Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Somatoform Disorder_____Izzy
lighter:
Izz:
We're all "disordered" when it comes to facing unknowns and living with it for extended periods of time.
You recovered best case scenario from first accident..... truly amazing, Izz.
Then came the second accident, for Pete's sake.
With tremors.
And the hip/joint complication that changed your life, yet again, forever. (Not to mention the length of your leg.)
And resulting surgery after months of suffering that didn't necessarily have to take place, with asshat doctors telling you to stop whining, they were doing everything for you, blah blah blah/cut to post surgery and there you were, with more asshats telling you what kind of rehab you could have or not.
You weren't driving your car any longer. (Like the guy who hit you is.)
You had to give up your job. (The guy who hit you prolly still has his.)
You were suffering, no longer caring for yourself, and for you, just surviving every day was a challenge. (This is something that can't be restored wholly, even if you received all the money in the world, which you won't.)
And then you had to begin documenting, worrying about not getting enough money just to cover expenses for your injuries, and meeting with legal people while you were suffering and struggling in every way imaginable.
I
am
so
appalled you had to deal with this accident on your own again, Izz, and the insurance company doesn't factor in anything but how hard they can drive you to the ground and force you to say UNCLE.
They want to screw you out of damages, and in your particular case, this is a whole'nuther injury they've inflicted...... (with purpose, and intentionally.)
I hope your attorney can make that clear, and educate your Judge and Jury accordingly.
Like I said..... even if the insurance company gives you a fair amount, it can't make up for what they've contributed to your suffering, IMO.
I also want to suggest you consider contacting a victims advocacy group, Izz. They may have some suggestions your attorney hasn't thought of. It might be good to have a victim's rights advocate go to the hearing/s with you, and just BE there. I know I've seen a victim's rights advocate do a pretty good job in the courtroom to bring attention to important things that could make a difference, IRL trial situations, getting the Judge's attention, and forcing that Judge to punish someone in the courtroom right there and then, which can throw them off their game.
Everyone's expecting the insurance companies to behave in an egregiously offensive manner, so they get away with it.
I hope your Judge/Jury can put themselves in your too tight wheelchair, and feel the ball of their bone break away after weeks of torment...........
be present when they picture themselves suffering through your daily ablutions of going to the toilette, bathing, getting in and out of bed, and futile attempts to seek relief through sleep that would not come, night after night, week after week. Tremors and pain jerking you awake, and present, with no respite. Your Judge and Jury will have to be educated, and your attorney will have to make all this plain for them to "feel."
The insurance companies have very deep pockets, Izz.
A fair settlement for you is a blip on their screen, and a fair settlement is the very least you're entitled to. The Jury and Judge must "like" you though, Izz. You have to use your humor, speak slowly, politely and calmly, like you're speaking to a child about something important.
This too, shall pass.
Lighter
Izzy_*now*:
Thank you lighter,
You are very articulate and perceptive about my case, so I know you have been listening.
For one thiing, I cannot see me presenting myself as a 'victim' per se. My lawyer is ready, willing and able to do that.
Dr V., the Specialist, noted me a euthymic (pertaining to a normal mood in which the range of emotions is neither depressed nor highly elevated.)...something I have talked about before, the 'straightforward historian' with the lack of 'affect' such as no crying, no yelling, no swearing etc. I'll likely present myself as a survivor, but I am a wounded survivor.
In a wheelchair, one's lap is very important for carrying things, as 2 hands are busy propelling to destination.... the garbage bag to the dumpster, the laundry basket to the laundry room, the infant grandchild could lay head to bum on the dip between my legs, with their legs running up my chest, so I could rock them and peel potaoes at the same time... that useful lap is now slanted because of some swelling that ended up as a blob of painful fat in my upper inner thigh (can't cross my legs anymore and it was always a relief, before, with long periods of sitting) but still that leg is shorter and my knees don't meet in length or togetherness, as the left knee rotates outward, being there is no femoral head to fasten the femor to my acetabulum? hip socket.
That is just another example whereby I had to fix the situation for my being independent. Before I could do certain jobs, I would need a level lap and compared a "pad" like those bean bag ashtrays that would adjust themselves to a rounded sofa arm. It works. (I can propel with a mug of hot coffee on my lap.) I would like to present myself as someone who advcates for herself, and is a survivor, but not lessen the damage that has been done.
I cannot think too far in advance, right now until I next speak with my lawyer about the last expected report. Putting all 3 professional reports together will give him his plan of action.
If we go to court and some fool asks me how I am, I will not use the mundane answer of "Fine"
I will say that " I've been feeling run down of late!"
When the nurse asked me, after the 3rd surgery how I felt, as I came out of the anesthetic, I said, 'Like I've been hit by a car". This is all I can do to not appear always euthymic.
I'm not a happy camper, but I am also not a whiner.
xx
Izzy
lighter:
Izz:
I think it's difficult to wrap our minds around speaking plainly about bad things happening to us, bc it makes us feel like whiney victims, which we're not. The problem is, compensating usually means we present ourselves in a light of strength and non vimtim status, which can seriously mislead listeners about the seriousness of our circumstances, and actual facts involved in our cases.
We aren't victims, but sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that could be considered victimizing(is that a word?), and I suppose it becomes a situation where we're victimized IF we accept what's happening to us, and fail to advocate as effectively as possible. We've done it before, we'll do it again, but it's good to learn from the past, and apply our knowledge to being even better advocates for ourselves this time around, yes?
I know you've been in positions where you can't advocate for youself, for example: When you were out of it after the accidents, and you were at the mercy of hospital staff, insurance company(bean courters), and perhaps family members; when you were post op; when you were recovering; when you were struggling and learning to care for yourself again.
There are facts involved, and call them what you will, there were mistakes made with your care, and bad calls by the bean counters/doctors that added to your pain and suffering, long term recovery and ability to function. That needs to be explained, and you need to disconnect the wires that make you feel like a whiner when explaining these facts, IMO. They can harm you further in the courtroom if you down play something the Judge and Jury need to understand well enough that they can walk a mile in your sturdy orthopedic shoes during your trial.
I'm still shocked every time I think of the insurance company dragging you through a trial. Egregious under the circumstances, IMO. They know how difficult it is for you to get around outside your environment. They know how much it taxes you to be out of your routine, yet they've made it a priority to drag you through trial prep, and attending a trial.....
why?
Because they don't even want to pay you for the cost of your care, never mind pain and suffering.
THE NERVE!
The Judge won't be blind to your struggles if you can lay the facts out there for him/her.
I really think you're going to be OK if your attorney is at all competent, Izzy.
Lighter
Any more thoughts as to putting your story out there in a warmhearted human interest piece on the 5oclock news channel of your choice?
How about contacting a victime's advocacy group? I was shocked to see how involved they were in a case I was involved in.
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---Dr V., the Specialist, noted me a euthymic (pertaining to a normal mood in which the range of emotions is neither depressed nor highly elevated.)...something I have talked about before, the 'straightforward historian' with the lack of 'affect' such as no crying, no yelling, no swearing etc.
--- End quote ---
Maybe it's just me, Iz... but "euthymic" sounds synonymous with "normal", easy-going, level-headed.
And that this is what we're all supposed to work (controlling our emotional extremes) to attain.
????
Izzy_*now*:
Hi lighter
--- Quote ---Any more thoughts as to putting your story out there in a warmhearted human interest piece on the 5oclock news channel of your choice?
--- End quote ---
I just might if there is/are any misinterpretations of the truth, if we go to court and this is publicized... it will be to add or correct infirmation, like the over-drugging of me turning me into an 'addict', for instance!
hi PR,
I have generally always spoken this way, no matter the topic, as though I am referring to someone else, especially when I speak of my own traumas.
Just the facts, Ma' am.
In my quest to understand things, I have to 'question' terms that are used to describe me. In this case levelheaded would have suited me better than euthymic, so that I wouldn't have to use a 'dictionary' .
all the best
Iz
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