Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Preparing to be assertive!
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 19, 2013, 04:06:23 PM ---Tupp:
No sound lucid, focused and on point.
No vengeful agenda, but your son's health as priority...... knowing how to take stock of your reserves, abilities and resources is important and just what you're doing, IMO. Wise Tupp to take honest stock, and make the best choice, even if it's not a perfect choice.
Unfortunately part of helping your son is tied to the past, the records, the people, and the systems that helped your mum harm you and your son.
I completely understand being triggered, and very very cautious about contacting those organizations.
It sounds like you're being mindful, approaching each task with a goal, and managing to resist making your conversations about the past, but rather about what you need to accomplish going forward.
So hard to avoid those darned rabbit holes, I know.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Hi Lighter,
You are so right about my son's health now being tied to those past records. I think what I've got my head around now is the need to do certain things day to day - things that help him in the here and now - and then pick those other things apart as and when I get the time. It does feel like it's getting easier, I think just knowing how the system works helps. I think my frustration at the minute is my mum's need to control - she couldn't just let my son be, his whole life had to be lived according to her agenda. It's so wrong that his medical history is incorrect because of her. But it will get sorted eventually, it's just a long and drawn out process
lighter:
Tupp:
Sometimes I think I must make peace with the fact things won't get sorted out (proper) until or after the children are grown.
Well..... that makes it difficult to remain focused in the here and now.
Accepting, once and for all, that thing won't get sorted in any timely manner comes and goes in and out of focus.
Doing what needs to be done, caring for my children in the best way possible, might not leave time, or hardly any time, to sort the legal stuff. I have to wrap my mind around that every time.
I think we'll never get justice with the pd's, and that's just the plain truth. Nothing to think about anymore.
As far as the professionals they manipulated and used to harm us..... can we have them removed from positions of authority where they'll likely continue to harm others? Maybe. Should we do everything we can to ensure that happens? I don't think so. I think all we need to do is make our best effort, outside of caring properly for our children, and hope that it helps people understand who these people are at some point.
To do nothing doesn't feel right.
To make our lives about them doesn't either........ it's a balance.
If they continue to harm others, it will likely show up on their record. It will add up. It will be enough for me to do what I feasibly could in order to protect others from the harm my children and I have suffered in the system.
And that's what it boils down to, I think.
Maybe the people who helped the pd's harm us are victims too?
I could look at it that way, but then I remember these are people in positions of authority ALLOWING themselves to be manipulated, and to harm the most vulnerable members of society. They're simply in the wrong place, doing the wrong job, victim or not. I can't do nothing, but I should do something.
((((Tupp and son))))
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Hi Lighter,
I think the way I see things now, in the simplest terms I can, is that everything my mum did was about control. So every time I do something to do with that whole situation, at the expense of something I want to do, for me and my boy, no-one else, is still her controlling me. She's still pulling the strings. And I think that's what really made me stop and look at the whole thing. I think the ultimate justice, for me, is that I escaped her. I know the thing that bothers her more than anything is to see me happy, healthy, settled, content. It's so bizarre, that's all most parents want for their kids but my mum feeds off misery and other people's misfortune.
I will carry on with the work but it sits at the bottom of the list and, like you, most days there isn't much time free. But I've chipped away at it over the years and I feel like it's definitely moved in my favour over time. And I showed her how strong I was; she thought I'd crumble and crack up and I came out of it stronger and healthier than I'd ever been (I did crumble and crack at times but I never let her see that).
I think what you say about the public sector workers who have done wrong is spot on; in the UK there is such a culture of covering up that there's no interest in weeding out the bad apples. But I've made complaints, made people aware, said my bit. I think that's as much as we can be expected to do, it's down to others to deal with that and do something about it.
I see my sister as a victim of my mum as much as I was, but the people in authority who acted for her lied, cheated and covered up. I think they found kindred spirits in each other. But what's been nice is finding people, as I've gone through the records, who've done their jobs properly, checked her out and dismissed her as a fantasist. And that's what I'm trying to focus on, the good eggs. There's also a sense of handing it over to fate now, letting some higher power than me sort it out? It kind of feels alright :)
((LIghter and kids)))
Hopalong:
Hi Tupp,
I think it's outstanding to recognize for yourself when you are winning by continuing or by ending a fight.
Nobody else can define that for you, and it sounds as though you've been very thoughtful about reclaiming your own mindspace.
You are the one who gets to say, I've done enough. Or, I'll do this bit more. Or, I want to set it down.
It's your definition of "enough" or of "justice" that matters. It's great to hear you respecting your own opinion.
xo
Hops
Meh:
Yes, good luck (hug)
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