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Twoapenny:
Hi all,

I've been reading about the way our bodies can store/hold on to trauma and been trying out some of the exercises suggested (in order to release these things).  I'm suprised at what I'm noticing, given that I thought I was a bit of an old hand at this - it seems there is still a lot I don't know about myself!

It seems I'm almost completely disconnected from my body.  The exercises suggest things like breathing into certain parts of your body, bringing your awareness into them, noticing how you feel, physically - warm, cold, tingly etc, as well as emotionally - safe, nervous, content, angry and so on.  It took me about a week to feel my body at all.  As I've started being more aware of it, I've noticed that I ache constantly, I get a lot of headaches and times of feeling sick, I feel like I need to pee almost constantly and I have almost constant pain in my neck, shoulders and hip.

I've been trying to connect with my body more and 'feel' myself - the book suggests focusing on how your body feels doing every day activities and noticing the wind, sun, rain etc on your skin and so on.  I find it difficult to manage this for more than thirty seconds before my mind gets busy again.  This in turn has made me realise how much I live inside my head - it's almost constant, and I find it very difficult to feel instead of think.  The suggestion in the book is that this is all to do with disassociating, and a way of controlling painful or unpleasant events (in the past).

I was just suprised at how little of this I'd noticed.  Emotionally, I feel a lot more balanced and stable than I used to.  I've been to see an osteopath about my back today and she's given me a bit of a kick start and some exercises to do at home to keep things supple and moving.  I'm also seeing an acupuncturist I've seen before to see if she can 'shift' anything with her magic needles!

I just wondered if any of this rings true with anyone else?  I really hadn't noticed how much I don't notice my body!  I don't spend as much time on myself as I did when I was younger but I think that happens to most people when they have children - time just vanishes and before you know it something you used to do regularly has just stopped happening.  It's not so much about how I look, though, as how I feel - I almost feel like my body is just something my head drags around?

Perplexing!

sKePTiKal:
Yes Penny. I know just what you mean!

But, I wonder - is it objectively "bad" to not be all that aware of one's body 24/7? Or to be in one's head instead? I kinda think that there are times/places when that's completely called for! I think I'd be exhausted all the time, trying to process all that sensory input! Remember the Princess and the Pea? If I didn't ignore or block out or simply adjust the "throttle" on all that physical input... I wouldn't be able to function.

We are: mind - body - emotion. The balance of awareness/intentional "listening" to each one is always in flux. As it should be. There is no point of "perfect balance" to be achieved -- it's a constantly moving target. It's more like surfing or dancing!

Your exercises sound interesting. I've done a few of these at different times. Just be careful that in your self-recognition of certain things, you don't tag yourself with something unfair. For instance, I'd seriously question your book's idea about dissociation being so important to this not being aware of one's body. The main connection I see would be in the original trauma situation - but the "habit" of ignoring our bodies is a general human habit. Which is why stress (and all the secondary issues brought on by it) is affecting so many different kinds of people in all walks of life. People who've not experienced a traumatic personal crisis, you know?

Meh:
Yup. I sure do know what you mean.

It might be common for a lot of people to be "in their heads" in our society. The trendy term for the busy mind is "the monkey mind" because it's allover the place and hard to control .

I've often thought though that when a person has emotional or physical trauma the connection to the body is more weak or there is more disassociation.

You might want to take it slow, easy and gentle so you don't get more rashes. The thing about the process of reconnecting with the body is that it's possible to trigger flashback type events.

Something else that I wonder about this is if a person's memory is lessened by this Monkey Mind activity, the constant think, the disconnect from the body. Maybe it's just me but my memory sucks sometimes.

I also wonder if the "Monkey Mind" isn't part of a psychological barrier that happens. It almost seems as if the mental white noise might occur for a reason. I think the disconnect from the physical body is to get away from emotions feelings etc.

gratitude28:
As I am moving away from the fear/control of the relationship (I am largely distanced now) I get to know myself more and more. I don't feel like white noise anymore. I don't avert my eyes from people I dislike. I don't shrink. I do feel and I do like myself much more.
Sending warmth to you :)
xxoo Beth

Twoapenny:
Hi, Phoenix,

Yes, I know what you mean!  I suppose it's about balancing all those different elements.  I think the thing that's suprised me most is that my head seems to be more in charge - I'm finding it very difficult to be aware of my body for very long.  I think the disassociation thing is more to do with certain feelings in the body triggering past trauma (that was me not explaining it very well!).  This book is particularly focusing on having a sex life after sexual abuse.  I am finding it interesting/thought provoking/helpful but it is also triggering a lot so I am leaving it alone for a while.  Too much to take in!

Mild Salsa, I like the name change!  I think the 'monkey mind' is very much what I experience, and I'm sure a lot of others do too.  There is that constant chatter and distraction from things we find difficult.  I find my attention span is so short at the moment, there are lots of things being triggered so I am slowing down with it all.  I saw the acupuncturist yesterday and she said I am completely worn out and running on empty.  What's odd is that I find feeling relaxed just makes me feel so sad - it's like rushing around and keeping busy keeps the emotion out of the way.  But she thinks I'm creating serious health problems for myself if I don't slow down and fix things now, so I am going to have to take it bit by bit and do the work.

Beth, I know what you mean.  I am finding myself as I move along.  I have been out of my original family situation for five years now.  I have been putting the pieces back together - dealing with the past - and now I'm trying to live in the present and deal with the future!  It's a seesaw process, some bits good, some bits bad.  Thank you for the warmth :) xx

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