Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Shame
Meh:
--- Quote from: Ales2 on May 14, 2012, 10:24:08 PM ---There is also a distinction between healthy shame (i.e having a conscience) vs. toxic shame (making the child feel worthless for honest mistakes). I have alot of shame for normal mistakes that I shouldn't even care about, trivial stuff. To this day, I have shame around getting my car repaired or god forbid I get a parking ticket, or as a kid, when I spilled something on my school uniform that would require extra care or cleaning. I was made to feel shame for missing school or not looking or feeling right.
Its one thing to hold a child accountable for when they lied, but still continue to love them and another to make someone feel unloved because they spilled their chef boyardee on a white blouse. Whats sad is that even as adults we have to reprogram ourselves after this nonsense.
:(
--- End quote ---
Um, hum that sort of thing is sad, where the adult over reacts to little things like stains. If the "mental illness" at the same is preventing the parent from showing the child regular love I guess it is a bad combo. I've seen my brother do this with my nephews. My brother will just harp on the kids about being grubby and dirty instead of just saying come on guys you need to go take a bath and brush your teeth right now. My brother will talk badly about his kids right in front of them to other people. One of them is totally addicted to video games. Instead of my brother making sure at the start that the kid knew he was only going to get a limited amount of time doing video games everyday--my brother allows him to do it because the kids aren't engaged in anything else. Then my brother complains about it and will tell the kid that he is lazy. My brother will basically blame his kids for his own lack of parenting skills/interest.
Gee, I wonder where he got that from.
Meh:
Went for a walk today after I got off computer. Considered the shame thing. Not much came up for me though. Hard for me to put my finger on like there are not any specific incidents that stand out glaringly as the issue. Instead possibly it's more generalized. Like the difference between local/general anesthetic. Shame/disassociation/denial or whatever it all is sometimes is more of a whole cloud.
Yeah, thought I would come here read and write a little, consider SHAME and something would come up but no not really getting it.
Oh well.
Meh:
Um, still not much arising around the Shame issue. I thought I would just state it and then maybe something would come out of it.
My innerchild has showed up out of the blue but it didn't really seem to be related to shame and I have a hard time understanding if it even relates to the innerchild.
BonesMS:
I think my Inner Child is standing up and shouting: "I will NOT be shamed into silence! I am ANGRY about the abuse and I'm NOT taking it anymore!"
Bones
Meh:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on May 25, 2012, 07:15:52 AM ---I think my Inner Child is standing up and shouting: "I will NOT be shamed into silence! I am ANGRY about the abuse and I'm NOT taking it anymore!"
Bones
--- End quote ---
That is cool.
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