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When will I ever learn?????!!!!!!!!

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Ales2:
Hi Kay - Thanks so much for your kind and supportive post. Today, I am actually glad I was angry, because its an honest feeling and I think she is getting the message that we are a toxic combination and I wont tolerate what I had in the past. Its the source of all my failures in life (i.e tolerating disrespect and not standing up for myself.) The kicker was after explaining an issue several times, and thinking she understood it, when it came up again, she threw out the verbal abuse again and that was enough for me to think she will never get "it" and I am a fool for continuing to try.  And, you are correct, she can;t self adjust as I have and it will be the demise of the relationship. 

Phoenix - thanks for the clarification - if I was going to hire an attorney, I'd give her the parameters and let her deal with it.  Staying sane via distance does help!

Today, I was also realizing the the forgiveness program I had been on, had worked, but it had opened me to hoping we could discuss issues again. I discovered that we can't,  I haven;t been able to really accept her yet, because I somehow keep going back to a conversation we can never really have.

Anyway, I'm going to be radio silent for the month with her, assuming that her visit to my T (it was her choice to go in and she said she wanted to meet with him for his "legal" advice LOL - I cant stop laughing about that one!) won't escalate into something.

Thanks all for the support. Have a great week everybody.

Hopalong:
Ales, I'm confused.
Did your father leave money in trust for you, with your mother as executor of that trust?

What a horrid position for both of you.

I'm sorry there's no way to change that situation. Legally, is that the case? It's unchangeable?

I think as soon as you don't have to go "asking" your mother for your inheritance income, things could get better. It seems as though the financial dependency poisons your relationship.

I'm really sorry you're in that vice.

xo
Hops

Ales2:
Hi thanks Hops and Phoenix.

To answer the question, NM controls all, legally or otherwise, there is nothing for me to challenge.

Dad passed in 2000 and until 2008, NM maintained that he had no will, nothing for us to inherit, she claimed he had made bad investments and made other claims to manipulate into believing her story of "poverty" as a means to mislead us and prevent us from asserting ourselves or asking for anything. I believed her.  Her actions also were in line with that.  When he passed, they were in the middle of a kitchen remodel, the day after he passed, she paid the contractor and then fired him, leaving the kitchen half finished. No working oven, no floor (just painted concrete), no running water in sink or laundry room adjacent to kitchen. And its been that way since 2000.  At Chrismas time or birthdays she might give me a check and would tell me to "do well" with it as she was not sure how long it would last.  She has been manipulating and controlling the money on purpose.  This is a financial issue compounded by her Nism, so appeals to business or rational money management do not work with her.

Now, the problem is that even when I want to do things to advance myself, she discourages that as well, even if I were to finance it myself because she fears my failure would pose a financial risk to her. This is where I thought T could help with boundaries and allowing me to take the right risks as an adult.

Even if I was self sufficient right now, I know from previous experience how demeaning she is and how discouraging she can be about me making my own decisions.

Thanks to all for the posts, its a relief for me to come here and get understanding and support. All the best to everyone.

Ales2:

--- Quote ---This is a financial issue compounded by her Nism, so appeals to business or rational money management do not work with her.
--- End quote ---

Let me clarify the above statement:

NONE of this is a financial issue, its ALL about her Nism and her need to manipulate and control. Appeals to business or rational money management do not work with her because of her Nism

My next move is that when I am sufficiently employed, which will be very soon, (I have several good prospects on the horizon) I will ask her to write me a letter resolving these issues, so she cannot continue manipulating me with this nonsense.  My married, homeowner friends have truly been a blessing in that they see first hand how her warped values have hurt me in work, finances and relationships and how the manipulation has actually handicapped me from asserting myself.

Thanks for letting me vent. All the best to everyone.

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