My mother likes to present a picture of material and financial poverty. But I've seen where she lived and know they were in relatively good shape for the era.
These stories then become rationalizations for how they treat their own offspring. My mother always considers her own material needs before others. But that's because she was so badly deprived growing up.
Twisted, twisted, twisted and crinkled and melted on a windshield and run-over
ufff...yeah....it's twisted....and you state it pretty clearly. I'm understanding it even more right now.
I don't think there is any way a young person could understand what we are able to understand. Often times I wish I could have comprehended more fully that the problem wasn't all me when I was younger--but it's too complicated for kids to fully figure out--
I get the same thing there is some sort of """""rationalization"""""....Okay is that enough quotes. There is some sort of so called rationalization about how my Nar-mother was deprived. Maybe she was or wasn't but there is something about the logic that isn't logic. It's not rational.
Financial issues and emotional issues are two different items. I know people with financial issues are more stressed. Still it doesn't make 100% sense. IF what the Nar says about being deprived at some point in time now explains their actions today.... if this were logical then the opposite would hold up-- privileged people would be the most compassionate, generous, engaged, interested, caring, thoughtful, well rounded etc.
I think there were times when my mother was poor but there is still something missing in the whole picture to me. I've met poorish people who do hold sanity together even though their finances are not great. My mother also always ALWAYS had someone taking care of her, she actually never has lived independently to my knowledge. In her stories she is always alone and nobody ever helped her. Her father bought her a condo to live in. The men that she was with were always alcoholics and she never had a problem with it and she still doesn't have a problem with it SHE like alcoholics. She was never a beaten woman trying to get away from them or abhorring them, she liked them quite a lot.
These people have emotional problems that transcend any amount of resources they have or do not have.
I know I can speak for myself in saying that money is important even imperative for some things but even when I have good income I still have issues. But I know I have them.
There is a story about my great grandparents and one of them was in an orphanage, the other was an indentured servant. So the story goes that my great grandmother "went to live with nuns at an orphanage".....and yes I think it is true but it was a different time and different place and my mother never met these old relatives anyhow.
My mother suggested to me that I should become a nun. Just an out of the blue off the wall suggestion.
I was like: "I'm not sure people do that anymore, and do you know where the nearest convent is"? To which she had no response.
I mean I know in her weird, weird mind there is some correlation there between the story of a great grandparent "being raised by nuns in an orphanage and her telling me to become a nun. We are not even extremely religious. She never got me baptized, never prayed before meals. Rarely went to church.
Anyways, Narcissism doesn't get enough weight on the whole crazy scale...Narcissism doesn't really have the aura of crazy about it BUT when I really think about what they must be thinking it's the weirdest logic ever.
There is no winning sometimes, there is not even common neutral ground sometimes. All they are going to do is flip out etc.
I think telling someone to become a nun is sort of like telling someone to become a rockstar or the President. Not that there is anything wrong with being a nun it's just that there are not a whole lot of them around here and it's a pretty special calling for the people who have it.
Maybe she is a two year old in there. An insane two year old.