Recent Posts

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on Today at 03:07:59 PM »

The rotting stagnant narcissist watches me just stares and stares. When I try to pack up my bag with my computer etc. They try to look at every item I touch. It's unsettling. It feels VERY gross and uncomfortable. I googled it and landed on a video where someone else is saying just this thing about covert narcissists specifically they just watch and stare and stare.

It seems to be that narcissists are way MORE disturbed than most people believe.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Hopalong on Today at 01:08:04 PM »

Thanks for bringing all that up, Meh. It's been satisfying to think about this morning, like a tuneup.

I learned from some article recently that procrastination and disorder are often features of ADHD, my particular bugaboo. Perfectionism slides in with it, in the sense that I fall into sloughs during which I don't do a basic thing (over and over) because I've already told myself I have to do it perfectly, like Dad's excellent but OCD map making, or old M cooking like it's an Olympic competition. Perfectionistic rumination is paralysing. Starts a cycle...oh, I know I'll screw it up, so why try? The world is bad, people are bad, I have no power to change my life so why try? (By now I know better than to accept this justification but also know my self-talk is where it starts.)

For me, perfectionism = anxiety that sometimes runs away with me. It's really fear of STARTING a new behavior, because what if I don't complete it just right? That makes a whole cascade of fear of older age or incompetence kick in.

I once interviewed Martin Seligman for a book chapter, and read his book, Learned Optimism. No self-help theory is magical, imo, but this one did grind off a lot of my resistance to hopefulness. There must be newer authors examining this now.

I haven't learned anything theoretical about why writing absorbs me so much I can have pinpoint focus or work on something for hours and hours. (The gift within the problem of adhd for some people is an ability to hyperfocus in some area.) I know I feel happy as I work on ideas like voluntary simplicity (not minimalism, exactly), or music (neglected piano), or simply a small painting. I need to create because when I do, some positive action in duller parts of life feels more natural.

I haven't worked with my HANDS in ages, unless typing counts, LOL. And there's a hand-brain connection that...does something good. Explains gardening and art, imo.

hugs
Hops

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on February 13, 2026, 01:38:01 PM »

 It appears that I am reading GAD is same as learned helplessness. It's just that in books about anxiety they don't use the term learned helplessness and they do not say what caused it. I suppose it doesn't matter as long as one attempts to use some techniques. So this also means procrastination is linked to learned helplessness.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: N.

« Last post by Meh on February 13, 2026, 01:12:31 PM »

Thanks. You can see I was having a bit of trouble getting focused there.

The other question I had was this: Do you have examples of learned helplessness? Have you experienced it in yourself?

This area is something I want to work on as well as "agency."

The thing is I listened to a book on tape about anticipation anxiety and it really FITS VERY WELL I think my habits/behaviors.

So I am wondering if learned helplessness and anticipation anxiety basically are two terms to describe the same thing OR if these things are different.

Couple days ago I had to clean out my voicemail on my phone for example. Now this sounds pathetically dumb but my heart just kind of squeezed in at the thought of doing it. I don't mean "heart squeezed in" just as a phrase of speech. I actually had a physical sensation of dread, fear, loathing, stress, anxiety... something.. .heck even heart brokenness. And this was all about the SMALL TASK of clearing my voicemails... now it could be that it's 1) I feel I have not much to look forward to 2) most the voicemails I get are spam or some kind of headache to deal with. Maybe I am hoarding voicemails like a timestamp of past events.

Maybe the small task of clearing voicemails feels emotionally loaded. And things that are emotionally loaded I just have to focus on that one thing and do a small portion of it take ACTION and then it's just no longer a big deal I think.

In any case I did go through some of my voicemails and it wasn't a big deal when I actually did it.

Now I suspect there is a procrastination anxiety anticipation anxiety thing where the gravity of consequence is significant. Like how when a person is living paycheck to paycheck that deposit into your account has consequences if it doesn't get in there. But when you have savings there is no consequence it's just a routine maintenance thing after a while.

In any case I really do have to research learned helplessness, forced helplessness, agency, and "anxiety" a bit more.
I will just give myself allowance to do that when I can. I think it's worth it. I don't think that is merely over-intellectualization. I mean it sort of is but there could be something useful in it.

Is being too stressed and over-whelmed the same as learned helplessness. Maybe it is.

Have any of you worked on this learned helplessness thing? What is it for you?

Okay so I am going off to get something done today.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 13, 2026, 09:00:09 AM »

Sounds like it's a lot warmer there, than here. We've had a couple 50 degree days but that's it. Rest of the time, there's no confusion about whether it's still winter here. I think it's going to be March before I'll even get tempted to think seriously about garden.

I've mostly been really lazy this winter, just hanging out with B.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 13, 2026, 08:54:27 AM »

Yup. We have sinus cavities just below, above, and behind the eyes. When I get congested it adds pressure to the eye; optic nerve. So with the surgery being recent - it's changed the shape of my eye. The inflammation is going down and I am retraining my vision out to distance again. And part of that is retraining my brain to focus better.

Just a hiccup.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: The Lake House

« Last post by lighter on February 13, 2026, 07:56:46 AM »

The "arch" 4x4 posts went in yesterday..... I'm hoping cement sets up today.

The capacitor on cooktop vent is bad....trying to find a new one. 

A couple grill parts need replacing.

I stepped on a nail at Home Depot.  It caught my outside left heal.....was small, but went in through and through.  Slowed me down.

Neighbor family uninterested in housekeeping work. Sort of a relief, if I'm being honest.

I found a lady, who's also a chef, and I'm hopeful about her working out....and possibly her son.  Will interview a second gal soon.

I hope to have the arch roofed by tomorrow.  Maybe get siding up too. I intend to plant micro clover.  I can hang a little chandelier.....will be so pretty.

Boulders getting moved around area, filled with dirt, where larger shed was removed. Could make that area a big fire pit spot....or more parking. I think fire pit.

I need metal recycler to come back, or it's another trip to the dump for us.

The two felled trees are almost split, milled or on the burn pile.
just a few limbs left to deal with.

Lighter

 

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on February 12, 2026, 07:30:50 PM »

That's some crazy sinus trouble, Amber.  I don't understand how your sight's been altered.

Seems things are resolving.

Did the doctor understand what happened?

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by sKePTiKal on February 12, 2026, 09:57:16 AM »

Well, doc sez eyes are much better and for 2 weeks I use 2 drops a day in each eye till then. R eye is getting clearer but I'm having to "train it" to focus at distance again, like I did right after surgery. Whatever happened with my sinuses knocked some things in the eyes sideways, I guess.

Going back over the mountain this morning for B's usual refill appt. Then stopping for steaks at our butcher's for the weekend. Regular shopping tomorrow. The snow is melting finally. Seeping into the ground nice and slowly.

Kitties have had some good runs on the warm days - and they're trying to chase our '"brown cows" - there's a group of 7 yearling deer hanging around the house. I stopped hunting on the property a couple years ago, to let the herd build back up. Might take a couple this fall.

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Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board / Re: Farm Journal - 2025

« Last post by lighter on February 11, 2026, 07:59:13 PM »

Hops..... deteriorating?

Before you turn on yourself fully....
sometimes being still is necessary. 
Sometimes it's exactly what needs doing.
Sometimes, asking for help, is catalyst for difficult strides....
but you're always worthy, good and well intentioned.
Even when challenged by old foes.....
paperwork and organization.

Be kind to yourself.

There are amazing things only you can do. 

No one is great at everything.

Lighter