My mum is ill

[Twoapenny]

Thanks, Bonesie,

That's probably similar to what's happened to me.  I remember sitting in a car smoking weed after a particularly heavy night out - all sorts of drugs - and thinking "there must be more to life than this".  And that was a long time ago now, the booze took a lot longer to get rid of completely - probably another ten years and, like you, I don't crave either of those things now.  But I sort of don't crave anything else either?  I feel an almost constant sense of just getting through the day and being kept sane by simple pleasures like a film or a book and some chocolate.  I find interacting with people tiring and, a lot of the time, boring?  I don't think that's normal?  It's different online, the face to face stuff isn't there, it doesn't feel like you have to think about anything other than what you are saying, particularly when it's in an anonymous way like this (I know a lot of us know each other well online but in the real world we could walk past each other in the street and not have a clue).  So forums I can cope with, I like to read, I have a whole wonderful life inside my head of how I'd like it to be and what I imagine 'life' should or could be like, but the reality is I've done the housework this morning, we'll go and do some shopping after lunch, I'll log on again after dinner and then I'll watch a film after my son has gone to bed.  I can't even think of anyone I'd like to see or speak to, or anything I'd really like to do?  I seem to have fallen in love with my pyjamas!  They're very cute and snuggly

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I can relate to that.  Not having a professional, who gets it, to talk to makes things difficult on my side of the Pond.

What I've started to do is some creative writing based on my imagination within the Star Trek Universe.  I'm not planning on sharing it at this time....just writing for my own entertainment.

I think that's it, it's not being able to talk to people who understand - not just about the big things like this, but about other aspects of my life - my son's disability, being lonely, finding it hard to trust people, finding TV boring, not caring who wins X Factor - big things and small things.  Sometimes I try and open up and I'm met with blank looks or silences - or those complete change of topics that people do when they really haven't a clue what to say next.

I love the idea of creative writing.  I find I never finish anything - I feel incredibly enthusiastic for a couple of days and do loads and then leave it.  I like the sound od something within Star Trek, though, I think it's nice to be writing just for your own sake without the pressure of trying to get it published or asking others to read it - just something for you to enjoy for yourself and not have to share

((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, (((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))).

I have to admit, that I am lonely because no one around here GETS it.

With creative writing, the beauty of it is that I can write at my own pace.....let the story percolate for awhile, then go back to it when my imagination starts thinking of more details to add.  I started writing my story back in June 2012 and just started dumping my issues into it.....it feels therapeutic.  I don't know if there is any such thing as therapeutic creative writing.

BTW, I borrowed a FUN idea from Tribbles author, David Gerrold.....WRITERS REVENGE!!!  Include your enemy in the story and treat them like a RED SHIRT or any way that feels right to you!!!!  You could set your phaser on heavy stun or vaporize the !@#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

Bonesie, I like the idea of getting your revenge via a story!  What a great idea.  It is lonely when no-one gets it, I feel like that a lot, too.  At the same time I feel like I'm trying to hammer myself into a hole that just isn't made for me.  Why should we be in holes?  Why do we need so badly to fit in?  I cut short a conversation with a 'friend' this morning - my new 8 minute rule - if there's no question from them about me then I'm not talking any longer.  I feel like I'm interviewing people sometimes.  Two way conversation - I need to practise!

Strangely, I've been to the doctor this morning and there may be a problem with my heart.  Odd that that's come up within a couple of weeks of that letter about my mum's heart problems.  I'm wondering if my aunties will badger my mum to be nice to me if I write and tell them that I'm ill?  Somehow I doubt it (I'm not going to write to them, by the way, it's just a hypothetical)

((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Tupp, you so don't deserve to be so lonely.

I send you much hope, that you'll find some positive
experiences (perhaps a structured group would be less
fraught to start, or small group activity) in 3-D.

Big hugs to you and your sore heart,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Bonesie,

That's probably similar to what's happened to me.  I remember sitting in a car smoking weed after a particularly heavy night out - all sorts of drugs - and thinking "there must be more to life than this".  And that was a long time ago now, the booze took a lot longer to get rid of completely - probably another ten years and, like you, I don't crave either of those things now.  But I sort of don't crave anything else either?  I feel an almost constant sense of just getting through the day and being kept sane by simple pleasures like a film or a book and some chocolate.  I find interacting with people tiring and, a lot of the time, boring?  I don't think that's normal?  It's different online, the face to face stuff isn't there, it doesn't feel like you have to think about anything other than what you are saying, particularly when it's in an anonymous way like this (I know a lot of us know each other well online but in the real world we could walk past each other in the street and not have a clue).  So forums I can cope with, I like to read, I have a whole wonderful life inside my head of how I'd like it to be and what I imagine 'life' should or could be like, but the reality is I've done the housework this morning, we'll go and do some shopping after lunch, I'll log on again after dinner and then I'll watch a film after my son has gone to bed.  I can't even think of anyone I'd like to see or speak to, or anything I'd really like to do?  I seem to have fallen in love with my pyjamas!  They're very cute and snuggly

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I can relate to that.  Not having a professional, who gets it, to talk to makes things difficult on my side of the Pond.

What I've started to do is some creative writing based on my imagination within the Star Trek Universe.  I'm not planning on sharing it at this time....just writing for my own entertainment.

I think that's it, it's not being able to talk to people who understand - not just about the big things like this, but about other aspects of my life - my son's disability, being lonely, finding it hard to trust people, finding TV boring, not caring who wins X Factor - big things and small things.  Sometimes I try and open up and I'm met with blank looks or silences - or those complete change of topics that people do when they really haven't a clue what to say next.

I love the idea of creative writing.  I find I never finish anything - I feel incredibly enthusiastic for a couple of days and do loads and then leave it.  I like the sound od something within Star Trek, though, I think it's nice to be writing just for your own sake without the pressure of trying to get it published or asking others to read it - just something for you to enjoy for yourself and not have to share

((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, (((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))).

I have to admit, that I am lonely because no one around here GETS it.

With creative writing, the beauty of it is that I can write at my own pace.....let the story percolate for awhile, then go back to it when my imagination starts thinking of more details to add.  I started writing my story back in June 2012 and just started dumping my issues into it.....it feels therapeutic.  I don't know if there is any such thing as therapeutic creative writing.

BTW, I borrowed a FUN idea from Tribbles author, David Gerrold.....WRITERS REVENGE!!!  Include your enemy in the story and treat them like a RED SHIRT or any way that feels right to you!!!!  You could set your phaser on heavy stun or vaporize the !@#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

Bonesie, I like the idea of getting your revenge via a story!  What a great idea.  It is lonely when no-one gets it, I feel like that a lot, too.  At the same time I feel like I'm trying to hammer myself into a hole that just isn't made for me.  Why should we be in holes?  Why do we need so badly to fit in?  I cut short a conversation with a 'friend' this morning - my new 8 minute rule - if there's no question from them about me then I'm not talking any longer.  I feel like I'm interviewing people sometimes.  Two way conversation - I need to practise!

Strangely, I've been to the doctor this morning and there may be a problem with my heart.  Odd that that's come up within a couple of weeks of that letter about my mum's heart problems.  I'm wondering if my aunties will badger my mum to be nice to me if I write and tell them that I'm ill?  Somehow I doubt it (I'm not going to write to them, by the way, it's just a hypothetical)

((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please keep me posted about what the doctor says.  I hope it won't be too bad.

I'll write more later.  I'm dealing with the aftermath of a burst pipe in my home and everything feels like it's been tossed upside down.

[JustKathy]

BTW, I borrowed a FUN idea from Tribbles author, David Gerrold.....WRITERS REVENGE!!!  Include your enemy in the story and treat them like a RED SHIRT

I'm doing this right now. I'm almost done with the first draft of my first novel, which has nothing to do with Ns, but has allowed me to insert a bit of revenge. All of my bad characters are being named (first names) after people who did me wrong. I doubt anyone but me will get the references, but that's okay. I feel a whole lot better for it.

[BonesMS]

BTW, I borrowed a FUN idea from Tribbles author, David Gerrold.....WRITERS REVENGE!!!  Include your enemy in the story and treat them like a RED SHIRT

I'm doing this right now. I'm almost done with the first draft of my first novel, which has nothing to do with Ns, but has allowed me to insert a bit of revenge. All of my bad characters are being named (first names) after people who did me wrong. I doubt anyone but me will get the references, but that's okay. I feel a whole lot better for it.

I LOVE IT!!!!!  After I Red-Shirted twits in my story, I felt so much better too!!!  Maybe a group of us can get something FUN going!   

Bones

[sKePTiKal]

Tupp, here's hoping it's a false alarm...

and that the "heart" that's hurt gets the care and attention it deserves.

[Twoapenny]

Thank you everybody for your kind words, I am feeling pretty dreadful but that's partly because of my period which seems to be hell bent on killing me these days, they are going to check a few things out regarding that as well as it's getting a bit beyond a joke!  Fortunately the doctor has been very nice and understanding and we all know how much that helps!  Will hopefully know more in a few weeks.

I had another card from my auntie this morning, I am not sensing anything unpleasant on her part (other than an unwillingness to deal with the truth!), but the card just says thank you for the one I sent her and offering to meet with my mum and that my mum has been quite ill and in hospital a couple of times and that she hopes myself and my son are well.  It does just read as a 'normal' interaction and she's not said anymore about the situation in general, although it does sound as if my mum is genuinely unwell after crying wolf so many times.

I've not heard from my mum, about which I am very relieved, and I've not heard from my sister (her henchlady) either (they usually work like a tag team).  As ill as she is, my mum did find the strength to write something unpleasant to my step-sister.  I'm wondering if she thinks this is my punishment, her ignoring me in her final days and if she thinks I will be left distraught that I never regained her approval or something like that?  I try and think of a normal person's response and then think about hers and I wonder if in her mind she thinks I'll be devastated that she didn't contact me?  I'm actually so relieved, I wish I'd never contacted any of them to be honest but I felt like I wanted to give myself a chance to see if I'd got it wrong about the family situation (now I don't think I did).

Anyway - I'm trying to focus on good things and looking after myself.  Love Bonesie's idea of a group writing project where we all get to wreak revenge on those who have wronged us.  Perhaps we could set up a thread for that to happen?

Thank you for all your thoughts and good wishes, it means a lot to know you care xxx

[Hopalong]

Hi Tupp,
Saw this and, thinking about friendships (though this one's about a different relationship), I wondered if it'd strike you too as a good thought.
I liked it for me, really had a moment of "ahhhh".

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maddisen-k-krown/coping-with-rejection_b_2586145.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women

love
Hops

[BonesMS]

BTW, I borrowed a FUN idea from Tribbles author, David Gerrold.....WRITERS REVENGE!!!  Include your enemy in the story and treat them like a RED SHIRT

I'm doing this right now. I'm almost done with the first draft of my first novel, which has nothing to do with Ns, but has allowed me to insert a bit of revenge. All of my bad characters are being named (first names) after people who did me wrong. I doubt anyone but me will get the references, but that's okay. I feel a whole lot better for it.

I LOVE IT!!!!!  After I Red-Shirted twits in my story, I felt so much better too!!!  Maybe a group of us can get something FUN going!   

Bones

Should we start a creative thread here, on this Discussion Board, or elsewhere on this website?

[Twoapenny]

Hi Bonesie,

Maybe in the What Help's? section?  A sort of active help thread or something?  If others agree and it's alright with Dr G?  How are you doing?

Hopsie, thank you so much for that article.  It's taken me a really long time to read it and digest it.  At first I was very defensive about it.  I'm not sure if that's the right word but I felt a bit like I was letting people off the hook if I just said to myself 'rejection is protection', like they were getting away with treating me badly and I wasn't doing anything about it.  But the more I've read it and thought about it the more I've realised it's absolutely true.  I've realised as well that some people I sort of monitor - how long it takes them to call me back, whether they visit me as much as I do them, whether or not they remember my birthday and so on, and with other people I don't pay any attention at all.  I realised that there are some people I just don't really want in my life and they're the ones I monitor - it's like I can't just say no thanks, there has to be a reason for it and it has to be their fault.  How silly!  So I'm working on just letting those people go gracefully and concentrating on the people I like and want to be around.  It's a really useful article, thanks for posting it. xx

[BonesMS]

Hi Bonesie,

Maybe in the What Help's? section?  A sort of active help thread or something?  If others agree and it's alright with Dr G?  How are you doing?

Hopsie, thank you so much for that article.  It's taken me a really long time to read it and digest it.  At first I was very defensive about it.  I'm not sure if that's the right word but I felt a bit like I was letting people off the hook if I just said to myself 'rejection is protection', like they were getting away with treating me badly and I wasn't doing anything about it.  But the more I've read it and thought about it the more I've realised it's absolutely true.  I've realised as well that some people I sort of monitor - how long it takes them to call me back, whether they visit me as much as I do them, whether or not they remember my birthday and so on, and with other people I don't pay any attention at all.  I realised that there are some people I just don't really want in my life and they're the ones I monitor - it's like I can't just say no thanks, there has to be a reason for it and it has to be their fault.  How silly!  So I'm working on just letting those people go gracefully and concentrating on the people I like and want to be around.  It's a really useful article, thanks for posting it. xx

Hi, Tupps!  Great idea!!!!  So far, I'm trying to hang in there one day at a time.

Bones

[Twoapenny]

Hi Bonesie,

Well keep on hanging in there!  What do you think it should be called (the story thread, I mean, not hanging in there!) xx

Just to update - I don't know any more about my heart yet as I've not had any more tests yet but I've been telling my 'real life' friends and sister and so far only one person has shown any kind of concern or offered to help.  We were at swimming tonight and a couple of mums asked how I was.  Usually I say 'fine' but I told them what's been going on and both offered to help out straight away and told me to ring them if I wanted to talk.  Then another mum came over and said she couldn't help but overhear and to ring her if there was anything she could do.  I have just been hanging out with the wrong people!  It is really time for me to relegate those who don't care and don't offer and start spending more time with people who are kind enough to want to help - not just because that's what they do, but because I think that's a sign of a good person, generally speaking.  Anyway that's my little update so far, hope everyone is doing okay xxx

[BonesMS]

Hi Bonesie,

Well keep on hanging in there!  What do you think it should be called (the story thread, I mean, not hanging in there!) xx

Just to update - I don't know any more about my heart yet as I've not had any more tests yet but I've been telling my 'real life' friends and sister and so far only one person has shown any kind of concern or offered to help.  We were at swimming tonight and a couple of mums asked how I was.  Usually I say 'fine' but I told them what's been going on and both offered to help out straight away and told me to ring them if I wanted to talk.  Then another mum came over and said she couldn't help but overhear and to ring her if there was anything she could do.  I have just been hanging out with the wrong people!  It is really time for me to relegate those who don't care and don't offer and start spending more time with people who are kind enough to want to help - not just because that's what they do, but because I think that's a sign of a good person, generally speaking.  Anyway that's my little update so far, hope everyone is doing okay xxx

((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm trying in spite of the chaos on my end.

Maybe we can brainstorm what to call the story thread given that it would be therapeutic creative writing.  Any ideas you want to toss out to get the process started?

I hear ya about realizing who your REAL friends are versus "fair weather" whatchamacallits.  I've had to cut off the "fair weather" phonies when I finally realized they didn't give a rat's ass about anything else except themselves.  They only time they condescended to acknowledge or speak to me was only when they wanted to USE me for THEIR CONVENIENCE.   

[Twoapenny]

Hi Bonesie,

Well keep on hanging in there!  What do you think it should be called (the story thread, I mean, not hanging in there!) xx

Just to update - I don't know any more about my heart yet as I've not had any more tests yet but I've been telling my 'real life' friends and sister and so far only one person has shown any kind of concern or offered to help.  We were at swimming tonight and a couple of mums asked how I was.  Usually I say 'fine' but I told them what's been going on and both offered to help out straight away and told me to ring them if I wanted to talk.  Then another mum came over and said she couldn't help but overhear and to ring her if there was anything she could do.  I have just been hanging out with the wrong people!  It is really time for me to relegate those who don't care and don't offer and start spending more time with people who are kind enough to want to help - not just because that's what they do, but because I think that's a sign of a good person, generally speaking.  Anyway that's my little update so far, hope everyone is doing okay xxx

((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm trying in spite of the chaos on my end.

Maybe we can brainstorm what to call the story thread given that it would be therapeutic creative writing.  Any ideas you want to toss out to get the process started?

I hear ya about realizing who your REAL friends are versus "fair weather" whatchamacallits.  I've had to cut off the "fair weather" phonies when I finally realized they didn't give a rat's ass about anything else except themselves.  They only time they condescended to acknowledge or speak to me was only when they wanted to USE me for THEIR CONVENIENCE.   

Mmm, I don't know - Writer's Revenge?  Fantasy Phamily?  Perhaps we should start a new thread and get some ideas?  I'm feeling a little foggy headed at the minute so not firing on all cylinders.  What do you think?

I realised this morning that I build my whole life from the outside in - I construct what I think my life ought to be like rather than listening to myself and doing/being who I want.  I'd noticed that a little bit before, but today it was a real light bulb thing.  I don't think from inside my own head?  I always start from the outside and work inwards.  Weird.

[BonesMS]

Hi Bonesie,

Well keep on hanging in there!  What do you think it should be called (the story thread, I mean, not hanging in there!) xx

Just to update - I don't know any more about my heart yet as I've not had any more tests yet but I've been telling my 'real life' friends and sister and so far only one person has shown any kind of concern or offered to help.  We were at swimming tonight and a couple of mums asked how I was.  Usually I say 'fine' but I told them what's been going on and both offered to help out straight away and told me to ring them if I wanted to talk.  Then another mum came over and said she couldn't help but overhear and to ring her if there was anything she could do.  I have just been hanging out with the wrong people!  It is really time for me to relegate those who don't care and don't offer and start spending more time with people who are kind enough to want to help - not just because that's what they do, but because I think that's a sign of a good person, generally speaking.  Anyway that's my little update so far, hope everyone is doing okay xxx

((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm trying in spite of the chaos on my end.

Maybe we can brainstorm what to call the story thread given that it would be therapeutic creative writing.  Any ideas you want to toss out to get the process started?

I hear ya about realizing who your REAL friends are versus "fair weather" whatchamacallits.  I've had to cut off the "fair weather" phonies when I finally realized they didn't give a rat's ass about anything else except themselves.  They only time they condescended to acknowledge or speak to me was only when they wanted to USE me for THEIR CONVENIENCE.   

Mmm, I don't know - Writer's Revenge?  Fantasy Phamily?  Perhaps we should start a new thread and get some ideas?  I'm feeling a little foggy headed at the minute so not firing on all cylinders.  What do you think?

I realised this morning that I build my whole life from the outside in - I construct what I think my life ought to be like rather than listening to myself and doing/being who I want.  I'd noticed that a little bit before, but today it was a real light bulb thing.  I don't think from inside my own head?  I always start from the outside and work inwards.  Weird.

I hear ya!

Jumping into the brainstorming, I'm going to toss out "The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword = The Writer's Revenge!" or "En Garde and Touche' Yon Twits!".  I'll probably think of more ideas to toss around.

Bones