Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
My brother and just life and stuff
Meh:
Thanks everybody for your comments.
Meh:
In the end I don't know if it was personality disorders, alcoholism, emotional pain, physical pain that killed my brother. I guess all of it was too much.
I just feel burdened with his passing away. I don't know what my grieving process is suppose to be.
I really need to build my own life. That is separate from my mother and father etc.
I feel like I knew his death was coming for a long time.
Also I am not sure if I should try to connect with his children or not. I will e-mail their mother I guess and ask them.
Meh:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 06, 2013, 11:21:14 AM ---PS -- Your Nmama likes drama. And death is a drama.
It doesn't mean she didn't love him at all.
But if she's an N, her love when she can tune into it, is a blunted thing.
Remember that she has a mental illness that means where you might
expect softness, realizations, piercing loss, sorrow...you may see a
lot of weird off-tone, chaotic or confusing reactions instead.
Remember that this is her mental illness and personality disorder.
It is very sad but has nothing to do with your own grief, which
you are entitled to feel in your own way.
I am so sorry you lost your brother, and so tragically.
I would be very glad to hear a story about him -- good things
you remember or feel, as well as the bad.
I won't be able to feel grief when my brother dies, I believe.
Your brother is lucky that you are remembering him with some love.
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks
Meh:
I just sent an email to my nephew's mother. They have like 3 grandmother's including my mother Maybe they are fine. I don't know.
Probably I should go out and do something this weekend.
Meh:
My brother was supposed to get surgery for a pain-pump device. He was on a waiting list for the surgery to get it. There was only one doctor in his area that did that procedure, the wait was long and then they ended up telling him that he couldn't get it done because of his other health problems he wouldn't be a good candidate for it. So that was a recent disappointment for my brother.
There were a lot of factors going on with him, family riffs, unhealthy relationships, my Nar-mother, alcoholism, drug problems, chronic illnesses that he had two spinal surgeries for.
It was maybe just too much for one soul to take any longer.
I'm going through that thing where I am thinking what-ifs. Like what if I had a discussion with my brother about the concept of Narcissism. I'm think my brother never really learned about personality disorders. I think about things like if I had called him and just told him that I loved him....would that have helped him at all. I do wish I had done those things.
I think some people just come into the world with harsh and unfavorable circumstances.
I always wanted to just have a nice BBQ with my brother, like a normal family thing.
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