Hello all,
I have browsed this forum off and on for the past year to help me understand the strange relationship that I had with my mother. I have come to the conclusion that she has quite a few N tendancies and it explains a lot about the other relationships that I have experienced. But I did not post to write about my mother. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have a beautiful 8 year old little girl. I am in my mid-fourties and my H is 50. For the past 8 years, my MIL has also lived with us, but she recently moved out of state to live with one of my H's siblings. She was very controlling, did not care much for me and let me know it, and was generally the focus of our everyday lives for these last 8 years. I will gladly admit that I was pleased that she finally moved. (In case you are wondering, it was an argument with my H that finally convinced her that it was time to go). I expected that we would have a period of adjustment to go through, but I was unprepared for what has been happening. We both were self employed until recently, but found it neccessary to find outside employment to make ends meet. My H works swing shift, while I work days. We see each other mainly on weekends. We should be looking forward to 2 days off with the family, but wow, it seems that every weekend we wind up in some horrible rows. I find myself walking on eggshells, wondering what I said or did wrong this time. I've gotten everything from "What in the H*** do you do all evening?" (MY to-do list never gets finished) to having to listent to him accuse me of lying to our daughter about him. On Christmas day, he seemed to be especially pleasant, so I let my guard down. When he suggested that our daughter say a prayer at dinner, (Something we have never done) and she got very self concious and said that she would rather not, He went off the deep end, bolted from the table, and went outside to start removing all the Christmas decorations. When I went out to find out why, he told me that we obviously did not know or understand the true meaning of Christmas and he was no longer going to live a lie. He proceeded to remove all the decorations on the inside also. When I asked if he intended to remove the Christmas tree also, he said of course. We did sit down and I tried to get him to open up about his feelings about spirituality and religion and I thought we were having a decent discussion.
I was wrong. When I woke at 3 AM, I found the tree stripped of its decorations and placed outside. What a great thing for our 8 year old to find. So I let him know how much I felt he was hurting us and stormed off to bed. The next moring, the tree was back up and he told our daughter that she could re-decorate the tree for Orthodox Christmas. (He used to practice but does so no longer) Since then, he has given me the cold shoulder and acted as if I am the one who ruined the day.
I'm not sure what is going on. He has not acted like this in the past. I would not normally suggest that he is an N, but his behaviour lately has been very wierd. I am getting tired of the deer in the headlights feeling and am not sure the best way to handle the situation. Any feedback? Does this sound like maybe a normal reaction after the events of the last year?
