2019 Farm Life

[sKePTiKal]

So, the house guest is still considered to be in crisis; remains in treatment & observation at the hospital; and it's likely to be another week or two before they're comfortable enough that he's not suicidal to release him. If he's still stuck on that, and still can't formulate a plan for his life (because he doesn't want one) then I suppose they'll look at in-patient options. It is no longer my problem and I hope he gets well. He seems to like the people here, better than in the big city. Holly is releasing responsibilty about him, too... while still showing him loyalty and support, she is separating herself from his outcome.

Hops asked about the purpose of the farm. It's a learning tool for me. A way to relearn that I matter; I CAN do a lot things I don't know how to do, right this second... and in the process, make this place pleasing to the eye, productive and self-sufficient even if there's no power or fuels, in the future. My goals are practicality and functionality, even as I'm aging in place... and proving the theory that functional can be beautiful at the same time.

It's great having Holly here to help with the physical things, but she is going to go back to work eventually. We have diferent aesthetics and routines... and can get in each others way about stuff like that. So, we're figuring out a location and the site work for a "Holly Hut" of her own, to suit herself. She's narrowed down the design stuff and has a list of 42 "must haves". LOL. I haven't seen it yet. The #1 thing on her list is a 2 story wall of glass with a stone hearth to the ceiling in the center. Totally not practical and there's no way to get the interior efficiency for heating/cooling to be economical, either. But she wants what she wants! (mom might try drawing out a compromise for her).

The Farmer's almanac says it should be drier here, next spring/summer. The garden stuff is a priority, since it was a total washout last year. I'm researching high tunnels, for growing under cover. My commercial grower friend has blooming tomatos already! And I'm giving permaculture a deep look; I already do a lot of it, from the years of growing organically, and growing up around Amish farms.

And even my interior design style is morphing from the beach's post-modern pirate to early Viking. LOL. The bed for the guest room finally arrived, so I can finish up the final touches in there. Hol might need another dresser... or hanging space. (or her own house) And I am going to order a double sleep sofa for the office downstairs. Then the house proper is "done" until I edit the living room furniture arrangement. We'll start moving on to the studio... lots of things to do out there, too.

[Hopalong]

Well, since I don't want a permanent move to California, your guest room will be fine, thanks Amber. 

Holly is one lucky young woman if Mama will pay for all that! Have you thought of giving her a budget that represents what you WANT to spend on Hol's House (which is such a great idea for your relationship, very wonderful priority)? Then she knows. Design means thi$ and materials and labor mean thi$, and have at it, dear.

I love love permaculture; Polyface farm is on my daytrip list. I so wish I had a Real Back so I could garden. One of my goals in getting fitter is to do old-lady raised beds or pots or SOMETHING. It's the one part of my new-home dream I haven't helped happen, for many depressive self-sabotaging reasons.

Since you're a prepper (sort of?), I was going to ask what part food storage and raising plays. Now I'm imagining you canning and filling a solar-powered fridge.

Do you think geothermal is a possibility? Or earth-sheltered for Hol's House? Earth sheltered is brillers, and filled with light. Could even justify her 2-story glass, or almost. If you have a south-facing slope somewhere. Hope you do. With all the wood available, passive solar or earth sheltered plus a Tuli Kivi would set y'all up safely forever.

xxoo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I love Tulikivis! But Holly thinks they're hideous. LOL. She does have a budget; it's part of my plan to reduce the amount of estate taxes for the kids... moving up gifting.

Food storage is necessary. There was two weeks only Holly's jeep got out if here. So, a deep pantry. Lots of herb/spices. Freeze-dried ingredients in vacumn sealed cans. I learned to can before the Twiggy days and helped out, peeling peaches, cooking apples down into sauce, snapping beans, etc. So yes, preservation of excess harvest is an essential oart of the plan.

It's not so much prepping for me. It's just how my family always lived. Gramma told me to always keep two years worth if food in storage, because of crop failures. She raised her brothers and sisters through the depression after her mom died in childbirth.

[sKePTiKal]

Oh this warm weather has me antsy to get things started outside! The winter coat is too warm, even on the porch in the shade. We're going to get the first set of compost bins drug to the location and laid out.

[lighter]

We've had two perfectly lovely spring like days.  Just beautiful.

Enjoy moving those compost bins, Amber: ) 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I sure would love more Gramma stories, Amber.
I am deeply inspired by all of those ways people make so and become resilient.

Until my back and body are stronger (I'm now in my schedule exercise program and very hopeful about it) I can't garden or do homesteady things. But there is so much I COULD do that would bring joy and even a bit of kale.

Maybe there's a Wooden Rack #3 in my future! (#1 drying, #2 shoes). #3 could be for dehydrating produce. But I'd be better backing off the purchasing and actually getting serious about planting my veggie beds this spring. They're not quite raised enough to be easy on my back, but they're not impossible, either.

xxoo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

You can dehydrate in your oven at 200 degrees, Hops. And I'd recommend an electric dehydrator, over air drying for everything EXCEPT herbs. Those are best air dried, out of the light. Excaliber makes a decently priced dehydrator - and you can often find them used, for sale.

FEBRUARY = the month where you're "over" the excitement of snow, sick of mud (in my case, because I've been fighting mud since last April), and bored to tears because you can't do any "fun" projects yet. LOL. I might get started on my taxes, but I know it'll be almost March before I get all my documents to send to CPA. It's gotten MUCH simpler for me, since I've simplified the financial stuff, post-Mike.

Going to get into the office for it's periodic de-cluttering episode too. And EVENTUALLY cut down cardboard to recycle on Sat. Sunday-Mon, supposed to get 3-6 inches of snow - or such is the forecast. Sigh. Almost Valentine's Day, and we still haven't gotten together with Mike's D for Christmas yet. (Big Snow - and then, Hol & I both had minor injuries the next weekend... and persistent "house pest" to move on. He's still in the psych ward, btw; but is improving.)

[sKePTiKal]

Yuck. More winter here. I'm not energized by it anymore - it makes me want to just sleep till spring. But, I'm going to try to address some smaller inside stuff - catch up on housework: woodstoves make a lot of dust and the gas forced air moves it EVERYwhere, that kind of thing. Finish up the insulation in the garage downstairs, clear/purge, etc. But I don't even have a lot of motivation for that.

Just B L A H.

Hol moved the palettes, to where I want to build compost bins, with her help. That'll be one thing off the list. She's starting to move more stuff from Matt's house too, so there will be studio organization and planning going on. It's hard to even think about getting her house started with the weather so unpredictable... and I still haven't even walked that site to evaluate the geology situation for septic, well, water run-off, etc.

Reading up permaculture... it just seems like a newly minted word for old-fashioned self-sufficient farming techniques. But, even though I DO understand the basic principles, I'm looking for ideas... so will be sifting.

Both Hol and I are kinda in the same mood: patience my ass, I wanna build something.

[lighter]

Hey, Amber:

I'm curious who you'll line up as builder.  Or do you plan on being your own contractor?

My mom hired a builder who did a very poor job of their mountain home.  I couldn't find decent subs when I needed them on Beech Mountain..... OMG.  Just one nightmare after another.  One electrocuted himself... he was fine, but, OMG.  My mother's home had a front wall falling down in 10 years.... it had to be replaced entirely, such shoddy work.

Are you considering something pre fabbed? 

I just looked at my bathroom ceiling and thought.... I'm going to paint you this week.   It's hard to believe I've left such simple things undone.  And I have baseboards to re paint after caulking.  I get carried away with caulk, forgetting I have to paint again. 



Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

LOL... houses; such a pain in the butt!!! No matter how much we love them. LOL.

Hol is going to start with the gen contractor that replaced my doors/windows. He builds lots of homes - kits, pre-fabs, customs. She is kinda hoping she can help work with the crew, having participated in the building of the house on the first homestead. I don't think she's completely settled on a house kit or floor plan yet. But there IS site work to determine is feasible... so start there. If this contractor doesn't suit her... on to the next one.

She's look at round homes; domes too. I swear I need to pull out my Whole Earth Catalogs from '67 and show her what I was looking at then.

She is vigorously announcing her commitment to being here. Good thing; bad thing; just complicated... eh, we'll see. It's what I said to myself I wanted... so here it is. Whee! She does make me smile a lot - just being her. I didn't have THAT much to do with who she is now, she owns herself. But I can enjoy it just the same.

Steve is making her happy. She's been silly, happy Holly more lately than I've seen her in a really long time. It's a just a way she has of being her... and not quite knowing what to do with "happy"... but doing it anyway, no matter what it "looks like". She's kinda like a gawky puppy. LOL. It's way too soon to tell, but they get along great... and I find his energy soothing. Reassuring. Strong, silent, good man energy. But it's still early days. So I hold my opinions close.

[Hopalong]

Lord love ya both.
Would you property allow a separate drive off yours to her place located literally out of sight of yours?

So the interactions could be fewer and the privacy better, and you wouldn't even be involved in comings and goings?

You mentioned house guest again...almost in a way that sounded like continued involvement? Yikes, hope not.

xxoo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, there's going to be separation and visual privacy between houses. As far as comings/goings - my drive is the main access to the back 40. No real good way to create a new road.

Hol is still being a friend and supportive of house guest. Will not be bringing him out here again. IF he's released by hospital, it's most likely going to be to a residential situation until they get him stable. He's still having panic attacks, which bring on the suicidal ideation again - even after he's been past it for a week or so. The hospital only provides medication on an as-needed basis (IIRC) so it could be he actually needs a) a consistent dose to stabilize and b) longer term therapy/support before being functional enough to re-enter his life.

If he is released out into the world again, on his own... Hol is helping him locate jobs, apartment/living arrangements and we'll likely gather up some household essentials for him. I'm no longer directly involved and have no desire to be. But I keep up with the news, because Hol is involved and there is still a tingle in the back of my spidey senses about this guy and her wanting to be helpful that bugs me. She assures me that's just my own anxiety talking; and perhaps she's right.

But the man CAN be suave, charming, and persuasive; seen it in action. And maybe that's the trigger I have to be cautious. Smooth talkers... often turn into controling, manipulative Ns. Even when they're in victim mode; maybe especially then.

[lighter]

Amber:

The feelings around Hol's "house guest" just keep getting more and more..... dark. 

He sounds like trouble, and nothing but trouble.  Not worth the time she puts in.  Not worth the risks of interacting with him, IME.

Forgive me if he's mentally ill, and requires drugs, but it's not Hol's problems to solve, even if she COULD solve it. 

I wish we didn't have to learn these lessons the hard way, but we usually do.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Yeh, me too.

I fully don't understand her continuing rescue compulsion toward him. Hope she doesn't harm her growth too badly.

He was destructive to your serenity, exploitative of you both, and unfortunately, there's codependency going on.

I hope you can step back, not muse over his treatment, and not gather household items for him since he's no longer your charity. There are thrift stores in all communities.

Surely he will soon manipulate some other people into his needy web. Saddens me that through Holly, he's still taking up space in your head. I understand how it happens (remembering my codependent entanglement for two years with my severely alcoholic church friend) but....MY codependency would like to rescue YOU from the pattern.

Faceplant. Busted.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Oh, it's just something to talk about for me. He's definitely NOT in my head. And Holly has lots of other stuff going on right now - but she remembers to look in on him and she and I have talked a lot about "enabling" and how it's a real fine line between trying help, out of kindness - and enabling. How easy it is, to not know the difference ourselves, in our motives... and the effect on the other.

She has to figure it out for herself and is fully capable of extricating herself, setting boundaries, and preventing herself from getting in too deep. Her primary focus is her new Sweetie, Steve. She's been spending a LOT of time with him; he went to B'more with her and met Matt; and now, she's starting to get offers of work - one of which would take her to New Mexico long enough to shoot a movie. She's thinking about it... but no decision at this point. It would be a good resume builder.

Things are very slow here in the winter, except for cleaning up after weather. Each day is much like the one before it. Drives her to restlessness, and seeking any kind of external entertainment that is more fun, stimulating or interesting. She can enjoy solitude for awhile herself; recognizes the benefits. But it's not her normal pace of activity and has never been. She's very people oriented and genuinely cares about what's going on with them and enjoys them. They energize her.

Which is the opposite of me, pretty much. I do enjoy a lot of her friends - some of whom are more my age than hers. So, in the process of accomodating each other's natures - we're both intentionally bending a little, finding workarounds, and sometimes screwing it up. LOL. But this living together is a lot more successful than the first month looked like it was gonna be.

My mom-reflex is super-engrained however. She can get me to back off, with a sharp sarcastic comment... but it just doesn't stop, and I seem un-inclined to rein it in since I do really care about her. I have made some improvements though; I am trying. And she's right - she's over 40 and I don't need to say those silly reminder things Moms say automatically. She's kinda decided to just smile at me, wryly, and say: Yes, mom. LOL. That's working.

But that's kinda why we need separate houses. She doesn't need to be mom'd and I need to just have the space to deal with ME, and sort me out... without feeling old roles rise up... and start knocking off some more subliminal "can'ts" off my list. It's all good; we're just both over-analytical and have lots of time to think about things in a lot of detail.