"What Brand is Your Therapist?"

[BonesMS]

Ah the irony...

isn't a weird thing, that to be taken seriously as a valid, professional, therapist.... that you'd need to artificially invent an image to sell? That's a reflection of the society we live in, I think.

My T's card just had her name on it, contact info, the letters after her name. But, her directions to her office was "look for the front porch covered in blooming wisteria". The wisteria is so famous, I've seen it in the local paper down here in NC. In full bloom, you dodge the bees to get to the door... and each time I did I had a more or less intense perception that I was entering a very special, spiritual place... if only one had the frequency tuned in. Like the train station in Harry Potter. Other than that, it was just another house on that street. I even intentionally tried to experience it like that a few times. Didn't work, tho! LOL.... by that time, we were in deep and there was an agenda to work on! LOL... exercise, practice, new perspectives and skills... kind of like an emotional personal trainer with the ability to see exactly what I was thinking and feeling... but that I didn't know I knew.

I have such a sensory connection to spaces and appreciation for architecture, and the interplay of light, volume, warmth and coziness, and honest strength of wood, metals, etc that her office itself was therapeutic to me. Add in the odd cat or dog that she was fostering, too... and I think it was just such a natural match that it reaffirms a persons belief in fate, god, something moving us intentionally beyond our awareness.

If she'd had a professional office, in a professional office building I think I would've been wary, on edge, and not nearly so relaxed or trusting. By filling the space with things that mattered to her... I could get a sense of who she was... form some emotional "common ground"... from the pictures, knick-knacks, the authors of various books on her shelves. Of course, that's exactly what I'd done with my professional concrete block basement (no windows) office. I even kept the flourescent lighting off most of the time and used several lamps instead. It was a good space for dealing with 1s and 0s... and overcoming resistance to technology.

Amber, you had a wonderful therapist.  If only we could clone her thousands of times and spread the clones throughout the world! Maybe, at some point (if you haven't already), you could tell the Board what process you used to find her.  Was it really just luck, divine intervention, etc.?

Or Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. Leonard McCoy......."Space, the Final Frontier......to Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before!"  

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Amber)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

Bones:  As long as I did it at "warp speed"   !

It has to be quick, easy, and thinking of the future it should appeal to the twilight generation.  Lewis and Clark were from the old school of real world physical trials.   That's for old fogies who grew up with dial phones and only saw movies a few times a year.  

 The kids now like fantasy and magical thinking.  So how about something along the lines of "psychological demon slayer".  

Maybe have a Bath'leth hanging on your office wall?

SilverLining and Bones:  Ah, yes, the Bat'leth!  "Come to me, and I will slay your inner Klingons!"  Love it!  Although, you're right, SilverLining, I'd have to find something newer, more modern.  Apparently (from what I gather), vampires and zombies are what need to be slain these days... 

Richard, your clients are so lucky.
You are beyond brand.

Hops

It's true!   ((((((((((((Dr. G & Hops))))))))))))

tt

Hops and tt:  Thank you!  I am very lucky to know each of my patients--and also my long-time Board members.  Both have been an incredibly important part of my life...

Appreciatively,

Richard  

Thanks, Richard!

Who knows, zombies and vampires could be passe' before you know it.  With the new Star Trek movie coming out, we could have a new villain to battle.   

Bones

[teartracks]

Dr. G,

Thinking about your long term clients and the averages in 3D.  It occurred to me that some of us who are actively posting here have been around a long time.   I don't know if there is any correlation between cyber numbers and 3D.  I just know there are some awesome stats on Vboard.  You are beloved 

tt



 

[sKePTiKal]

After my MD put me through a heart cath, to assess whether my symptoms were a heart attack -- they weren't, I have a healthy heart -- she told me to find someone to help me understand panic attacks/anxiety. I visited the campus counselor... and she described two people, saying that I would probably get along with T1, because she was artsy, hippie-dippy, new age-y, like this counselor assumed I was. T2, she said... was more traditional and had a more structured approach.

I selected T2 - because of the methodical way I approached problem-solving. It seemed like it would be a good fit, if we were otherwise compatible. Knowing I only had 1 hour with her the first time, I wrote out what I could remember of what happened in 1969 for her. Described a bit of my adult life, too -- the reader's digest version. I do not know what motivated me to tell her that intro to "Twiggy's Tale"... it was almost compulsive and I wanted to seriously not waste her time nor mine. I knew that I could communicate better on paper, than by talking. That story was an "unsolved mystery" for me and I didn't understand how it might be affecting me in the present, but I knew it could.

And of course, my first visit, I was 15 mins early. And had a chance to pick up the flyer about tai chi... for the school I'd always wanted to go to. We did talk about it a little -- she didn't reveal that she'd been a student for 4-5 years there. She did say that tai chi might help me lower my BP and anxiety -- these are scientifically documented results now. I was impossibly nervous... a brand-new situation and not knowing what to expect... not trusting any images I had of what therapy was all about. She read my story and all she said was that it was interesting. And we talked the rest of the hour about how I came to be there, and a little about what my current life was like. She said she liked to take a week to think over the proposed "partnership" and we agreed to meet again, to decide if we would work together.

My impressions of her from that first session were that she was very self-contained. She was very tall - even taller than I am. She was very still - like a pond with not even dancing reflections on it. I was fidgety, trying to get "clues" about who she was, from her office... and an odd memory: she had a sofa with two chairs facing it, at each corner. That first session I sat on the right side of the sofa near a window, while she sat across from me. Our last session, we again used that end of the sofa and chair... except we had traded places. Every other time, we were at the other end of the sofa near the bookcases. It felt very safe and quiet and protected there. She was a warm person without being sentimental or effusive. Our sessions always started with a moment or two of settling down into our spots and simply looking each other directly with our eyes... and sort of a tension-release breath or two on my part; sometimes hers too.

There was one misunderstanding about our appt, in those first few months. She called me to say how disappointed she was, that I didn't arrive as she expected. She wanted to know if I was going to continue. I really had "heard" that we weren't meeting that week, so I apologized. We did continue for about 6 months. Looking back, I think was the real "getting to you" phase, data collection and we really didn't do much "work". We tried a few things to see how I'd feel. I started learning tai chi. Then she suggested that we take a break of some months... and during that time, I "heard" Twiggy's voice quite clearly for the first time. Then it was "back in the saddle" straight through for about 3 years. She was always saying we could take a "time out"... a week or two... and that I really didn't need to push through all that, this hard or this quickly. My rush to get to the "end of the story" meant that we had to go back several times for different things... to mine out the treasure... to see where things "fit"... to look at it with Twiggy's eyes and heart -- and then to look at it with mine.

We went through some more months of what I could describe as a "cool down"period... like after a strenous exercise session. We'd been in tai chi class together for a couple of years, and when I moved on to learning "push hands" she was my partner some times. LOL... we both learned things about each other that were completely unexpected in push hands... that there was no space for in the therapy sessions. It's a very intimate practice... while learning to "listen" to one's opponent... to understand one's own physical boundaries and also to hear the person you're working with within their boundary - where the tipping point of one own's stance is stable, then is unstable, like break point on a clutch... learning to anticipate through all the senses when one's partner/opponent will make an unexpected move. There is never a goal of hurting someone... instead the "trick" is to mislead the partner about your intended movement and let their own momentum push them off their balance.

I progressed pretty quickly through that training and found it immensely relaxing, a big confidence booster... and it taught me that I could trust my instincts again. It was very, very sad for both my tai chi teacher and myself when I had to give up classes. We're still in touch and I keep intending to restart my practice again... so far, not yet. Tai Chi - and the way my T and tai chi teacher worked together, without saying they worked together - was a great complimentary therapy for me. I had almost as many breakthroughs in tai chi, as I did it the squishy brown leather recliner. LOL...

Being able to see my T in a wholly different setting - and especially the intimacy of push-hands - helped me keep our sessions separate and to not become dependent solely on her... because I could see her as a person with a story, her own story... her own quirks and vulnerabilities... and there was no reason to deify her as some magical healer. She was my guide, she held my hand as I walked "valleys of the shadow of death", she helped me understand how my actions/reactions in situations were all part of the "below the surface" abuse patterns... how I was a part of the "sick cycle" and how to get out of it. And she constantly tried to reinforce the idea and help me find ways to discover that all those gaping abyss of "need" that I thought I had... were easily fillable, and that I had everything I needed to take over... and continue my journey myself.

I'm still here, because we all need "company" and other perspectives and pats on the back and someone to walk with us on the most treacherously difficult paths. And I like y'all a lot... and respect your wisdom.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

So glad there are therapists like you around, Dr. G...  Fashionable 'brands' come and go with the times.  Compassion and dedication like yours, on the other hand, never goes out of style. x

and

Dr. G,

Thinking about your long term clients and the averages in 3D.  It occurred to me that some of us who are actively posting here have been around a long time.   I don't know if there is any correlation between cyber numbers and 3D.  I just know there are some awesome stats on Vboard.  You are beloved  

tt
 

Thanks KayZee and teartracks!

KayZee, you are "new" (relatively speaking!), but already very much appreciated here by me, and I suspect, others.  tt--I have thought about that correlation, and I'm sure there's something to it.  I suspect  my personality/character--including my vulnerability (like in the Brene Brown talk) creates an atmosphere of safety and attachment for certain people.  And I absolutely feel attached to many of the long-timers here.  For example, it's a real thrill when someone I haven't heard from for a while comes back and posts--or sends me an e-mail/personal message.

Amber,

Thanks for telling us about meeting/choosing your therapist.  I loved reading about the details--seating arrangements, time-outs, disagreement, etc  It reminds me how every therapist is different, every patient/client is different, and how crucial the match is!  In my days of training we were taught that it was technique that was important—as long as the therapist was fully “analyzed” to essentially “get the bugs out.”  But I learned very quickly, that while certain basics were important, e.g. not imposing your agenda on each session, being willing and able to sit back and listen, once these were learned, far more important was the nature of the person, i.e. who the therapist was.  Because it was the nature of the therapist that came out in not only everything he/she said, but also everything he/she paid attention to—or did not pay attention to and did not say. Sadly, by “sitting back and listening”, I came to know my therapists far better than they knew me--not so much the events in their lives but who they were as people.  In a sense, their “bugs” never really came out—nor did the good parts--even though my therapists and supervisors were convinced that they had and that they were being “neutral” (which was, of course, the “proper” way for therapists to be).  It sounds, Amber, like your match was an excellent one—and made even better for you by being in the same Tai Chi class!  (I just felt a collective shudder from the psychoanalysts!)

Richard