Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Bullying
sunblue:
Hello All.
This may be a little off topic for the board but I'm wondering if there might be a connection between voicelessness as a result of being on the receiving end of Narcissism and bullying. I am currently in a situation where I am on the receiving end of Workplace Bullying by my boss who has also successfully enlisted others in the organization in her goals. It is causing me a great deal of stress. I haven't slept in days and may be forced to resign before the holidays. I am looking to speak to an attorney about it this week but since workplace bullying is technically legal, I know I don't have much leg to stand on.
However, I'm finding it difficult to speak up about this at the company, in part because I report to the second in command and I know I won't get much support from the CEO/President. I have read where even when you know the situation is futile, you should make a point of fighting, of expressing the truth, even when it means there will be repercussions.....because otherwise it will affect your self esteem and emotional self.
While I am seeking advice from an attorney, I am debating whether I should take my situation to the CEO. But I am finding it difficult to take that step. I have always been the team player, the high producer, the strategic thinker that the CEO and others have depended on. That's why my supervisor is targeting me. She has sought to marginalize me, humiliate me in front of the company and completely minimize my role so that she, and she alone, is the one whose voice is heard.
But I'm wondering if how I'm reacting to this is impacted by my N family situation.....afraid to stand up, speak up, and always going along.
I'm at a complete loss and I feel my clinical depression really deepening.....Because my boss has been successful in her efforts, I have been ostracized by all those I knew as friends and allies in the company. The HR Director is a long time and personal friend of my boss and has proven that she cannot be subjective. So I have no compass to which I can weigh this issue against.
I'd really appreciate some insights if anyone has them.
Thanks.
Twoapenny:
Sun, what a horrible situation for you to be in.
I don't know of an easy solution. Is the bullying something very obvious, that everyone sees, or is it the more subtle kind that other people might miss? Are you writing down things that happen and how they are affecting you? Is there a way of speaking to the person concerned along the lines of "I feel there are some difficulties in the way that we communicate, these are some of the things that I'd like to discuss with you" and then working through them - so rather than saying outright "You're a bully and this is bad" you can frame it in a way that makes it sound as if you feel it's a communication issue and you're open to putting things right between you? I've no idea if this would be possible, it might be that they are totally unapproachable? It would be awful to have to give up your job over this.
sunblue:
Hello TwoPenny:
This isn't the "physical" form of bullying but a different kind. Still, others can see it, because it is deliberately humiliating. There would be no talking to this person. THis is calculating and deliberate on this person's part. She has forced two other employees out as well. She doesn't want to "work with me". She wants to control me and dicttate everything I do and my department does. She is incredibly threatened by anyone who knows what they are doing and whose work is respected by the CEO. Her answer is to make sure those people never have a voice and that they are completely controlled. While I can't prove it yet, I've been told that she has secretly asked IT to arrange it so she sees all the emails I send. She has gone behind my back to make sure my own staff work against me by meeting with them secretly or communicating with them via Instant Message. I've been ostracized by staff who have been friends and colleagues for nearly 5 years. It is a really bad situation. I have been aggressively job searching and interviewing but no offers yet. Every day is getting worse and I just don't know if I can take it anymore. The conditions are just so bad I may be forced to resign.
Workplace bullying is very pervasive and there are all kinds of forms of it. But one thing is common and that those who are bullying have issues. They are extremely insecure, controlling, manipulative, demeaning and humiliating. They target those generally who they are threatened by....
It is just humiliating that after being such an excellent performer that I will be forced out. I'm also concerned that if I resign, it will be more difficult for me to find a job. I'm trying to keep hopefu that that won't be the case but I just don't know.
Thanks for listening.....
lighter:
--- Quote from: sunblue on December 09, 2012, 06:04:03 PM ---Hello TwoPenny:
While I can't prove it yet.....
--- End quote ---
I was thinking it would be good if you could document, provide witnesses for the larger pieces of this drama, and set up a mediation with a third party mediator, hopefully someone above both of you.
It would be interesting if you stayed focused on what you need in order to continue being productive and focused on work, and allow your boss to explain what she's been doing, and why.
Of course, that never works out well unless we've documented the facts in some way..... otherwise our story just sounds insane since there's nothing rational to be gained from doing the crazy stuff PD's do to us..... we look crazier than them bc we talked about what they're doing out loud. :shock:
Sorry this is happening to you, Sun. Are you still at home or out of the house now?
Lighter
sunblue:
Hello Lighter:
I ahve documented some things. My boss has left me out of decisions, discussions and meetings I should have been involved in. She ignored the specific request of her boss (the CEO) to include me in a meeting and instead excluded me. She assigned tasks that should belong to me to other staff (including those who don't even report to her) and never discussed the matter with me. She took my strategic thinking and work and presented it to the CEO (without me) as her own. She's gone behind my back (in concert with her best friend, the HR Director) and had private meetings with my own staff, directing them to do things wthout my knowledge. There's no question that her goal is to completely minimize my role and marginalize me. I've been told she's very threatened by me (and, in fact, she was directly responsible for forcing out other high producers). The only person above her is the CEO.
(Yes, I'm still at home) and I am seriously thinking of resigning even though I don't have another job offer yet. I haven't slept in days and this is making me physically ill. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Because she is second in command to the CEO, I'm not sure if there's any point in discussing this with me.
There is no point in going to this boss and expressing my concerns because she is deliberately doing this....and will continue to do this. She is just a major manipulator and probably Narcissist who needs to be sure that her voice, and only her voice is heard within the organization.
So, I need to make a decision fairly quickly. First, do I bother discussing this with the CEO since he has the one who ultimately approver the change in reporting so that I report to her (although I'm not sure he is aware of everything she is doing). Second, if I resign, will then completely ruin my chances of getting another job?
Since I've been totally ostracized in the company, I have no one to discuss this with.....so it is really difficult. It is especially difficult since I have contributed so much to this organization, working 80-100 hour weeks and being strongly respected by the CEO....until I was forced to report to this new boss.
Not sure how much more I can hang on. Thanks for listening.
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