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NM is over 100 now and counting

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Bettyanne:
My NM turned 100 years old last October.  She is still working as a secretary to a very weird man who keeps her on, It is some kind of mother/son or father/daughter relationship is what I have kind of put together.  She has been employed at this job since the fall of 1963.  The strange part it is a real estate office but they are down to only one salesperson.  Her boss as she refers to him is a multi-millionaire and keeps her on because she has been paying his personal bills for years and he is just too lazy &%$#@ to do it himself.  My NM had a stroke last April but seemed to have enough recovery to return to work after about a two week period of time.  She is a workaholic and uses the job so she doesn't have time to think......when she is not at work she volunteers all weekend long at a Catholic Shrine for the past 42 years.....she sees herself as Mother Theresa 2 and proudly boosts it!  She is known as the Missionary Lady at the shrine.
I have moved 3000 miles from her in recent years because I was tired of enabling her and was put on a guilt trip if I didn't do what she wanted such as driving her to and from this shrine on weekends.  My H and myself drove her for over 30 years......never mind we were raising six children to boot. 
So I have a friend who is some what psychic and she said until her enablers stop driving her to work, shrine, buy her food, etc etc she will continue......but when they back off,  is when she will pass....I don't see these people backing off so I think there is a long time to go......but I am worn out from her phone calls even tho she is 3000 miles away.....my T said it is hard because she is your mother and you have been controlled since birth.(she has four to five people who will drive her to work or shrine, not sure because they have been doing it for so long they can't say NO to the old bitch).  I just get so frustrated at times I needed to just vent here......Thanks, Bettyanne
PS I am trying not to pick up when she calls.....and delete her messages. 

lighter:
Hi Bettyanne:

It sounds like your mother is one of those compulsively busy PD people, who goes from one distraction to another, just so she doesn't have to be left alone with her thoughts.

If you don't pick up, she'll dial the next person on her "distraction list."

She'll find someone to listen, and keep her going.

I'm sorry you feel guilty, but I really do think she'll be fine if you cut way back on the phonecalls.

You just need to be prepared to distract her with segues, and stories when she asks you why you didn't answer.

........"And then this big CAT, it was as big as a bear cub, comes barrelling through the door when I brought the groceries in.  Ya.  It was a shock!  And then, it got lodged behind that big piece of furniture I can't move by myself.  And then, I had to get a broomstick, and gently prod it out.  And then..... Oh look at the time, I have to go to my new psychic reading book club, and I'll give you an update when we talk again."

Imagine the stories you'll have for her.

When you're not so busy; )
Lighter

sKePTiKal:
OH MY... here's an idea to make the guilt evaporate:

next time you feel a twinge of this, ask yourself: what kind of mother needs over 100 years to realize she's supposed to care about and take care of her D? We had a saying in tech support (it's not very nice, but dang it, it was true...) "You can't fix stupid". Most of the time, we applied this to our Nboss... our other tech "users" were trainable.

Bettyanne:
Thank you Lighter you made my day.......I love your story and will surely keep it in mind the next phone call but then again I might be too busy to pick up??
It is really funny how your mentioned the distraction list......she actually has two papers full of names and when last we visited my NM in NJ there was a very
bad storm and the electricity went off......she sat with flashlight in hand and when down until someone picked up there phone.........she just kept calling and calling....on and on
Thank you as well Phonenix Rising......actually my psychic friend said to me yesterday she is just dumb!!!! plain and simple ......
What I am having problem with is the fact she continues to live on despite the fact her body is worn out!!!!
It is in the letting go of her that this will pass......
Thanks so much for your responses.....xoxox

mudpuppy:

--- Quote ---I don't see these people backing off so I think there is a long time to go.....
--- End quote ---

Well, as Einstein pointed out time is relative and with this particular relative I'd say "a long time" probably means something rather different than when you're, say 50, 60, 70 or even 80.

mud

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