Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
My brother and just life and stuff
Meh:
This Sunday morning I could not sleep in. My roommate's woke me up even though one of them is always bitching about noise at night and me waking up too early.
So today I discovered she is now doing group therapy out of the living room apparently. Listening to it as I walk by to the kitchen just makes me want to laugh cynically. This therapist who is full of shit herself. LOL Kind of annoys me there is no real living room space here and the dining room is uncomfortable and doesn't get used it's a large table with greasy chairs and linens. Yah I am just bitching but I am just in a pissed off mood right now. Mainly because she pretty much says anything to get people's money and then changes the story later fucking bitch.
She uses a "therapist's voice" it's like a game or something that adults play. It reminds of me children playing make believe.
Why did we ever start thinking therapy was real?
God I need some coffee. Well I got some java and I took a shower. At least I am kind of partly dressed.
I just haven't had enough time to myself recently or time to rejuvenate and it is really making me very very angry I feel like I am going to just start screaming at somebody.
Maybe I need to journal or something and now I have a headache going on. Like I just feel so frustrated and anxious that I can't even think to get my words out.
I have to talk to people all fucking day long AND I have to do chats with them....it's one of those stupid customer service jobs. The manager that was there yesterday is a complete douche bag and even burped right in my face in the past. The customer's should see that if they think THEY are not getting good customer service.
I don't want to do a job where people burp at me and I don't get benefits.
I don't want to have roommates at all any more. My last room mate was okay just one other person. BUT HERE people are always in the way. ALWAYS there is never a time where I have the place to myself EVER. I HATE IT. I HATE THAT THIS IS ALL I CAN AFFORD.
I am too fucking old for this. Half of my co-workers still live with their parents and that is how they can afford to work there. WHEN I started that job I was just like NO WAY is this going to be a long-term gig.
If I had participated in the section 8 low income housing that I qualified for before I WOULD HAVE MY OWN apartment and I would be like a welfare loser BUT I WOULD HAVE MY OWN FUCKING SPACE. I didn't go through all this shit in life to BE HERE.
I DIDN'T GO THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT IN LIFE TO BE HERE. Truly this statement is what is nagging at me right now.
I am going to take a Tylenol and go catch a fucking bus.
The city gets on my nerves too, smells like exhaust all the time, strip malls, people driving around in their fast cars, this is not really where I belong, this just isn't for me.
I feel hateful and I have to keep it all to myself. Pretend to be nice when I really fucking hate my stupid asshole roommates and my fucking employer. I have been working there 6-7 months and haven't saved diddly squat.
I was reading about the economic recovery after the big drop and that the jobs that were created are paying 50% less than the jobs that existed before IDK. I'm got some fucking co-worker that lives with her parents, she drives a Subaru and she talks about how much money she has in her savings account and crap and I just want to give the bitch a fucking concussion.
I'm sick of helping customers all fucking day long and having them demanding that I have to guarantee they will get something by Christmas when I have absolutely no control over it. I sit behind a computer and all I do is answer the phone and push buttons on my computer, I take payment that is the extent of my reach there. I Hate my job. There is this really obese woman that sits to the right of me and she makes weird comments about me dressing sexy for the managers there. But I never say anything about her. Like what can they all say weird shit all they want and I Can't say shit.
this curser is slow now WHAT THE fUCK I ance even thyep a uckinfg sentence ---------
Hopalong:
Ahhh, Boat. I'm sorry.
Sending you support...
breathe, breaaaaaaaathe...
It will ease.
You deserve some peace, and release.
Do you sing? Maybe a choir would be good.
Like ... the opposite of nerve-wracking interaction with people.
It cuts beneath the surface irritants and brings out something where
we all do connect.
Remember, you are an artist. And a gardener.
And it's winter.
And almost SOLSTICE, which means soon the light and sun
will be back.
What are the options to look for a different house, plan for that?
I'm so sorry this is such a frustrating and painful season.
Season is the word, and seasons do change.
Hang in there, just breathe, breaaaaaaaaaaathe....
love
Hops
Meh:
I'm just grouchy and pissy Hops. Feeling claustrophobic. Yeah breathing is good.
Yah Hops new plans. Yes I used to sing, not well but I did do it.
NEW plans
new PLANS
this is a good mantra
I mean years ago I went on a road trip with people and it was fun but after being cooped up with them day and night, night and day, all sleeping together and in camp-ground showers together and eating together..... I was about ready to pull my hair out I would sneak off by myself just to relax. I'm just on guard around people like very aware and uncomfortable of other's presence. I like togetherness but I also need (my place and my space). I get seriously grouchy if I don't have my place and my space always been this way since I was a kid.
And yeah I am a gardener and I have bulbs blooming on my desk at work and orchids and all kinds of pretty cool stuff that makes me happy. Somebody told me that one of my co-workers actually took a photograph of my desk. I like pretty and clean and cheerful, orderly chick places. :) I've got nothing of the sort going on where I live because I feel like I have no real space here and like I don't even want to bother making myself at home. The other night I sat looking at my ceiling light thinking of something I could do with the shade to make the light a little more eyeball friendly during the winter etc and then I started thinking of what I could do to make myself comfortable here.
Just having a pissed off thing going on for me right now. It's just the way things are going. I spent over an hour waiting for a bus that never arrived for some reason and it was raining outside and now I am waiting for that dude to get out of the kitchen who was in the kitchen this morning when I left 5 hours ago. Sigh but now I am here and am going to make coffee and dinner.
I feel like doing some organizing of my room stuff. And I did this a little bit of it at least the bottom of my closet is together.
Seriously why on earth do I post my personal stuff on the internet....I question myself for real this is dumb.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjnuIm4_aKM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtOyU1fwQ-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLSwKPcI6tM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SypUFTnGkZo
Hopalong:
Oooh. Saw a few min of one...painfully funny!
You're an introvert, right? I know lack of privacy and peace
is torture for introverts.
I'm not even an introvert but I would go there on that camping trip too....
I think you are going to keep going forward, and find a better sitch.
I don't have proof, but I believe it.
Hugs
Hops
Meh:
I'm awake, not feeling very good, kind of feel like I am getting sick or something idk, having a cup of coffee about to turn my music up loud.
Did not very much today, cooked some potatoes and veggies. Drank a lot of coffee. Sigh. Some days the feeling of waiting for a bus to get on it and then go wherever, have to do this for everyday of work don't want to do it right now.
Watching you tube videos. Was going to go out to the town where I used to live but it's an epic bus trek to do in one day, been thinking about doing it for months.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version