Crazy/N Sis-I need advice

[mika]

I have an older sister and I come to find out her problem finally. She is a narcissist. She has been jealous of me for as long as I can remember. I am so tired of her and her negativity. She has been trying to put me down since I can remember. She doesn't like me but, she just can't stay away from me. She always puts others down. Now I think that she could be the reason Y I date N-men. I always seem to fall for them. Then I did think the reason Y we don't work is bcuz of me and he deserves better. My sis is mad bcuz she was the only girl for about 7yrs until I came. She just plain old envious.  I need to figure out a way to deal with people like her period. I am not the type to try to get revenge and be mean. SO, if anyone has some respectful ways of telling my sis to back off for good, let me know. If anyone has experienced the same, let me know, the story may be able to enlighten my situation.

[Anonymous]

Do I understand that you want her out of your life completely? If so that's easy unless she lives next door. Completely ignore her. And I mean completely. Don't answer her phone calls, don't let her in the house, block her calls, put her in the delete file in your email so that you never see her stuff and shred any snail mail. Don't even look at it.

It can be done.

[mika]

Thanx for the advice. The problem is that I stay at my parents home and I am in college so it is much easier to stay here. I have been thinking about even just moving to a studio, bcuz that's all that I can afford right now. I really don't care if it is just a studio, I think it would be more worth it, then continuing to be around her. Thank-u again. Please keep the responses coming.  

[bunny]

I need to figure out a way to deal with people like her period. I am not the type to try to get revenge and be mean. SO, if anyone has some respectful ways of telling my sis to back off for good, let me know.

There's no way to tell her to back off for good. That would only provoke her to be worse. My advice is,

------- Ignore her as much as possible. She tries to "get to you" and if you react, that encourages her. Give her very little reaction.

------- If you stand up for yourself, do it firmly but neutrally. She's looking for emotion because she feeds off of it. Be as unemotional as possible. Your goal is to bore her so that she finds another victim.

------- Make your life so busy, full, and distracting that you barely have time to think about your sister. You're too busy to care.

------- If you do these things, she will try extremely hard to provoke you and send you back to where you were before. DO NOT GO THERE.


bunny

[Anonymous]

Please get a studio! I did this when I was in College (2nd year), that was the only way to get away from my 2-year-olderNsis and Nmum.
It was a small 17 square feet studio, but it looked like paradise to me.. I will never forget the first night I spent there, being independent  
Peace has no price  
When I came back 3 years after living for 1 year with NMom and hysterical younger sis, I had forgotten how to handle this and I nearly became really crazy (the most painful time in my life).
So if you can afford it financially, go away.
One advice   Do not ever let guilt or materialistic reasons (were the reasons of my coming back there) make you change your mind once you made your decision... It will only be worse, I promise  

[Judith]

I too have a N sister who has been the most destructive influence in my life, even worse than my N father. He is mostly happy with constant applause, but she wants total control and to humiliate and destroy me.
Finally I am learning about narcissism and why they ganged up on me.
After decades I have cut her out of my life. They retaliate by accusations
that I am abusive (projecting their own traits on me). I feel finally able to begin to detach. Studying their behavior without getting "hooked" has been a revelation! Now I try for less and less involvement. A slow backing away from them. Letting go of any hope that they will ever love me or be a normal family. Lots of crying and mourning what I wanted but never got.
I see a future life where I am free-er and happier than Ive ever been.
Good luck with your sister and getting away from her.
I dont think the N ever changes.. at least not without a great therapist.
Judith

[BlueTopaz]

Mika:

If your sister is a true narcissist, then sadly, I can't think of a successful way to  tell her to back off for good.  N's just don't hear that.

Again, if she is a true narcissist (and this is very helpful to know) you will have to decide whether you are emotionally able to put up with things not changing (because they won't) or whether it is interfering with your emotional state and with school too much, and you will need to remove yourself from the environment.  

If you need to stay at home because you absolutely do not have the finances to do otherwise, or you have other reasons why you don't want to leave soon, no matter how bad it is, then I'd take Bunny's advice.

If things were very, very bad, and leaving was a viable option, if it were me I would.

BT