Author Topic: Stuffing  (Read 3999 times)


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« on: May 20, 2010, 11:34:59 AM »
The lastest quirk of my mother's is pretending to "be nice". I just don't care enough to write about her behavior any longer.
She had surgery a couple days ago. I prayed for her. I don't love her, I wish that at some point in my life I had a better family that loved and accepted me early on. But I still pray for her, I feel sorry for her. Surgery sucks.

In regards to emotional harm, there are no stitches that prove what has happened.

Me, personally, I'm thoroughly exhausted. I think of hopeful people I know and it's obvious how their lives are in the midst of a whole constellation of people and situations and opportunities that are going well. Frankly, I know people that really don't have some secret key to the OK life, it really is just dumb luck and they didn't do anything to deserve it.

As far as I know there is no secret flip switch.

I stopped taking antidepressants months ago. My brother sent me an email, I responded with not much to say to him.
He told me that because I didn't have a lot to say to him I should be taking a new pharmaceutical out there.
The stupid stuff people think. I have things to say just not to him, the things I have to say are not particularly interesting to anyone.
My truth is really not very interesting right now, I imagine it sounds down right pathetic. That doesn't mean I should be on some new pharma-concoction.

I don't like my brother. At the moment I dont really like anyone. I don't think it has anything to do with "depression".
It's just my reality. I don't want to take some pharmadrugs to alter my reality because someone doesn't like my reality.   
I'm sitting in a cafe and I'm noticing how the only value these people have around me is their consumership, it's the money that comes out of their pockets that has life. The dead lifeless money is the only part of them that is attributed any value.
The world I live in is not really a world that I made.