Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Quick moan
Twoapenny:
Hey Phoenix,
It does still hurt when I read about it and it still bothers me. I've been ploughing through it all for years now, every set of records I got through had more in it that needed sorting and sifiting through. I don't want to take legal action against my mum - it wouldn't give me any satisfaction to do that, even though I've been told I have enough for a case against her. But the other agencies - they have a duty of care to protect vulnerable people and that's why they're supposed to follow guidelines and adhere to the law. I hear about this sort of thing a lot - not so much when a family member lies like my mum has but when parents of children with disabilities - especially things like autism, adhd and ME - are often told it's their fault their children are ill (or that they are imagining it) and the people invovled don't follow the proper procedures or give children the help and support they need. So if there is a legal case against the agencies involved I'd like to pursue it - I think it would be good to highlight how badly disabled children are treated in the UK and how often this sort of thing goes on. I also think it's one of those situations where it might help other people who are having similar things said and done to them but can't prove it - in the sense that sometimes things like that can raise a bit of awareness and make more people aware that there are mums out there (and other family members) who tell horrible lies and slander their adult children. But I'm not focused on the outcome as such - for me the challenge has been putting together a document that puts everything right and puts my version of events - the truth! - down on paper. It makes me cross, how dare she create a fictitious life for me and my son and have people respond to us in that way instead of dealing with reality? It's that warped way her mind works - she has her own reality that everyone has to dance in, even though it doesn't actually exist - crazy making!
At the very least I'll be in a position - by tomorrow as I've nearly finished! - to send this document of corrections to every agency involved so that everything is factually accurate. If the sols come back and say there's no legal case then that's my number two option, and it's a good one. It's helped me prove to myself that she was wrong, you know? I'm nearly there, I can feel the weight lifiting off my shoulders! It's all good :) Thank you xxx
Bonesie, I knew I could rely on a hug from you :) Right back at ya ;) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx
BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))
I'm in your corner cheering for you!!!!!!!!
Bones
Hopalong:
Tupp, you are an inspiration. Thank you for explaining all of that so succinctly. It must have taken quite an effort. I see it so much better, sort of all put together here. What I love about hearing this is that you have reclaimed the right to tell your OWN story and you have rejected slander/falsehood...and simple basic unfairness.
Good for you.
I really hear how huge it is for you to actually have authored your own narrative of your life, your illness and your recovery and your serious determination and love for your son. Regardless of whether correcting the record becomes "legally" successful, it already IS a huge success. Bravo!
I can't imagine how it felt to have your mother et al. conspiring to take him away. I know families often do that when someone has a mental breakdown, etc...but it seems so cruel to not support someone with all your might when they're trying so hard. And you didn't let it happen. You hung in there for him and for yourself. Your love for him and deep deep down, I believe, your respect for yourself--they were stronger.
Wow.
I imagine there is SO much peace for you ahead. I've started to feel mine, most days. But it was a long, bloody battle.
(And you're right. I really can relate because of what I went through with my brother. It was shattering to have a figure who SHOULD have been a protective or at least benevolent presence in my life--though he certainly never was--but to have him, in such a final way, reveal how utterly willing he was to destroy me... I get it.)
I loved and cared for my mother through extraordinary stress and without help, and near the end, when I was more exhausted and depleted than anyone could begin to grasp, the one person in the world who should have just stepped up to HELP...tried to run me over. Sounds like your mother did the very same thing to you.
And yet, here you are...writing your OWN narrative. Pretty stubborn. Thank god.
:)
xxoo
Hops
Twoapenny:
It's finished :) Six years, approximately 1000 pages of records, numerous complaints and battles along the way, along with raising my son, dealing with all this 'N' stuff, the sexual abuse and just day to day stuff (there is always something that needs washing up! Lol) and it's finally done, condensed to 120 pages of corrections and amendments, 80 pages of supporting evidence and MY VOICE :) LOUD AND CLEAR, RUNNING RIGHT THROUGH IT :) QUIET, MUM, WE'RE NOT LISTENING TO YOU ANYMORE :)
I feel so happy.
There are still admin bits to do - docs that need numbering, things that need to be scanned/photocopied/filed etc, a couple more letters that need to be written or responded to, but that's all little bits that I can do daily - an hour a day will be enough and none of it's vital, it's just crossing the t and dotting the i stuff.
Bonesie, thank you for the cheering :) Hops, I thought I'd read similar stuff about you and your bro but could't remember the details. You are spot on, she came for me when I was at my lowest point and went in for the kill. I was fortunate to have good people round me at those times - friends and professionals. Some people helped her - people like her, I presume, with the same sort of outlook. But lots of people helped me too, and I didn't always see that at the time, although I do now. Reading through it all, it's funny for me to see how, even four years ago, I felt that her way of seeing things was 'right' and everyone would think I was in the wrong. Reading through it now, I can see how my perspective was utterly spot on and completely reasonable - even normal, although I think we all have different views on what that is! And how her way of living is totally warped. I've been reading through the stuff I've written about my own childhood. On paper it's horrendous. Back then it was just life, mum did what she did and we all did too. Now I see problems with alcoholism, domestic violence, unstable relationships, infidelity, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, physical abuse - written down like that it looks horrific and do you know what, it was. My step father is a violent, manipulative, sexually aggressive alcoholic and my mum is so desperate to keep him on side that she blames everyone else for his behaviour and berates us for not putting up with it.
One of the other threads - I think it was Kathy's? - mentions telling the truth to family and friends and how good that feels. I feel like I'm finally at the point where I can stand up and say "This is what happened. This is the truth". My mum's entitled to her point of view - but so am I and that's what I'm doing now. legal action would be the icing on the cake but I'm really happy just to have my truth on paper, ready to be sent to anyone I feel needs to be aware of it. It's like I've finally proved to myself that she was wrong and I didn't do anything wrong. I can't tell you how good that feels :) There's almost a book sitting right there - my next project is to re-decorate the house but come winter, I might just fill my evenings with seeing if I can put it into a book and get it published. A project for the future.
I can't tell you how much you have all helped me, so many times in so many different ways - that goes for you, too, Dr G! I remember when I first joined I was a bit scared to post because I was still afraid of getting it 'wrong' or people thinking bad things about me. But you've all been so kind and thoughtful and been so patient and understanding. Thank you so much. I'm going to take my boy out for tea and cake! Lol :)
BonesMS:
YAY!!!! (((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))) HOORAY!!!!!!!! *Whistles, claps, jumps up and down, and cheers!* You're winning your own Olympics!!!!!!!! :D
Bones
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