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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Relationship
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2019, 09:09:56 PM »Hi, Hops.
Update please?
Lighter
Update please?
Lighter
News:
With over 100,000 posts and 2 million pageviews, the Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board has become a valuable resource for people learning about and dealing with narcissistic spouses/partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, siblings, adult children, bosses, and co-workers--as well as other sources of "voicelessness."
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival: Notes from the therapy underground is a new book by website creator Dr. Richard Grossman about the damage therapists can do and the therapy he developed and practiced based upon his painful and disturbing experiences in the high status (e.g., Harvard Medical School) psychology/psychiatry world. CBS News calls this new approach "Relationship Therapy for One" (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-bachelorette-rachel-lindsay-and-relationship-therapy-for-one/). The book is available on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1790164028.
Recent Posts
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: In my father's house
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2019, 01:48:07 PM »Tupp:
My dad did have that sense of action in emergencies. He was very competent, and capable.
I notice I truly do think "What would my father do?" when something goes wrong. He's been an inspiration during tough times in my life. He looms largest in my mind, and I think I'm a bit surprised by that really.
Lighter
My dad did have that sense of action in emergencies. He was very competent, and capable.
I notice I truly do think "What would my father do?" when something goes wrong. He's been an inspiration during tough times in my life. He looms largest in my mind, and I think I'm a bit surprised by that really.
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2019, 12:38:26 PM »I'm feeling much better now, but can tell not up to full steam. Balance still a bit off, and I sound like a cheerleader who smokes.
The flu's been bad this year, particularly on the elderly.
I think clean ocean air would be wonderful. Enjoy it for me, Tupp: )
And Happy Easter!
Lighter
The flu's been bad this year, particularly on the elderly.
I think clean ocean air would be wonderful. Enjoy it for me, Tupp: )
And Happy Easter!
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2019, 11:49:24 AM »My sister left this morning... very early. I always have mixed feelings about it.
She's been in the yard, weeding, toting rocks, and puzzling them into place on the new dry creek beds. Since we had a torrential 5.5 inches of rain in as many hours it was perfect timing for working on the stones. Water runs from the entire neighborhood.... 2 neighborhoods actually, down to my neck of the woods. SO MUCH RAIN.... I can see EXACTLY where the water runs. Where ore rocks can go as it scraped the moss, and carried it off leaving just earth. Again. Moss can be drowned, as well.
It was alarming, but very helpful to muck about in the rain, wearing wellies, observing the water's path. Lots of neighbors have flooded basements or interior leaks, including both my elderly neighbors. One had a flooded basement, and the other had water running inside her sliding doors, and garage. I have a bit of water in the crawl space, not much.
The timing on the dry creek beds couldn't have been better, and we added a second branch onto the main one leading to the road, and storm drain, which is where the water needs to go. I cleaned gutters again the day after, moved new plantings about, and admired the potted plants on the front porch, happy from the rain. Plants like rain water. Not tap water, IME.
DD 16 in Japan.... final days of school trip, and her knee came out of socket quite badly.... she went by ambulance to the hospital, and they put it back in. She's doing OK, and in a brace she likes, which is a huge relief. This is the final day, and she's ready to be home. I'm ready for her to be home.
The journey continues.
Lighter
She's been in the yard, weeding, toting rocks, and puzzling them into place on the new dry creek beds. Since we had a torrential 5.5 inches of rain in as many hours it was perfect timing for working on the stones. Water runs from the entire neighborhood.... 2 neighborhoods actually, down to my neck of the woods. SO MUCH RAIN.... I can see EXACTLY where the water runs. Where ore rocks can go as it scraped the moss, and carried it off leaving just earth. Again. Moss can be drowned, as well.
It was alarming, but very helpful to muck about in the rain, wearing wellies, observing the water's path. Lots of neighbors have flooded basements or interior leaks, including both my elderly neighbors. One had a flooded basement, and the other had water running inside her sliding doors, and garage. I have a bit of water in the crawl space, not much.
The timing on the dry creek beds couldn't have been better, and we added a second branch onto the main one leading to the road, and storm drain, which is where the water needs to go. I cleaned gutters again the day after, moved new plantings about, and admired the potted plants on the front porch, happy from the rain. Plants like rain water. Not tap water, IME.
DD 16 in Japan.... final days of school trip, and her knee came out of socket quite badly.... she went by ambulance to the hospital, and they put it back in. She's doing OK, and in a brace she likes, which is a huge relief. This is the final day, and she's ready to be home. I'm ready for her to be home.
The journey continues.
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Embracing The Positive
« Last post by lighter on April 21, 2019, 10:25:18 AM »Hi Tupp:
It's odd how things work out sometimes, or don't. The beach wasn't what you expected, but it was time on your own, time to feel into your body, feel disappointment, frustration, then unexpected joy, and new connection.
I hope these new groups, and individuals, continue to feed your mind, body and spirit. YOu're worthy, Tupp. You're amazing, and so very nice. So giving, and so.... worthy of safe, reciprocal connections.
Don't let old voices have their way with you. Notice them, identify them, and instruct them. They're not relevant in your new world. They're old recordings from people who weren't well, or worthy of you.... the swan in a family of ducks.
Yes.
That's what you are.
A swan, Tupp, and it's OK to leave the ducks to their pond, and seek your new swan family.
Your friends feed you.
They listen, and they share when appropriate, and you get to do the same.
Keep those friends who spark joy. I loved reading about your little gathering.... you're so overdue for worthy companions, and being selecting is necessary to there's space for the worthy,( I suspect. )
Choose yourself. Choose joy.
(((Tupp)))
YOU HAVE JOY AGAIN!
Lighter
It's odd how things work out sometimes, or don't. The beach wasn't what you expected, but it was time on your own, time to feel into your body, feel disappointment, frustration, then unexpected joy, and new connection.
I hope these new groups, and individuals, continue to feed your mind, body and spirit. YOu're worthy, Tupp. You're amazing, and so very nice. So giving, and so.... worthy of safe, reciprocal connections.
Don't let old voices have their way with you. Notice them, identify them, and instruct them. They're not relevant in your new world. They're old recordings from people who weren't well, or worthy of you.... the swan in a family of ducks.
Yes.
That's what you are.
A swan, Tupp, and it's OK to leave the ducks to their pond, and seek your new swan family.
Your friends feed you.
They listen, and they share when appropriate, and you get to do the same.
Keep those friends who spark joy. I loved reading about your little gathering.... you're so overdue for worthy companions, and being selecting is necessary to there's space for the worthy,( I suspect. )
Choose yourself. Choose joy.
(((Tupp)))
YOU HAVE JOY AGAIN!
Lighter
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Embracing The Positive
« Last post by Hopalong on April 18, 2019, 09:27:45 PM »Oh ((((Tupp))) you should be so PROUD of yourself!
Suffused with self esteem and hope!
You have FINALLY advocated for yourself with the doctor appointment.
That IS why they exist! They are not soulless bureaucrats! Most of them are in the field because they WANT to help people become well! I am so so glad you're doing this.
You found the beach cleanup though it started lonely ended up good!
You found the sustainability group was fantastic and you have leads on new things beyond it!
You might still go to the forest group and find it a similar networking, community building kind of experience!
Or even if you don't you have plugged yourself into the cleanup and sustainability community in two strokes!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE THERE! There are kind supportive people everywhere.
Oh, just...yay. A huge yay for you.
love,
Hops
Suffused with self esteem and hope!
You have FINALLY advocated for yourself with the doctor appointment.
That IS why they exist! They are not soulless bureaucrats! Most of them are in the field because they WANT to help people become well! I am so so glad you're doing this.
You found the beach cleanup though it started lonely ended up good!
You found the sustainability group was fantastic and you have leads on new things beyond it!
You might still go to the forest group and find it a similar networking, community building kind of experience!
Or even if you don't you have plugged yourself into the cleanup and sustainability community in two strokes!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE THERE! There are kind supportive people everywhere.
Oh, just...yay. A huge yay for you.
love,
Hops
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Embracing The Positive
« Last post by Twoapenny on April 18, 2019, 02:12:24 PM »And ......... the sustainability group was a great success. Lovely people, really welcoming, made a big fuss of son and have invited us along to their evening get togethers as well so that we can meet more people (as some can't go during the day because of work). Very proactive, some real grass roots environmental campaigners but very non-judgemental as well. I find some people who are very passionate about a cause can be very dismissive of others who don't share their passion which I find very off putting. But these people are very community minded, intelligent, well read and just really nice. Their latest project is a community fridge. People donate their surplus fruit and veg from their allotments and other people go and help themselves to it. It cuts down on waste and helps people on lower incomes. There are about fifty in the UK at the moment and they reckon it's stopping tonnes of food being wasted, as well as helping people who might not be able to afford to buy fresh veg. It also takes back a bit of power from the supermarkets. I've offered to help out with it as it gets off the ground and they're keen for me to get involved and possibly start something similar in the town I live in (they're based in a neighbouring town) so it was really good. It ties in well with son's eco projects at college as well so it just ticked lots of boxes. Then we sat on the beach in the sun and had chips for lunch. I was shattered afterwards and went to bed for the afternoon but I was glad we went and we're off to the cinema this evening as well 
xx
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Yard
« Last post by Twoapenny on April 18, 2019, 02:07:11 PM »You've been so busy, Lighter, it's really lovely to read that things are growing and popping back up after the winter sleep xx
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Embracing The Positive
« Last post by Twoapenny on April 18, 2019, 02:40:29 AM »I feel as if I'm taking one step forward and thirty two back at the minute. I am trying to just notice, go with it, not judge myself and so on but I kind of feel like I'm clinging on to the edge of a cliff and people are stamping on my fingers trying to get me to let go.
We did the beach clean. Beautiful beach, very cold and windy day. Son is very difficult when we're doing things that aren't exactly what he wants to do, plus he hates weather and walking so I was really questioning whether it was such a good idea. The beach is huge so it wasn't a group all working together, everyone went off in different directions so we didn't really mix with or speak to anyone else. I was trying to focus on the fact that at least we'd got out there but I was feeling hugely deflated because it feels like such a lot of effort and I felt my reward was just to go home tired, cold, back aching and son grumbling. But then they gave out hot drinks at the end and we got chatting to a lady - who happens to run a sports club for disabled people in our town. She was lovely, gave us the details of that and of other beach cleans that are being organised and she was just very sweet and friendly. So it turned into a good outing.
Following on from that, some friends came over one evening and oh my days, I can't tell you how nice that was - just a couple of drinks, some nibbles and lovely, easy chat with good people. I loved it, but also felt enormously sad that it's lacking in my life to such an extent. Next morning I had an email from social services and just broke. I sobbed for an hour, uncontrollably, and something inside me just snapped. So I have called to make an appointment to see the doctor. I'm still not hopeful that they can do anything much and I am scared that another bad experience will push me over the edge but I really don't feel like I can cope anymore and I don't know what else to do myself. I've been trying self help for a very long time and most of the things I do do help, to a certain extent. But I feel the elephant in the room is the level of care son requires and the constant refusal of the various agencies to get things done properly, which leaves me constantly chasing complaints and reports and emails and so on. I do feel that those two things would make the biggest difference to my life - and they're the two things that are proving to be the most elusive. But - I had to take son to the doctor at that new surgery a couple of weeks ago and they were very nice and helpful with him, and when I called and explained what was going on the receptionist was very sweet and has allocated me a lady doctor to talk to once son goes back to college. So I will try to go along with an open mind and just explain what's happening and ask if there are any treatments I could have some information about so I can go away and read up a bit more.
We are going to the sustainability group this morning. I feel awful but I'm going to go anyway and we can just sit at the back and listen. We've got the cinema this evening which is always nice. It's Easter this weekend so I think lots of beach time and I might be brave and go to the local pub on Sunday as they have live music in the garden which will be nice. I've found a drumming circle about an hour away from here so I'm going to contact them about going along with son and we've got more beach cleans and the disability sports group to try out as well. So we are getting there slowly. The weather's brightened up so hopefully we are well into spring now.
We did the beach clean. Beautiful beach, very cold and windy day. Son is very difficult when we're doing things that aren't exactly what he wants to do, plus he hates weather and walking so I was really questioning whether it was such a good idea. The beach is huge so it wasn't a group all working together, everyone went off in different directions so we didn't really mix with or speak to anyone else. I was trying to focus on the fact that at least we'd got out there but I was feeling hugely deflated because it feels like such a lot of effort and I felt my reward was just to go home tired, cold, back aching and son grumbling. But then they gave out hot drinks at the end and we got chatting to a lady - who happens to run a sports club for disabled people in our town. She was lovely, gave us the details of that and of other beach cleans that are being organised and she was just very sweet and friendly. So it turned into a good outing.
Following on from that, some friends came over one evening and oh my days, I can't tell you how nice that was - just a couple of drinks, some nibbles and lovely, easy chat with good people. I loved it, but also felt enormously sad that it's lacking in my life to such an extent. Next morning I had an email from social services and just broke. I sobbed for an hour, uncontrollably, and something inside me just snapped. So I have called to make an appointment to see the doctor. I'm still not hopeful that they can do anything much and I am scared that another bad experience will push me over the edge but I really don't feel like I can cope anymore and I don't know what else to do myself. I've been trying self help for a very long time and most of the things I do do help, to a certain extent. But I feel the elephant in the room is the level of care son requires and the constant refusal of the various agencies to get things done properly, which leaves me constantly chasing complaints and reports and emails and so on. I do feel that those two things would make the biggest difference to my life - and they're the two things that are proving to be the most elusive. But - I had to take son to the doctor at that new surgery a couple of weeks ago and they were very nice and helpful with him, and when I called and explained what was going on the receptionist was very sweet and has allocated me a lady doctor to talk to once son goes back to college. So I will try to go along with an open mind and just explain what's happening and ask if there are any treatments I could have some information about so I can go away and read up a bit more.
We are going to the sustainability group this morning. I feel awful but I'm going to go anyway and we can just sit at the back and listen. We've got the cinema this evening which is always nice. It's Easter this weekend so I think lots of beach time and I might be brave and go to the local pub on Sunday as they have live music in the garden which will be nice. I've found a drumming circle about an hour away from here so I'm going to contact them about going along with son and we've got more beach cleans and the disability sports group to try out as well. So we are getting there slowly. The weather's brightened up so hopefully we are well into spring now.
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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Mindfulness
« Last post by Twoapenny on April 18, 2019, 02:21:09 AM »I hope you can rest, Lighter, and take time to recover. I sometimes think recovery is the most difficult part of being ill, particularly for busy bees who are used to rushing around getting a lot done. Those major flare ups are scary - I think it shows us we're human and we can get sick and no-one likes that. Sending you wellness wishes, I hope you're feeling a lot better very soon.