Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
My brother and just life and stuff
Meh:
Thanks @ Hops
Tonight I am just tired, glad to notice that finally the country radio station that I listen to has some new song selections mixed in with the same 15 songs they replay over and over
Meh:
Now my mother says she is giving some of the boxes of things of mine that are just sitting in her huge basement to my father for some weird ferking reason. I just sent an e-mail telling my father that I thought they were both weird ass holes or something like that.
Oh well. Life is a biotch, weirdness is to be expected. Considering I haven't seen my father in over 10 years or more like 15 years it's pretty stupid that she would give anything of mine to him. But she knows I wouldn't like it, hence the motivation for doing it. I wish these people would just die. And she prefaces the email with How are you? Hope you are doing well...she doesn't hope that I am doing well. Obviously.
What do I do? Block emails, change phone numbers....just disappear. And it is stupid because I would feel alone and like I have no family...but I already am pretty much alone with no real family so what am I doing?
Do I finally quit them cold-turkey? My brother is already dead obviously. Well. Just re-focus on something else I suppose. God something has got to change. I'm tired of this.
I'm on the verge of calling my father and saying a bunch of nasty shit to him, tell him he is a manipulative piece of shit. Apparently he is moving here or something like that. What a fucking weirdo. I wish he wouldn't.
I don't have to be nice.
Yeah I am going to call him and tell him to leave ME and my stuff alone.. He has no business messing with me in any way whatsoever. And I am not going to be nice. I'll try to be a calm jerk instead of a screaming insane maniac. Nope this isn't happening.....quiet polite little me....is not happy. I find it very odd that my father who was divorced from my mother many years ago now is having some kind of interaction with her. just fucking weird --weirdos
we are not in this together.....that is a clear "mantra" of my "family"
I'm too old to be like this. I should be buffered by having my OWN LIFE. right if I had a life, a good one, I would be buffered from people and things from the past....losers that don't mean shit anymore
ASSHOLES
Meh:
My minutia:
This Sunday am awake early so in theory I have plenty of time to write. Grumpy of course because that is just the way I am these days. I have Sunday off, go back to work on Mondays which are the busiest day of the week at the call center. And then I have Tuesdays off. So now I don't have proper weekend.
I spend bunch of time chatting with people that I really don't know, even though it is the same group of people.
One in Canada, one in Pakistan, one in Ireland, one in New Zealand. It's interesting but a pointless waste of time. I need some kind of down time though. I feel like doing nothing when I get home after work, often I get home at 7:30 PM or later because of the bus trip.
Just sitting on my rear, listening to the radio and drinking coffee. May try to make a phone call about a hair cut.
Got to consider my complacency, discouragement....and my really fed-up and angry disposition...I am unhappy probably...I don't really expect to be happy....my life has really been drudging and enduring scenarios that I don't want to be living.
doing nothing and time just passes by
I procrastinate against applying for other jobs for a number of reasons (1) I don't wish to explain (2) because starting a new job is change (3) because when I was living in homeless shelters I got burnt out on applying for jobs and not being offered anything (4) I don't have a career the resume doesn't look impressive to anybody (5) No university degree (6) It requires more sitting on the internet (7) it's not fun and not how I want to spend my day off of work looking for another crap job. (8) (number8) currently I can wear jeans and tennis shoes to work, I would not look forward to putting on slacks at this point
Meh:
Well, I made a couple of phone calls about appointments for hair cuts, just left messages. My hair is driving me crazy, I'm 35 years old and I keep it kind of long like a younger person. It's become more and more frizzy the older I get it seems.
I probably need to stop reacting emotionally to life. Some people just are solid when they do things, it's not a big emotional trama or hassle all the time. Not every thing in life has to be a big internal emotional drama. IDK.
Meh:
1. Death of a spouse
2. Jail sentence
3. Death of immediate family member
4. Immediate family member commits suicide
5. Getting into debt beyond means of repayment
6. Period of homelessness
7. Immediate family member seriously ill
8. Unemployment (of head of household)
9. Divorce
10. Break up of family
It's that list of stressful life events..... LOL uggg...
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