trust her injured foot will carry her weight again.
Right foot has almost zero feeling.... just a bit in her big toe. She's usingn a tens machine for pain.
My friend also insisted make sure our doors are locked and secured with braces before bed, bc "Cowboy is going to go straight for me, bc I'm staying in your befroom, Lighter!" Sort of funny, but not.
It sucks women have to worry about being harmed or killed if they refuse to placate men. Another man could bark "sraighten the F up and fly right" to the same guy and perhaps de escalate the situation. Cowboy not behaving like an arse in front of his male neighbors, just his wife and dwindling female outsiders who refuse to enable him.
I didn't think Cowboy should come home, btw. I thought MAYBE a blanket should be anonamously dropped at his office and he be left to himself for the weekend. The Cowgirl said he had" NO where else to go...... at least he'd be safe in the house "(full of guns) and I just don't see it that way. He made his bed (on the office sofa) and chose to go there this morning. If it was me, I would have locked the house up tight before leaving and hoped he didn't come home.... done NOTHING to lessen the discomfort and consequences he's reaping. Cowgirl didn;t know where to begin looking for the guns.... she just wanted out and away. Said she hopes her son and SIL can handle any trouble. Suggested I call the police if I hear gunshots.
Does that sound cold or lacking compassion? The kind cut is the stinkiest cut..... the longer he's enabled, the more time passes before he hits rock bottom and begins his ascent, if there's to be one.
Not my circus, not my Cowboy. He's home and we shall see.
Lighter
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It sucks women have to worry about being harmed or killed if they refuse to placate men.
And this is why I overcame my fear of pistols, got the training, qualified, permitted... all legal, to be able to defend myself, Lighter. I know when/where I can defend my castle and stand my ground. I trust myself to act wisely. (But I could use more target practice!)
When one finds oneself in those situations, they often happen with no warning... and 12 yr old me, doesn't EVER want to be defenseless again. Protectors aren't always around.
Not everyone can or should make the same choice, that I did. It's a personal decision and I respect what others choose. But the only other option I see, besides protecting yourself is to get yourself away from the potential threat.
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I agree, Amber.....
if we'e depending on someone else to defend us.....
we're waiting for someone to show up, too late, with yellow crime scene tape, IME.
Every cell in my being disagrees with that option. I've never had to think about it. It just IS.
Lighter
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I'm grateful I have civil but clear boundaries with my neighbors.
If family drama and dysfunction or toxic aggressive energies should spill beyond their homes, they won't spill into mine because I've never offered any opening for involvement and have clearly indicated my lack of interest in that. Even nonverbally.
I have two neighbors I trust and am friends with. Have another with rolly eyes and clear signs of untrustworthiness (even a scary record) so I drew an invisble fairly fierce boundary with him from the get-go. So far, eleven years of peace, no drama.
I hope peace soon returns to your cul-de-sac, Lighter. Hope you will stay well and protect your serenity.
hugs
Hops
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Walking Baby Girl Pug this morning and taking the sun into retinas when I heard a dragging sound.... like when I drag the sleds across the ground. We were entereing the forest in a pretty quiet area when I something up in the trees moved.... and it was a baby bear cub scrabbling up then down a tree.
We quick turned and head back the way we came. Lots of bear sightings in the hood.
Lighter
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Here too! Cubs are adorable but mamas come out of hibernation HANGRY. And humans, especially entitled ones who post "who do I call to have this bear removed?It's ripped up my birdfeeder/deck/trashcans!!" are just...words fail.
Enny you the sweet spotting and admire your smart response. Scoot!
hugs
Hops
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I was shocked and immediately wondered where mama bear was..... maybe she sent the cub up the tree so she could handle whatever was huffing, puffing and jangling it's way towards them..... we are noisy critters when walking, thank goodness.
As yummy as it might have been to stand there and watch that little cub, it did not cross my mind, not even a bit.
Enjoy your bears, Hops!
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I texted the Retired Nurse neighbor permission to dump her leaves in my leaf islands..... then went back to what I was doing without another thought in her direction.
The reason I sent that text was bc I've withdrawn from care about her reasons or stories over the choice to invite Yelly Guy Neightbor into her yard..... I haven't noticed him lately, when he's been near I don't have any energectic reactivity and I'm just ready
to
be
done
with
it.
I've laid it down without thoiught or agreement to do so. It simply IS.
Retired Nurse immediately responded with gratitude and asked if I wanted the leaves anywhere in particular, which seemed a bit much.... I offered so she didn't have to drag leaves far. It would defeat the purpose to instruct her to drag them somewhere specific.
I guess this is her back to a fawning, sickly sweet tone but hey....... that's her stuff. Not mine. Yesterday she was handling her leaves and I didn't look over to see how that was going. I don't need to know or speak about it. There's peace for me around it.
WHY there's peace for me...... I think..... if I haven't already posted about it..... was telling both neigtbors on either side of Retired Nurse the facts around Yelly Guy, closing my trail and the Nurse's Choice to invite Yelly Guy into our cul-de-sac, which felt agressively hostile at the time, but doesn't now I'm no longer carrying it in silence.
It just IS.
Whew...... :going to the river forn an hour during a small sunny period in this day::.
I'm going to have my niece all to myself on the river. We went for a hike yesterday, in perfect weather, in the forest behind the house, with Baby Girl Pug..... it's cool here, so all is well.
Lighter
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I ordered 5 gallons of the ferti-lome shrub and tree drench to deal with the Adelgid problem on the Hemlocks..... NOTHING is stopping me from completing this job, except rain. I will finish this upon arrival.
All is calm in th neighborhood today.... the 2 well trained German dogs just crossed our path in the forest and I was so glad, bc they looked like fast moving bears at a distance. They don't even bark.... they heel and everything else dogs are supposed to do. Amazing to see them in the forest, love it.
We have an Amazon bonfire going..... after last night's rain it's smoking and popping a lot... lots to say. Seems just right.
My niece just boarded her plane after spending 3 hours staring up at the sky by the river.... dappled shade and blue skys with white nad gray clouds rolling by.... glorious. The river was way up and the woods green and happy for the rain.
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Hope you don't mind me posting this on your Yard thread, Lighter.
I might be having to face the decision to cut down my one huge, magnificent and ailing old tree that's four feet from my house -- the joy of my yard. Two huge branches came down in the storm the other night. One caught the corner of the roof and the other damaged a fence, but I'm not sure yet whether homeowners' will pay for it.
I'd heard a bang in the night but thought it came from neighbor's. SO SAD. (Though as one landed not far from my bedroom window, also counting my blessings.)
hugs
Hops
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I just had two dead oaks dropped a couple weeks ago. They would've smashed my barn and blocked the drive & taken out the field fence, if they came down on their own. We should get most of a season's worth of wood from just those two trees.
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I don't know Hops.... I'm sure you'll have the tree assessed before making any decisions.
Maybe there are dead limbs..... but the tree's healthy enough to remain another 10 or so years? I hope so... you sound so attached: /
There's an ailing Red Oak, just on the other side of our property line. It leans towards our bedrooms..... I have to have a chat with those neighbors and put something in writing... i think.... to put their insurance company on the hook.
Hey, Hops..... what say you on Ralph W. Moss, PhD's work on complementary and alternative cancer therapies? Seems like something you'd know a bit about and maybe have an opinion. Thanks: )
Lighter
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The arborist came and said the tree's okay to carry on...the limbs were very big and a huge couple extend over the house. It's 4 feet from the back of the house. It took out part of the patio fence and also damaged the roof, but not too badly I believe. When that day comes they will have to use a crane to take it down. It's the tallest tree on the block.
I'm on hold with the insurer, dreading the process. But the arborist also took pix for me. The insurer was kind enough to mention that they wouldn't expect me to climb on the roof to cover it with a tarp.
Good luck with the oak! I didn't know you could require neighbors to agree to cover limb fall. One of my downers is over the big fence I jsut had rebuilt and sticking into their yard. I don't know if they'll cut it up or expect my insurer to cover it...but I recall (vaguely) something about if a neighbor's tree falls into your yard, tough. Ack.
Glad you got the dangerous ones removed, Amber! The idea of something falling on that barn is not nice. Hope it goes well and safely.
I don't know Dr. Ross' work, Lighter...but it might not surprise you that I don't favor alternative cancer treatments pulling patients away from proven (even though sometimes grueling) ones. A friend who was extremely anti-conventional medicine died a ghastly death from a breast tumor...and anyway, I believe in allopathy. Being a DES daughter illuminated a lot of it for me in the 1960s. It's a drug that was prescribed to many women in the 50s and 60s before they knew it could cause a rare cancer in the babies. I was monitored for cancer for two decades before my precondition resolved. Had a surgical procedure too. The irony is that although it was generally an ineffective anti-miscarriage agent, in my case it was clear I wouldn't have been born without it (my mother went off it a month before I was due and I was born in 24 hours). So, weirdly, this nasty drug saved my life.
hugs
Hops
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Whew.... once I climbed my roof and glue gunned extra shingles over a hole where a limb shot through the attic like a spear. How big is your hole, Hops?
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I dunno, because I can't climb up there. I think it's probably not big, and in a weird way fortunate...because insurers are only interested in tree falls that hit structures? For that reason I'm hopeful. But that may be backward thinking. We have more rain due so if there's leakage, that'd add up.
I'm more upset about the possible home-damage for owls I think I've seen in the canopy. I mainly just have to grip a grip on the anxiety this kind of thing triggers.
hugs
Hops
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I know we have bats, but I don't think the owls are close by. Do you hear them in the yard?
I see neighbors post pics of owlets and their beautiful parents, but I don't hear them lately.
I'd be upset over the owls too.
The frogs started laying eggs 2 days ago, so that's a happy thing.
The taddy neighbor will stop by to get some for her pools. She needs to move them under some bushes when the sseaon ends, bc the frogs ingore her every year.
I walked the pug at dusk with lightening bugs and the breeze rustling the trees.... a little warm but really beautiful.
Lighter
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Not lately, but it's too skeetery to be out in the yard at dark right now. Hope to.
I love the way they look in flight and everything else about them.
Hops
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Just walked the pug and there were no bugs at all. No lightening bugs or biters.
I found a little frog in a mostly empty tadpole container..... he ate all the eggs and almost all the taddies.
I think the neighbor's bobtailed cat got to the tadpoles in the second container.
I should put a container on the back porch to keep some safe, if I want any tree frogs at all.
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Getting HOT! I worked in the yard till 11am yesterday before retreating into the AC with ice water and thoughts of the heat driving youo indoors, Amber.
I didn't use to be so sensitive, but maybe it's like bell peppers....
they didn't bug me till I heard a little Southern lady say....
"Bellpeppas repeeat own meee."
Ever since, bell peppers repeat on me: /
Lighter
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The moss is so happy wtih all the rain. It's time to put down Preen and I'll get to that soon.... it's enjoyable for me.
There's maybe 10 little maple trees about 4 feet tall out back in the wooded area near the forest. I'm going to pick a few to let grow and maybe transplant the rest.
My tadpoles aren't sprouting legs like I think they're supposed to. I haven't seen one frog or one leg, in fact. My friend's all turned into frogs and left, but she was feeding her tadpole food daily.
Maybe it's happening when I'm not looking.
Baby birds are playing in the back yard. I'm sure the neighbor's kitties are hunting their little hearts out.
It's prime weeding weather out.... drizzly with some thunder showers.. .. cooling down a lot.
Lighter
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After much fruitless searching, I got a referral from a friend for a yard helper. I am SO happy about him, even though he's $10 more per hour than I usually pay. I just had a feeling about him.
He's from Nigeria, I think, and so professional and kind natured. He weeded and mulched the entire front (which was getting embarrassingly jungly) with its separate beds and crazed vines and oodles of weeds, pllus the choked rain garden, in 2.5 hours and did it meticulously. My master-gardener neighbor wrote an email to say so.
I wish I could do it all myself but my back will not permit. So I just decided if it means scraping a bit off my retirement kitty, so be it. Caring for all this does bring me joy.
hugs
Hops
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Enjoy this lovely Nigerian man and all the beauty he brings to you and your garden, Hops.
I love your neighbor commented happily about how good the yard looks.
Lighter
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Hopsie, forgive me if I've missed something along the way, but are you not in your retirement phase yet? I think it very sensible to use money put by for help when you are unable to do things for yourself to be spent on help with something you are unable to do for yourself :) Especially something that brings as much pleasure as a garden (and the gardener sounds very lovely as well). I'm glad you got it done and hope you get some nice autumn evenings to sit out in it xx
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A big'ol YES to joy, Hopsy: )
Lighter
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And thanks for the joy vote, Lighter!
Tupp, I've been retired from FT (full time) work since end of 2015 (the gigging lasted about 3 years), and now, what I've put by might cover help (health aide if that day comes, more home help) for a year or two. I'm in my early 70s so there could be (or not) quite a few years to go. My parents were long lived (Dad into mid-80s, Mom until 98). I have no windfalls coming from any direction so have been regarding my savings as for emergencies only. I also save every month toward my emergency fund, which I have to tap for things like fallen trees, and also need to anticipate major home situations bound to happen: replacement of the very old furnace will be probably $10,000 minimum, still haven't fixed minor damage to the corner of the roof from the branches fall because even though it's minor, finding a person who won't be really expensive is going to wait a year.
I would LOVE to lavish more repairs and improvements on my nest, but my nest egg isn't big enough to take risks with (it's less than a quarter of what fiduciaries say a person my age should have on hand). So...I still loved your perspective because it does bring joy to improve the appearance of my house/yards, and I will do what I can to keep that going.
Years ago, I could paint my own house and indoors and do many more things for myself. Now, I have to hire help for any improvement because my back is so fragile right now that 10 minutes in the kitchen triggers pain. (PT on the horizon.) When my sweet friend B was here he did some small repairs and it hit me that I've had no help I didn't pay for in decades. It really showed me the reality.
Anyway, loved your perspective, Tupp. Just working out how to strike a sane but not fear-driven balance.
hugs
Hops
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Aw Hopsie, I'm sorry for misunderstanding your post. I'd read it like you felt guilty for spending on something nice, like it was an indulgence? I didn't realise it was a 'pot not full enough' situation. It's incredibly frustrating, I think, to work and look after others throughout your life and then to find yourself without enough left for what you need. Ditto not being able to rely on good quality state/government provision and so not having to worry about paying for help. I hope you get some improvement with your back, everything is so much harder if even basic household stuff is painful. I do get the fear/worry over not knowing, and even just with finding good people to do the work well so that what you do spend is well spent. It's a lot to have to manage and keep on top of. $10,000 for a furnace is eye watering, it's all so expensive. I hope you are able to have the nice gardener in again, even in the winter I think it's nice to have a garden to spend time in xx
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I kept thinking about this, Hopsie, is there not a novel inside you? Or a blog or YouTube channel or something like that? You've had so many experiences in life, learnt so much from them, have so much you can pass on to others, whether through fiction or practical advice - ADHD, family estrangement, family care situations, dating in later life, setting up villages! I don't know how it all works but there seem to be ways that people make money out of blogs and channels? Hopsie's Guide to Life, What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Younger kind of stuff? I'm frustrated that your finances are not helping you enough :) xx
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Awww thanks, ((((Tupp)))).
I really shouldn't complain about not having a fat cushion. Compared to most people in the world I'm privileged as hell. And not exactly terrified about money, but concerned. Maybe the state of the country/world seeps in, too. It's mostly the familylessness, probably.
I have an intense desire to leave my D my house, because she'll never have her own home unless she inherits this one. I put it in trust for her years ago. So to me, it's off limits. I sure wouldn't want to sell it to pay for somebody to take care of my body if it's not working any more -- because I just don't want to live through that kind of misery if it's avoidable. That leads me to a different outcome and a dark one. It was nice to talk with friend B, who said he has the same thoughts. So many older people do ponder the big escape. I loathe our system of obstacles. Anyhoo, not today or hopefully not ever necessary!
As to writing for profit, won't be doing that again. I write for the nonprofit here and there, but otherwise have committed to doing my creative writing (poetry and novel) for the rest of my life. Slowwwly, but it's pure and brings me joy.
And I'm feeling quite good right now except for my back. Gotta go back to PT, and then more will be possible.
hugs
Hops
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I think the lack of family is the big difficulty. However many friends, neighbours, volunteers you have around you, it just isn't the same as having a solid family system and/or enough money to pay for staff to do everything that is necessary. I don't think you're complaining, Hops, just explaining the reality of the situation, which is one I can identify with myself! I agree with you about the end of life stuff as well. I remember being in hospital one time and there was an elderly lady in there, so frail that she almost looked like just a head, her body was so tiny it barely raised the bed covers. Many tubes and monitors attached; her situation was perhaps not as serious as it looked and maybe she did make a full recovery but I do know that I would be really happy to just go off in the chair one afternoon and that be that, rather than withering away over a long period of time. I do think there should be easier ways for people to decide what they do and don't want in life. They're serious things we all have to consider and it's not a pleasant thought. But like you say, hopefully not necessary ever, fingers crossed for many more years (and a better back! I hope the PT has started/is helping now).
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You get it, Tupp. Just made myself a calendar note to follow up on PT. One body part a month...it becomes a hobby! But all in all I'm doing physically a lot better. Short walks again, finally, and thanks to the meds, no chest pain -- and strength will build. I think I needed the back pain reminder that it's time now to take care of myself, not later.
My present thought about the end of life is that it's comforting and rational to think about how to escape the medical system at some point. But since it's unlikely I could manage it, and most don't, it's better to focus on rebuilding post-pandemic (one hopes) health and strength and stay in the present. So if I take rationality and subtract anxiety (much better since I'm now on a wee dose of SSRIs), life can be lived again more than avoided as I've done for quite a while, and lived more happily. I'm sitting by the SAD light now, house is looking better and winter does not need to inevitably throw me for a loop. Who knows, we might have June temperatures anyway! Another random thing is that I need symphonies again, and to fill the house with them. What did I get those great huge speakers for?
Pooch is doing well as her muzzle whitens and she's nearly fully recovered from a systemic fungal infection (another drug miracle), and in an unexpected way we're finding more joy together. More happiness every morning when we first see each other. I see her tail wag like mad from the couch as she discovers me anew every day. It's so ridiculous to be so PLEASED -- oh there you are! But it reminds me what animals teach us over and over. When it's nice out, wag your tail. When it's not, hunker down. Depressed human = depressed dog, and I had been in denial that it was happening. I'm very grateful for the SSRIs. Sometimes I don't see something in perspective until its absence feels so good.
A year ago my gardener neighbor came over and planted a little piece of a funny form of chrysanthemum that functions like a perennial even though they're not. This thing grew to the size of a fat wide shrub in one season and covered with blooms. They're a light salmon-ish pink, small blossoms but so many of them. Wonderful thing to look at right out my front window (that's just a yard from the pooch couch). And I've started feeding the ungrateful crows again. Saw a fox in my front yard in the middle of the night and realized he was enjoying the nuts they'd missed.
I'm making a real effort to drag my mind off the news and into present place and present time. Not disengaged, but trying to focus on where I can be and what I can do, and release the rest as too big for small me to change. I hope the tiny lady you saw was in some kind of sweet oblivion.
BTW and I could never prove it, but I do think the lion's mane (a mushroom reputed to help with ADD) is helping. Been on it a couple months now.
hugs
Hops
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Yes! To lion's mane, I was reading up on it and there's some really good research re concentration, calm mind etc. I was having a decaf mushroom coffee which was lion's mane, cordyceps (I'm not sure if that's how you spell it) and something else and it did seem to lift my brain fog without giving me the hot flushes and energy crashes that normal coffee does. I think finding the right blend of various things you can tweak to get to a good functioning place is such a big help and yes, sometimes you don't realise how bad you've been feeling until you start to feel a bit better. It's good that you're walking again without chest pain, that's a help all around, I'm sure. I hope you can get some relief for your back.
I honestly think having a pet is the best thing, particularly when humans are in short supply. Pooch sounds so lovely :) This daft cat that's moved in with us is so cute, he snuggles up and miaows at me when he wants a fuss (or food) and they just make you smile :) I love the crows and the fox visiting as well, it's amazing how quickly animals settle in alongside humans if there's food to be had and they know you're not trying to eat them! Lol.
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Oh, Hops.... I so enjoyed your last post on this thread. Something about your style is so satisfying for my brain to read, lol.
Ugrateful crows.
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Awww, you guys.
The crows never figured out that it's me who's grateful for them! I did feel badly for the poor fox, who looked unwell (mangey). For a moment I wondered if it was a small coyote, still not absolutely certain but they are appearing here and there. If I could trap the fox I would, because without treatment that's a miserable end. Hmm.
And Pooch? I could sing songs of praise and gratitude every single day because she has made my spirits just ignite with delight, in random moments every day. I think my heart's healing from this or that, because she's always been her humorous, ready-to-love/laugh/be goofy self, and it was I who was deep in my own dark navel. I don't know when, but I'm going to plug that same gratitude into another rescued pooch one day. If can connect with animals one way or another, that's a wonderful reason to hang around.
People too, and I confess I'd stil love to find a stray rescue male one. LOL.
hugs
Hops
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Lol, imagine if they had centres for unaccompanied males where you could go and have a look, get a few details, go for a walk and then pick the one you like the best :) Lol, if only human relationships were as simple as animal ones - feed me and make a fuss of me and I'll love you forever :) It would be so lovely xx
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Truthfully, I don't have that urge for male company, Hops.
I enjoy the company of DD's friends..... am happily training one in basic punching/footwork..... asked a different one to put together my vacuum and a Halloween prop yesterday...... I think that, and working with the contractor, has me topped off.
Honestly, the contractor and I spend so much time together, it feels like we're work husband and wife.
I didn't tell you guys, but we had a very weird night where his helper pulled out without notice on an upcoming job. Contractor drank a few glasses of wine around the fire pit ..... I just sat there and listened to him go round, verbally stating what sounded like internal dialogue and SHOULD have stayed internal.
The gist was....... his wife, his faithfulness and the fact he and I were never going to have sex,
though we had plenty of opportunity, was a fact in his life.....
and he was just looking ahead and I was being speechless, watching him babble......
then he looked at me, assumed I was...... maybe dissapointed? Or...... hurt, bc........ he looked dead at me and said....
"not that you aren't attractive. YOU ARE. It's just that I'm a faithful man and I'm going to write my wife love letters and send them from here."
Then he was quiet for a few beats, announced he was going to lie down and marched off the porch, thanks be to Jesus.
I'd had a really bad day, so I felt a combination of nausea and admiration.
Was he wildly innapropriate? Why, yes.... yes he was.
Has he brought it up again? No....he has not, though he did ask for a stamp to mail the first love letter.
I think he's a little horrified, and I get along super well with his wife and MIL. Better than I get along with him. He's got some work to do and has appointments set with my amazing Therapist. Lucky duck.
I know this..... i won't be speechless if he has a moment again. And it's an amazing, calm, kind knowing I'll put an end to foolishness I don't have to endure, bc I can end it.
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This year we're decorating the double garage permieter...... I picked up a huge bolt of thick black fabric for 10,00 at a HUGE ReStore out of town while uninstalling a dishwasher I wanted. I'm running electric cords today and anticipating rain Tues.
We went to get DD fangs at one of those pop up stores and got jump scared twice by animatronics. DD said those are cheap scares.... ours are going to be real scares delivered by real monsters.... us!
I'm expecting help to set up today. Sister arriving this evening. We'll have at least 11 people manning this thing and lots of dark hidey holes to pop out of!
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Halloween was super successful with my cousin and her dh joining in. My cousin was an adorable clown..... not scary.... did a cute little growl when popping out from amazing hidy holes which startled. Her dh sat at the entrance and pointed people into the scary circus tent intrance...... in full makeup and costume, which he said he wouldn't particupate in, but did. SO MUCH FUN!! So scary. Lots of places to hide and scare from.... I got to sit in the tent THEN move to the exit while trick or treaters were busy in mid garage. It was SO GOOD.
One car is back in the garage for winter and another will be in when youngest dd finishes with finals and her bed is put in place. The bed is in pieces, painted and ready to go.
The yard has a baby Hemlock planted between retired nurse's yard and mine. It lived on the porch for 3 years, growing strong and healthy. I have 12 more growing on the porch and in the nearby wood, waiting, roots cut at drip lines, treated for wooly adelgid, readying for early Spring transplanting to my yard bringing Hemlocks to 42 around the perimeter of the yard for evergreen privacy.
I've allowed some baby Maple trees to grow, as well. Will decide which stay next year.
The is almost gone from the front yard, which was the plan. The back and side yards are still mostly moss and that might go more natural.... will see.
putting up wreaths then getting on the road.. We'll buy a fresh Christmas tree once DD is done with finals. The farmer's market has TONS of live trees with root balls, which look good to me.
I might take the largest and very perfect Hemlock from the woods as a Christmas tree.... maybe. Not sure, but it would have to live and I don't have a pot big enough to keep it right now. If I can find a pot...... if I think I can keep it safe and heathy..... that might work out.
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Sis and I transplanted maybe 8 Hemlocks and assorted other things recently. We're planting extensions to the existing Hemlock privacy graves, I guess I'd call them.
Will walk the pug in the rain then do some interior editing.
Eating healthier , digging, fetching and planting has me sore, but feeling strong.
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