Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Making New Friends
Meh:
Well I had an adventure in making friends today, posted about it. :) I did something out of my comfort zone and it was almost a car accident.. but still a good break from my rut.
Hopalong:
BRAVO on that, Boat!
It's all practice, but you finally just went out and had yourself some human company.
Next time just tell him, I have to hold your phone if you're driving. Done. (And stick to it...
ain't worth dying for...)
So happy to hear about that. Friendship is the best. I really miss my gay-guy friend
I had in grad school.
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on March 23, 2014, 09:56:14 PM ---Well I had an adventure in making friends today, posted about it. :) I did something out of my comfort zone and it was almost a car accident.. but still a good break from my rut.
--- End quote ---
Well done, G :) Sorry, have neglected this thread as bit - other things going on :)
Just wanted to post one of my thoughts/realisations. For a long time now I've noticed that when someone asks me to do something I don't want to do or can't do I get angry and defensive because they didn't know I wouldn't want/be able to do it (if you see what I mean). I didn't understand that, people can't read minds and until they ask they won't know so my reactions didn't make sense to me. I also can't/won't show this anger (because I know it's not rational) but feel I have to come up with 'good enough' excuse to get out of it, which I often don't. So I end up doing things and seeing people that I don't want to, simply because I don't understand why I feel the way I do and don't know how to cope with it.
Anyway - I've kept watching myself in this cycle and I've come to the conclusion that I'm so frightened/worried/anxious not to displease anyone that I think the fact that I might need to (by saying no) makes me feel angry - like I'm being forced to do something that feels terribly wrong. Sounds silly, but I think that's the key to this particular problem. Need to keep reminding myself that (a) not everyone reacts to a no the way my mum used to and (b) if they do it's their problem to deal with not mine.
Next stage to work on in the 'being able to interact with people' category. Just wanted to share :)
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I'm so frightened/worried/anxious not to displease anyone that I think the fact that I might need to (by saying no) makes me feel angry - like I'm being forced
--- End quote ---
What a fantastic insight, Tupp.
This will release more and more internal pressure...
oh I just love it. Mature insights dazzle me.
Bravo bravo!
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 18, 2014, 10:03:47 AM ---
--- Quote ---I'm so frightened/worried/anxious not to displease anyone that I think the fact that I might need to (by saying no) makes me feel angry - like I'm being forced
--- End quote ---
What a fantastic insight, Tupp.
This will release more and more internal pressure...
oh I just love it. Mature insights dazzle me.
Bravo bravo!
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hops. Do you find you slip between the old you and the new you? I just wondered, I find I do really well on my new healthier path for a while and then I slip back to my old habits. Takes a while, then I realise what I'm doing, then I pull myself back out again. Also realised my need for control is still really strong, but I dress it up as other things now. Need to be kinder on myself, I think, and my friends. I can be very judgemental, I'm trying to avoid doing that now.
Re your suggestions about groups - I think I may have found something via a campaign group I've been doing a little volunteering for. People of a similar mindset, but with practical tasks to do. So far, so good!
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