Author Topic: Relationship/s  (Read 94512 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1035 on: February 01, 2023, 05:22:05 AM »
He's still eligible for an arse kicking from me, Hopsie, don't make me come over there!  Lol.  I do know with myself that I've sometimes got to a point with a former relationship where the nice bits are on my mind more than the reasons it finished.  Then I do what you did; I reach out because I see a funny article I know they'd like or find a photo that I know they'd appreciate.  Then their response, like M's, makes me remember why we don't do that anymore.  I think sometimes you just need the reminder.  As frustrating as it may be at the time.

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1036 on: February 03, 2023, 10:32:32 AM »
I'd love to make you come over here, Tupp! We could sell tickets for the arse-kicking and schedule it at the farm sanctuary. Options for attendees:
hug a pig, tickle a sheep, watch Tupp make dents with her boots in M's posterior.
Hard choices....

You're exactly right, I was needing the reminder.
What I have to resolve next is how I feel about how much the exchange upset me.
That reveals that sometimes what I tell myself about myself isn't true.
I'm certainly over the relationship, it's not that...but dismayed at how anxious I became. Just from two or three emails! I guess what it says is that I am still vulnerable and his way of relating churns up a lot of fear and pain.

Don't need that ever again if I can avoid it. The bizarre reaction to loneliness of the last several years has been in a way increased fear of people, when being with people more is actually what I need.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1037 on: September 20, 2023, 06:08:12 PM »
Fooled ya! I'm not in a new relationship with an individual, but this is a quick update about my relationship with the community.

Our local version of www.vtvnetwork.org is launching now. I'm feeling joy and pride about my work. I was VP, now head up Outreach and Marketing.

Just finished a comprehensive, 6-panel brochure that's off to the printer tomorrow, our designer did a gorgeous job, and I'm feeling happy and fulfilled. It's surprising! Also got our elegant flyers back from the printer, and feel proud of those as well.

We'll pass both out everywhere and I feel a lot of joy that it's taking off. (Mostly due to our inspiring leader, the Pres.) So many lonely or struggling elders here will find life easier and happier now, because of this new nonprofit.

That's it. Just wanted to share this moment and figured this thread would do.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1038 on: September 23, 2023, 02:12:18 AM »
Aw Hopsie, that's amazing!  I had a look at the link you put up; I know you've mentioned it on here before but I'd somehow missed that it's a whole nationwide scheme that's in place.  What an amazing idea and so nice that you've been able to be so involved in it all and get it off the ground :)  I really firmly believe that those sort of community connections are such a big help.  Sometimes it's something small, like a lightbulb that needs changing.  But if you can't get up a step-ladder yourself and you don't have anyone to ask - that's a lonely place to be.  To know you've a local contact that can get someone to come over and help you out will be such a big thing for so many people.  I'm so happy it's all coming together and it's been so enjoyable for you to do.  Is it a big group of people that have been setting it all up or just a few of you?

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1039 on: September 23, 2023, 12:22:07 PM »
Thanks, Tupp! Was patting myself on the back so hard it's a wonder I still have shoulder blades.

The Pres of our "Village" startup I met, along with five others, not long before the pandemic. Went to two meetings before it hit. I had learned about the idea of helping elders who: don't want to or can't move to a "retirement community" -- helping them live at home for as long as possible with a strong network of volunteers for all sorts of things. Rides to the doctor (accompanying them in to take notes if requested), small home chores or repairs, help with computers or electronic devices -- thinning a flower bed or walking a dog for that matter. Changing overhead light bulbs was one somebody came up with. Whatever they need, if a volunteer can match it, they'll have the visit/connection/friendship etc with a caring person who wants to help them age at home more easily. Only NON-medical services from background-checked, trained volunteers. Probably most of our volunteers will be older but quite able, but the range for joining as members is 55+. When we interview prospective volunteers, we ask what possible services we could list. Some can drive but not lift, some love to help organize, some are bilingual, some are very comfortable with electronics, or dogs. All depends on who decides to join. Each member request for service will be matched against our volunteers' skills and availability.

It's been really successful -- 300 Villages so far. It's just a huge need. Too many elders who live in the community (rather than a "senior silo") are isolated, too many have no family to help them, etc etc. There's been a lot of national research on it and the gap in support is clear -- as is the difference it makes to all involved.

The original small group of folks I met had splintered during the pandemic: one's spouse was declining, others were just burned out. It's a LOT of work. But one, our Pres, revived it all about two years ago and I climbed on board when she asked me. I had loved the concept the moment I heard of it (perfect demographic myself) and she is amazing. Long career as a national leader in midwifery, setting up professional programs in two countries, still on accreditation and review boards. Remarkable woman. I find it fascinating that she built structures to support people in community for the start of life, and now she's doing the same for people in the later chapters.

We've grown to an 8-member Board (moi included) and are launching the volunteer and member drive now, with publicity, public information sessions, and the brochures and flyers. Media is interested, and we have an excellent Advisory Board: Dr.-head of geriatrics and a lovely woman in a high post in nursing at the university hospital, former CFO of the whole region's largest senior services board, present CEO of the same, and a few more. A med student organization is interested, likewise a nursing student program -- not in giving medical services, but just volunteering like everybody in order to get to know the needs of older people living in the community. (They'll learn about needed health services for their public health work and from visiting older folks in their own homes.)

We'll find out when we find out, but I have a feeling it'll take off here. ML, the Pres, is indefatigable, can multi-task like a maniac, and I can keep cranking out friendly, clear PR and documentation etc. She asks me to do small speeches with her because she's a PhD Power Point sort, very skilled at presenting data, and I'm just all passionate about how this society values or discards elders. Plus, I'm a perky public speaker and for some reason audiences warm to me. Must be the dimples, or sometimes I'm funny.

Whew. Gotta try to help THIS old woman get her laundry done!

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1040 on: September 24, 2023, 01:42:04 AM »
It's a great idea.  I really like (with projects like that) the way that people can swap skills, almost without realising it - ie, the chap comes round to change the lightbulb, and while he's there gets a cuppa with some home made cookies, or the older person has stories to share about some event that particularly interests them (something they went to years ago, something like that).  Or they can swap gardening tips, or the older person knows how to get that particular stain out of that T shirt they mention they now use for work because of the mark on it, do you know what I mean?  Just that general exchange of what it is to be human that I think has been lost through TV and social media and all these external sources which, can be good in some ways, but which I think have had a negative effect in others.  Whatever else it brings beyond the practical support, it's a brilliant idea, and shows what a bit of organisation can achieve.

lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1041 on: October 07, 2023, 09:37:09 PM »
I'm so happy for you, ((Hops!!))

What an accomplishment and will make such a difference in your community!

You did good: )

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1042 on: October 08, 2023, 07:07:21 PM »
Thanks, Lighter!

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1043 on: November 26, 2023, 05:02:08 PM »
Happy update on my relationship to the UU congregation:

Y'all might remember that I've done "lay sermons" now and then in the past. Today was my 7th (my 6th was also about the environment and 13 years ago). I was anxious about being up for it, being compelling and engaging, etc...and after stroke and health wobbles and ER visits I feared I might have a wave of something in the pulpit. Did for a moment or two, but it passed.

Thought about it, kind of prepping my internal ground, for a week or so, and wrote it in 8 hours yesterday. "A Personal Planet" was the title. Anyway, there I was and it went very well. I included humor, love, compassion (for planet and for self) and a recurring thing about contemplating the differences between need and craving when it comes to consumerism, which is basically what's destroying the earth. You can consume stupid plastic, fuel including the most polluting (air travel) without really connecting the dots.

And it kinda rocked. I felt validated and affirmed for the deepest part of me -- being a writer, and knowing and valuing the oral tradition. Poems and sermons (in my case, very agnostic, no deity involved) aren't very far apart. So I'm feeling verrrrrrry grateful. And sort of welcomed back (not that anybody was not welcoming before, but I felt alienated for a long time after the previous Nminister)....new minister is kind, smart, and does his job really well. I was really happy when he asked me if I could do it today.

I think I'll go back as often as I can, and build new connections with old friends and new UUs. It's still the best chance I have to feel part of an extended family I do love, and I'd be a fool to let that belonging wither. That, plus the local "Village" project, anchor me in belonging to groups that feel meaningful and bigger than me.

I'm just happy. Didn't hurt my ego, either, to have a lot of people come up to shake my hand and tell me they really liked it. I felt affirmed, acknowledged and fulfilled. The music director said he's going to push for me to be invited to do it again. Wow.

hugs
a happy Hops
« Last Edit: November 26, 2023, 05:05:45 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1044 on: November 27, 2023, 09:30:59 AM »
Congrats Hops! I'm happy a door seems to be opening for you.

I believe that a whole lot of people are suffering from a mindset nutritional deficiency; sorta like what happens without enough Vit C in your diet. And any time they can partake of a positive perspective on the issues of the day, more often "discussed" through competing shouting... the more hopeful they feel (and perhaps the less they'll blindly go along with the shouters - after all, you're giving them a CHOICE).

Good job!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1045 on: November 28, 2023, 09:31:05 PM »
I'm so happy for you, Hops!  What an amazingly brave thing to do.... step outside of your comfort zone and share your gifts and knowledge with your immediate community. 

If you don't mind, I'd love to read your sermon. 

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1046 on: November 29, 2023, 03:07:12 PM »
I'm sorry, Lighter.
I have such paranoia about posting creative stuff online, just never made the transition to being comfortable about the loss of privacy. I've had a few near-misses about that.

But I'm flattered you asked!

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1047 on: November 30, 2023, 02:02:53 PM »
Well, so it goes. I got a very unexpected email from the minister tearing me a new one for changing one element of the service from its current format. Doesn't matter what it was but the message I got was (my interpretations in italics)... who do you think you are, you should have asked me first, how dare you, know your place!, we need to have a conversation about what is and is not the role of a guest speaker if you'll ever be in the pulpit again, etc....

I was stunned. I don't know what got into him but wow. I felt crushed, actually. It was such a full-circle, love-overflowing, joy-filled moment for me that to have that response from him was devastating.

I'm okay now, waiting to see if he really wants to talk about it. To check if I was crazy I shared his message with a few friends in confidence and they were all shocked too.

Big spiral of...do I threaten male ministers when I do something that really moves the congregation and brings a lot of praise? Is it really a balls problem? Or is it me and I exude some kind of "don't need your approval" vibe? It never occurred to me because as a past "worship weaver" the then-ministers had offered us full freedom and much support and delighted in whatever we created. (We had a yoga enthusiast sit in that crossed-legs-in-your-lap position on the altar once years ago! People were delighted.)

It's a fact that it's been 13 years since I preached and stuff there has gotten a lot more formal than I generally enjoy, but I truly was not trying to be insurrectionist or disrespectful anything like that. I had thought when he heard how it went he'd be proud of me!

Anyway, I'm okay now. Really. I know where I was coming from. Love 'n joy. But wow, from the heights to the depths, kinda thing.

Life. Lessons keep coming about reality vs expectations. I guess we need them.

hugs
Hops

PS In case anybody's curious or has church memories, the service element was Joys & Sorrows, which used to be an intimate time when a person could stand up and share from the heart something deeply felt, with their congregation, by telling it personally. Since we're bigger, because of time constraints, it's been changed in recent years to "fill out this form online" and a minister or worship helper will read it. A lot less moving than people speaking to their "brethen" (not our terminology) themselves, but I'd understood the change as just part of growth. Since I'd missed the vulnerability of that kind of community sharing and we were a smaller group Sunday after Tgiving anyway, I requested to revert to the "come up to the mic" moment --my official "worship weaver" helper was fine with it and great to work with-- and about 5 people did. I heard afterward that some people were happy to see it again. I'd asked that each person limit theirs to one minute and all did.

(The new version was to have anybody with a Joy or Sorrow come up and put a rock into a big bowl of water --a very nice ritual-- but not speak.)

That was all there was to it. About 8-10 minutes out of the whole hour's script.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2023, 02:23:53 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #1048 on: December 01, 2023, 09:37:11 AM »
Well, we can't ever anticipate how people react to things we say and do, Hops. Obviously, your intention was well-considered and benign... and he saw it as a threat to his control/importance. Maybe after the first stings of that go away, he'll see it differently. And maybe not.

There is an unspoken (perhaps unperceived) tension lately between people. I feel it; sense it; when we're out - which is very very little these days. But even phone calls have become exercises in patience as one navigates the computer tree (AI) and then finally get a human being... only to have to repeat everything for 3rd time, for "security purposes". SIGH.

It seems to be a combination of fear of being taken advantage of, and denial of the amount of "brokenness" in what used to work so smoothly. Some of that is also financial sticker-shock... and fear of not being able to make ends meet.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.