Author Topic: Mindfulness  (Read 4337 times)

lighter

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Mindfulness
« on: July 20, 2018, 08:51:59 PM »
As I go through my days, I recognize things my children were practicing in what was, then, 2nd and 4th grade at what was viewed as a "hippie school" when we moved to this State.

Children were taught to regularly check in with others, and themselves.  They  carried reflections notebooks, and time for reflections was part of their daily schedule. 

Mornings began with meditation and/or yoga, and I didn't understand it at the time.  I thought of it as something NOT so important... not as important as math, or science.  If we were sliding down a mountain in 4 inches of snow I'd think...
Oh, if we're late to school this morning, they're only missing meditation, which the school stressed was of huge importance.  Silly me.

So, I'm noticing how I'm feeling around communication with my girls today.  Trying to communicate, without conflict, though I still struggle with enforcing consequences. Youngest DD has always wanted me to be a stricter mom.  She still does.  My aversion to conflict is a thing.  Addiction to serenity isn't as bad as drug addiction... sex addiction... gambling, etc.  Right? 

Worse things than being addicted to caring more about other people's feelings, but hey.... a problem is a problem.  Say what I like, it's a concern.  I'm working on it.  It makes me fee queasy.  It makes me feel out of sorts.  It makes me feel I'm letting both my girls down, in different ways, but for the same reason. 

Anyway, I'm grateful both girls were exposed to mindfulness in grade school.  We happened on that school by chance, and those were golden days... I loved that school.  I felt safe... as safe as I could have.  Buffered by the community. Golden days.   

::nodding... and channeling massive gratitude::.

We should teach mindfulness in Kindergarten, IMO.

Everyone should be exposed.

Lighter


Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2018, 11:44:55 PM »
Waldorf?

:)
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2018, 07:56:36 AM »
Hey Lighter... got a question (one that might require some thought before you know the answer).

Do you avoid conflict because you feel you don't deserve to stand up for yourself, and your needs?
Or is it, that you are protecting others (the girls) from that? IE, not wanting to upset them?

Or is it, that feels so "out of control" when there is conflict (which imo, is a natural thing that happens between people sometimes) that it FEELS like the end of the world?

That's maybe an odd digression from the topic of mindfulness... which I know a bit about from practice... but it's possible that mindfulness can encompass those possible feelings and allow them to "be" while you're very present and intentionally "choosing" your words and actions to seek the best results possible from even conflict.

I think you know how that works. I'm just dropping by with my first "seeing" of what you wrote. (And moving on... because today is Holly's last load to move out here. Fully aware this might just be a non sequitor... so feel free to ignore it.)
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2018, 12:59:58 AM »
Hops:  Not Waldorf.  This was a single school, and in second grade youngest dd went on 2 virtual trips... Japan, Italy.  It was a mixed 2/3 classroom, and the kids wrote up packing lists, made puppets, or wrote plays they performed, then planned and shopped for authentic meals they prepared, and served after singing songs they learned in the language that Country's language.  The teacher printed up fake airline tickets, and they boarded an imaginary plane.  They worked all lessons around these larger projects so things flowed for the kiddos. 

We had a world class musician teaching music, with a room full of instruments.  Oldest dd was his right hand man on the keyboard.  YOungest dd tried on 3 instruments, and started a band with her friends.  She entered every talent contest, which was the first time she ever tried.  She blossomed at that school. It was a blessing for her, and oldest dd, even if she flailed a bit with fewer rules, and a less stringent routine.  She loved the right wing, uniform wearing schools she'd attended in Atlanta.  They didn't have to wear shoes at the new school.  Oldest DD learned how to appreciate less structure, and she had one amazing teacher she clicked with.   She looks back, and wishes she appreciated him more.  Really good years.

Hey Lighter... got a question (one that might require some thought before you know the answer).

Do you avoid conflict because you feel you don't deserve to stand up for yourself, and your needs?  Part of not asserting myself is not having anyone model it for me, or allow me to have my feelings count, IMO.  I used to feel quite intimidated by people with sturdy boundaries, and the moxy to state and enforce them.... neighbors I liked, for instance.  I think I felt they could SEE I couldn't do it too.  I didn't understand it enough to feel shame, but I think that's what it was. Whatever it was they were doing... I didn't know what it was, but I wished I did.
 I felt I should know.

Or is it, that you are protecting others (the girls) from that? IE, not wanting to upset them?  That was a huge reason in my second marriage, to the girls' father, though I had no trouble piping up to protect them physically, which happened. Or when he didn't speak to them after work, but went to bed expecting me to go.  I expected him to engage our children, and I slept on the sofa over that one the Easter before everything blew up. 

Or is it, that feels so "out of control" when there is conflict (which imo, is a natural thing that happens between people sometimes) that it FEELS like the end of the world?  I think that's true, in part, more or less depending on the situation.  My family is no stranger to conflict, or destroying everyone's peace to get their way.  Not all members, but.... maybe all.  More or less.  Same in my marriages.  Husbands ruining holidays over one thing or another.... a 5 dollar purchase I made with money I earned.  That sort of thing.  Second h picking a fight bc he wanted time in his alter life..... usually he'd pick money too, but add he'd replace me with a Russian ex con.... lovely at the holidays with little children, I can tell you. I deserve better.  I deserve to be free of terrorism.   

That's maybe an odd digression from the topic of mindfulness... which I know a bit about from practice... but it's possible that mindfulness can encompass those possible feelings and allow them to "be" while you're very present and intentionally "choosing" your words and actions to seek the best results possible from even conflict.

I think you know how that works. I'm just dropping by with my first "seeing" of what you wrote. (And moving on... because today is Holly's last load to move out here. Fully aware this might just be a non sequitor... so feel free to ignore it.)
I'm fully engaging mindfulness around this topic right now.  I overcame my anxiety, and engaged oldest dd.... took her phone, and the world didn't end.  On the contrary.  I kept my sense of humor, she found her phone, then engaged me happily, and helped in the ways I'd asked her to.  No complaints.    I

I know it's more loving to enforce consequences.   I know it's loving to do it without getting emotional... so it's about her behavior, not about me or us.

Still pondering on it, and strategizing.

  I'm glad to hear is about done with the move. 

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2018, 12:15:24 PM »
I can't believe I've packed 4 40lb bags, and still have tools to purchase, ironing board, iron, hair dryer, my clothes, and various miscellaneous things to pack.

I'm overwhelmed, but that's always the case.  I've pulled back expectations for the exterior of the cottage.... I don't have to close up the boarded up windows if I don't have time.  I can just paint everything fresh, the boards are already white, and not bad looking, the fresh pink will be nice. 

I need to tear out the old bathroom ceiling... it's being held up with duct tape, and screws through the tape right now.  Bunk beds need building.  I don't see how I can finish that room without closing up 2 windows, or at least one, while replacing one.  The plan was to close up two, then add one where the door used to be.  I just can't gage how much time it will take, and what skill level we'll have between us.  My BIL, who builds bridges, highways, and buildings, won't be there till after I've gone, sadly.  Will try to extend the trip, but it's not for sure I can.  Will see, and that's the way these trips always go.  So many balls in the air, some aimed at my head, but hell or high water, I'll have the place looking nice, and livable.  Priorities will present themselves, and I'll problem solve on the fly with good and bad surprises.  As long as I don't give up, I'll be OK, and if it's not OK, it's still OK.

The Guest Cottage needs a double sliding glass door replaced, and I think 2 windows.  Not a lot, considering there were so many on the main cottage.  That means only 4 max hurricane shutters to go up, and the renter can install those himself, if necessary.  Heck, we can put them up together, and he can go back and put the rest of the screws in after I've gone. 

I'm blathering on here... please excuse.  The boarded up windows can perhaps get pretty boards on the interior, over the glass, for now.  The exterior of those windows has thick ply wood, painted white and caulked in by engineer BIL and my sister.   It'll take lots of time and effort just to get the plywood OUT, much less remove the windows, frame in the openings, put in lathe, coat with cement, match exterior and paint.  I can handle this the right way, or make do, depending on lots of factors.  I'll either be rockin good at it, or I won't.  Will see.  Renter did all this with contractor.  Between us we seem to always have all the brain we need to get things done, up to this point.  Hopefully that trend continues, esp with the unknown skill set the sea wall engineer brings.  Lots of unknowns. 

Must make sure to pack what I need for back troubles, should they crop up.  I've  figured out how to keep going if I take certain care at night. 

Any ideas about marketing a beach cottage would be appreciated.  What do you look for?  What do you think is important?

I'm keeping the 1950's charm... Ernest Hemingway would have loved the cottage, and likely spent a lot of time in places just like this.... for better and worse in some areas.  No dishwasher, for instance. 

Bathroom has been kept original.... charming tile, and trim.  I didn't want to heat up the house with an oven, so didn't include one.  Cooking done with electric skillets, good hot plates, toaster oven, microwave, electric kettle, and grill, for better or worse.  I think for the better, but that's not necessarily how renters will see it.  I will tell you this.... it's not easy to cool down the cottage in the middle of the day. 

We put a bathroom door in, essential, IMO.  No other interior doors, as air flows from room to room, with space above and below one bedroom wall, and curtains instead of doors.  Ack.   I need to think about drapery hardware too, and installing it in cement. 

The sun is going to bleach the front curtains in a heartbeat.  Must bring more curtains, but I can't imagine how I'll get them there this trip.  I have 2 sets of sheets for 8 beds, and.....

10 years of dust, and bug crap and bug poison to clean in some areas of kitchen.  Can't wait to paint things clean again.  Will paint interior of the guest cottage the light blue, same as the K and Q bedrooms in main cottage.  I thought I'd use it in the main living room as well, but it's not as good as keepin it neutral, IMO.  Will see how  much paint I have left.  Same with the outside.  I thought 15 gallons of the pink would be more than enough, but that's not for sure at this point.  It takes so much time, effort and money to bring things.  Will likely have to pressure wash the exteriors again, bc it rained after we did it last trip, and didn't get decent painting window in the weather.

I want to do some repairs on metal roof rust.  Metal roofing at the beach is a terrible idea, and more expensive.  We didn't do enough homework when we made that decision.  Drat.

Onward.

Lighter



lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2018, 02:07:04 PM »

I have key sets ready to go, things half packed, half strewn about waiting to be packed, paperwork to finish, and perhaps one run to Home Depot on the to do list.  A visit to the neighbor's, and phone call I must make to Florida.... can't put that off any longer, though I'll continue procrastinating. :shock:

Got my car tag yesterday in record time.  That went swell, and the engineer is at the house studying YouTube vids on replacing and closing up windows similar to ours.  6 hours in the car from 5am this morning, with youngest dd driving the first leg at a very cautious pace.  It added an hour to the trip, then we stopped, then we hung out at the farm for a half hour....that put us behind 2 hours, but we're still moving in right direction.

Blessedly, I have residual joy from reading your last post, Tupp.   Brought me to tears, my dear.  So happy for you.  It's spilling over, and restoring my belief in humanity, and hope : )

Lighter






Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2018, 08:40:15 PM »
Hope the journey continues well, Light!

How long do you plan to stay at your island cottage?

hugs
Hops
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lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2018, 11:44:21 AM »
Three weeks, Hops.  I'm in shock just now, adjusting to first morning back.  Everything bagged up, and one AC unit down.  I don't have all my numbers.....phone smashed last trip equals everything taking more time.  Lots of overwhelming projects begging for attention. ADD symptoms having their way with me. 

There's so much dust, and we're washing walls and shelves so we can put kitchen in order.  That should help a lot. 

I should write out master list of things I forget every trip. 

The journey continues.


lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2018, 09:16:51 PM »
My phone is glitching, won't hold a charge, text or make calls, but can get on internet a bit.

Got to island.  Long long aThursday, so tired that night and next day.  Moving along, painting inside.  Hot water heater didn't work, then began working tonight on. Now kitchen light and fan won't work.  I've felt so at the mercy of..... overwhelmed.....but hanging in there.

Gratitude for gp.  For all the good things, of which there are many.

So tired.  Must sleep.  Have cargo arriving a Minay, and window start coming g out same day.

Tired thinking about it.

Nite.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2018, 07:40:18 AM »
Lighter, I've only been two days without posting and look how much you've done!  Wow.  I am blown away, as always, by such industriousness and busyness.  Is this the same house that you were working on before?  That succession of things not working is tough, especially when tired and all you want is a hot shower and some food.  I hope the glitches are under control and things are starting to progress.  For what it's worth I agree that an oven isn't necessary in a home people don't actually live in - I think most of us enjoy the break from cooking when away from home, although the other bits and pieces are useful for simple meals and warming through various bits and pieces.  I hope you got some sleep and I'm glad the happiness from my end is seeping through to you - there's enough to go round!  I hope things start happening smoothly now xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2018, 05:25:36 PM »
Yes, Tupp.  This is cottage at beach.  I figured out wiring problem in kitchen light fan happened when trying g to glue blades a bit.... they're coming apart from humidity or hurricanes....nit sure what happens in here in a gale.

We've addressed two of the scariest areas...caulked, primed and painted pantry, and closet ceiling.  They really we're scary.

I have to get residual cargo tomorrow, and will admit I panicked under pressure Thursday.  The gal at airline said aI had room for plenty more stuff, ordered me a cab to Publix and told me to buy beer.  Now, that looks idd to read, she's super nice, and had my best interest at heart.

I get back with $300.00 worth if beer, and the cargo guy, J, introduces himself,vabd tells me I'll get hit with regular duty on alcohol thus time, bc I won't be traveling with it.  That was a kick in the gut, on top of carrying all that beer to the cottage.

At least helpers won't have to buy beer, and gf folks can partake. 

Tomorrow should be a circus. I have workers showing up, when I'll be on other island.  They have stuff to do, but..  what can go wrong, right?

Must make sure they don't tear out all windows and doors at once.  Every day it storms here.  Woke up yesterday to huge lightening storm....lights went, rain pou ded beach for an he ur then sunny again.

I had a dresser sitting in the sun....it smells of mildew.  Started raining, so hit it with bleach solution wipe down and dragged back inside.

Dry outside again.  Bugs biting, as they were when we fished off beach for dinner yesterday afternoon.  I fell on slippery rocks 3 times, btw.  I'm fairly indestructible, turns out AND we caught dinner in the rain as all the boats rushed by into port.  Cleaning fish with utility knife isn't
optimal.  Filet knives come tomorrow.

Need to put up new ceiling in bathroom and kitchen.  Considering thin plywood over crumblung ceiling, to save time and mess.
Hmm.
I have candy coming on plane tomorrow.  YES.

I need an electrician. 

Tomorrow will interesting day, but for now will be happy as a bird with a French fry for ever blessing.

Hope you're settling in nicely, ((Tupp)).
Lighter




lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2018, 08:46:15 AM »
Bug man in attic space now spraying ants and termites.  A new termite tunnel started down from kitchen crown molding the day after we got here.  Very worrisome.  The sofa frame is honestly eaten away by 1/3.

I have number for electrician, and what turned out to be a carpenter coming today.  And a small appliance repair s guy.  Must figure out smartest way to utilize them.

Covered electrical switches and outlets yesterday....at least the ones youngest DD touches daily.  Planning to change out large sliding glass door today, esp if carpenter knows how.

Ceiling in bathroom has some wood cut....just going over old wood, bc it helps insulate.  Everything is a compromise here: /

Pil sung.

Lighter


Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2018, 11:12:30 AM »
Wow. Just reading about all this makes me very happy I do not own a cottage in the Caribbean.

I hope all is soon sorted, it's sparklingly on the market and soon snapped up at a satisfying price!

Renting when in need of ocean makes such sense.

xxoo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2018, 01:31:30 PM »
Thanks, Hops.


Everything sparkly is never going to happen.  I realized that today.  It's just truth, and a short chat with another homeowner from the States made that clear.  I'm pushing 3 boulders uphill. 

I have to decide how to feel about that, but for now I count blessings.
All my digits are healed.  No pain when wet hands.

I'm clean.

I can hook appliances to extension cords, and keep things going.

There's fresh octopus and fish pasta in the fridge, with sweet chili chicken leftovers.  I know peeps will have food while I go North today.  Yesterday I fished for hours, catching many fish, but keeping only 2 on frozen conch slop.  I used some of the fish for bait, and caught the octopus....tastes wonderful.  Not hard to clean at all.  Want more please.

I ordered fresh bread ahead this morning from the best Baker on the island.  My cabdriver will have it for me.  Hoping for plain, coconut and cinnamon, but will take what I can get.  Feeding troops with Sunbeam is only other option.

It's glorious today, and renter is going 20 miles to dive for lobster in a 19 foot boat.  Should be stocked up this evening.  Lobster season open!  Renter's cousin on Nassau is doing well after terrible accident ...recognizes people, responds to questions.  They waited 2 days for a neurosurgeon to arrive...skull fracture very scary.  All going better than expected.

I'm strong and capable, even when heat, and pain makes me feel slow and defeated.  Will pass, will regroup, and make another plan.  Can't fail as long as I keep moving and trying.

Sister has a 4 man blow up boat with small engine coming. 
DD and I sang Gilligan's island theme song, then we spontaneously launched into miming foreseeable troubles with that....
me, trying to start stopped engine. 
DD furiously blowing up sinking boat.  Much laughter, but...

Carpenter said he'd help me build bunk beds before I leave. I think he decided I'm not an entitled ass trying to exploit him.  He was undecided while replacing bathroom ceiling, and installing exhaust fan.  Glad to have his help.

A tentative plan for replacing windows is in tentative place, and the sparks from the drill are normal!  The shed is cleaned out.  I found art steied in rafters by original homeowner.  A few very cool peices, along with some "interesting" ones. 

Going out into heat on in his beautiful day.

The journey continues.

Lighter








Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2018, 08:30:34 AM »
Light, the fishing adventures make you sound like a female Robinson Crusoe :)  The food and beach part sounds idyllic, the hard work sounds like hard work!  And the planning and organising - sheesh!  I can only guess at what you've had to sort out.  The hidden art work sounds like a nice find, though, I do love coming across treasure when we move.  There is a nice tub chair in the shed - needs reupholstering but is a lovely shape.  We've no space for it but just showed it to a friend who is going to take it and upcycle it.  Nice to be able to give her something to work on, she likes to have a project :)

I hope the practical side of things gets sorted out as best it can.  Will you have more visits after this one?  Is this a property that you bought to do up or a place you used to use for yourself but no longer want?  I hope the renter's cousin continues to recover, that sounds like a nasty accident.  Things can change so quickly in a matter of seconds.  I hope the recovery keeps on and I hope things start to slide along a little more easily for you, too.  The carpenter sounds like a good egg? xx