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Quick moan

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lighter:

--- Quote from: Twoapenny on July 27, 2012, 09:27:36 AM ---Whatever comes of it at least I will be able to say I've done my best :) 
--- End quote ---



You're standing up, and advocating for youself, Tupp.

That's a wonderful thing to model for you son.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Dittoes.

I don't really quite grasp what exactly you're doing with the solicitor's help, Tupp, but I DO grasp it's brave and strengthening and is going to make you feel so much better in the end.

hugs

Hops

Twoapenny:
Thank you, Lighter and Hops :)

Hopsie, the situation is a bit complicated but I think something similar happened with your brother?  Sorry if I've misunderstood that situation, did he make a lot of false claims about you?  Basically, our situation is that my son's disability was blamed on my bad parenting and mental health issues, which means his disability went undiagnosed and untreated for an unacceptably long time.  The reason it was blamed on me was - yep, you guessed it - when I first got worried about him my mum decided the best way to help was to ring the health visitor (I don't know how systems work in the states but in the UK the health visitor is someone you go to if you're a bit worried but your child isn't actually ill, if that makes sense?  Advice and support, basically).

I didn't know this at the time, so my perception of events was that I was desperately worried about my son and the HV, doctor, paediatrician, nursery staff and speech therapists all treated me as if I were making a mountain out of a molehill.  This went on for several years and in amongst that social services took child protection action against me, claiming I was mentally ill and that my son wasn't developing as a result of that.  I fought and proved it wasn't true, but part of doing that was to access older records about myself and my son.  I'd get a set of papers through and there was all this stuff about earlier child protection issues, mental health problems, neglect and abuse, none of which was true, but the only way to prove it was by cross referencing different sets of records - in the Uk we have this mad system where everyone accumulates a huge file on you which no-one ever bothers to read or check up on.  I just kept finding more and more stuff and it was weird, because there had never been any child protection concerns about him, yet all this paperwork stated there had been.  Eventually the trail led back to my mum, and it transpired that when my son was little and I had a breakdown, my sister and mum (my son was living with my sister for three months when I was ill) tried on three occasions to stop my son coming back to me.  I didn't know anything about this, I've only found out by going through these old records.  They weren't successful, because the psychiatric team and the social workers knew me - they knew I was working really hard to get well, they knew I was very self aware (and therefore able to alert someone if my health was slipping again) and they knew that I loved my boy like mad and was doing everything I could to be a good mum.  So they didn't take any notice of them.  Then we moved house and everything was transferred to a new team, and that's when she struck - she went to people who didn't know us and told them that it had been established that my son's problems were down to neglect and abuse on my part and that there had been child protection issues, etc, etc.  That followed us for about five years - it was like a really macabre game of chinese whispers.  There's a mountain of paperwork that's just full of so much inaccurate information.  When I finally found out what had been going on so much made sense - you know how you do wonder if it is you that's a bit mad because what's going on around seems so odd but everyone else thinks it's okay?  It was like that for a really long time, but eventually I found out what had been happening and started getting things corrected.

So basically I'm at a stage now where there are soliicitors looking into a medical negligence case, because they feel my son's problems may have been caused by a brain injury sustained during the birth (I expect my mum would blame that on me as well ;) ), but there also may be a case(s) against the agencies who accepted the information my mum gave them - the proper procedure is to check that sort of information out, so they should have contacted the previous team but they didn't.  There have also been instances where assessments haven't been carried out properly because they've used the information my mum gave them instead of getting accurate information from me, which has affected my son because they missed his disability!  At the minute I'm pulling it all together into one document to send to the sols to see if they think we have a legal case against any of them.  If we do, great, if not I'll at least have a complete account of what's happened which I can send to everyone involved so that our files are accurate.

What's been really important for me as well is that I'm finally getting to say my bit - finding my voice, as it were.  And that's been worth it's weight in gold, even though it's been (and is) really painful and really hard work.  But the end is in sight!  Hopefully by Monday the worst of it will be out of the way :)  It's actually really helped to just splurge all of that in one go in one place.  Thank you all for being there xxxxx

BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

sKePTiKal:
OH my...

at the very least, your lawyer (solicitor) should be able to ascertain a case for slander against your mom... malpractice/negligence in the agencies... but would you go through with it?

So many of us, have wished time & again, that we could at least appeal to some authoritative justice for the wrongs committed against us. But there is no documentation, no proof - like you have. In most cases, there isn't anything to build a case on... and most of the time, we put aside that natural right and wish for justice, because there's not a snowballs chance to even speak our piece about it.

Letting it go... is the only real option open to me, personally, for getting past it. And there are some advantages to that. I don't know what I would choose - if I were in your shoes. Good luck, sweetie with whatever you choose... but do weigh the possible positive results against potentially being re-traumatized in the process of opening up the old can of worms.

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