Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
new chapter -- please send light
Hopalong:
Thanks, Lighter. I did edit, but there's more to do.
I don't suppose a parlor grand is a past-anchor? :)
It will take up half the wee new LR. But I love it--it was
too beautiful to leave behind, ever. I have a "fairy
grandmother" -- my sweet Dad's mother -- whom I
never met but whose face is sweet and kind, just like
his. I have a portrait of her in this soft rose-pink dress
with pearls sewn all over it. I have her ring and piano,
and I always thought of her as a kind of angel figure, so
I'm happy to take her with me.
I've tried hard to winnow but I know that once I move in
(fingers crossed--closing is delayed due to last-minute
snafus and some last-ditch obstructionism from Nbro)...
once I move in, then I'll be doing another sift and quite
a few things will go right back into my van for donation.
Did the best I could. Got it all down to 1.5 medium
storage units (including furniture/applicances). But
I like the idea of less, less, less. And having closets
designed for 1950 in the "new" place and no other storage,
is going to make "less" a lot more imperative. Okay by me!
Cart before horse again...it's much more fun to look at
paint chips than to focus on all the organizing and list-making
and planning I need to be doing over the next few weeks of
couch-surfing. (Pleasant guest room at an old friend's is
working out very well.)
I am assuming, hoping, thinking positively, that the delay
in closing will be resolved this week. But lawyers are involved
again (it's just a last amount of reimbursements my brother is
arguing about--not the Big Amount, that's done.) On principle,
we could fight him, and my lawyer and I just have to sort out
what point is the point of diminishing returns. (At what point
is it more expensive, not just money but health wise, to go
back to court for the last amount because of principle...or let
it go.) I have a break-it-off-regardless amount in my head and
my lawyer is going to help me confirm that today. Then we'll
know what to do.
Meanwhile it feels a little scary that the closing's not secure yet.
But I do believe these obstacles will get sorted out and then I
really can focus on the joys/work of the new place!
Thank you for asking about energy. Not as much as I used to,
for sure. But rebuilding my health and strength is top priority.
I need to walk every day, eat no junk, and be serious about
health from here on out. I think this break of "guest-room"
living may actually help me to do that.
So I'll be off for a little walk now, before work. Thanks again
for checking in.
love
Hops
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---I've tried hard to winnow but I know that once I move in
(fingers crossed--closing is delayed due to last-minute
snafus and some last-ditch obstructionism from Nbro)...
once I move in, then I'll be doing another sift and quite
a few things will go right back into my van for donation.
--- End quote ---
Dearest Hopsy -
I sympathize with the energy required from the above. All of it. I swear, I haven't even had the energy to think, feel, or even look ahead to the "next phase", once we get to our closing. I've not even physically been doing the work myself, yet I'm still exhausted. We've had a LOT of help from the kids and their friends.
GRRRRR, regards your brother just pulling whatever stunt he can for attention's sake and to "get one over on you" after all this time, and creating a one painful, tedious claw at a time process to extract yourself from any relationship with him. I hope your lawyer is able to sardonically convey the fact you don't give one rat's patootie about "what he wants"... and that he must decide, say, sign or not... right this very moment.
This makes the third and hopefully the "last" time (in 2 years) that we've moved into this house. But my Lbrain isn't functioning well enough yet to explain that. It sounds like you're doing good Hops - despite the delay; and looking forward to getting to the "fun part" of moving into a new space. There are a lot of fun parts!
lighter:
Hop's:
If you decide to let your brother win this last small battle, consider it a partling gift, and let it go.
I know you can and would, but it pains me to think about you wasting one more moment feeling diminished by your brother..... truly it does.
He's nearly out of your life, and he'll always be an asshat.
You'll get to live your life free of his choas, turmoil and drama...... WHOO HOO!
Getting that final trade out of the way may be worth a bit of money?
I have a baby grand taking up half my dining room, so I can't say you've chosen unwisely there.
Of course, I have to have help editing, and I'm not too proud to ask when it's needed.
You sound good, and strong.
Hope you enjoy that walk, and remember I'm sending you light, strength and courage for the chapter ahead.
Light
Hopalong:
Thank you Lighter...as of this morning, it's mine.
(Well, mine and the bank's.)
I love it.
Or I love the idea of it once a new roof is on, the little trees are no longer growing in the gutters, and the other zillion repairs are done. Tight planning, but I'm getting enough estimates to start a collection.
Took a close friend by tonight and she loved it too, and is already lurking to see what she might get nearby when she's ready to leave her country place and move in town.
It is so perfect in so many ways.
The neighbor I met this morning mowed the shaggy front lawn for me, unasked.
Wow.
PR, loved your image of "one claw at a time" -- what a perfectly viciously accurate idea. My brother is gone from me now, left to stew in his own sad, sour juices. I will begin to feel sorry for him again soon, but don't feel any lingering anything else. I choked up when his lawyer gave me a plaintive message from my sister in law: "Is it ok if I contact her now?" She is a sweet woman, just trapped in misled martyrdom. I was moved to hear she hadn't let me go willingly. Other than that, I feel nothing but relief. He's no longer my nightmare and doesn't need to take up any more of my life.
I even called my D today, after respecting months of NC, and left her a loving voicemail including my new address. I hope she'll respond at some point but am not going to stop living even for that hope.
All is well and I'm moving slowly forward. Much much much to do.
Thank you for your support and energy and compassion and good wishes...they've meant a LOT.
love,
Hops
lighter:
Oh, Hops!
Singing to the tune DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD:
"Ding Dong, his hold is dead, his hold is dead, HIS HOLD IS DEAD! Ding Dong her brother's hold is dead..... "
Your NB can't jerk you around anymore. He can't go behind your back. He can't hold up your life, and.....
he can't drag you under the stairs, a n y m o r e.
You're free at last: )
Wow, that gave me a chill, just processing it.
About your daughter.... whether she apprecited the call or not, it was appropriate to share your new address with her. Sorry that relationship isn't on the mend, but there's plenty of time.
You sound strong, Hopsy!
It makes me feel good to picture you in a new little nest , all your own.
There's a garden, and flowers.....
and maybe space for a wee bonfire; )
Lighter
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