I hear you, Meh!

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Meh,

I know you are not looking for responses, but I wanted you to know that I read all your posts and hear/understand the hell you are going through with your mother.  You deserve infinitely better.  I wish you could find another human being who could see you for who you really are and fully understand and empathize with the emotional pain you are experiencing—and have experienced.  If you could find and make an attachment to such a caring and understanding person, your painful relationship with your mother would ultimately become much less significant.  But I also know from my own life experience how difficult it is to find such a person/therapist!  There are very few of them on this planet!  So, please, keep posting…

Richard

[sKePTiKal]

I also hear you!

And I completely understand your anger at how unfair this is. It took me years to get past mine, at my mom. For my  own sake, I'm glad I finally did. Changed my outlook on life, really. It's like there was finally ROOM for more things.

[Hopalong]

I hear you too, Meh.

You were born with an innocent newborn's birthright to love and peace.
That your biofamily didn't help you learn how to find on your own is
NOT YOUR DOING. Sometimes infants get cheated out of this birthright,
and there's no excuse for mistreatment and no escaping the fact of it.

Only healing thing possible is to figure out how to find those (love and peace),
and not from looking to the original non-source, imo. One thing about Ns, they were mostly born with this emotional birth defect. So they can't change who they are.

Rage and blame are righteous fire but start eventually to sputter into ash.
Like Doc G says, a wise, compassionate (and objective) listener would help.
Even if online.

I so hope you find that care. Your story reminds me of a book that blew me away
in the early 70s. You might find a used copy for online. Dibbs in Search of Self. It's pretty R. D. Laing-y, but for me this was deeply appealing. I've remembered it for 60 years.

Doc G's advice is so good. I'd only comment: don't stop 'til  you find it.

hugs,
Hops

[Meh]

I'm fine. For as annoyed as I was, I didn't go over to the neighbor's house and say nasty things to her which I did want to do at the time. It's somehow inconsequential. Gawd I don't even want to think about it today. I had a bat in my home AGAIN. I'm cleaning I guess. I put tape over all the holes in the drywall etc. Yeah, I just write for the purpose of my own clarity not for support or anything but thanks. Really if one doesn't write it's hard to generate anything OTHER than what other people are coming up with. It would have been a reactivity festival had I actually said nasty things to the neighbor. I think being angry and having angry thoughts is pretty important, or in my opinion at least there is something to it.

[lighter]

You get to have all your feelings, Meh. They're all OK to have.

Lighter