Been waking up with panic attacks first thing in the morning lately, at least the last couple of weeks, though I lose track of when it began as it all blends in together. The panic attacks are a quick shock of fear/dread, racing heart, a sour stomach, and some disordered thinking that seem like a dream state over-flow into conscious waking. I figure it's just the suppressed anxiety coming back at me between the area of consciousness shift from sleep to awake.
I feel out of control of it.
Went to medical clinic today but the main reason I went was due to some pain in my legs/feet, so the panic attack issue didn't even get talked about. The Physician did a sneaky thing. Left the room saying they were going to pick up a print out, and then the assistant came in with the print out. Sort of their way of not having to end an appointment.
Probably like with most anything else it wouldn't get treated in any way. The stupid doctors would probably say some crap to me like do "Stress reducing exercises".
I've had a very grumpy and upset day, cried three times, just not feeling well, and those who are suppose to have some sort of level of expertise really don't.
So I'm just hear to vent because there never is any real end to this stuff. These problems go on for years, degrade my life and my reduce my ability to enjoy my life.
Yah, the medical person I saw didn't even ask me about my depression prescription and stuff which they still have on their records, though I haven't taken in now in a few years.
People are really left to their own devices to sort through their own health problems or mental health problems these days, seems like medical providers primarily only sew up gaping wounds or hand out pills.
Don't see how a physician could really understand my anxiety problems in 15 minutes or less. Keep on ending up with the feeling that they don't "GET IT"....
I Don't believe I have emotionally survived, rather I think I have been emotionally dirtied or incapacitated...probably I am emotionally stunted and Narcissistic myself or some version of personality problem such as avoidant personality diorder.
Often I feel like I hate people, I see the news about Boston and I don't feel sympathy or even care, just feel like it's ALL FAKE....that people's outpouring of sympathy is bullcrap. That the only reason why people respond to it is because it insults there sense of authority or they have fear...but all for themselves.
30
Genuine caring just seems non-existent to me.
Thinking of how a lack of mirroring, empathy, sympathy from parents -- pretty much equals parents being The "Foe"....enemies.....and this must set up the world to be an enemy world.
I was reading about Borderline Personality Disorder...often associated/resulting from child abuse neglect....said there was a study where 30 percent of patients started to go into remission after 2 years of therapy....But who can afford this at $75.00 an hour
So I guess there are about 52 weeks in a year. 3,900 a year at one appointment a week....I guess it costs less with fewer appointments. Still one appointment every two weeks is about 2,000 a year. So it could cost 4,000-8,000 American dollars to achieve "remission" ...OR there is the chance that after 8,000 it didn't work.
