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My Suspicious Mind

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JustKathy:
Wow Tup, this reminds me so much of my sister's behaviour. She'd go years without emailing me, then I'd hear from her out of the blue, asking questions about something that I never told her about. I always suspected they were fishing expeditions orchestrated by NM. Since I was NC with my mum, and Co-Father didn't use email, she'd use my sister to try and get information out of me. In most cases, I don't think S was even aware that she was being used. I hadn't received an email from her in over three years, and was beginning to think she had lost my email address, but poof, I got one the day after NM died asking me for my address for the "will." Again, it was a blatant attempt at tricking me into giving out information, this time for Co-F.

Does your mother have a normal relationship with these aunts? If so, it sounds like the same thing might be going on here. Your mum somehow heard the news about your hospital stay and needed someone to confirm it for her. She couldn't ask you, so told your aunt that she was "worried" about you, and got her to send the email. I'm guessing that, had you replied, it would have immediately been forwarded to your NM, so you were wise to ignore it.

You had good reason to feel uneasy about it, and were smart to just delete it. That said, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't get a follow-up email in a few weeks when the first one goes unanswered. Unfortunately, If Ns don't get what they want the first time, it only makes them angry and more determined. Let her try. People change email addresses all the time, so for all your Aunt knows, she has the wrong address. After all, it's been years. "Email? What email? I never got it." ;)

Twoapenny:
Yes I completely agree, Kathy, I thought of you when I got the mail and all the sneaking around your lot have done (I hope things have been quiet for you on that front?).

It's another part of the learning process for me - my old response, which is to jump to attention immediately, do whatever it takes to make everyone else comfortable and happy and, above all, not be thought of as unkind, unpleasant, mean etc.  When that happens now another bit of my brain shouts "No, wait, don't do that!".  And I've not learnt an appropriate new response yet, one that is right for me and it's that bit that throws me now, having to think about what to do and how to handle it.  That's one of the reasons I find the board so useful, having other people in similar situations to bounce things off.  Doing what suits me best is still new ground for me.  Bottom line, whatever the ins and outs of the situation, they're all bloody mad and happy to have a child molester in their midst.  So birthday and Christmas cards with the aunts is fine but nothing more.  Message deleted, another lesson learnt/practised, another step closer to healthy reactions being instinctive and not having to worry about things.  Thank you for your message, I hope things are okay with you? xx

Twoapenny:
I've been thinking about why this bothered me so much and I realised that there are still loose ends to tie up re all the false accusations my mum and sister have made over the years.  I realised that there is still a weak spot there that needs to be filled with some more paperwork and letter writing on my part, so I have got cracking on the last few bits and feel happier about it already - it's nothing major which is why I'd sort of left it but it's obviously bothering me a bit so hopefully another week or so and that little hole will be plugged up :)

Hopalong:
Cool!
It's like, in doing that documenting, you are literally repairing a torn hole in your own boundaries,
your own proper sense of self. Strengthening it.

Good for you, Tupp.

By the way, you are so INTELLIGENT.

I fantasize that further education could be a big thing in your life. You could do anything.

xo
Hops

Twoapenny:
Thanks, Hopsie!  It is making things come up, I'm struggling a little at the moment.  But what's interesting is that when things come up now they come up alongside my 'normal' life instead of taking it over.  I can get on with my day to day stuff whilst thinking about how things are making me feel.  I also feel a desire now to get to the bottom of my feelings instead of running away from them.  Have been re-reading A Fine Romance, thank you for reminding me of it.  My current mantras are "oh" and "don't take it personally" :)  Thank you xx

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