Anxiety

[Hopalong]

I was very taken with this article and thought it might help others who get hit with anxiety...

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/11/the-anxious-idiot/

hugs,

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

LOL!! This reminds me of one my own "reminders"...

As for what that digging entails, I have my preferences. Over the course of my anxious life, I have found two reliable methods to keep my anxiety at bay: Zen meditation and cognitive-behavior therapy. Both methods teach, in their own fashion, that one’s thoughts are not to be taken as the gospel truth; ...

mine is: don't believe your own BS.

Just because I think it, doesn't make it "true-er" for me, about me, (or anything else, for that matter)... so it's all open to question - and other possibilities.

[JustKathy]

Ugh! Yes, I have it too. In fact, I would be willing to be that most of us who are victims of N parents have it in varying degrees. In my case, I have full blown GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I've had it since December 1995. It's affected my life so much that I remember my diagnosis date.

One thing that is really tough about anxiety, for anyone who may be in the early stages, is that it can be hard to diagnose, mainly because the symptoms are so hard to describe. It hit me in my mid 30s, which is a very common age for women. I remember going into work each day and just feeling different. Weird. Not right. It was as if things around me weren't real, and I was living in some Hollywood special effect. (People with GAD often describe a feeling of being outside of their own body looking in.) I must have made ten trips to the doctor before finally being referred to a psych, who diagnosed me and got me stabilized with medication. But until that point, the office visits went something like:

Me: Doctor, I feel funny.
Doctor: Funny how?
Me: I don't know. Just funny. Weird. Not normal. What's happening to me?
Doctor: You're just stressed. You're probably working too many hours.
Me: No, it's always there, no matter what. Every day. I feel funny.
Doctor: Funny how?

And on and on and on .....

From what I've been told, it's a chemical imbalance that can be managed but not cured, at least not when you have a severe case of it. I've tried the meditation, yoga, therapy, but I can't control my thoughts enough to make a difference. In fact, I have several episodes a month where I wake up in the middle of the night having severe anxiety attacks for no apparent reason. The day wasn't stressful, no contact with NM. Why? Did I have a dream? Do the thoughts lay dormant and attack us when we're vulnerable? I just don't know.

One way that I AM in control is by withholding my diagnosis from my family. GAD is considered a psychiatric disorder, and if NM found out that I had (as she would see it) been driven crazy, she'd throw a party. As far as she's concerned, I'm the happiest, healthiest person on earth. And THAT is some pretty good medicine.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, it might not hold true for everyone - but in my case, the anxiety was brought on by reminders in my present life of the traumatic experiences I'd had as a child and blocked right out of my conscious memory. Well, to be fair -- I think I did live with daily anxiety at a sort-of manageable level -- up until that time when it erupted into a crisis. I realize there is professional skepticism about the unconscious, blocked memories, and such -- but for me, all the puzzle pieces lined up perfectly into a narrative that very simply - rang true and easily (without reaching) explained why I "am the way I am".

I "think" - I'm fairly certain - that I've dredged up and processed as much of that memory as is possible. For me, it's like talking about when I was in the school Christmas play -- it holds very little emotional stress or conflict or anguish most days. And so, the anxiety is different too. Now, it's more "new experience" anxiety... where's the line between confidence and being an N-ish blowhard? what am I "allowed" to do -- at this age? -- that I wish I had done while I was still lost in my inner sense of me? How appropriate is it, to completely let my hair down now? And am I really so ancient as to just sit down in a rocker and watch the days go by?

Naaaaaaawwwwwww.....

But I do still process the grief under the anxiety - and lately, it's been grieving for what others are going through; I have nothing major going on in my life to fuss over. And my unconscious self is still there too - she's just been given the opportunity to look out beyond "me" - and that's actually kinda interesting.