Hello Amazons

[cats paw]

  It's been a looong time.  The Board is very different from when I last posted- much calmer.  Glad to see everyone still here is doing ok,   When I have more time, I'll update a bit. Can't say I'll be very regular as I'm so out of practice.

Stay safe,

cats paw

[Twoapenny]

Hi Cats Paw,
I think I may have joined since you were last here as I don't recognise the user name but I wanted to say hi and welcome back

Tupp x

[sKePTiKal]

Hey cats paw... I remember your username, but not your story. (I've changed my username several times; started out as Shunned.) Everything going OK? In these challenging times?

[CB123]

Awwww Kitty, I remember you! So good to "see" you again!

I hope you come back and post. You are such an encourager.

Love
CB

[Hopalong]

Hi Kitty,
I too would benefit a lot from a brief digest of your story. I do remember "Kitty" but not the what and why.

Please come back and update us.
Or just start with where you are right now and the shape of your present life.

WELCOME!

Hops

[lighter]

Hi cats paw:

Welcome back.  I hope you'll update us soon.  You're right, the board is much calmer these days. 

Lighter

[cats paw]

Thanks everyone!

 I had a difficult relationship with my ill mom, and she passed away. Some of the other people on the board at the time were GS, TT, Storm and Izzy, plus many others. I know Izzy passed away quite some time ago.

Hops- I don't know if you still have them, but we PM'd a couple of times. I haven't explored enough to know if it is still available to review old messages.  It seems from what I've read that few would feel the need to use it now. Drama appears to be absent, and communication of differences respectful.

CB- I still carry the comfort of your words in my heart from that difficult time.

Amber- I remember when your initials were PR, and all the work with Twiggy. I didn't "talk" to you very much. I was a wee bit intimidated as to having anything to say to you, and I was in awe of you.  Still am, but not so intimidated now lol.  BTW, I'm an Outlander fan, too.

Tupp- Thanks for the welcome back. You have been such a devoted mom, and I'm so glad for you that you are experiencing that feeling called "Happy".

 As to the shape of my present life, I have health issues and so does my husband.  Covid just makes things incredibly difficult to accomplish. Thank goodness for being early retired.  In that respect, we're fortunate.  Our most immediate worry is that the next treatment they try for my husband will
be stabilizing, at a minimum.  Our next worry is that the ACA remains in effect, as we can only COBRA for a while longer. We also hope they will lower the Medicare age to 60 IF the election goes the way we hope. S (my husband) and I are on the same political page.

 I have lots of anxiety and sadness; who doesn't these days?  Oh wait- those who believe Covid is a hoax.  I also have gratitude and contentment. 

Cat

[cats paw]

Hey Lighter!

Lots of cool things in your life now!

Cat

[sKePTiKal]

Oh gosh... no need to be intimidated by me! I've had just as much heartache, anxiety, and over-thinking my own situation (and struggle over my feelings) as anyone else here. I'm just too danged stubborn to give up - LOL.

Heck, I even discovered what "lonely" feels like, not so long ago.

This covid crap is messin' with EVERYONE, I think. I'm still adhering to my self-imposed isolation and limiting my trips out into the "wide world"... but then I'm a natural hermit.

[Twoapenny]

Look forward to hearing more, Cats Paw, and I'm sorry that you have your health issues going on.  Always something to be dealing with.  I do remember Izzy, she was great and much missed.  Good to have you back xx

[Hopalong]

CP, yes...I'm glad you've come back.
It sounds as though with health and hubby and on top of it insurance fears, you have a whole lot on your plate, emotionally. Then toss in a mere pandemic and horrible disease threatening all, and it's a wonder you can even type.

BRAVO for reaching out.

I hope talking about it all you like at any length you like here will help. This board has gotten me through I think about the last 20 years of my life!

Hold on, even to whatever small comforts come your way. Do you also have any outlets for help IRL or via Zoom? I was surprised to hear from a close friend how incredibly well her therapy/counseling is going...with a therapist she's never met in real life. She just got a few references, did some Googling and called a few people for preliminary consultations over Zoom, and they got started and she's benefitting tremendously, she says. My therapist has been great on Zoom as well.

Even if you only get in a few months' worth on COBRA, it might be a real boost, do you think?

hugs and hope,
Hops
PS I generally don't PM simply because I like to focus my energy on the whole board thing, maybe with the ADD-brain having two areas going would fry me.

[cats paw]

Hops,

 I might be more out of practice than I thought with written communication, so to be clear, I was not asking to PM.  I was thinking of it as a review tool, both for myself, and if you were so inclined as well, since my username didn't seem to ring a bell, it being so long ago.  There were many difficult interactions on the board at the time, and I was so wanting to be a peacemaker.  If I recall, you were kind to me in a PM back then. Now I'm curious if memory serves, so one of these days I'll see if its reviewable.

 I've read your thread about M. I held my breath at many times during the reading. So many lovely experiences during that time, but you heeded the turbulence, so I'm glad you steadied your landing gear. Pooch sounds lovely, and there is potentially a new friend in the wings.  I know it's still painful, though. Loss is loss, even with what is gained.

 Thanks for saying "talk about it all you like at any length".

Hugs and Hope back at Ya

[Hopalong]

Thanks much, CP (that abbreviation okay? Dunno why I'm so lazy...)
I didn't take it as you asking to PM and to review those made good sense. I'm really glad I was kind and I promise I'll always try to be. First principle of posting!

You really are going through a quiet hell. I hope being here again will give you strength. It has saved my heart and my sanity more times than I can count.

All you can do is start where you are now, and you've decided to raise your voice and speak about your struggle. That's so vital and I hope it will help you find more strength and peace in the middle of everything.

And thank you for the sympathy over M. It was a trial but I don't regret it at all. Not only the adventures I got to experience, but the genuine effort we both put in...were worthwhile. Only okay in the long run because I accepted that interacting with him was not spacious enough for my emotional safety in too many ways. But I'm grateful for the experience and still very fond of him. I don't think he intended to be so stressful for me, and I have compassion for his stuff too. Perhaps we'll discover we can be friends later on, but either way I'm very grateful I came to realize a lifetime commitment would be damaging in the long run. I'm much better. Free. And not giving up on the dream!

hugs
Hops

[cats paw]

Hops-

 CP is fine. I don't know who monikered me Kitty first, but I remember being called Kitty Paw, Cat, Kitty etc.  I usually sign as cp or Cat. No worries.

 I hadn't reviewed yet when I wrote the previous post. I did review a little yesterday, and at first I wished I hadn't. To say there were difficult interactions on the board is quite the understatement. But in my PM's there was abundant kindness and encouragement. 

 Glad you are able to "Hold fast to dreams".

cp


 

[Hopalong]

Thanks, CP.

I'm not reviewing the "old days" on the board because it takes me a lot of reminding to be present and look forward. But if it were meaningful to me to do that I surely would. (What I have done at times is review long threads of my own on key things in my life, and it's been like a huge journal. Very helpful for perspective as the years go by.)

I can also say that ever since Doc G closed the board after those tumultuous times, it's been for me an oasis of comfort, wisdom and sanity. With a painful politically-driven exception that seems to go recede after brief condemnatory appearances. I've learned when I have nothing new to offer and can just redirect myself. (Though it must be obvious that I think I have a shareable opinion on nearly everything! SUCH a talker....)

hugs
Hops