Malicious obituary is interesting look at Ns

[JustKathy]

I saw this article a few days ago. It's about a son who wrote an obituary for his mother, and trashed his two siblings in the process. The writer is implying that the son was the N, making the obit "all about him." But I see a different story here. I think the mother was an N, and what we're seeing is textbook triangulation that mirrors my family perfectly. The obit was written by the golden child, the middle child was the inconsequential one, and the third child was NC for 25 years. The article claims that this was a family feud over inheritance, but the one son had been estranged for so long, he had to have ended contact for other reasons.

I can see this happening in my own family; the N mother dying, and leaving instructions with the the golden child to write such an obit. In fact, I would guess that my mother has already written such an obit, and has left it with my brother (the GC) to publish it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-rowley/josie-anello_b_1297569.html?ref=fifty&icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl1|sec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D138058

[Ales2]

Read it, saw it and feel the same way you do....Just Kathy.  I've had nightmares about my own NMom passing on, and me being at the hospital with the relatives looking at me with, who is her CPA? WHo is her lawyer? Where is the will and who has POA?  To which I respond, "Your guess is as good as mine. I am not involved in her affairs at all and would like it to remain that way." I'm the oldest and have lost so much trust with my NMom, that I want very much to stay away completely at all costs.

Sometimes I am so angry with my plight, I wonder how I can ever find someone to marry who will tolerate my inability to get along with my NM.

[JustKathy]

I'm in pretty much the same boat, except that I'm NC so feel no obligation to be at her death bed when the time comes. But as for the will, yep, no idea because I'm completely out of the loop. When the will is eventually read, I won't even show up for it. What would be the point, when I already know that the only thing she'll be leaving me is a nasty guilt letter?

My NM is claiming to be dying of cancer right now, though I'm skeptical since this is the fourth year of her "inoperable lung cancer," and she looks just fine. That said, on the odd chance that she does have cancer, I'm sure she's already written her own obituary. I can't imagine an N leaving that one to someone else. Their obituary is their last chance to boast about their greatness, and to stick it to those who saw through it all and refused to play along. Writing your own glorified obituary - the final act of control.

[sea storm]

Clearly the mother's death just intensified the family script. The obituary was so low, common and lacking taste that it does not bear comment.

It just goes to show that nothing will change that family.  Hopefully, the siblings who were criticized will see it for the garbage that it is.

[JustKathy]

I did find it interesting that only two of the siblings spoke to the paper and continued their battle publicly. The son who was NC remained that way. I expect that's how it will end with my FOO. My brother and sister will duke it out, and I'll be gone, detached from the whole thing, and glad to be free of it all.

[Meh]

It's shocking because because what they do is so ingrained in their psyche that they don't even take a break for a death...

Hum, makes me wonder what the deceased person was like, possibly it was one of those situations where the deceased person wasn't angelic. But to make a point of publicly broadcasting in an obit.....maybe they never even stop, maybe every second they just constantly bicker and maybe they have been doing it for so long that it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe somebody is bitter about the inheritance.

[JustKathy]

possibly it was one of those situations where the deceased person wasn't angelic

That's what I'm thinking. The oldest son said that the things he wrote in the obit echoed his mother's feelings. I think this may be a case of the GC protecting his beloved N mother. I know my mother would absolutely LOVE to be able to trash me in her obituary, and my brother (the GC) would be more than happy to comply.

For me, the tip-off that it may have been the mother who was the rotten apple, is that the one son had been estranged for 25 years. That's an awful long time. Inheritance battles usually occur near the time of the parent's death, not 25 years earlier. Whatever caused the third child to go NC, it wasn't money. I was NC ten years before I knew that I had been disinherited. I'm sure my NM is telling people that I'm estranged because of the will, but that couldn't be farther from the truth.