Author Topic: Relationship  (Read 369 times)

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #45 on: April 09, 2019, 03:05:12 PM »
And thank you, (((((((Tupp))))))!

In my rush to post today I missed seeing your latest. You're right, I can say No to his queries. I hope he learns in time to have the EQ not to bring it up without maybe gently checking, like, is this an okay time to ask you something about your D? If he approached it that way, I'd have a chance to take a deep breath and ready myself and I'll bet 90% of the time I'd say Yes! But though he's a sensitive person, I don't know yet if he's THAT sensitive.

Still, I love him for who he is and it's 90% pure happiness at the mo'.

I really am touched by y'all's vicarious happiness for me. It's so generous.

How is it that blundering into an internet forum (thank you, Doc G!), I found some of the best people anywhere?????

xxoo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #46 on: April 11, 2019, 02:56:15 PM »
 (((Hops)))
Your voice sounds quite clear around boundaries, what's finished, what's possible, and your understanding of these painful pieces.

 I hope M understands without too much struggle.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #47 on: April 11, 2019, 03:04:35 PM »
Thanks, Lighter. I appreciate it.

And to my great relief, last night (Part Two) went well. He really listened. (Well, first babbled about scholars a bit, but then settled in and really heard me.) He also understands that I won't want to talk about it casually or frequently.

And one amazing outcome was that despite his kind of "I the professor understand all things" sometime demeanor...he opened up and became vulnerable himself, sharing a lot of stuff about his first marriage. He even said hearing my thought that my D gained a sense of power (when she felt utterly collapsed in her life and with no control at all over anything) from discovering how it felt to reject me (sad but true)... suddenly made him understand something about his ex, who continues to resent and be punitive toward him, even though they haven't seen each other in 20 years.

It was hard but worth doing, and afterward we had our usual wonderful time. Dinner, talking talking talking, and feeling mutual wonder at our good luck in finding each other. It's still amazing. And I'm still very happy about it!

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #48 on: April 21, 2019, 09:09:56 PM »
Hi, Hops.

Update please?

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #49 on: April 22, 2019, 07:14:01 PM »
Still joyful, happy and deeply grateful.
We are in sync, talking about the future,
mulling over options and scenarios.

It's hard to believe it's been just three months,
he so feels like part of me. He feels the same.

I am moving from stunned to ... inner peace.
He is the person who came along when I needed
My Person, and warts and all (on both ends), we fit.

So far it remains true and I'm really happy about it.

He writes me ridiculously romantic emails and continues
to cook gourmet dinners for me twice a week. His obsession
with Great Food is one reason he's too heavy, but it's a pleasant
problem for me. Long term, I'll be concerned about his health,
but other than offering a quiet example as I make and often bring
what I call Industrial Salads, that's all I want to do.

There is a deep emotional connection and affinity between us
that is really astonishing and moving. He has two more years
of being a professor to go, so we're doing everything from looking
at listings of houses in Sonoma to reconsidering staying here, living
together in his big house while I rent out mine... and who knows
what else. Lots of travel ideas too (he's invited to lecture in Beijing)....

It's just ri di cu lous and despite various fears of change, I'm happy!

xxoo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #50 on: April 22, 2019, 09:48:29 PM »
Wowsers, Hops... that's some update. 

And, it feels like 2 weeks to me! 
Three months?!?
 Holy cow!  That's a relationship!

::nod::.

You're in a wonderful relationship, HOPS!

::jumping up and down::.

This is so different.  So joyful.  So relaxed, and comfortable! 

I couldn't be happier for you... not at all. 

Thanks for checking in.

Lighter