((((((((Tupp))))))))) --
I so totally understand why this left you bruised. I completely, entirely agree with you and am very sad about the moral divide this is revealing in so many places.
Perhaps in working with those who are very old and fragile for whom the only release is getting dying over with, your friend has become callous to them. Certainly sounds that way. I don't agree, of course. Though I'm just as frustrated that we get no help with dying when we're very old and miserable, I would never want to be cared for by a worker who considers me expendable rubbish.
All that said, I think your pain got hooked when you tried to reason with her, based on empathy and a moral code she doesn't share. I believe she is wrong and expressed cruel thoughts, and didn't see how parenting your son would make you even more sensitive to the disadvantages of the helpless.
I can't agree with you more, except that I'd like to say you are entirely within your rights of self protection and self care...to simply NOT ENGAGE, when you hear someone (even a friend) starting down an ethical path that shocks and causes pain. Whether on the phone or online or in a message.
You do not have to take the bait. Her attitude does hook loving people, vulnerable people (while you're healthy, you are the parent of someone at risk, which makes you vulnerable)...in our hearts and in our fears. So if someone's clueless enough to talk to you about "useless humans"...you know that's not a conversation to extend.
It was the trying to persuade her that caused the pain, I think. And my guess is her anger was triggered by a moment of shame, perhaps. Either way, I'd lose interest in exploring her thinking...because it's toxic to YOU.
Take care of yourself, and don't take those attitudes IN. It must have felt personal, but it probably wasn't meant that way. She was just speaking out of normal self-absorption, and from her personal experience of being around the very old, bed-bound, helpless old. It's a shame but I think many of those workers do become callous, perhaps to emotionally survive.
I'm really sorry her tale and her opinions appeared in your ear!
Please dust out your ears, let that conversation go away as quickly as you can. Okay, what's it going to be?
Tea and telly? More reminders of nature and the beautiful empathy and community behavior and humane attitudes that are ALSO appearing everywhere? Don't forget them. You are part of THEM. Keep calm and carry on.
Big hugs,
Hops
PS -- She may be a friend, but she's also a prat. Prats often get angry when we say something that gives them an unexpected look at an ugly side of themselves. That's on her too....not your problem. It's good to acknowledge the hurt you felt when she reacted that way. See it and then...intentionally release it, so it doesn't spoil your day.