Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Question for child rape survivors (A little bit graphic)

<< < (2/3) > >>

Redhead Erin:
Oh, ((Kay,)) Thank you for telling me that. I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone.....and then also rather distressed somebody else has to go through it.

I really thought I was the only one.    :?

Twoapenny:
Hi Erin,

Yes, I get the same as you do, although, thankfully, I haven't experienced anything like this for about a year now.  I re-experience the whole thing in different bits - sometimes I get clear memory but it's like watching a film, there's no emotion, feeling or sensation there at all.  Other times I get the sensation - I can feel him in the room, I can sense him in the air, I can smell him standing next to my bed.  I get the physical stuff in different bits - the sharp, stabbing pains that you describe, a weight on my chest that stops me from breathing, hands on my mouth, hands on my throat.  I get a choking sensation sometimes, like something is being forced into my mouth.  Sometimes I just experience sheer terror - so frightened I genuinely can't do anything and all my mind keeps saying is "don't let him get me, don't let him get me".

I don't know why I haven't had it for a while.  Maybe I've processed some of it, I don't know.  I've written about it a lot, talked about it, I suppose I've kind of accepted it as a way for my body to get things out that are trapped in there.  I don't know if that makes any sense?  I use a lot of things like flower remedies and homeopathy - I'm very into that kind of natural healing.  It seems to help me.

Sorry I haven't any sure fire cures for you.  Twoapenny ((()))

Redhead Erin:
I think the best cure is jsut staying away form her.  I have heard from her only twice since the Great Furnace Debacle, and strangely I hae not had any pains.  The last episode was right in the middle of the last fight.

I sort of envy you your memories.  I think I know who my abuser was (my grandfather) and I think he also abused my mother and my aunt. But having all the symptoms of abuse but very limited memories of abuse leaves me feeling a little bit delusional whenever I think about it too much.

river:
I'd be interested to know, Erin, do you think that sharing here, and the responses you got could also have made a difference?   

Because I think sometimes some things really are just screaming to be recognised and validated.... ~ how does that sit with you? 

I have had - and for many years, a physical  reaction to when I get caught in dysfunctional relational dynamics, and when I feel helpless about it.   I was not a victim of physical sexual abuse, but I ended up living a life that was derailed around issues about abuse.  I think it was to do with implicit relational abuse.   

But I do believe that the body speaks, ~ and in some cases, rather, it screams!! 

river

Twoapenny:
Hi Erin,

Yes, I think keeping away is probably a good idea, and I see what you mean about envying the memories.  It's very difficult dealing with stuff when you aren't dealing in absolutes, particularly when it's family related and  you therefore don't have family backing you up or helping you through it.

River, I know your question was directed at Erin but I hope you don't mind me saying what sprung to my mind as well!  One of the things that got me really interested in complementary therapies was the core belief that most are built around, that your body tells you something is wrong and tries to show you where and how to fix it.  Because our Western approach isn't always an holistic one we don't necessarily make the connections - someone's intermittend stomach cramps are attributed to IBS and the fact that they only come on after meeting with a certain person isn't always noticed or commented on.  I try very hard to listen to my body now, whether it's telling me to rest (I've always ignored being tired and over-ridden it with caffeine and sugar, now I'm trying to notice being tired and sit down!).  And I think sometimes something just 'feels' right.  What my family have told me has always felt wrong, on some level, what my T told me generally felt okay (although often felt like I was wrong to let it feel okay, if that makes sense!) xx

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page