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Deprogramming

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sKePTiKal:
Kelly hon - I can kinda relate to what you said about feeling that God has abandoned you. I felt that way ever since I was raped... until... I was describing the weird memories I had of an angel who gave me sword (and instructions on what to do with it). When my T said that this kind of dissociation was a way my brain was protecting me - it finally clicked in my head: God hadn't abandoned me at all.

He just didn't respond the way I - in my 12 yr old panic of HELP ME - imagined he would. Then I remembered something I was told once: when we pray, we can ask for anything we want... but we can't dictate the details of what, how, when, where, etc. It's sort of like Hops' excellent wisdom about asking... and then releasing the outcome. Sometimes we get the answer we want but we don't need/want it anymore (the careful what you wish for problem) and sometimes we get just what we wanted... and we don't see it. Or didn't realize we had it all the time...

The other thing I've pondered the past couple days... was the list of big, big things you talked about. Like a "to-do" or "to-fix" list. From the exasperated description you gave of your battle... I have to gently suggest that perhaps it's time to let someone else "do" or "fix". You "job", if you will... is to let others take care of you, endure the treatments (which I know are not pleasant) and if you can - make each moment as conscious and loving, to yourself and others, as you can. It's OK to let someone take care of you, you know? Your mom probably doesn't even realize she should try to... but that doesn't matter now. OTHER people will try to... will want to... take care of you.

Let them. It's your turn to be taken care of.

I hope the sun shines and birdies sing and the breeze wafts scents of fresh baked bread and pie and you hear kids laughing and playing where you are.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Overcomer:
Thanks for all the responses.  I agree.  I think my husband should pick up the slack.  In fact, he does nothing.  I still am in charge of EVERYTHING!  He won't unload the dishes or empty a wastebasket.  He started a project downstairs and I am sure it will take him a good year to get it done.  That is, scraping away a border and repainting.  His excuse?  He works all day.  Then he comes home and gets drunk on the weekends.

I really would like to divorce him but with all the cancer stuff, I don't need the stress so I am damned either way. 

Oh, and by the way, the last time I posted I said I was cancer free.  After this last CT scan they realized there were a couple spots back at the last one but they didn't know they were spots until they grew.

Well, back to topic at hand.

I have downloaded some meditation app on my iPhone.  I listen and it helps me go to sleep. 

My diet is to help with the cancer.  So are the oils. 

I don't even know how to pray.  Oh people say I have been such an inspiration.  I don't feel inspiring.

Meh:

--- Quote from: Overcomer on February 28, 2012, 12:36:58 PM ---I think my husband should pick up the slack.  In fact, he does nothing.  I still am in charge of EVERYTHING!  He won't unload the dishes or empty a wastebasket.  He started a project downstairs and I am sure it will take him a good year to get it done.  That is, scraping away a border and repainting.  His excuse?  He works all day.  Then he comes home and gets drunk on the weekends.

--- End quote ---

 :x

How do the meditations go that you listen to? I had one on tape years ago when there were still tape players and I liked it. It was pretty simple and there was a psychiatrists voice that said to clench the fist and then relax then, tense certain body parts and then relax them....I guess it was mainly to promote relaxation. What is your meditation about?

Overcomer:
Focusing on each part of your body and then relaxing it.

Redhead Erin:
(((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))

I used to have a tape like that, too.  I played it until it broke. 

I cannot imagine how declining to eat God's creatures could be demonic....or enjoying the benefits of natural oils made out of things that grow in Creation....whoever told you that (NMOM???) is full of bunk.

On a practical note, I have been a vegetarian for 12 or 13 years or so, and carried, delivered, and nursed a kid through it.  If you need any practical help with meal planing or recipes or whatever, go ahead and ask.  My personal email is connalnme at yahoo-dot-com.   

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