Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
new chapter -- please send light
Twoapenny:
Hopsie,
I have been away from the board for some time, too. I wondered what was going on in your life when I saw you weren't here when I returned. I'm so glad you've posted and that you have updated on your life and how things are for you.
Reading about your daughter, certain things resonated with me. I spent many years wandering through difficult times, including homelessness, unemployment and mental health problems. Looking back, I can see that I pushed away people who were kind and who wanted to help. I felt so worthless that I needed to be treated badly; by people, by life, by the system, by myself. I'm not sure whether it was a kind of self punishment or whether I'd decided I needed to have a bad life and drew as many problems to me as I could. Whatever it was, I harmed people who tried to help and mocked, all be it silently, anyone who had sympathy or empathy for me.
I can't say whether any of that is what is going on with your daughter right now, but from your various posts relating to her over the years it seems to me that you have done, and are doing, the very best you can. You can't fix her problems or even make her see them, necessarily. It sounds as if you have left the door open for her, should she decide to come back, and personally I don't think there's much more you can do right now. It makes my heart break to read about your situation - you sound so much like the kind of mum I have longed for and I feel so bad that your daughter's place in life is such right now that she can't see that and feel able to open up to you and let you in. I am sending white light to both of you; I really hope that, in time, she can deal with her problems and the two of you can work out something that you both feel good about. Send a little of your grief my way; I can hold it for you for a while and make it a little easier to bear. ((((((((((Hopsie)))))))))))))
I am glad your house is fianlly sold. That has sounded like a heavy weight for a really long time now. I hope your new home becomes something positive and welcoming in your life, a place of safety and sanctuary. It is great that you have friends around you right now and I hope that situation continues Your job - well, I will pray that your boss goes on leave a lot, it sounds like it's easier when he's not there :)
No need to ask for forgiveness for not offering support; you do it even when you're not here. I've just had another big clean out and thrown out loads of old paperwork I don't need any more, books that I hang on to for no reason, out of date packets in the kitchen that just take up space in the cupboard. I find all of that really cleansing and I do it because you suggested it to me one time and it works so well. I always think of you when I do it and feel your support as I empty my cupboards and unpack some of the grim stuff that still lurks inside me. It makes me feel like I'm not doing it on my own. Thank you (((((((((()))))))))))))))
BonesMS:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
sKePTiKal:
Hey Hops - quick bit o' news - we put our old house on the market Monday, this week - and after I posted to you yesterday, we got a full price cash offer. Looks like (fingers still crossed) we go to closing next month. TOO fast for comfort; there is still much to "do"... but it'll all work out, I think.
Hang in there - all the tasks get done eventually. D will sort herself out. And this whole phase, too, will pass.
big HUGGS for (((((((HOPS))))))))
lighter:
Wow, Amber, that's amazing.
A full price cash offer kind of means selling your house would happen quickly, ready or not.
I'm sure you'll work it out.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Lighter, Anne, PR, Ales, Bones--Thank you. I really appreciate your messages. I somehow believe in the light-sending even though I don't understand why. Thank you for holding me in light.
And congrats on your own house sale, PR. Glad that went so easily.
Tupp. Thank you. I was so moved by what you wrote I didn't know how to find words for it for a while. Simply, the idea I might comfort you in some of those moments makes me very happy. What a generous way you "held myself up to me." I'm glad to have helped you feel less alone.
You have just done the same for me.
love
Hops
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