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OMG, how much lower can they go?

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JustKathy:
My birthday month is just like Christmas. I start having migraines and panic attacks weeks ahead, knowing that in a few weeks the torment will begin. And it has, worse than EVER before.

A few days ago I received the expected guilt trip birthday card from my Co-F. The card includes a brief mention of my mother's cancer, then goes on to make it all about him .... he's old and frail and miserable and dying, and by the way, have a great birthday. He doesn't say the he loves me, doesn't ask to see me, just wants to guilt me. I threw the card and the $50 birthday check straight in the trash.

When they didn't get the reaction they wanted, they turned up the heat. BIG TIME.

This morning (on my birthday) my dental office called. This dentist has been treating me since I was a kid, so I consider him and his nurse to be family friends. The nurse (who knows my mother is whack) called to let me know that the hospice where my mother is staying contacted them to ask for my phone number so that my dying mother could reach me. Un-freaking-believable. It looks like NM's cancer is advancing, but she's definitely still calling the shots here. Phoning my dentist was lower than low. Having someone at the hospice do it, even lower. I'm sure she figured that the dentist would go soft on a hospice worker and breach doctor-patient confidentiality. Thankfully his nurse knows there is a conflict, shut it down, and immediately let us know about it.

I don't even know what to think at this point. Is NM down to her final days, and wants to lure me to her bedside so she can stick it to me one more time, or was getting to me on my birthday good enough. They still don't know if I'm even living in this house, and they don't know if I still see this dentist. They're just harassing everyone they can, so NM can have her way and die happy.

I just want to throw up. Seriously. What on earth will it take to stop this. Even if NM does die, it won't stop there. Co-F isn't going to back down. In fact, it may get worse once he ends up alone. There are a number of ways that I could respond, but I know that ANY response, even if not directly to them, will give her the victory she wants.

Just when you think they can't sink any lower .... what next?

BonesMS:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((JustKathy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

Hopalong:
I'm really sorry, Kathy.
It's terrible that the triggering is so powerful, even now.

Your own victory is coming. It'll just feel like peace.

love and comfort,
Hops

JustKathy:
Well, I just got the following email from my sister. Keep in mind, my sister only ever emails me with messages from NM, and never replies to any personal messages that I send.

"Happy Belated Birthday. I am emailing you to let you know mum died last night at
9 pm. Cremation will be done later today. I will need to get your address for the trust/will.
I will give it only to the lawyer holding the documents."

I feel terrible even saying this, but I don't believe she's dead. I think she might be close to the end, and is still trying to solicit a response from me. There are so many things wrong with this email that I don't know where to start.

- My father-in-law passed away last month (in the same city), and they had to wait ten days for the cremation while they waited for the death certificate. Cremations just don't happen that quickly.
- What will? My father is still alive, so he retains his social security, pension, and their only remaining possessions, the house and the car. Plus, I was told repeatedly that I was disinherited.
- The email is completely devoid of emotion. Happy birthday, and btw, your mother died. If my Co-F really did lose his puppet master/Queen, he's curled up in a ball heavily sedated and screaming, not worrying about getting the address he already has.

No, this sounds like another attempt to get a response. I think she brought my sister into it because I always reply to my sister, then added the lure of an "inheritance" to get me to hit the reply key. I'm not replying.

And, on the odd chance that she really did die, all I can say is, best birthday present EVER.

Lollie:
Hi, Kathy.

I don't think it's "terrible" of you for being suspicious after all you've been through. Is it possible to call your mother's hospice to get an update on her condition or any other way to confirm (other than responding to your FOO) that your mother did indeed die?

This is a horrible, horrible situation & I'm sorry you are going through this.

Lollie.

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