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My Suspicious Mind
Twoapenny:
Mmm my suspicious mind is working overtime.
I have infrequent contact, via letter, with two of my aunts (my mums sisters). This started up again a couple of years ago after a period of around 4 years no contact - my decision to go no contact and mine to contact them again. When I contacted them again I explained all about the abuse (both as a child and as an adult). Neither were interested and contact resumed where it had left off - basically Christmas and birthday cards, which is fine be me, the opportunity was there for our relationship to change and it didn't so I'm happy to continue as we have been. I did mention a while ago that my aunt had contacted me about my mum being ill which threw me a bit.
Anyway I've had an email from one of these aunts. This in itself threw me a bit, she's had the email address for years and never used it. When we went NC I didn't actually say I didn't want to speak to them, just that I was moving and didn't want my mum to know my new address so wouldn't be giving it to them as I didn't want them to have to be involved in all the drama. So they could have contacted me via email if they'd wanted to but didn't, which was fine (probably best, a break from the whole family was good). So I'm not quite sure why this switch from letter to email has bothered me but it has.
The email itself is very nice and friendly but she mentions two things that bother me. The first is that my mum knows about a recent hospital admission that I had and that she is very worried about me. Now the worried bit is bollocks, when I was in hospital years ago all she went on about was how difficult it was for her to find the time to visit and I was suicidal on two occasions when she decided the best thing to do was to go on holiday because it was all a bit too stressful for her. What I'm really bothered about is how she knows; not many people knew about it (and none of the ones that do speak to my mum or anyone else in the family) and I'm not on Facebook or anything like that so I don't know how she found out (I am feeling like I can't tell anyone anything again and I don't like that). She also told me that my sister is having another baby, which I had heard on the grapevine and mentioned how difficult her pregnancy has been. I'm not the slightest bit interested, I've nothing against her kids and if they want to get in touch with me as adults that's fine but as far as I'm concerned the whole family is toxic and I want nothing to do with them. My sister has made no attempt to contact me or my son for years and the last time we had any sort of conversation she made it very clear that she wanted nothing to do with me.
The whole thing has left me feeling very uneasy. I'm thinking of just ignoring it. She'd never know whether or not I got the message anyway so the delete button is looking tempting. I'd be interested to know what others think.
Thank you! Tup xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on April 09, 2013, 01:59:03 PM ---
The whole thing has left me feeling very uneasy. I'm thinking of just ignoring it. She'd never know whether or not I got the message anyway so the delete button is looking tempting. I'd be interested to know what others think.
Thank you! Tup xx
--- End quote ---
I think someone could have told someone who told someone who knows your mother about your recent hospital visit. Things get to the grocer, to the mailman, to the bugspray guy, kwim?
I don't think your mother is having you followed, or paying someone to spy on you, but if you have that creepy feeling she might be.....
and she has the funds and drive to DO that, which she absolutely may.....
what does that mean to you?
Would it change the way you're living day to day? Do you care, really?
On the face of it, I'm sorry this e-mail has you riled up. You didn't need to put down what you were doing, self reflection with improving your social life. THAT was a grand thing for you to be doing. Now your attention's turned to......
what is this?
Is it worth continued contact with the Aunts?
Do you think giving up all contact would be helpful, harmful, or neither?
I don't know, but I hate to see you upset like this. You were focused on Tupp, and now you're focused on your Aunt's and mother again.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Hi Lighter,
Yes I know what you mean. I don't think she's having me followed or anything weird like that, it's just that element of gossip - not many people knew and hospital is private, you know? So someone I trust told someone else, who told someone else and so on. I feel happier with her out of my life completely - no mention of her, no knowledge of what she's doing, how she is - invisible, she doesn't exist. She's not my mum now, that bond went a long time ago. I don't want her to know what's going on in my life, good or bad. So perhaps ......... I need to tell my aunt I don't want to hear about anyone else in the family. Or stop all contact again. That feels a bit like she's won - she's isolated me from everyone, you know. And you're right, things were going well focusing on me. So maybe ..................... just focus on me and forget about this anyway? No response, no more thought, it never happened. What email ;) Thank you xx
Hopalong:
I like the just abiding with silence and abiding with not heeding an impulse to reply.
It's like..."oh."
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on April 09, 2013, 07:46:38 PM ---I like the just abiding with silence and abiding with not heeding an impulse to reply.
It's like..."oh."
love,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Ha ha :) I'd forgotten about "oh"! I like "oh". I deleted the email last night. The entire family have learnt the art of ignoring what's going on under their noses. It's about time I picked up the family tradition - where they are concerned, at least :) Thank you xx
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