Author Topic: Mindfulness  (Read 20833 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #180 on: June 29, 2019, 03:12:29 AM »
She sounds like a good choice, Lighter.  I like the idea of having multiple ways of dealing with or managing things as they come up, and of having daily routines that help to keep us calmer as we go through the day.

I'm sorry you have had all those triggering images to work through.  I find it enormously sad when we look back on times and struggle to think of a place we felt happy or safe, or of a person who made us feel that way.  I'm glad you found a good place to visit in your mind, though.  That helps so much.  It's good to know you can go back there.  It's good to have someone guide you through the process and to know they're there to pull you out if it gets too much.  That helps so much. xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #181 on: June 29, 2019, 04:27:07 PM »
It IS good to have a guide to help us through the mire, Tupp. I didn't connect with other Ts this way, and if I really liked them, they often broke my heart with tears of frustration/helplessness/sadness, which felt dreadful. It felt like I was inflicting my problems on them too.

THIS experience has been completely different.  She's very calm, and not unhinged.  Always leading toward an answer, and another tool.  Always educating, and sharing her experience to connect the dots.  I think that's necessary FOR ME.  To have shared experience. 

In any case, I have four more appointments booked weekly.  I'm looking forward to seeing her regularly.  I hope oldest dd considers meeting with her. 

I am feeling better.  I'm enjoying the ability to steady myself, whatever comes up, and know what's under it/happening.

I've been to my happy place, again and again.  It's a relief.  I didn't realize how different it is to have a happy place vs a place that keeps one from cracking up for an hour or two during tremendous ongoing crisis.   

This is better. 

I hope you have a happy place too, Tupp.   I've never had a T who could help me find it before.  I've had many who helped me NOT find it.  There's a certain shame to not figuring something out in T, IME.  It's heavy, unhelpful, and has to be worked'round, IME.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #182 on: June 30, 2019, 01:28:41 AM »
It IS good to have a guide to help us through the mire, Tupp. I didn't connect with other Ts this way, and if I really liked them, they often broke my heart with tears of frustration/helplessness/sadness, which felt dreadful. It felt like I was inflicting my problems on them too.

THIS experience has been completely different.  She's very calm, and not unhinged.  Always leading toward an answer, and another tool.  Always educating, and sharing her experience to connect the dots.  I think that's necessary FOR ME.  To have shared experience. 

In any case, I have four more appointments booked weekly.  I'm looking forward to seeing her regularly.  I hope oldest dd considers meeting with her. 

I am feeling better.  I'm enjoying the ability to steady myself, whatever comes up, and know what's under it/happening.

I've been to my happy place, again and again.  It's a relief.  I didn't realize how different it is to have a happy place vs a place that keeps one from cracking up for an hour or two during tremendous ongoing crisis.   

This is better. 

I hope you have a happy place too, Tupp.   I've never had a T who could help me find it before.  I've had many who helped me NOT find it.  There's a certain shame to not figuring something out in T, IME.  It's heavy, unhelpful, and has to be worked'round, IME.

Lighter

I did laugh when you said she's not unhinged, Lighter, I do know what you mean!  I've seen some people over the years who seemed to have more problems than I did!  It doesn't make you feel well supported when that happens.  She sounds good.  It's nice to have someone who can give you the skills to navigate through things yourself and who has a range of skills to give you, rather than a one size fits all approach that you can't do anything with if it doesn't happen to work for you or in that particular situation.  I'm glad the happy place is helping.  It's good to have a port in the storm xx

sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #183 on: June 30, 2019, 09:31:30 AM »
For me, it was tai chi that activated my parasympathetic nervous system. It actually occurs in us, before we are able to notice it's happening, I think. Since I've not practiced in a long time, what has stayed with me are all the short cuts and alternatives I've found to do the same thing.

Closing my eyes and focusing on just relaxing into feeling "safe" (just feeling my body) and breathing - short moments, done a few times - works just as well.

Had to remind myself to do that just yesterday, because my rational, practical brain was trying to beat my emotional brain senseless over the intense emotions I'm experiencing with Buck. Unrestricted ruminating on all the realities of the situation... what on earth am I getting myself into? That kind of thing. Emotional self has gotten stronger over the few years alone and blew all those arguments out of the water. My small whisper of intuition has always been emotional self; and she's never steered me wrong. So that moment passed and I'm still on course.

There is a personal reciprocation problem in all of that experience - born of my environmental dysfunction in the parenting situation... in that for me, the two perceptions or brains can be opponents rather than just playing different roles on the same team. That's still a work in progress especially for the big things that happen in life. Holly is really great at feedback for me and it's a measure of reciprocity between us that I can do the same for her. She pointed out that I took it harder, her losing the baby, than she did. I hurt so much for her, I didn't even see that.

But it was a huge clue for me, in that I'm in a moment where my center of gravity has shifted towards emotional brain for a change. So it really was time for the "come to Jesus" talk between the two brains about the things that are going on here, if I hope to be able to maintain centeredness and groundedness going forward. Steve is moving in; privacy for me has to adapt to that until the Holly Hut is built (and somehow those 3-4 years of living alone balanced out all the years I've been in a relationship). I have to know when and how to gracefully get myself the alone time I need. And Buck will be coming back too - or I'll visit him; the road isn't one way.

There is a lot of big stuff happening in my life, and I need both sides of my brain cooperating together - each specializing in their areas - and not fighting each other.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #184 on: June 30, 2019, 02:32:48 PM »
Lighter, I'm really happy for you.

The tomato patch meditation reminds me enormously of what I experienced with clinical hypnotherapy. Exactly the same thing...finding one's own particular place of peace, and conjuring it up in every sensate detail, to the point you recognize that in some way, you are actually there in the present.

I'm delighted for you, that you are going to be working this way. It's so deep and genuine, and even though I argue with you about some alternative things, not this one. This goes to healing the soul (if that word works).

BRAVO!

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Hops
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lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #185 on: July 02, 2019, 09:57:07 AM »
Thanks, ((CB)).  Your story is helpful, and I appreciate your taking the time to share it here.

For your liver, if you aren't taking milk thistle supplements, maybe consider them.  My friend 67yo takes them daily, for the past 10 years, and claims they support his liver a good deal. 

My brother claims to be fine after his gb removal, and that's comforting that you're experience is the same. 

My same age female friend, experiencing the gb issues now, is doing well, and symptom free right now.  I'll check back with her and see how her scans are going.  She's been working with a practitioner to break up the stones, and I'm hoping it works. 

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #186 on: July 02, 2019, 10:15:21 AM »
Yes yes yes, Tupp.  It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time.  This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me.  I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes.  I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T.  It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer.  It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.

I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share.  I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through.  We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills.  She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining. 

It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful. 

Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire.  Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis.  It's become my norm.

I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped.  I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way.    I've brought it up on the board,  l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening.  Something I couldn't control.  There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now. 

This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out.  Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer. 

I hope you're having a good week, Tupp.  Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls.  Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.

 I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot. 

I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet.  That's the goal; )

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #187 on: July 04, 2019, 03:20:34 PM »
Yes yes yes, Tupp.  It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time.  This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me.  I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes.  I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T.  It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer.  It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.

I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share.  I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through.  We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills.  She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining. 

It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful. 

Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire.  Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis.  It's become my norm.

I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped.  I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way.    I've brought it up on the board,  l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening.  Something I couldn't control.  There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now. 

This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out.  Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer. 

I hope you're having a good week, Tupp.  Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls.  Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.

 I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot. 

I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet.  That's the goal; )

Lighter

Gosh, Lighter, this is exactly what happens to me; I'm fine until I get an email or a phone call or letter and the terror response shoots through me instantly, before I've read anything or picked the phone up.  I'm trying to catch it before it shoots up now; I just find that when I'm in that heightened space it's almost impossible to talk myself back down out of it and any thought of breathing or yoga exercises or any kind of distraction just isn't there.  It's almost like being possessed by something (someone) else.  So I'm trying really hard at the minute to get into good daily habits (sleep, yoga, meditation, food, avoiding stress) in the hope that will get my overall stress levels down and then I'm hoping that will make the jump when an email arrives less and then I can catch it before it escalates.

If I had to pinpoint one time that started all of this it would be receiving the letter that told me they were taking child protection action against me.  Son was four; I had no idea it was coming, there'd been no conversation, meeting, preliminary paperwork - I just received a letter telling me the date of the child protection conference and advising me to get a lawyer.  To this day they still haven't been able to give me a reason for starting that action against me.  And I can remember just feeling like something had slammed into my chest; I couldn't breathe, I felt sick to my stomach, my head swam, I just couldn't function.  We were living in one room at the time, sharing a bed, he was playing on the floor with his trains.  I had no money, things were already bad with my mum (although I didn't know at that time that she was the one who'd done all of this) and do you know what, nothing's really been the same since. And that reaction is exactly what I get now, just seeing an email or an unknown number come up on my phone, and in seconds I'm in a court situation where I'm fighting to keep him and it just snowballs.  So I understand exactly what you mean about the world being on fire and being ready to respond to a crisis.  I think it's because it's our kids, the fight for them is different to other things, I think, because most of the time you can get another job or house or partner, but your kids?  And keeping them safe from those other people who are so smooth and so manipulative and who can throw money at fancy lawyers while we have to sit up till the small hours reading up on family law on the internet - bleurgh.  It's not surprising we've ended up in that constant heightened state.  I am really glad the T is helping; she sounds great and I will look up that Kardia thing you've mentioned to see if it helps.

Keep on keeping on, Lighter!  It's time for calm, and safety, and moss making!  Lol xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #188 on: July 05, 2019, 03:22:55 PM »
Yes yes yes, Tupp.  It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time.  This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me.  I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes.  I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T.  It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer.  It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.

I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share.  I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through.  We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills.  She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining. 

It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful. 

Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire.  Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis.  It's become my norm.

I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped.  I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way.    I've brought it up on the board,  l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening.  Something I couldn't control.  There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now. 

This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out.  Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer. 

I hope you're having a good week, Tupp.  Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls.  Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.

 I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot. 

I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet.  That's the goal; )

Lighter

Gosh, Lighter, this is exactly what happens to me; I'm fine until I get an email or a phone call or letter and the terror response shoots through me instantly, before I've read anything or picked the phone up.  I'm trying to catch it before it shoots up now; I just find that when I'm in that heightened space it's almost impossible to talk myself back down out of it and any thought of breathing or yoga exercises or any kind of distraction just isn't there. I think that's the point where we can engage breathing, and go push on a wall... hard hard hard arse hard, and just stop trying to think our way out of that place, Tupp.   DOING DOING DOING is what we're used to DOING, and honestly... I think of it this way.  WOULD I STOP AND BREATH calmly IF zombies or a bear were chasing me?  My brains isn't able to think it's way clear, and NO I can't just stop and breath when I feel chased, or in danger, and so these BIG physical DOINGS make sense, while the breathing sneeks in, and addresses the amygdala, and limbic system alarm bells from underneath... sort of unhooking them while we're focusing on PUSHING or COUNTING or WALKING BACKWARDS, IME.
 I'm not great at it, but I have enough understanding of it to believe it's the way out.  I'm also noticing more calm, and quicker recovery from shots of adrenaline. 
It's almost like being possessed by something (someone) else.  So I'm trying really hard at the minute to get into good daily habits (sleep, yoga, meditation, food, avoiding stress) in the hope that will get my overall stress levels down and then I'm hoping that will make the jump when an email arrives less and then I can catch it before it escalates.  There's no catching it..... it's too quick.  That expection has plagued me for years.  I feel better letting it go, just noticing the stress, and negative feelings, and paying attention.... then applying a new tool, and seeing how it goes.  It always gets better.  The T lead me in to a stressful feeling on Wednesday and I'll share that on another thread.
 I think your yoga practice adds the physical element, which is so important, and still lacking for me.
 


If I had to pinpoint one time that started all of this it would be receiving the letter that told me they were taking child protection action against me.  Son was four; I had no idea it was coming, there'd been no conversation, meeting, preliminary paperwork - I just received a letter telling me the date of the child protection conference and advising me to get a lawyer. Oh, Tupp. That would have shot adrenaline through anyone's feet and hands... how terrifying for you.  To this day they still haven't been able to give me a reason for starting that action against me. Insult to injury that PDs can terrorize us, through the public agencies with zero proof.
 We end up disproving negatives, over and over and over. I don't understand that, Tupp.  How do they continue getting away with it?  It's another layer of threat, anger, and damage, IME. 
And I can remember just feeling like something had slammed into my chest; I couldn't breathe, I felt sick to my stomach, my head swam, I just couldn't function. It's a absolute tribute to your indomitable spirit that you overcame that terrible threat, calmed yourself enough to function (not at all easy, IME) and did what you needed to do to save your son, and self, IME.
 
We were living in one room at the time, sharing a bed, he was playing on the floor with his trains.  I had no money, things were already bad with my mum (although I didn't know at that time that she was the one who'd done all of this) and do you know what, nothing's really been the same since. Pinpointing an important moment like that is striking, Tupp.  To feel that, again, is just like BEING there.  The brain can't tell the difference between being there and thinking about it.  Same with dreams.  Everything's real in our minds.  And that reaction is exactly what I get now, just seeing an email or an unknown number come up on my phone, and in seconds I'm in a court situation where I'm fighting to keep him and it just snowballs. Our sympathetic nervous systems have had to rise, and save us from crisis.  Those pathways fired together, had to, and then wired together.  Now they're our default settings, and we have to sneak in, engage our parasympathetic nervous systems, and build new default pathways, Tupp.  The parasympathetic nervous system calms the amygdala//limbic system, and restores access to higher thinking/problem solving/creativity, and that's helpful in every way, IME.  So I understand exactly what you mean about the world being on fire and being ready to respond to a crisis.  I think it's because it's our kids, the fight for them is different to other things, I think, because most of the time you can get another job or house or partner, but your kids?  And keeping them safe from those other people who are so smooth and so manipulative and who can throw money at fancy lawyers while we have to sit up till the small hours reading up on family law on the internet - bleurgh. YES YES YES, Tupp!  Going  against he system, the wealthy family members bent on destroying you AND your child.... it's completely different to be under fire WITH children, IME.  There should be LAWS, and are laws, but no one can enforce them.
 No one can hold people liable for lying under oath, bringing frivolous charges, or abusing power.... we're just too shattered from surviving the initial assaults, over and over, to do anything more, nad I think the hope the assaults will end kicks in like a drug..... it's all we can do to dream of running away screaming from the systems, and fights, and little people in positions of authority,  run away screaming like our hair's on fire.   Just to get away would be amazing, and a struggle this long  just bashes our adrenals, and is super destructive physically as well as to our hormones, and how our brains wire.
It's not surprising we've ended up in that constant heightened state.  I am really glad the T is helping; she sounds great and I will look up that Kardia thing you've mentioned to see if it helps.  Kardia.... the T explained it this way.   It takes 7 miles to turn a huge ship'round, and that's how it is with training our brains to calm down, and form new defaults.  Doing it, over and over, trains our brains, and once we begin, it's a permanent change we build on.  The brain can make change in a second.  It's exciting to know we don't have to wait forever.  That change can happen quickly, in fact youngest dd's neurofeedback has brought exciting changes for her!  I'll share percentages on a new thread,  but her doctor is astonished, and so pleased!  DD feels the difference, has more energy, and is so happy she's putting this time in.  Neuro plasticity is our friend, Tupp.  We're going to feel better and better, I know we are.     

Keep on keeping on, Lighter!  It's time for calm, and safety, and moss making! Oh, tupp... I've been rolling around in the moss in my underwear, in dappled sunlight.  Yesterday I was naked, and it's something I look forward to!  This is new, bc that would have seemed a chore this time last year.  Absolutely not something I could have done consistently.  Things are getting better, Tupp.  : )  Lighter Lol xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #189 on: July 05, 2019, 03:36:20 PM »
Wednesday's T appointment was about THINKING about an upsetting situation.  I guess it had to come, and it did.

I felt it in my throat, which is about the throat chakra.... having no voice, being stifled, and I felt as thought I couldn't breath. 

T had me think about a part part of my body that was neutral, or feeling good, and that was my hands.  I shifted my focus to my hands, and thought about them with some intention.  They began tingling, and one finger actually hurt with a pins and needles shock at the tip.... and I breathed into it, and stayed there for a while. 
When we revisited the throat feeling, that had subsided a good deal.... almost gone.  So, that was interesting as every visit is.  There's so much information, and she goes over and over it, and takes me a bit farther every appt. 

I sleep on a grounding mat, and make sure I walk in moss every day.   I haven't figured out the physical part yet, but I'm feeling a bit stronger.  The brain doc said all three of our vitamin D levels were low, and that's part of living under intense ongoing stress.  It plays havoc with our hormones, which explains my low testosterone, and some of my physical changes. 

I've been so careful with myself, after the shoulder injuries, and I feel ready to start back on the heavy bag.  Oldest dd is working out with a trainer, and that trainer is interested in learning some martial arts.  I might have a fit training partner soon, but will see.

Remembering to take 5 minutes out of the day, and do Kardia, isn't easy, but is the goal.

I'll start a new thread when I have the girl's paperwork from neurofeedback.  That's exciting, and I want to share the actual numbers, and not the gist. 

The journey continues: )

Lighter


lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #190 on: July 10, 2019, 02:50:06 PM »
Another appointment with Therapist D.  She's putting pieces together... familiar pieces... moved around, presented in different ways, at different times.  She explains WHY things work, after she presents them, and she's so happy about the WHY.  It worked for her, and she wants to share her freedom, her expanded interior space, her restoration of choice, and happiness.

It's a lovely way to SEE how to put radical acceptance, mindfulness, and somatic attention INTO practice for myself, when I need it most.  When I need it most my limbic system is in charge, and denying access to higher brain thinking.  Trying to think my way through seems logical, but it's impossible...
until...
I put my finger on my nose, breath into the bottom of the vase at the bottom of my diaphram, then fill
that
vase. 

Slowly....
then release the air...
slowly, and tune into what I feel inside...
put my hand on it.....
 name it, and search for the feeling under it. 

Or not.

It's the breathing into it.... breathing space into that tightness....
providing expanding space around it....
paying attention to the space beside me, above me, below me, and occupying it.... bringing it inside.

And then I notice the tightness in my chest and abdomen eases up.  The strangling feelings in my throat soften and receed.  Space is around and in that area, and it's so
much
better.

I have to remember to put the stories on the shelf, and breath self compassion into that space.  There's no room for stories here.... just being here.... being home.... now.

Today I practice what I want for my tomorrow. 

If I want anxiety, and sadness, I practice those things today.

If I want relief, spaciousness, and a functional life....

I breath,  pay attention to my inner world, embrace it all, good, bad and ugly, and name it. 

Invite it in, which is familiar, and helpful in the past, but NOW I understand why, and where it's leading.  It's the next step to overcoming the fight or flight shut down, spiral, static, chaos.... and shifting OUT of it.

Understandig the shift.  Understanding things will get better,  and I have control over it is really helpful.

Understanding lasting change can happen in between 1 to 2 months... helps.

I don't have to start over again and again and again.  I can build on what I've got, and wire new pathways forever.  They'll be mine, and it's like a rock's been moved from a tiny stream.  The trickle CAN get through, but I can't let the rock roll back into it's comfortable place. 

The PAT..... again.... Postive Affect Tolerance.  There's a default setting of vigilance, and anxiety that has to be identified, embraced, and soothed, until I replace it.... until I can cultivate default settings I'm happy with.

Maybe some stories are true, and that's the case for me.  I'm not in a war zone, but I'll be dealing with sabotage, and legal heinous fuvckery for many years to come, as will my children, and then there's the misogyny, and people in positions of power preying on those with no power. 

And I hear about it when I turn on the tv, or radio.  I react, when I want to respond.  I'll be more capable IF I can calm the chaos, put down the story, and deal with what's in front of me right now.

That might not make sense, but it makes sense to me right now: )

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #191 on: July 11, 2019, 03:12:45 PM »
((((Lighter))))

You are working so consciously and so consistently.
I can only imagine the reward and the relief is going to wind up deep and lasting.
You can be proud that you have applied all your intelligence and work ethic to healing yourself.

It's happy to hear this happen for you!

I want to thank you for that detailed description of deep or meditative breathing. It really helped me; I "saw" it instantly. How come nobody else ever taught me about the tummy vase???

One tiny thing that I beg forgiveness for in advance but don't think you'll mind. I just keep tripping over it so thought I'd tell you (my inner anal editor bossypants grammarian persona pops up sometimes, but feel free to swat her as she deserves!).

breath = the noun. for the air that goes in and out of you
breathe = the verb. for the action of breathing

I breathe, I breathed (present and past tense verb)
I felt my breath. I took a deep breath. (the noun, an object)

There. And it would be very nice if Hops spent more time on a breathing practice and less on spell-checking! LOL.

Hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #192 on: July 11, 2019, 06:45:34 PM »
LOL!  I don't know why that's so funny, but the grammar correction ( much appreciated btw) made me laugh!

Ok....thanks for the lesson: )

BTW I'm working on paperwork, and feeling ok about it.  I'm surprised things are going this well. 

I find myself breathing deeply out of habit lately.  I notice when things tighten up and I stop breathing. 

Breathing space into and around the tightness....picturing it as cotton....helps.

I'm not sure I'm ready to change my belief systems around this stress entirely....yet.  I notice resistance, and voice it with T.  I know I have to address that, and make peace with letting go of unresolved important unfair things, bc the cost of carrying it is too great.

I think this ties in with third party bystanders doing nothing.  I don't want to BE that.  THAT is worse than the predators in some ways, in my mind and experience.

T said changing will make positive response more likely, and that's something I can GWT behind, and make peace with.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #193 on: July 11, 2019, 07:00:04 PM »
Quote
make peace with letting go of unresolved important unfair things, bc the cost of carrying it is too great

I am so getting this. It's huge. It's a damn life goal. I get it.

Right now, in minor setting, I'm struggling with the same thing. Feeling disregarded and unappreciated at a church I've loved (and had many leadership roles in) for many years. "Old" members are stereotyped and disregarded in ways that look a lot like the national political atmosphere. Toxic minister finally resigned but his legacy is tribalism, division and toxic rants on social media. Not the place I once felt both safe and welcome in. I'm backing off for a while, hardly need the stress.

The good news is, I just connected with a mosquito and splatted that sucker! (I don't even remember a successful mosquito execution in many years. So I ain't lost my mojo.)

:)
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness
« Reply #194 on: July 14, 2019, 02:39:37 AM »
Another appointment with Therapist D.  She's putting pieces together... familiar pieces... moved around, presented in different ways, at different times.  She explains WHY things work, after she presents them, and she's so happy about the WHY.  It worked for her, and she wants to share her freedom, her expanded interior space, her restoration of choice, and happiness.

It's a lovely way to SEE how to put radical acceptance, mindfulness, and somatic attention INTO practice for myself, when I need it most.  When I need it most my limbic system is in charge, and denying access to higher brain thinking.  Trying to think my way through seems logical, but it's impossible...
until...
I put my finger on my nose, breath into the bottom of the vase at the bottom of my diaphram, then fill
that
vase. 

Slowly....
then release the air...
slowly, and tune into what I feel inside...
put my hand on it.....
 name it, and search for the feeling under it. 

Or not.

It's the breathing into it.... breathing space into that tightness....
providing expanding space around it....
paying attention to the space beside me, above me, below me, and occupying it.... bringing it inside.

And then I notice the tightness in my chest and abdomen eases up.  The strangling feelings in my throat soften and receed.  Space is around and in that area, and it's so
much
better.

I have to remember to put the stories on the shelf, and breath self compassion into that space.  There's no room for stories here.... just being here.... being home.... now.

Today I practice what I want for my tomorrow. 

If I want anxiety, and sadness, I practice those things today.

If I want relief, spaciousness, and a functional life....

I breath,  pay attention to my inner world, embrace it all, good, bad and ugly, and name it. 

Invite it in, which is familiar, and helpful in the past, but NOW I understand why, and where it's leading.  It's the next step to overcoming the fight or flight shut down, spiral, static, chaos.... and shifting OUT of it.

Understandig the shift.  Understanding things will get better,  and I have control over it is really helpful.

Understanding lasting change can happen in between 1 to 2 months... helps.

I don't have to start over again and again and again.  I can build on what I've got, and wire new pathways forever.  They'll be mine, and it's like a rock's been moved from a tiny stream.  The trickle CAN get through, but I can't let the rock roll back into it's comfortable place. 

The PAT..... again.... Postive Affect Tolerance.  There's a default setting of vigilance, and anxiety that has to be identified, embraced, and soothed, until I replace it.... until I can cultivate default settings I'm happy with.

Maybe some stories are true, and that's the case for me.  I'm not in a war zone, but I'll be dealing with sabotage, and legal heinous fuvckery for many years to come, as will my children, and then there's the misogyny, and people in positions of power preying on those with no power. 

And I hear about it when I turn on the tv, or radio.  I react, when I want to respond.  I'll be more capable IF I can calm the chaos, put down the story, and deal with what's in front of me right now.

That might not make sense, but it makes sense to me right now: )

Lighter

(((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))  It's like being parented again, don't you think?  It's interesting to me that we need to be parented in different ways at different times in our lives.  This kind of therapy seems/feels to me like someone re-parenting you by teaching you how to reset your pathways back to neutral - kind of like re-setting the computer to factory settings once it's got in such a muddle no-one can untangle the pieces anymore and work out what to do.  Wipe, and start again.  I'm so glad she's working with you like this; I think having a practical skill to use in a (hypothetical?) situation is so useful.  And I only put hypothetical in brackets because by that I mean that we are often in a state of fear even though the bare bones of the situation in front of us doesn't warrant it.  But you're right, it lights up those old fires and we go into fight or flight straight away.  And we can't flee, because we've got our kids to look after, and the dinner needs cooking, and there is moss to attend to!  Lol.  And we can't really fight either, because there isn't actually anything there to fight.  And so where does all that fear and emotion go?  I'm so glad you've got someone there that is teaching you to manage it, and also validating it.  I understand when people say, "the fear isn't real, there's nothing there to be afraid of".  I get that, and my logical mind gets that, but the deeper part inside of me doesn't hear that at all.  It's irrelevant to that bit, and that's the bit that's in charge in those situations, in my experience.  So to have someone who understands that and is able to teach you a way to silently calm the part that's frightened - wow.  Excellent parenting all round!  Lol.  I'm really glad she's doing this with you, and is this the person that happens to be very close by or was that a different doctor?  I have got myself a bit confused and muddled some threads in my mind, I think.

Postive Affect Tolerance.  Yep, I can get that.  Feeling comfortable, secure, warm, looked after - doesn't feel normal.  So odd that we get to a point where being uncomfortable is our default setting and not feeling that way feels wrong.  I was talking to someone a little while ago who finally got some relief from a very painful problem she'd been dealing with.  She said she actually got a bit low afterwards, because she'd got so used to being in pain and dealing with that that suddenly not having the pain left her a bit adrift and all these emotions came out that she hadn't realised where in there, because the focus on her pain had blocked everything else.  We have to survive, don't we, whichever way we can, and sometimes cleaning up the mess afterwards is as much work as the original problem was.  I'm really glad you have this person in your life now to help you with it and I am looking forward to reading the next update :) xx xx