Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Won attorney fees in custody trial
sKePTiKal:
This might not help, but in some situations it does work to minimize the N-effect on my own life. (They are still really annoying to me.)
I find if I can change the way I react enough then, the usual N-game is interrupted. For instance, I will let myself have a few moments of recognizing and experiencing how insane, arrogant, idiotic, or (fill in the blank) something is. But I won't let on, that I'm "going there" for a second. Then, I come back at them with something completely unexpected - either a question asking them - but how do YOU FEEL about that (not think), a compassionate pat on the head, or if it requires an action on my part... I look for the creative, the unexpected, the kind of action that doesn't keep the cause & effect game going.
It helps keep me on my toes, and there have been some hilarious "upsets"... because the whole power trip of an N, is to be the cause of emotional turmoil in others. When I'm clear enough to "not play" by the N-rules and play by my own rules... well, then they usually say "nevermind" and runaway pretty fast. I have to be clear that only I "own" me; and only I choose the rules I live by -- and those don't involve these kinds of emotional, legal, power-tripping, "control" over others. I want to be allowed to self-determine my self and life and have an expectation of others that they will do the same.
N's obviously are dependent on those times, when they can get that momentary, satisfying turmoil reaction out of someone for no good reason than their own malevolent sick pleasure.
lighter:
sKep:
I'm not in quite the same boat as you regarding the poke/react cycle your pd's get to play with you.
I typically get to think responses through in private, and put together the best possible response with the benefit of valued advice from kind legal and psych experts who gift me their time. I also get pragmatic advice of those who have walked similar paths.
I have to say the pd's have landed themselves in the unenviable position of responding, without forethought, to pokes from our side in a public forum. It's been interesting to see their altered reality fall apart under the light of a courtroom......
just like Brother Mud, who's a few years ahead of me in the legal struggle department, said it would.
CB, I hope you'll stay on the board. I've missed your strong sage voice, and it's comforting to know you're back while I navigate my mother's health crisis.
I always say this, but....
I really missed you.
Tupp, I have a good feeling about things working out OK for you and me. We're almost at the end.
Hops, thanks for making me feel heard, and reminding me I can come here when things get rough.
Lighter
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