Hi Les, I read "
Why is it always about you" too. Good book but I must admit, I wondered if it was a bit – a bit – too, what’s the word, erm,...well I thought it was ‘seeing Ns everywhere’. And yep, though I think we have a overdose of Nism in our countries, it was the tone of the parts on Nism at large that alarmed me. Almost like this had become a personal crusade for the writer? And I tend to shy away from extremes of any type. ‘Nothing is ever that clear-cut’ - kind of approach. Of course I do it myself, shucks yeah, but I don’t publish books saying ‘this is how it is’. Good book, but it’s not just Nism that’s to blame for corporate greed and destroying the planet, if you see what I mean. People can hate, envy, be greedy, be selfish and irresponsible and still not be Ns. Anyway. The main discussion! -
What gives anyone the right to kick butt? A therapist or good friend may have some rights in this area.
I agree. Or a partner! Or a child might kick the parent’s butt! But here? When I said I believe in kicking butt, I meant it worked for me – my butt got kicked and it helped me. The person doing it, in the instance I’m thinking of, told me his truth, his interpretation of the situation with my mother. He knows us both, in real life. It kicked my butt. Made me realise it wasn’t just her problem, it was mine too - my reactions to her mental instability, trying to get her to change instead of changing myself. He didn’t intend to kick my butt! He has no idea to this day what effect his words had on me, but it was a gift.
And what do I mean by kicking butt? Giving someone an alternative reading of ‘reality’. They see it their way, you see it differently and tell them.
Preferably if they ask you to tell them. Now: how the person responds to hearing your/my reality depends on them. You (can I just use ‘you’ here to mean ‘one’) – you don’t know how that person is going to interpret what you say. They might react by: feeling attacked, threatened (response: attack back, defend, go quiet, run away….etc). They might judge your reality as ‘nonsense’ and simply reject it (“don’t be daft, I know that colour is blue, it’s not red, I can see that and am confident that I see it correctly”).
So: kicking butt is all in how the recipient takes it. How the kicker intended it (helpful, hurtful) is not how it might be taken. I’ve seen helpful posts on the board taken as full-on attacks.
But what’s the motivation for kicking butt? That’s a huge question! What’s my motivation for being here? What’s my motivation for replying to you here? To be understood and try to understand, to say my views, hear yours, to try to show you my reality, my interpretation, see how it differs. Because I ‘feel’ that you were annoyed when you wrote your post and because of that, I want to reply. I ‘feel’ (oh yes I do, even though it sometimes sounds like ‘thinking’, to me) like it would be BAD MANNERS on my part to IGNORE you,
especially if you are annoyed by me.
I’ve capitalised those words above because they’re big red buttons for me. I can’t stand being ignored (that’s what happened to me the kid) and I can’t stand bad manners, inconsiderate behaviour, simple rudeness. I take great exception to those who don’t say ’thank you’ and ‘please’. Example: someone writes a post, six people answer and the someone says thank you to one replier and ignores the rest. I have to stop reading! Yep, true. Happens all the time though! This is my problem, feeling ignored, feeling others have been ignored and the old righteous indignation gets up and wants to assert itself. I have to slap it down. Now: I’m not going to acknowledge other people in this thread unless they address me directly, because in this thread there’s a problem – that of creating sides, for/against etc. I ain’t doing it. Too black and white again.
I read your next post and you said “who are strong enough now to enjoy a good verbal fight”. Can I talk about the words strong, enjoy and good?
People who are crazy, and I mean emotionally and intellectually unstable, don’t always have soft voices. Being voiceless can surely include being only able to scream? Some people who come here are very unwell. They scream. If by screaming they get to be a little bit more balanced, a little bit more self-aware, isn’t that okay? Shouting and abusing doesn’t mean that someone is strong, probably the opposite. And if they enjoy it, they’re sick. I enjoyed the release of smashing things. The noise of glass shattering stops the noise of shouting voices, my own included. That’s not healthy, or adult, or self-aware is it?
Hey I’m scrolling past Guest Brad’s posts and I notice I don’t get a mention as a troublemaker! Now that raises a question. I’m kind of being included by omission. I think you Les, other readers, know what I mean. Someone reading might think that Brad is ‘on my side’ because I’ve been omitted. So, heck, I better say something? Or should I? Do I have to? Why? To take sides? Who cares what I think about what Brad says? Brad doesn’t mention me, so maybe I don’t have to talk to Brad. I don’t know Brad, so maybe that’s all I need to think. Brad hasn’t talked to me, I don’t need to talk to Brad. Fair enough. Other people will or won’t make assumptions about me, about Brad, based on their views. I can’t influence those thoughts, except by saying what I’ve said and expecting to be believed....
Yeah I expect people to believe me here! And I get upset when I’m accused of not being truthful – truthful being subjective I know, so ‘telling my truth as I see it at any time’. I’m not multiple posters, and when I have posted as Guest, I say so coz I can’t take the conscience-strain! I despise purposeful lying. I do not lie about facts, actions. My opinions might be way-off, but I know what I post and what I don't post. When people question my identity here, they accuse me of lying. Red rag to a bull. Question my thinking, but not my board identity.
My identity for goodness sake!!!!! I have to protect that otherwise I disappear (introverts unite in protecting our core identities).
I came back here to talk to you Les coz you asked questions and I LOVE that, asking questions, getting clarification, answering, getting more questions. So Les, what do you think? Want to ask any more? I’m all for continuing to talk, question, debate. And please disagree with me! How can I know what I really think unless someone questions the way I think, the things I think? If that’s kicking butt, you can kick my butt any day!
Thanks for asking Les, I mean that, I appreciate it. It gives me the chance to listen and speak and that too, is a gift. P
PS. Whaddya think? A long self-righteous post full of self-justification? I don’t think so, but anyone is free to say that to me. And I’ll consider it. Ha ha before rejecting it! That’s another joke…hang on to your sense of humour….it helps as much as anything can.
