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This 4 minutes has literally RESCUED me

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Hopalong:
Take time to watch this if you can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmA37AnlIno

I think you all will understand how much it helps in my situation with my estranged D.

But it could apply to any experience of rejection.

(I'm agnostic but it didn't matter.)

Does this help anybody?

love,
Hops

Ales2:
 :D

Hi Hops,

Yes, the "gift of goodbye" is especially true for me as well. Its a very helpful concept. Its a paradoxical opposite with - do everything possible, because the pain of regret for inaction/passivity can be strong.

Thanks for posting it. Hope you are doing well.

Best wishes.

Hopalong:
thanks, Ales.
I shared it with my T this morning.

I've had a funny response to this. But it has helped SO much.

What I can describe is that from the very first phrase he said,
"If someone can walk away from you, let them walk" -- something
just instantly responded, inside me.

It was like I had been waiting for that message. I felt an instantaneous
healing of a small piece of my self-esteem. It was like, he wasn't blaming
or judging or explaining, he was just saying, RELEASE THIS OUTCOME.

There's no explaining how/why it hit me the way it did...maybe part of
it is that I grew up in the South with many strong feelings of trust for
the African Americans I encountered in my young life...something about
them understanding pain that I knew without it being said. So for some
reason, this A-A preacher (though I'm not of his faith) -- reached my sore
heart.

It didn't remove the pain, it will still come and go, but it gave me an ANSWER
for myself. Because it rang true. It really was a comfort. He was giving me
permission, in that moment, to let go of the grief.

It'll come back. It does. But his 4-minute message is so powerful for me.
I beleive that I can play that over and over. Any time I am sinking further
into the pain. It will help me re-release her, let her go...understand that
life and meaning and worth, for both of us, are all part of something much
larger than her suffering and her estrangement. Or than my suffering.

He just helps me, in that clip, to let it go.

Thanks for watching it, and letting me talk about it more.

love,
Hops

Ales2:
Hi Hops - Thanks for your comments, but thanks to you for posting it. I found it helpful too. When my self esteem is in a good place, some events seem to shift in perspective for me, instead of feeling a loss or discarded when a friendship ends or is interrupted/corrupted by a third party, I feel better about me and think its their loss, not mine. Thats sometimes a big difference. This video helps with that for sure.

There is that old saying which seems to apply to your discovery with this - "when the student is ready the teacher appears".  This guy was your teacher for this specific lesson, it seems.

I like YouTube for these little gems - there are alot out there.  Literally type in a key word and you can find some interesting and valuable stuff. So much for telling wise old tales at the campfire. :)

Hugs to you, Hops.

Twoapenny:
I can see what you mean, Hops.  I still struggle with this sort of thing, but I'm trying!  I do tend to focus more on the past then I do on the here and now.  I'm trying to change that.  I think I still have fear and feel that if I learn from my mistakes I won't make them again.  But mistakes are part of life and all I'm really doing is not living.  Trying to change!  I'm glad this helped you, I hope it continues to be another tool in your box to pull out as and when.

Lots of love xxx

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