Author Topic: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?  (Read 293 times)

Bettyanne

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2020, 03:12:18 PM »
Hi Two a penny......
I think it became a survival to keep going.......I thought all was normal until I went to friends home if I was even allowed to go to one? I started to see how crazy at a young age all of it was.....but what could I do??
My grandmother came from Ireland.......well nothing was going on there to help a child or children I should say.....in my grandmothers home.  She was born around l878?? some date like that??
Her sisters who came from Ireland too.....only liked their own family ......but I don't think they liked anyone .....
My T said as I am repeating myself here...... my mother was a N and a Borderline personality...... what I was raised in was horrible.....
my dad was from a family of 8 kids......his mother was british...and dad a mad old man.....my dad told me he would never hit me as he had been beaten most of his childhood??
I guess in someways I am lucky I survived .......with the horrible backgrounds on these 3 people and then to top it all off to keep a retared child home and work full time and leave child in the care of an old woman.  When my brother died at 24 my grandmother was 87.......
Nothing makes any sense.......
my mother is getting attention (this is my opinion) from bosses who she is a secretary to?? she is the best of the best at being a secretary and the worst at being a mother......she could never talk about anything to me? except tell me what to do or make fun of me?  just simple things I was never taught like how to brush your teeth.....or wash a dish or clean of anything?  should I call them dirty Irish people??? oh I could go on and on and I realized in time this woman called my mother was looking for attention like 24/7 and when I realized it......I saw her different.
Your right she should have never married anyone she was never a wife or a mother.......I think life would have been better for her if she was just a secretary and the bosses could just keep telling her how good she was.......
I did the best I could to be a mother but I never was given the tools......and she my mother was always giving my kids money to take them away from me. 
My husband Bill's mother was born in Ireland too.....another one who thought she knew it all too.I am not against the Irish or British but what the H did I come from???
I miss my husband so much because he was my best friend.......and we talked over the years and realized how bad both mothers were.......
Thank you all for your replies.........I appreciate everything you said..........
Love, Bettyanne

Hopalong

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #16 on: December 20, 2020, 03:23:27 PM »
((((((((((((((((Bettyanne)))))))))))))))))

Wish I could give you a cuppa tea and a great big hug.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Bettyanne

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2020, 03:37:39 PM »
HOPS......BIG hugs back......friend
A nice hot cup of tea.......sounds great and fitting
Love,
Bettyanne

where can we meet up?

Hopalong

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2020, 04:49:43 PM »
Narnia?

No worries, we're actually really HERE in the ether.

Hope holidays have happiness in them in spite of all
you're going through.

Hugs again,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Bettyanne

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2020, 08:14:18 PM »
Have any of you tried: Out of the Fog.website

I have looked up Borderline and Narcisstic people on there
I find it very helpful but I don't like what I read it is so undermining
Narcisstic and Borderline people but my Mother sure fits .

Let me know what you think?
Thanks,
Bettyanne

Twoapenny

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Re: Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?
« Reply #20 on: December 22, 2020, 01:22:53 AM »
Have any of you tried: Out of the Fog.website

I have looked up Borderline and Narcisstic people on there
I find it very helpful but I don't like what I read it is so undermining
Narcisstic and Borderline people but my Mother sure fits .

Let me know what you think?
Thanks,
Bettyanne

I had a little look, BettyAnne, the only thing I'd caution is focusing on possible diagnoses for your mum?  Just my personal experience/opinion, but for me, working on how I felt was the key.  Therapists helped me understand human behaviour without using possible diagnostic terms for any of the people who I'd felt damaged by (I don't know if maybe it's just a bit different in the UK?).  I found that helpful because I think that healing yourself is important.  How you heal won't be influenced by what your mum may or may not have been diagnosed with, had she seen a doctor, if that makes sense? So it might be helpful for you if your T can help you with things that can help you to get to a better place in your own mind and focus more on you.  I spent a long time trying to work out what was 'wrong' with my mum but eventually I realised that it meant I was still focusing on her, rather than me, and that was a big part of the problem anyway.  Over time I was able to just keep working on myself and I think that was what really helped me to feel better xx