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Anyone struggling with Mother's Day?

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KayZee:
Hi Everybody,

So my Mother's Day sadness and anxiety hasn't quite hit as hard as it usually does, but I'm still feeling a little bit uneasy about it all.  I wondered if any other SONMs and DONMs are feeling this and how you're coping?  Anyone have any plans for tomorrow?  Any tips for negotiating the feelings of guilt/shame/loss/anger and so on?

I think DH and I will probably rally the little ones and take them out for a country walk.  I think I might also turn my phone off after I call my aunt in the morning; I found her the perfect Aunt-specific"Mother's Day" Card: "Aunties never talk down to you even when you are small; Aunties tell you all about your parents when they were your age..."

Mostly, I worry I might be left another voicemail bomb.  NM's birthday was a few weeks ago and this was the first year (NC) that I didn't acknowledge it.  Anyway, my Dad called from an unknown (un-blocked) number and left me a really aggressive nasty message.  "Kay, I cannot believe you wouldn't even send your mother a card on her birthday.  How cruel are you?  This is YOUR FATHER!"  He was so absolutely snarling in it, like he totally meant to harass and scare me.  It didn't bother me too badly at first.  It seemed almost like foreplay between them; I could imagine Dad calling right in front of NM, being her "hero."  But as the days went by, I started to feel really anxious, get bad dreams.  My dad has been so aggressive, almost violet through this whole NC thing.  If anything, I always imagined it would be GC sister who was the one who came after me.  But it's him and that's somehow much worse.  I really really hope they leave me be tomorrow.

Kay x

BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((Kay))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I've been going back and forth between depression and rage while feeling hatred toward the NBitch.  Not sure what to do with these emotions.

Hopalong:
MOND

 :(

Twoapenny:
Hi Kay,

If it's any help at all those sorts of celebrations/anniversaries have got easier for me over time.  I think something that's helped me is that I'm quite anti the whole commercialisation of these sorts of things - for me, things like Mother's Day, Valentines Day and so on are just a way for people to make money out of cards and flowers.  They don't seem 'real' to me. 

I am sorry that your dad is behaving this way.  Again, if it's any consolation, I found my lot ramped up the harrassment and nastiness for a while and eventually gave up when they kept getting no response.  Ignore, ignore, ignore.  It is horrible and no-one wants to be in that sort of situation, but making alternative plans (as you are) and dealing with it in your own way is the best way to heal, I think.  Even thought it hurts at the time, when I look back I can see that each bad patch has helped me get a little bit better, but sometimes it hurts more while it's happening.  Hang in there.  And how are the babies? :)

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kay))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sKePTiKal:
Nope. Hubs and I found a totally decadent dinner menu at one of our fav restaurants where I can either stuff myself, or bring home another meal of leftovers in a box. That's what I'm doing later on. Just a quiet dinner out - him and I.

Card came from H; it said: "My therapist says it's NOT your fault... how's that for a happy mother's day?" (and she added a note: none of it...)

About the time my eyes were drifting closed last night, my mom called. Yes, the same usual monologue again. Even repeated herself 2-3 times about some things. My mom's day present was to simply let her talk, say um-hum... and finally tell her it was bed time for me, anyway. She's started to see the therapist that my brother & SIL are going to; well, at least my brother - according to mom, SIL isn't going since she was asked some questions she didn't like. Yadda-yadda.

And maybe A will call. Things are getting less hostile on that front and from all appearances, she is beginning to get her head clear. I helped her financially get into a better, cleaner place (without the associations of what went on in the other one). And she is starting to think about the boys coming home. (We have some work to do there; basic parenting mindset/skills...  and she still has a very long road, if she'll stay on it... to sort through her own stuff.)

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